Solid Frodo: Hobbit Espionage Action

Chapter 6: Hobbits Don’t Belong in Raven’s Territory

Suddenly, their Codec beeped, and they answered it. Static filled the green vision. "Be careful," a voice said, "there are mines here. Use your Mine Detector."

"OK, sure," Frodo said, pulling out the Mine Detector and turning it on. Suddenly several yellow cones showed up on the radar.

"Also, there is a tank waiting in ambush," the voice informed.

"Thank you," Frodo answered. "Who are you, by the way?"

"You can call me ‘Deepthroat’. Let’s just say I’m one of your fans." Then he went off line.

"‘Deepthroat’? That’s a...vaguely disturbing name," Merry commented.

"Yeah. I’m not even gonna bother trying to figure out what a fan is, if it ain’t one of them cloth things ladies use to cool themselves on hot days," Sam said.

"Well, Campbell told us if we crawl over the mines, we can collect them safely, so come on, let’s go get them," Frodo instructed. So the Hobbits fanned out, crawling on their bellies, picking up the Claymores as they went. When they were through, they returned to stand in front of the door, brushing snow off of themselves and shaking it off their cloaks.

"Um, not that I really want to or anything, shouldn’t we call Colonel Campbell about that tank ‘Deepthroat’ mentioned?" Sam asked.

"Why don’t we call someone else?" Pippin whined.

"We’ll do both. I want to ask the Colonel about ‘Deepthroat’ anyway," Frodo said, not exactly relishing the idea of talking to the Colonel either.

So they called the Colonel, and when he came up on the green vision, Frodo said, "A person calling himself ‘Deepthroat’ just called us and warned us about mines...do you know him?"

"‘Deepthroat’? From the Watergate scandal?" When the Hobbits all gave him blank stares, Campbell sighed, again. "Nevermind. Let me see if Mei Ling can track the call."

Shortly the erstwhile Chinese Elf came on the vision. "The Codec call came from somewhere on the island, it didn’t come from us."

"Should we trust him?" Frodo asked.

"I don’t know. He did give you correct information."

"He also mentioned there was a tank waiting for us."

"Let me check," Mei Ling said, then she disappeared for a moment. When she returned, she said, "Yes, there seems to be a tank very close by. Be careful!"

She cut the line, and then the Hobbits decided to call Romenenko about the tank. Sam’s expression darkened, and he wouldn’t speak to her or even look at the green Codec vision.

"I see that one doesn’t like me much," Romenenko commented.

"It’s hard on him to be insulted," Merry said, with a slight edge to his voice, indicating that he really meant she had insulted all of the Hobbits.

Romenenko sniffed disdainfully then took a drag off her cigarette. "What do you need?"

"We’ve been told there’s a tank nearby, ready to ambush us. We don’t know anything about tanks, so we thought you could help us."

"Yes, I heard you thought they were elephants."

"Look Ms. Romenenko, if you were in our world, you would look just as stupid calling things helicopters and tanks when they were really Oliphaunts and dragons, so just be quiet, OK?" Pippin shouted.

"Will you please stop arguing?!" Frodo yelled in his turn. "It’s getting us nowhere! And please stop insulting us! We aren’t stupid children! I’m 50 years old, and I’m willing to bet I’ve got you by a few years, so will you show us a little respect Ms. Romenenko?!" Frodo normally was not prone to outbursts of anger, but this constant fighting was getting on his nerves.

"Fifty," Romenenko said, obviously not believing him. "You look 18 at the most. You expect me to think you are actually fifty years old?"

"No, I don’t," Frodo growled. "Since you won’t believe us about anything else. Just tell us about the tank!"

"Fine. The tank uses an electronic guided cannon, so if you use a chaff grenade, it won’t be able to fire artillery shells at you. Don’t get run over. Toss grenades at the drivers if you see them. Is that all MISTER Baggins?"

"Yes," Frodo hissed, deciding that nothing short of the end of the world would get him to call her again. Frodo cut the line this time, just for the satisfaction.

"Her and that Naomi demon are probably sisters," Sam muttered.

"I’m beginning to think they’re all a bunch of Orcs in disguise," Pippin added.

Merry thought for a moment. "The Chinese Elf isn’t that mean."

"If she’s an Elf, Merry, then I’m a Dwarf," Sam grumped.

"Well, OK, but she’s nicer than the rest of them. We should just call her from now on," Merry replied.

"Shall we have a bite to eat before we go face the Oliphaunt?" Pippin suggested.

The Hobbits readily agreed, so Merry fished out a ration and shared it. Frodo took some time while he was eating to calm down, and as soon as they were done, the all got up and started slowly heading for the other side of the snow field, chaff grenades at the ready.

When they reached some snow banks, the heard a laugh. The looked out and there was the metal Oliphaunt, with the giant inside, Vulcan Raven.

The huge Man said, in a slow, guttural but sonorous voice, "This is Raven’s territory." He paused for a moment. "Sna....kes....um." The giant looked a little at a loss.

"Hobbits," Merry supplied helpfully.

Vulcan Raven nodded. "Hrm, that ruined my speech you know."

"Sorry about that."

"Well, I can’t let you pass. I’m going to have to shoot at you now." Then Raven ducked into the tank and suddenly Hobbits were running helter-skelter when a very large projectile came their way at a very high speed.

It exploded near the snow bank, and Frodo gasped, "I don’t think my mithril coat will stop THAT!"

"If it did, I think the coat would be all that was left!" Merry shouted from behind another snow bank.

"OK, so we don’t let those hit us, that the plan?" Pippin asked rhetorically.

"I think so," Sam answered.

So they prepared themselves. Seeing that the mechanical Oliphaunt had guns mounted on top, they decided Frodo would be the grenade Hobbit, along with Pippin. Sam and Merry were to provide cover with Chaff grenades. Some shuffling of gear took place, and soon they were ready...at least, where the material was concerned.

None of them really wanted to run out anywhere near that Oliphaunt.

After several moments of collecting their courage, and a number of cannon shots later, Merry tossed out the first Chaff. As soon as it blew, Frodo and Pippin rushed out, careful not to let the Oliphaunt run them over and tossed grenades at the enemies in white snow suits that came out to shoot at them.

One connected, and they heard the guard cry out, then they ran back behind the snow drifts until another Chaff was ready.

They repeated this several times, Frodo and Pippin both fortunate that the guards with the guns were instinctively aiming high, trying to mow down Big People. Eventually, they succeeded in taking the drivers out of commission and the Oliphaunt ground to a halt. For some reason, the guards driving the tank flew out of it when the grenades hit. Vulcan Raven stayed inside, and the Hobbits felt they were safe.

Frodo walked up to one of the guards, and upon seeing a password card, he took it. Then the Hobbits combed the area for items. They found several Chaff grenades, regular grenades and a couple of rations. Then they went and huddled up in the shadows near the door they would soon go through.

While they sat and shared a ration, looking each other over for any wounds, they over heard Vulcan Raven talking to someone inside the metal Oliphaunt. The heard him say, "I hope you’re happy, they got the card."

A voice answered. "‘They’?"

"Yes. There are four of them. It would be wise not to underestimate them."

The other voice paused. "Well...what did you think of them?"

Raven answered, "They fight as if they were one. I was surprised."

"But Snake wasn’t there."

"No. I haven’t seen him."

The other voice made a grumbling sound. "I wonder if these are...unexpected rejects?"

"I wouldn’t know."

"Well, I’ll kill them anyway."

Then the Hobbits over heard Raven address a different person. "So General Ivan, I hear they took your arm as well as your dignity?"

A voice recognizable as Ocelot responded, "Watch your tongue, shaman!"

"They aren’t like snakes...but I think perhaps a Hobbit is a creature to be feared."

"What a ridiculous name. Well, I’ll take special care of them next time we meet." Ocelot’s voice was almost gleeful.

The other voice came on. "I would like to meet them as well...if they are rejects...still, let me know if you see Snake."

"Yes," Raven replied. "And I will meet them again as well...the raven on my head thirst for their blood."

Then there was silence. The Hobbits looked at each other, concerned and not a little afraid of what they had overheard. None of them wanted to see Ocelot or Raven again...but what Ocelot said was the most chilling.

Merry whispered, "Let’s get out of here."

So they did, using the new card to open the door.

Go on to Chapter 7