Solid Frodo: Hobbit Espionage Action

Chapter 12: That’s not a Nazgûl, THIS is a Nazgûl!

It was strange now—there were no guards, and there seemed to be some bit of music playing in the background.

"Now isn’t that peculiar," Sam commented quietly.

"It is, rather," Frodo agreed.

Pippin unsheathed his black dagger of Westernesse. "It’s making me just a bit nervous."

"Wait, since there aren’t any guards around, we should go see what’s in those rooms we couldn’t open before, right? There might be something useful," Merry suggested.

Meryl tapped her foot. "We need to get through the Commander’s room!"

"But Merry’s right, there might be things we can use in there," Frodo said, and no amount of insisting on Meryl’s part would get them to go with her until they had checked out the empty room.

"Fine, but I’m waiting out here," she grumped.

So the Hobbits went into the large room and combed the area for doors they could open. There was only one that wouldn’t open, but the rest did. They gathered a box with some small blue objects in it, a ration, another cardboard box that Pippin refused to carry since he thought the whole cardboard box thing was silly, a couple magazines each of FA-MAS and SOCOM bullets, Nikita missiles, and a second Palantír-like device. Frodo took the cardboard box and pocketed it, since he didn’t think it was silly, and then they went back out to where Meryl was standing.

"Are you done now?" she asked impatiently.

"We found stuff, don’t know if any of it will be useful or not," Merry said. He held up the Palantír-device. "What’s this?"

"Those are Night Vision Goggles. If you wear them in a dark area, it will amplify the light so you can see better."

"And this?" Sam asked, holding up the little box of blue objects.

Meryl took the box and read it. "It’s diazepam...that’s generic for Valium. It’s supposed to relax you. I heard that snipers take it to steady their aim." She handed the box back to Sam.

"Huh. What’s a sniper? Anyway, I’d rather have a pipe for relaxing."

"You guys really don’t know anything do you," Meryl commented. "A sniper is someone who uses a special gun to hit people from very long distances. And didn’t you know smoking is bad for your health?"

All the Hobbits looked slightly offended. Merry said, "Hobbits have been smoking pipeweed for centuries, and it never seems to hurt us, we still live just as long as before. Besides, I heard that you Big People don’t smoke pure leaf anyway."

"Ugh," she huffed. "Nevermind." Meryl waved them toward a nearby hallway. "The room we need to go through is this way." The Hobbits all followed her down the marble-tiled hallway. It sloped slightly downward, and the Hobbits’ feet made soft pattering noises on it while Meryl’s boots clicked. There was still that odd music in the background.

When they reached the doorway, Meryl suddenly clutched her head. "My head! Oohh...it hurts!"

While she was clutching her head, all the Hobbits suddenly saw a finely furnished room with pictures and busts...but the busts had black strips covering them up. It felt a lot like when they saw Psycho Mantis floating over the doorway earlier, and when they saw that strange room with all the FOX-HOUND members.

"I don’t like this," Merry whispered.

"Are you OK, Miss Meryl?" Sam asked, concerned.

Meryl fell to her knees and gasped out, "Snake! Don’t come here!"

The Hobbits looked at each other, and then all of them unsheathed their swords, certain now something was waiting for them, since every other time someone mentioned this Snake character, bad things followed shortly thereafter.

Just as suddenly as her headache passed, it disappeared. Meryl stood up, not shaky in the slightest. But when she spoke, her voice sounded oddly hollow. "C’mon, Mr. FOX-HOUND. The commander is waiting." She went and stood by the door.

"Miss Meryl, are you sure you’re OK?" Sam asked again.

"I’m fine," she said tonelessly.

"And I’m a Balrog," Merry muttered under his breath. The Hobbits pulled away to discuss the matter a bit.

"I feel like we’re about to walk into a trap. Who is this Commander? Why would we want to see him?" Pippin asked.

"You’re right, this reeks of a trap," Frodo agreed. "But do we have any choice? We have to get to the maintenance base somehow."

"Well, sir...we should be ready anyway. This don’t feel right. It don’t feel...like them Ringwraiths, but it’s kinda like that. Like there’s something nasty waiting on the other side," Sam added.

"Yes, we should be ready." Frodo pulled the Elf hood over his head, and the others followed suit, and Pippin traded his dagger for the SOCOM.

Suddenly Merry burst out, "I’m hungry, let’s eat something first, please?"

It sounded like nerves, but the other Hobbits understood. A little procrastination on this point seemed like a nice idea anyway, so they all shared a ration and stalled for a little time. But soon they were done eating, and only felt a little less nervous for it.

Then they got their weapons ready again, and when they felt sufficiently prepared, or at least, as ready as they could be since they didn’t know what they were preparing for, they all padded back to Meryl.

"Are you ready now?" she asked, in the same emotionless voice.

"Yes," Frodo said, and they all entered the room.

It looked exactly like the strange vision they had seen when Meryl had that sudden attack of a migraine. The room was richly decorated, with soft chairs, paintings, and sculptures. They still heard that odd music. Meryl went and stood in front of a black, ornate desk.

The Hobbits looked around carefully, and Pippin picked up some bullets he found in a corner. Then they warily came up to where Meryl was standing.

She suddenly drew out her gun and pointed it straight over the Hobbits’ heads. Then she blinked and changed her aim, this time pointing the weapon right at Frodo. Frodo tried moving, but her aim followed him almost preternaturally. She gasped out, "Frodo...do you...like me?"

Frodo was still running around trying to get away from her aim. Sam tried blocking Frodo and waving his arms, but Frodo would have none of that and ran out from behind him. He said to Meryl, "You seem nice enough!"

"Do you like me? Hold me Frodo!" She advanced on him with her gun still trained on his head.

Frodo gulped and continued scurrying around.

"Hurry...hurry! Make love to me Frodo!"

Frodo nearly fainted, and he was fortunate that Sam and Pippin were nearby to catch him. "Ahhhhh! Gah!"

"Frodo, I want you!!"

"AAHHH!! She-demons! What is it with all these she-demons!!" Frodo was white as a sheet and still running, but found his Hobbit mind so completely aghast at Meryl’s ‘request’ that he couldn’t really think straight and was stumbling on his feet. "Why me?!"

"Wait!" Merry shouted, "there’s that Nazgûl!" He pointed behind Meryl, who he had officially decided was insane (and was secretly pleased to no end that she wasn’t making any freaky moves on him, not that he didn’t feel really bad for Frodo....)

Frodo stopped his frantic running, and the other Hobbits looked toward the desk where Merry had pointed. He was right: there floated that strange man in black, Psycho Mantis.

"It’s that Psycho Mantis!" Sam exclaimed, and the black-clothed man growled. Meryl dropped her arm to her side and stopped her very bizarre behavior, much to Frodo’s eternal relief. He leaned against a wall and tried to gather his wits.

The masked man hissed, and his voice sounded muffled. "What, you don’t like girls?"

"We like girls just fine," Pippin said, "we just don’t like Big People girls...I think she’s scarred Frodo for life!"

Suddenly the Hobbits’ Codecs beeped. They milled around a bit, and Psycho Mantis muttered something under his breath. "Answer it, then we can get on with this."

"Uh, right," Merry said, then the Hobbits all pressed under their ears. The Colonel’s face flickered onto the Codec vision.

"Meryl’s not herself!" Campbell exclaimed loudly. "Don’t use any of your weapons on her! Naomi thinks Psycho Mantis has her brainwashed."

"I should hope she’s not herself!" Frodo cried. "Otherwise I would think she was insane!"

"She would have to be to...want you," Pippin added.

Frodo glared at Peregrin. "I’m not sure what to make of that!"

Merry giggled. "He meant he thinks you’re totally unattractive."

Frodo rolled his eyes. "Well I certainly am glad to hear that Pippin is not attracted to me at all!!"

"Wah?!" Pippin squeaked. "Wait a minute, you’re twisting my words!"

"What, so you think my master is very attractive?" Sam asked with a smirk.

"Is that why you’re friends...to be close to him?" Merry leered.

"Gah! You are horrible! Twisting my words!" Pippin defended.

"Well stop trying to insult me and we won’t twist your words!" Frodo hissed. Then he glared at Merry, just for good measure. "I can’t believe this. I am a perfectly acceptable looking Hobbit...."

"Will you stop it?" Campbell growled. "This is about Meryl! I don’t want to know anything about the rest of this! Besides, Meryl would have to be insane to be attracted to any of you half-sized half-wits, let alone want any of you to even touch her. It’s Psycho Mantis’ brainwashing."

"So what should we do about it?" Frodo asked, secretly thinking to himself that he wasn’t entirely certain what he would do if Meryl tried to jump him or anything like that.

"Try knocking her out with a Stun grenade or something. And I swear, if you so much as lay a finger on her in any untoward manner I will personally come rip your arms off."

Campbell cut the line abruptly, which meant when Frodo shouted, "I don’t mean to!", Meryl and Psycho Mantis heard it.

"Don’t mean to what, Frodo?" Meryl asked, sounding hurt, but still with that same strange tone.

"NOTHING! I don’t mean to do nothing!" he cried, then tossed out a Stun grenade as Campbell suggested, and soon Meryl was lying on the ground with stars spinning over her head.

"Useless woman!" Psycho Mantis growled.

Merry asked, "So you had some camouflage? Like that wraith Ninja?"

"And are you a wraith?" Pippin added.

"No, I am not a wraith! You doubt my power? Now I will show you why I am the most powerful practitioner of psychokinesis and telepathy in the world! There’s no need for words, Hobbits. I am Psycho Mantis. I can read your every thought!"

"Oo, not good," Pippin commented.

"Maybe he’s a Wizard?" Merry asked, fairly certain now that Mantis wasn’t a Nazgûl. He knew that Gandalf could occasionally read thoughts.

"That’s right. Now, let me read your minds...or should I say, your pasts...," Mantis said, and he seemed a little slower about it than the Hobbits expected, possibly because there were too many minds to read, or maybe he wasn’t used to Hobbit minds and was having trouble with it.

After a long moment, Mantis seemed to frown behind his gas-mask. "You all seem well suited to this stealth mission, though you don’t understand anything about it or what is going on, and you work very well as a team.... Now let me delve more deeply into your souls." As he floated above the desk, he changed his pose a little.

After another long pause, Mantis said, "It seems you like to read J.R.R. Tolkien’s literature."

"Who?" Frodo asked. He did like to read, but he was pretty certain he’d never heard of Tolkien.

"I’m not quite sure," Mantis shrugged. "Anyway! This demonstration is over!"

Suddenly Psycho Mantis disappeared, and they could hear him laughing from a different point in the room. A half-invisible blast of dark energy hurtled their way, and the Hobbits scattered just in time. Pippin tried to take a shot at Mantis the next time he saw him, but the masked man laughed, said gleefully, "I can read your mind!", and disappeared before the shot connected.

For a little while, they chased him around the room, but he avoided every attack, and managed to knock Merry and Sam down once each.

"OK, what can we do?!" Pippin shouted from across the room, dodging blasts. "If he can read our minds, how do we hit him?"

"I don’t know!" Frodo called back.

"Wait, I have an idea," Merry said. "If we scatter, at least he can’t aim for all of us at once...I don’t think."

"That’ll save our skins, but what about him?" Sam asked.

"I don’t think he can read us as well as he pretends...," Frodo commented.

"Hey...maybe...he said we work as a team. Why don’t we try doing it just the opposite?" Sam suggested, though it really was completely against his grain.

"It won’t work!" Mantis taunted as he shot another ball of energy toward Sam, making him duck.

"I think it will!" Frodo said, realizing that even if Mantis was a truly powerful mind reader, he wouldn’t be able to read four minds all at once and expect to get them right every time.

Diving away from another shot, Merry asked, "But if we do that, won’t we run into each other?"

"Better that than getting fried together I think!" Pippin declared.

So they gave it a shot. It seemed to work somewhat; every now and again Merry or Pippin would land a blow (when they weren’t accidentally bumping into each other), but it seemed that Frodo and Sam couldn’t get anywhere near Mantis.

Frodo noticed this trend with dismay, and realized there could be only one reason: Sam. Even though working independently had been Samwise’s idea, it seemed he just couldn’t manage to do it himself. "He’s going to hate me for this," Frodo muttered to himself, feeling very bad and guilty all of a sudden. But he would rather have Sam mad at him than have Sam dead on him, so he ran behind a wall, slipped the Ring on, and then crept up behind Sam and hit him in the head with the pommel of his Elf blade.

Sam went down fast, and feeling even more horrid, Frodo ran away and took the Ring off. He didn’t think the Ring would keep Mantis from reading his mind...though he suddenly realized it might have kept Sam from seeing him and thus letting Mantis know what he was about to do. Frodo mentally kicked himself for not thinking about that sooner.

But it was a little late for that now. So instead, Frodo started after Psycho Mantis. Now Frodo had better luck getting at Mantis than he had before.

The tactic of not working together on Mantis had the man in black very frustrated. Try as he might, he couldn’t keep the next moves that three people were about to make exactly straight, and he was suffering for it.

Psycho Mantis appeared over the desk again, just as Meryl was waking up. "OK you little runts, let’s see what you do about this!" Suddenly Meryl put her gun to her head and looked to be about to pull the trigger.

"Easy enough!" Merry said confidently, and tossed out another Stun grenade. Meryl fell in a heap, again, with stars circling her head, again.

"Argh!" Psycho Mantis cried, then started psychokinetically tossing random objects at the Hobbits. Still, they worked separately, and as good as Mantis was, he wasn’t good enough to aim the objects at three moving targets.

Mantis decided to try a different tack after getting hit several times by swords and bullets. He focused all of his attacks on one Hobbit, hoping the rest would be more concerned with their friend then with attacking him. So he decided on Pippin, and telekinetically tossed three lamps at him.

Pippin saw them coming, and the plan didn’t work as well as Mantis had thought. Pippin was fast; he dropped the SOCOM and drew his blade, slashing at the lamps and leaving them in a pile of shattered ceramics and glass. Then, catching his blade in his left hand, Pippin scooped up his gun and shot at Mantis while he stood in shock, and the bullet connected.

At the same time, Frodo and Merry hit Mantis with their blades, as they had been carefully not paying attention to what the other Hobbits were doing.

It was too much for Psycho Mantis, and he finally went down.

The three conscious Hobbits gathered around Mantis, and Meryl staggered up, rubbing her head. The man in black gasped out, "I...I couldn’t read you all at once...."

"Sorry about that, but we’re kinda adverse to getting killed," Pippin commented. Then under his breath he whispered, "And adverse to killing...."

With another gasp, Mantis said, "I will read your futures...to get to Metal Gear’s underground maintenance base...you have to go through that hidden door. There’s a hidden door behind the bookcase. The overland route...it’s blocked by glaciers. Go past the Communication Towers. Then use the tower’s walkway."

"Why are you helping us?" Frodo asked slowly.

For some reason Merry decided to remove Mantis’ mask; maybe it was to assure himself that he was a Man and not a wraith. Underneath his mask, the man in black was indeed a Man, but horribly scarred...none of them even wanted to begin to wonder why his eyes and mouth had been sewn shut. Meryl muttered something under her breath and turned away.

It wasn’t totally shut though, as Mantis still used his mouth to speak—maybe it was some other sort of scar. "I can read people’s minds. In my lifetime, I have read the pasts, presents, and futures...of thousands upon thousands of men and women.... And each mind that I peered into...was stuffed with the same single object of obsession!" he hissed. Then after a moment, he continued. "That selfish and atavistic desire to pass on one’s seed...it was enough to make me sick. Every living thing on this planet exists to mindlessly pass on their DNA. We’re designed that way. And that’s why there is war." He paused again, and looked at the Hobbits. "But you...you are different.... You’re the same as us. We have no past, no future. We live in the moment. That’s our only purpose."

"I...I think maybe you can’t read Hobbits as well as you think," Frodo said softly. "I may have no future...but I have a purpose, and a past...."

"We like to live in the moment, sure," Pippin said, "Life’s more fun that way. But...maybe you were looking in the wrong place when you looked in all those minds? I know a few Men...and they have purposes other than passing on their seed. Noble purposes, ones that made other Men...and even Hobbits and Elves and Dwarves flock to them!"

Mantis turned to look at the Hobbits, though now they realized he couldn’t really see them. He sounded upset. "Humans weren’t designed to bring each other happiness. From the moment we’re thrown into this world, we’re fated to bring each other nothing but pain and misery! The first mind I dove into was my father’s, and I saw nothing but disgust and hatred for me in his heart. My mother died in childbirth...and he despised me for it...."

"That’s too bad! How sad for you," Merry said. "I don’t think any of us could relate. Well, Sam might a little, his Gaffer wasn’t all that nice to him...where is Sam anyway?"

"His Gaffer loves him though," Frodo said. "He’s just got a bad way of showing it."

"Yeah, but where is Sam?" Pippin asked. Frodo looked at his fingers. Pippin caught the look and said slowly, "Frodo...where is Sam?"

"I’m sure he’s just fine," Frodo said, a little too quickly.

Psycho Mantis grumbled. "Look, I’m trying to make a dying speech here. And since I’m a mind reader, I would say Frodo hit Sam on the head with his dagger." Mantis pointed directly at Sam. "He’s right there."

"Frodo!" Merry and Pippin both exclaimed while Frodo buried his face in his Elven cloak. "How could you?!" Pippin exclaimed while Meryl went over to try to rouse the downed Hobbit.

Mantis answered for Frodo. "Sam is very focused on Frodo. I could tell exactly what Frodo was doing because of it."

Pippin and Merry both gave Frodo harsh looks. "Well, Frodo Baggins, I hope you feel like a complete heel," Pippin growled.

Frodo nodded sullenly from behind his cloak.

Mantis coughed. "It was a wise move. Although I could sense that Frodo realized his Ring would have been a better solution."

All the Hobbits gasped, and Frodo dropped the fold of his cloak he was hiding behind.

"Don’t worry, I don’t know why the Ring is so important to you Frodo, except that it is consuming your mind. And since I am dying, I can hardly go tell anyone about it."

Meryl managed to carry Sam over to the rest of the Hobbits, and he looked very dizzy. Meryl set him down and Frodo promptly hid behind his cloak again.

Mantis muttered. "Will someone put my mask back on? It helps block out everyone’s intruding thoughts, and since you have completely ruined my speech, I would like to open the secret door for you." Merry complied, happily actually, since the sight of Mantis’ face was making his stomach upset.

"Ah, that’s better." Then Psycho Mantis turned his head toward the north wall, and psychokinetically moved a bookshelf, revealing a hidden passage. "If you want to find your future, go through that door." He slumped back, and said quietly, "This is the first time...I’ve ever used my power to help someone. It’s strange...it feels...kind of...nice." And then he stopped, and the Hobbits knew he had died.

"At least he got to do a good deed," Pippin commented. "Now I think we need some rations, because some of us got a bit roughed up...and I think SAM might need some for that STING SHAPED HOLE in his head...."

Merry fished out a few tins of rations, one for each of them, while Sam felt around the back of his head. "Sting shaped hole? I’m confused," Sam said, a little woozily.

Frodo scooted away and tried even harder to look inconspicuous. He knew he was going to be feeling bad about that for a while, since he knew Sam well enough to know that Sam would never give him the righteous beating Frodo felt he deserved.

"Oh, it’s just that a certain Hobbit who shall remain nameless went and whacked you on the head with his Elvish dagger," Pippin said, passing a ration tin to Sam. Frodo seemed to grow smaller.

Sam took the tin and opened it. "But why would someone steal Sting and hit me with it?" Frodo’s stomach twisted up into tiny little knots of pure guilt.

"Look around a little, Sam," Merry said around a mouthful of ration. "Which one of us looks like they feel guilty as sin?"

As Sam munched on his ration, and began to feel better from its odd healing properties, he looked around. First he looked at Pippin, who was usually Suspect Number One in cases involving guilty Hobbits, but Pippin didn’t look like he’d done anything. Then he looked at Merry, Suspect Number Two when anything suspicious happened, but again, he looked perfectly normal. Then he looked at Meryl, wondering why she would steal Sting and hit him with it...perhaps it was brainwashing?

Frodo noticed Sam’s wary appraisal of Meryl and actually went fetal with guilt.

"WAIT A MINUTE!" Sam finally looked at the culprit, and Merry was right, he looked guilty as sin, guiltier even. "FRODO!"

"Whaaaaaat...?" Frodo wailed from beneath his cloak and from behind his arms.

"You hit me?! Sir! But! Why! Why would you hit me?" Frodo could hear Sam’s voice quivering, about to break into tears, and he thought he couldn’t feel any worse about it, but oh how wrong he had been. Frodo felt exponentially worse. He felt about as tall as an ant. He wondered if pulling the legs off tadpoles would make him feel so utterly wretched.

Frodo’s voice was very very tiny. "I’m sorry Sam! I’m really really reeeeeeally sorry!"

Merry went and smacked Frodo in the head. "Be a Hobbit about it!"

"Don’t do that!" Sam yelled at Merry, which only made Frodo curl up even tighter. "There musta been a good—," Sam’s voice was interrupted by a small hiccup, "...reason...right? There was a good reason?"

"Well," Frodo said, and his voice was at least a good octave higher than usual, "See...this...Psycho Mantis...well...um...he...apparently was...um...reading your mind and...er...well, I couldn’t get close, and...er...I figured out it was because of you...so...er...."

"Oh," Sam said. "So it was a good reason. I...I guess I overreacted then...."

Just twist the knife a little more! Frodo thought, squirming. "I really am sorry. I should have just used It..."

"No, no...that wouldn’t have been good. Gandalf told you not to use It at all, and you shouldn’t. It was for the best, I suppose."

"ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Frodo squealed. "Why won’t you get mad at me?!"

"But you was only doing what you thought was best!" Meanwhile, Merry, Pippin, and Meryl were having trouble coping and began to giggle softly.

"SAAAAAAM!!" Frodo cried in despair. "Just come over here and hit me or something!"

"Sir! I couldn’t possibly!" Now the others were straight out laughing, but still trying to be quiet about it.

"Honestly Sam, it would make me feel much better," Frodo insisted.

"But sir! Why would I want to hit you?"

"GAH! Sam! Why do you have to be so gut-wrenchingly nice?! Really, it would make me feel better. It really would. I don’t want to go around feeling like a wretched horrible Orc for days over this."

"Are you sure...?" Sam asked, a little incredulous. Merry, Pippin, and Meryl had begun doubling over by now.

"Yes, Sam, I’m sure." Frodo stood up and drew himself to his full height. "Just come here and hit me, and I’ll feel much better."

"Well...," Sam answered uncertainly. "If you insist. I don’t want you feelin’ bad or anything." So Sam went over and stood in front of Frodo, while Meryl and the other two Hobbits scurried over to get a better view. Sam pulled his fist back, then after a moment of hesitation, belted Frodo so hard across the face that he fell down.

"Oh...ow...," Frodo groaned, not expecting Sam to hit him so hard. He struggled to get up, but Sam had done a number on him, and he was rather dizzy.

"Oh sir, I’m sorry, sir, I shouldna oughta done that...but you insisted, you did," Sam stammered quickly while trying to help Frodo up. The other members of the team were in hysterics now.

"No, no...it’s OK Sam, you’re right...I insisted...but I’ll remember next time you have a mean right hook...and be glad you didn’t decide on an uppercut...."

"Well...um," Sam muttered, stepping away now that Frodo had his feet, "do you feel better?"

Frodo wobbled a little. "I don’t know yet. I’ll tell you went my head stops spinning." To tell the truth, he did feel a little better, since he felt he deserved it, but he wasn’t going to make the mistake of begging Sam to hit him again. He’d either forgotten or just never realized that someone who was a gardener by trade would probably be fairly strong, and it had simply not entered his head to think Sam would take him so literally. After all, Sam was just trying to make him feel better.

After a moment to get his head back together, Frodo kicked Merry in the side, who was on the floor snickering. "Get up, Meriadoc! I think you’ve had your entertainment for the day!"

Merry did get up, and so did Pippin and Meryl, but they were still giggling. Merry said, "Frodo, for a smart Hobbit you sure are an idiot sometimes."

Frodo would have steamed, but his head hurt too much. Instead he turned on his heal and tried to walk through the hidden door, but because he was still dizzy, he smacked face first into the door jamb. This elicited more giggles from certain Hobbits, and Sam actually smiled about it, sorta.

Go on to Chapter 13