Killing

A Star Wars: KotOR fanfic by Princess Artemis

/Hey, handsome./

Huh? Ah...oh, oh, beautiful, I miss you... /I miss you too./

I found Saul, I'm going to get my chance...I want him to kill me at the same time. I want to be with you. /What if I don't want you here?/

Why...? Why, why? /It's too soon! I don't want you with me because it's not time yet. It'll come, just not yet./ But...I miss you, I love you.

/I know. I love you so much./

/I know I can't stop you from killing Saul, but don't kill her too./

Why would... why would I kill her?

/He's going to hurt you one last time. His blood won't make you live, neither will hers. It won't bring me back, Carth. If you have to, stain your hands, but not with her blood./

I don't understand...

/You will. When you do, let it go. It's only yourself you've been hurting. I've accepted that my husband wants to kill...it was hard, but I see a lot now...and when you kill him it won't do anything but leave you empty. But if you kill her, if you take her life, you'll kill yourself, too./

Why?

/You know why. And I don't mind./ I'm confused...what don't you mind? /You know, you thick headed bantha. When you figure it out, well, just make sure it's not too late. Make sure her blood isn't on your hands when you realize what you already know./

/I miss you. I want you back, but if her blood ever stains your hands...Carth, I'll never see you again./

I don't understand, why would you never see me again? /There won't be anything left to see.../

***

Waking up was not a pleasant experience. Carth hurt in places he didn't think could hurt...he was positive his hair hurt. He didn't move, even though one of his hands had fallen against the side of the Force cage. But that little singeing of his skin, he didn't feel it. He was aware of it, but it didn't hurt. For a second he wondered if he would ever think anything ordinary was painful again. He didn't move, but he dared to glance his slit eyes toward the two Jedi in their cages. He just caught the edges of a blue shape, a ghost shape, fading, but his mind was too slow to register what it was.

The Jedi were still out, it seemed. He glanced at one, felt a twinge of anger on her behalf...Saul would pay for that. He looked toward the other. Rage, white hot, spiked through him and he clenched his fists, barely feeling the horrible pain movement brought. He would eviscerate Saul for hurting her. He would cut his heart out, if there was a heart to find. Saul was a dead man, thrice over, soon, he knew it would be soon.

...

Why would I kill her?

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