A Final Pokemon Solid Christmas

"That just about sums everything up," Princess Artemis finished her long speech to the other Agents. Cid, Shera, Palmer,Cait Sith, BrandonTCA, Axer, Benit, Medina, Gray Fox, Bob, Phantom Ghost, and Jimi assembled in the living room of Cid's house. "Any questions?"

"How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie rool center of a tootsie roll pop?" Cait Sith asked.

"Hey-hey! When's dinner?" Palmer asked. Princess Artemis sighed.

"So basically Dr. Mayhem started Y2K and all hell broke loss," Benit stated.

"That's a pretty good recap," Medina replied,"So what are we going to do now?"

"We gotta believe!" BrandonTCA answered.

"We simply have to go to the Shinra Building and adjust Dr. Mayhem's doomsday device to undo all this damage," Princess Artemis explained.

"But we're isolated without the Highwind," Cid added.

"Well there's bound to be a way to get around without it," Princess Artemis said,"Somehow villains teleport in RPGs to get to locations before the heroes, even past impossible to solve puzzles and oceans. We just need to find out how they do this, and then utilize it."

"Well I know how from working with Shinra," Palmer explained,"We travel through cheesy Brave Fencer Musashi Portals (TM) underground. There's an entrance to one north of Rocket Town, but since there's no more power you'll have to manually activate the generator. Plus without a computer setting a location on it will be difficult. I can show you were it is."

"Shera, Cait Sith, and I will stay here and try to get the Highwind Y2K compliant," Cid volunteered,"The rest of you guys stop Dr. Mayhem! Move out!"

"Hey look its Billy Lee: Man of Action!" Axer said pointing towards Billy Lee partially concealed in the darkness. "I bet he could help us."

"Sure, I'll help you...." Billy Lee said dryly and then jumped down from the chair he was standing on.

"I was thought he'd be taller," Axer replied.

"And look how large his head is compared to the rest of his body," Gray Fox added.

"Woah...." Jimi replied.

"That's not Billy Lee, its an imposter!" Medina shouted,"Its Chibi-Billy. He's so cute!" Chibi-Billy's eyes glowed red and he beared fangs. Chibi-Billy leaped at Medina. There was a scream, two gunshots, and then Chibi-Billy fell to the ground. In the doorway stood Billy Lee with his two revolvers smoking.

"Except no imitations," Billy said.

"I can't believe you killed your own Chibi-self," Gray Fox accused.

"Well its really just a freak that resembles me," Billy replied,"Besides I had a real bad flight over here. I almost got trapped in customs, but the power went out and the Chibi-guards were too stoned on Drive to stop me."

"Want to go with us?" BrandonTCA asked.

"Sure. We better get going since the Chibis were made out of Nanomachines they regenerate." Chibi-Billy started to move again, and Billy shot him with his shotgun. "I'd suggest we keep moving. Move out!"

"Quit saying it like a wuss," Cid complained,"Oh wait you didn't...."

****

Mr.T expertly landed his GMC 1982 Custom Van on top of Barret's house in Midgar. CAM jumped out of the van with a sack full of presents on his back.

"I been meanin' ta pay Barret a vizit," Mr.T started,"I pity da foo' who copys me!"

CAM looked at the chimney with a dismal look. "Um, I don't think I'll fit in there."

"So what are we going to do now?" Alys asked.

"We gott..!" CAM started.

"Cut it," Alys interupted.

"Hey!" CAM protested,"At this rate I'll never get my obligatory PaRappa reference in. I gotta idea." CAM dropped off the roof, and pulled out a crowbar. CAM proceeded to smash out the window, and climbed inside. He crept over to Marlene's stocking. CAM paid little heed to the fact that there was no power. CAM placed a Moogle doll in her stocking. CAM pulled out a copy of Um Jammer Lammy for Barret, but CAM heard a click behind him. CAM whirled around to see Barret holding his gunarm on CAM.

"What you doin'!?" Barret demanded,"You must be stealin' presents. You must be Shinra! What are you going to do to Marlene!? What about Marlene!?"

"Um, I brought presents..." CAM answered. Obviously this answer wasn't good enough for Barret since he started to open fire on CAM. CAM dived behind the tree, and rounds went everywhere.

"I pity da foo' who shoot at my friend!" Mr.T exclaimed.

"Mista T," Barret panicked,"You can't stop me I can talk in fonts." Mr.T grabbed Barret and lifted him over his head.

"Let's see yo' fonts help you now!" Mr.T tossed Barret,"Whose next?"

"Um, well...." CAM examined the holes in his Santa Suit,"We're not going to anymore AVALANCHE homes, I just checked the list a third time. But we're still going to bring Yuffie her coal."

****

"So this is the cave?" Princess Artemis asked.

"It sure is!" Palmer said,"But its guarded by a horrible beast. We usually give it some Alfalfa Hay, but I ate all mine. There it is!" Palmer pointed to a small deformed bunny with brown spots poinged out of the cave.

"That! That's what's guarding this cave!" Benit yelled,"That's the horrible beast!"

"Dexter, what is that thing?" Axer asked his Poke Dex. Dexter simply replied by shooting sparks at him. 'Oh yeah I forgot Y2K."

"I think they call it a Mini-lop," BrandonTCA said,"This is looking rather familiar...."

"Too familiar," Gray Fox replied.

"Hi guys!" Aya yelled as she ran over,"Hey look a bunny!"

"Aya, we've got a job for you," Medina said grimly,"Go blow up that bunny."

"Ok," Aya replied as she brandished her rocket launcher and ran towards the Mini-lop. The Mini-lop looked up at Aya and pulled out a small object. There was a "ka-klick" noise and the Mini-lop stabbed Aya with a switchblade knife.

"Holy mother Sophia!" Billy cried out.

"Oh my god they killed Aya!" Axer started.

"You (pidgey)!" BrandonTCA finished. The Mini-lop glared at the Agents, Billy, and Palmer. "Uh oh..."

Before the Mini-lop could react Chibi-Billy and Chibi-Artemis floated down to the ground brandishing their weapons. Chibi-Artemis smacked the Mini-lop into the darkness with her sais, and Chibi-Billy gingerly picked up the rocket launcher from Aya's corpse.

"This is what I always wanted for Christmas!" Chibi-Billy beamed and then fired two rockets towards the Agents. The Agents screamed and dispersed like chickens with their heads chopped off. Chibi-Artemis noticed a red dot in between her eyes, she crossed her eyes to look at it. There was a gun shot andChibi-Artemis fell backwards. Chibi-Billy turned and faced the darkness with his rocket launcher. There was a "ka-klick" in the darkness and a glint of light. Before Chibi-Billy could react the Mini-lop had already impaled him on his switchblade.

****

The cross swung back and forth. Now on the screen behind Princess Artemis was an image of the Mini-lop holding the rocket launcher on the party.

"Later we explained our situation to the Mini-lop," Princess Artemis explained,"and since he was pissed off about Y2K preventing him from watching Baywatch. He decided to untie us, but left us to our own devices to remove the bamboo shafts from under our finger nails. He told us his name was Bun-Bun Mini-lop."

Bun-Bun and BrandonTCA suddenly materialized out of thin air. "So would you like to join us Bun-Bun?"

"Actually I'm just going to hang around and see whose the winning side," Bun-Bun replied,"and then join the winning side."

"With our new ally," Princess Artemis started.

"Ally!?" Bun-Bun protested,"Like hell nerd-girl."

"Anyway..." Princess Artemis continued,"So Palmer led us into the cave." Princess Artemis clicked the remote and changed the screen to a shot of the FPS Agents looking at the Brave Fencer Mushashi portal device and the ancient generator. "So we left Palmer behind to manually pump the generator, and went through the Brave Fencer Mushashi portal to the Shinra Building."

"Hey! Give me the remote," Bun-bun demanded,"I want to watch Baywatch. "

"Um, no." **Ka-Klick** "Oh fine here." Princess Artemis tossed Bun-Bun the remote and he changed the screen to Baywatch.

****

The Captain regained consciousness in the back of the truck. He noticed that the truck was headed towards RockeT CanyoN and the leader of the anti-Fritz Fraundorf terrorists was looking disgruntled as ever. He apparently wanted to destroy the place that pisses him off so much. The terrorist probably wouldn't even stop there, then he'd try to destroy The Midgar Swamp and Asgard. The Captain began to wonder how he'd escape from this one.

"Hey what's thing coming through the vent?" the leader asked,"Green snow?" The leader touched some of the green snow, and then howled in agony as he was painfully tranformed into a Chibi. With a sudden loss of height the leader was unable to reach the pedals and the truck quickly went out of control. The truck hit a rock causing the door to swing open, and the Captain jumped out hitting the concrete at twenty miles per hour. The truck swirved into a tree and exploded.

"The truck have started to explode," The Captain noted,"Now to untie my hands." The Captain walked over to the pile of flaming wreckage. "I'll just use the fire to burn off the ropes." The Captain placed the confided hands that were tied behind his back over the flame. The rope made entirely out of hemp burst into flames. "Its seems that I'm on fire!"

****

A cheesy Braven Fencer Musashi portal opened up and Princess Artemis, Bun-Bun, BrandonTCA, Medina, Gray Fox, Jimi, Phantom Ghost, Billy, Axer, and Benit stepped out of it. Then they stumbled around in the dark for thirty minutes until Princess Artemis pulled out a flashlight.

"So where are we?" Princess Artemis asked.

"I think this is the 59th floor," Axer replied,"Hey where's the Captain?"

"I don't know," BrandonTCA replied,"We must have left him behind again."

"Let's split up!" Princess Artemis exclaimed,"Team 1 will consist of Billy, Benit, Gray Fox, Jimi, and I. Team 2 will consist of Phantom Ghost, Medina, Axer, and Bun-Bun. Team 1 will take the stairs down to the sub-basement to try to make the Shinra Online Internet Internet Service Provider Y2K compatible. Team 2 will take the rickety fire escape down to the first floor, and then work their way into the dangerous Genetic Mutations Lab and activate the backup generator. Let's go!"

"But wait!" BrandonTCA interupted,"What will I do?"

"You've got a special job," Princess Artemis replied,"Are you a bad enough dude to save The Captain?"

"Yes m'aam!" BrandonTCA exclaimed and then parachuted out of a nearby window.

"That's what you get for using a Golgo-13 reference," Benit reminded Artemis. Team 2 broke off and headed towards the fire escape.

"Oy, not the stairs...." Gray Fox complained.

"Your not going anwhere!" Chibi-CAM exclaimed. Team 1 turned around to see Chibi-CAM, Chibi-NC81, Chibi-Captain, and Chibi-Ghost. Princess Artemis drew her sais, Benit drew her glaive, Gray and Jimi their stratocasters, and Billy drew his revolvers. Chibi-NC81 drew her Death Ray, Chibi-Captain broke a piggy bank over a table to use the broken pieces, Chibi-Ghost drew some knives, and Chibi-CAM bore his fangs. The opposing forces clashed.

Chibi-CAM charged Gray Fox, and Gray Fox smashed his head with his stratocaster. Princess Artemis and Benit brought down Chibi-Captain with their weapons, and Jimi and Billy took down the rest of them. The Chibis simply brought themselves back to their feet.

"Damn Nanomachines," Billy cursed,"You guys go on, I'll hold them off!" Princess Artemis nodded and Team 1 headed down the staircase. Billy turned to face the Chibis, "Come get some." Chibi-Captain raced towards Billy, Billy replied by bringing him down with a shot from his revolver. Chibi-Ghost attempted to sneak up on Billy, but Billy shot him through the torso. Chibi-CAM bit Billy on the kneecap, and Billy shot him off with his shotgun. Chibi-NC81 charged up her Death Ray. Billy Lee was quick to jump into action. Billy threw his shotgun up in the air, slide over to Chib-NC81, kicked her into the air, shot her multiple times with his revolvers, holstered them, caught the shotgun, and shot Chibi-NC81 with it.

Billy brought himself to his feet. "Hail to the king baby." The Chibis got back up again and Billy turned around to face them with revolvers drawn.

******

Team 2 poked around in the dangerous Genetic Mutations lab. Somehow they managed to get down the fire escape without incident, aside from the whole thing collapsing after everyone is safe and landing on Aya. But accidents happen....

Phantom Ghost quickly noticed a generator in one corner of the room with vines all wrapped around it and the vines were attatched to a huge plant resembling the one from Little shop of horrors.

"Bet ya five gil that that thing is carnivorous," Axer stated.

"Your on!" Phantom Ghost replied and slammed five gil down on a nearby table. The noise startled the plant and it picked up Phantom Ghost. "Help!"

"I win it is a carnivorous plant," Axer replied.

"Actually no, old sport," the plant replied in a English accent,"I'm actually a herbavore." Phantom Ghost sighed with relief. "But I hate humans so I rip them apart with my teeth." Phantom Ghost gulped and the plant grabbed Medina.

"Don't worry I'll save you!" Axer exclaimed valiantly and drew Twin Vipers,"Hey somebody chewed up my katanas!"

"I got bored," Bun-Bun replied.

"But you chewed my swords!"

"I'm a rabbit. I chew things, get used to it."

"But these swords are my only weapons!"

"Sucks to be you," Bun-Bun replied as he groomed himself.

"That really pissed me off!" Axer exclaimed and a red aura surrounded him,"Flame Wave!" Waves of fire battered the plant and set it aflame, it immediatly dropped Medina and Phantom Ghost, and screamed "It seems I'm on fire!" The plant quickly combusted thanks to the lighter fluid Bun-Bun added to the flames.

"Hey look!" Medina exclaimed,"A small button that says 'Push me to activate generator'." Medina ran over and pushed the button. Everyone ducked their heads, but the only thing that happened is that generator whirred to life and the lights clicked back on. "Hey we've got light."

"Yeah but its lights out for you!" Chibi-Medina exclaimed. Standing in the doorway to the basement were Chibi-Medina, Chibi-Mayhem, Chib-Axer, and Chibi-Brandon. Bun-Bun promptly pulled out his rocket launcher and blew them all up.

*******

Team 1 continued down the stairs towards the basement, so far they have cleared the way to the 57th floor has opposed to the 59th floor. Suddenly Chibi-Ghost, Chibi-CAM, Chibi-Captain, and Chibi-NC81 were upon them.

"Where's Billy!?" Gray exclaimed.

"Look at all those munchins...." Jimi added.

"He ran away after killing us 13 times," Chibi-Captain replied cooly.

"The wuss," Benit snapped. Suddenly a figure started towards them from the top of the stair at a very fast speed. Princess Artemis strained her eyes to see who it was, it was Billy with his guns out riding down the stairs on a swivel chair. Billy plowed through the Chibis with guns blazing and plowed them all down. The rest of Team 1 found some swivel chairs lying conveniently in a corner, so they took them and started down the stairs. The Chibis regenerated found some swivel chairs of their own and started to pursue.

Gray Fox put a cassette in his cassette player and started to play "Hardy Daytona". Chibi-CAM leaned forwards and gained speed, and he leaned to the side and bit Gray Fox on the arm. Gray Fox elbowed him in the face, and Chibi-CAM was knocked back. Gray Fox lean foward and started to accelerate. Unfortunately Chibi-CAM caught up to him and they started to exchange blows. Gray Fox slowed down and positioned himself behind Chibi-CAM. Gray Fox lifted his strat, but Chibi-NC81 fired her Death Ray (TM) at him. In order to save himself, Gray Fox dived out of his swivel chair and hit the ground. Chibi-NC81 brought up her Death Ray (TM) for another shot. Billy turned around shot Chibi-NC81off her swivel chair, both Chibi-NC81 and the swivel chair clattered to the ground.

Princess Artemis' swivel chair trampled over Chibi-NC81 and threw her off. The swivel chair continued on, but without Princess Artemis. Chibi-Captain came towards her in his swivel chair brandishing a broken whiskey bottle. Chibi-Captain lowered his whiskey bottle and was run through by Princess Artemis' Dragon Teeth. Princess Artemis commadeered Chibi-Captain's swivel chair and started down again. Chibi-Ghost picked Chibi-Captain as he passed and they shared the swivel chair. Chibi-NC81 regenerated, climbed back into her swivel chair, and joined their ranks. Chibi-CAM jumped from his chair towards Gray Fox (Gray had gotten back on his chair), and he jumped into Princess Artemis' old chair to escape. Gray drew Cosmo Fire and landed a arrow into Chibi-CAM's chest. Chibi-CAM clattered to the ground. After the little battle Team 1 had lost the Chibis.

"Alright we lost them," Gray Fox said.

"Hey what's that up ahead?" Benit asked.

"Um, it appears to be a door," Princess Artemis replied.

"Ahhhhh!!" Team 1 screamed and braced for impact.

*****

"Is Fei even going to get out of this relaspe before Sophiamas?" Elly asked.

"I am afraid not," Shitan replied grimly as he shut the door to Fei's room behind him.

"You did this to Fei!" Dan accused,"You destroyed Sophiamas!"

"Yeah!" Maria broke in.

"Now wait a minute don't go pointing fingers," Elly interupted,"Oh wait....You did ruin Sophiamas! Fei now can't fly around the world in Xenogears delivering presents to all the good boys and girls that are significant to the plot!"

"Um....."

"You gear head!" Enrico Sauve yelled.

"Of all the Shitans in the world," Margie started,"You're the Shitaniest."

"We could fly around in Yggdrasil to deliver the toys," Yui suggested.

"No Bart and Sigurd are too smashed to fly it," Shitan observed.

"What are going to do now?" Margie asked.

"I know!" Emeralda stated,"We gotta believe!"

"Enough with the PaRappa references," Shitan said.

"No I'm serious," Emeralda stated,"We'll just believe in the meaning of Sophiamas and go to sleep. The next morning all of our problems will be conviently solved just like on those cheesy Sophiamas specials."

"Ok let's try that," Enrico Sauve agreed,"After we stone Shitan to death!" Everyone grabbed something not nailed down and chased Shitan off with it. During the argument no one paid little head to the bald man hiding in the shadows restraining his assistant from killing Emeralda for making a PaRappa reference. Mayor Tortellini Domino and his assistant Hart stepped out of the shadows to ruin Sophiamas even more for the cast of Xenogears. Since there were no presents to steal he decided he'd vandalize the place and place a dead ferret in the ventalation. What has the cast of Xenogears done to piss him off? They cut out how he defeated Deus in Xenogears, in fact he made no appearance at all in the game.

"Hey Hart," Domino said,"Hand me that dead ferret." Hart handed Domino a dead ferret. Domino climbed up on the bar and opened the grate to the ventalation shaft. Domino set the timer on the dead ferret, and closed the grate. Then suddenly he heard a noise, Domino and Hart dashed back to their hiding spots. CAM slide through the porthole with a crowbar in his hand and a bag of presents on his back. CAM walked over and started putting presents in the cast of Xenogears' stockings.

"Its him," Domino raved.

"Who?" Hart asked.

"Its CAM. He's the guy that cut us from the end of FPS2. Sure we were it in, but he didn't mention the important things we did. Like how we single handedly defeated the Ultimate Evil, the mysterious five villians, and One-winged Sloan. He even portrayed us as morons, and didn't even get which one of us hating PaRappa refs right."

"You mean I used PaRappa references in a fanfic!?" Hart exclaimed,"The he must die!" Hart and Domino pulled out their mako guns and started to creep towards CAM. But before Domino could pull the trigger, Alys came through the porthole.

"CAM are you done?" Alys asked,"This job really sucks and I'm not getting paid hourly. Let's hurry it up."

"Alys!?" Domino baffled,"Here!? She's protecting CAM, that ingreat. I discovered a way to ressurect her, but of course it was omitted from the fanfic. And I felt sorry for her, because she was cut from Phantasy Star 4 as being the hero. We'll sneak into the van and then kill all of ROCKSLIDE when their not looking." When CAM and Alys finished their work, Hart and Domino snuck into the van behind them. Mr.T stepped on the gas and his GMC 1982 Custom Van sped off helluva fast.

****

Dr. Mayhem, Mini-Cactuar, and NC81 were tied to two joining chairs in the center of the control room. Ash Ketchum and Pikachu were guarding them.

"You'll never get away with this Ash!" Dr. Mayhem exclaimed.

"That's only a line that a captured hero says," Ash corrected him,"and you're certainly no hero."

The door came crashing down and Princess Artemis, Jimi, Gray Fox, Benit, Billy, and their swivel chairs came tumbling through the doorway.

"Ha! Now we have the upperhand!" Dr. Mayhem exclaimed.

Chibi-CAM, Chibi-Captain, Chibi-Ghost, Chibi-NC81, and their swivel chairs came tumbling through the doorway.

"Ha! Now I have the uppperhand!" Ash exclaimed,"Pikachu! Thundershock!" Pikachu started to gather electricity, but Princess Artemis throw a rock that hit him in the head. This counted as a rock attack and cause Pikachu to faint.

"Back to us!" Princess Artemis boasted. Just then Chibi-Medina, Chibi-Axer, Chibi-Brandon, and Chibi-Mayhem ran through the second door.

"Hate to spoil your party Artemis," Chibi-Mayhem said with a smirk.

"Think again!" Axer exclaimed as he, Phantom Ghost, Medina, and Bun-Bun walked through the second door.

"Back off!" Ash exclaimed,"I've got a voltorb and I'll blow them up!" Ash pointed towards Dr. Mayhem, Mini-Cactuar, and NC81.

"We don't care," Gray Fox explained,"Their the villains."

"Hey!" NC81 exclaimed.

"We'll then I'll blow you up!!" The FPS Agents backed off a bit. Before Ash could reacte, Billy drew one of his revolvers and shot the voltorb out of Ash's hands. Before the voltorb hit the ground, Billy caught it in mid-air and hurled it into the crowd of Chibis.

"You may have defeated the Chibis and me," Ash started,"but you'll never defeated Lord Pikacthulu! Lord Pikacthulu I summon thee!" A black poke ball hovered in mid-air. It fell to the ground and opened. Light flashed blinding everyone.

"A flash of light...." Princess Artemis observed.

A random bolt of lightning struck a mirror shattering it.

"A broken mirror...." Phantom Ghost observed.

"mWaHahAHaHa!" a voice withint the light laughed.

"A pokemon's voice..." Benit observed.

Pikacthulu appeared before them.

"Zenogias...." Axer observed and then corrected himself,"I mean...Pikacthulu!" Axer pointed at him in seer terror.

"yOu sHaLl SuCcUm To mY wRaTh!" Pikacthulu declared and before anyone could take action against him his flashed his red eyes, giving everyone (including Ash and the Chibis since their too stupid to cover their eyes) a seizure. "tHeRe iS nO oNe wHo cAn dEfEaT mE nOw!" Pikacthulu's ears caught sound of a large object coming towards them. Suddenly the Highwind crashed through the wall, and blew Pikacthulu back with a couple of missles.

This attack sent all kinds of dust and debris into the air. Only two figures were slighty visible in the smoke.

"Prepare for trouble," a feminine voice advised.

"And make it double," a masculine voice barked.

"To protect the world from decafination."

"To unite all pilots within our nation."

"To dennounce the evils of Nitendo's glove."

"To launch the Shinra No. 26 to the stars above."

"Cid!"

"Shera!"

"Team Rocket Town blast off at the speed of light!"

"So sit your ass down and drink your goddamn tea!"

"Meow, that's right," Cait Sith added.

"Cid you ruined that last part," Shera complained.

"Shut your pie hole!" Cid barked.

"Hey-hey!" Palmer greeted.

"nOoOoOoOoOoO!!!!" Pikacthulu screamed,"iTs tEaM rOcKeT tHe oNlY pEoPlE wHo cAn dEfEaT mE!" In desperate measures Pikacthulu dived into his black poke ball and flew away. The Chibis and Ash now abandoned ran after him.

"Good timing to get the Highwind Y2K compatible," Medina congradulated.

"Could you untie us now!" Dr. Mayhem demanded.

"Why should we untie you?" Gray Fox asked.

"Yeah! You started this mess!" Medina added.

"I think we're at a point of advantage here," Princess Artemis pointed out,"Dr. Mayhem can you undo all this?"

"I can temporaly," Dr. Mayhem informed her,"I can turn the clocks back to the correct date, but it'll happen again on the actual year 2000. Isn't that evil?" Dr. Mayhem brought his pinky to his mouth.

"We better tell Rufus that after we're done," Princess Artemis answered,"We can't deal with that problem right now." Princess Artemis, Dr. Mayhem, and Shera started messing with the computer, Doomsday Device (TM), and the Gaetia Key. Finally there was the sound of all in the lights in Midgar turning on. "Now to get rid of those Chibis." Princess Artemis scanned the computer's records. "Well this should be simple enough. It says that when the bug struck the machine went beserk and shot Chibi Nanomachines into the upper atmosphere with the Junon Cannon. All we have to do is fire some Chibi-cide Nanomachines into the upper atmosphere. That'll transform the people back to normal and eradicate the chibis formed with the DEVA Machine. We need someone to make a link between Midgar and Junon, fire perfectly into the upper atmosphere, and make the Chibi-cide Nanomachines."

"Well," Cid decided,"You should make this side of the link and the Chibi-cide Nanomachines. I'll drive some people to Junon. Shera can make that side of the link and...."

"I'll fire the cannon," Billy said,"I don't use guns for nothing. Beside unlike other certain RPG sharpshooters, I don't miss a shot." Princess Artemis nodded to Billy. "Plus I think we need some strong fighters since they'll be fewer of us. Axer, Gray Fox, Jimi, and Bun-Bun should also come along. Everyone else should stay here and guard Artemis."

"Move out!" Cid commanded.

****

CAM sang as he flew over the orphanage:
"Dashing through the snow,
Can you hear him 'Ho-Ho-Ho',
He is full of cheer,
Only has to work one day a year,
Leave him cookies and beer,
And he'll come to your house first next year!"

"This looks like Billy's orphanage," Celes observed.

"Well then we'll just open the back and let the air suction everything out," CAM suggested,"Since all that is back there are their toys unless we have stowaways or something." Mr. T hit the back door releash button. The air tunnel surrounding the speeding van began to suck all the presents out of the back of the van.

"They've stopped," Domino observed,"Now's our chance." Domino and Hart jumped out of their hiding places to attack ROCKSLIDE, but they only wound up getting sucked out to. In desperation the dou grabbed the open door and hung on for dear life. The bag of presents landed in the middle of the courtyard just out of the frozen children's reach.

"Now those poor orphans will be so happy," CAM chimed.

"@#$% you!" one of the frozen children yelled.

****

Princess Artemis typed away on they keypad of the Shinra Online Internet Service Provider trying to get the Chibicide Nanomachines ready and sent to Junon before Pikacthulu regroups. The building trembled and the alarms sounded.

"They're here," Dr. Mayhem observed. The remaining FPS agents and Amish Vomit Keg poured into the next room to defend Princess Artemis whilst she was working. All the Chibis except for Chibi-CAM, Chibi-Jimi, Chibi-Fox, and Chibi-NC81 were standing outside the door. Dr. Mayhem, NC81, Phantom Ghost, Medina, Mini-Cactuar, and Benit brandished their weapons against the massive threat.

"You know all their going to do is waste our time by killing us," Chibi-Artemis remarked.

"Yeah there's enough of us here..." Chibi-Medina added.

"We could fuse!" Chibi-Brandon suggested.

"Chibi fusion attack!" all the Chibis yelled. There was a flash of light and standing in the Chibis place was a normal sized Chibi that had characteristics of all the other Chibis. "We are Chibi-san!" Chibi-san blasted the group back with some energy. "Witness our power! Generic energy ball of doom!" The generic energy ball streaked slowly through the air, the agents simply had to step aside to avoid it. NC81 shot Chibi-san with her Death Ray (TM), Chibi-san howled in pain but was otherwise uneffected.

Chibi-san started firing at the agents with its revolvers, the agents and Amish Vomit Keg hit the ground. Benit came at Chibi-san with her glaive but it was deflected by Chibi-san's sais. Mini-Catcaur fired 1,000 needles at Chibi-san, but Chibi-san dodged.

"Feel my power..." Chibi-san started,"Badly dubbed FUNimation Attack!" Chibi-san fired a beam at the agents and it struck Aya who had arrived at the battle late. There was an explosion and all that was left of Aya was a small crater on the floor.

"Oh my god!" Medina cried,"They sent Aya to the NEXT DIMENSION."

"You bastard!" NC81 replied.

"Now feel the wraith of the Super Chibi Sai Poke!" Chibi-san exclaimed. Chibi-san gathered energy around its sais and lunged at the agents, but Chibi-san's concentration was broken when Medina started to sing "Eyes on Me" since she was bored.

"My last night here for you,
Same old song one last time,
My last night here with you?
Maybe yes, maybe no,
I kinda liked it your way,
When you shyly placed your eyes on me,
But did you ever know that my eyes were on you."

"No more!" Chibi-san cried,"I can't stand it."

"Now that your distracted!" Benit pointed out,"Gold rush!" Gold coins and jewels pelted Chibi-san. "Chandalier drop" Phantom joined in the limit break fun. A chandelier hanging above fell on Chibi-san's head. NC81 let loose a blast from her Death Ray (Tm). Mini-Cactaur let loose 10,000 needles on Chibi-san, and Dr. Mayhem kicked Chibi-san in the shin. This was the final blow, Chibi-san fell to the ground dead.

"There finished," Princess Artemis announced and clicked "ok" for the Chibicide Nanomachine transfer.

*****

Billy Lee: Man of Action was sitting in a swivel chair in front of the controls to Junon Cannon while Shera was working on the link to Midgar. Finally the machine chimed "Transfer Complete" and the two tubes filled up with Chibicide Nanomachines.

"Billy your all clear," Princess Artemis said over the radio,"Don't miss this, it's our only chance." Billy began to type in the cordinates of the shot.

"I'll go see how everyone else is doing," Shera said,"Its been quiet out there, I bet their bored. " Shera opened the door and went into the next room. The door must have been sound proof because outside of the room a huge battle was being waged. On one side were Chibi-CAM, Chibi-NC81, Chibi-Jimi, and Chibi-Fox. On the other side were Axer, Bun-Bun, Cid, Jimi, Palmer, and Gray Fox. Of course Bun-Bun wasn't actually fighting, he was watching Baywatch. Palmer was eating a "Ho Ho" while he was fighting.

Chibi-CAM ran at Shera bearing his teeth, but she pulled her shotgun from her lab coat and shot him in the face. Cid and Axer dispatched Chibi-NC81 with their weapons, and Jimi burned Chibi-Jimi and Chibi-Fox to death with his song "Fire". Just when they thought the Chibis were dead, the Chibis got right back up again.

"!#@$!#@$!@#$! Big Brawl!" Cid barked and jumped into the air. Cid pounced on the poor Chibis driving his spear through each and every one of them. Once the dust settled, Cid did his victory dance on top of the pile of dead Chibis. Suddenly Chibi-Jimi came out from under Cid and clubbered him with his strat. "@#$%#$!" But Cid only cursed in vain, the blow had rendered him unconscious. Shera immediately shot Chibi-Jimi through the torso and ran to Cid's aid.

Chibi-NC81 tried to fire her Death Ray, but was unable to fire since Palmer blew her up with his mako gun dropping some of his Ho Ho in the process. Axer ran over a impaled Chibi-CAM on his chewed katanas. Chibi-Fox and Gray Fox charged each other with their strats. Their stratocasters clashed. Gray Fox brought down his strat on Chibi-Fox, but Chibi-Fox blocked. Chibi-Fox attempted to jab Gray Fox with his strat, but it was parried. Gray Fox swiped Chibi-Fox with his strat, of course the blow was blocked but it knocked Chibi-Fox off balance. Gray Fox sheathed his stratocaster and drew Cosmo Fire. Gray Fox quickly made a pin cushion out of Chibi-Fox. The agents fell to the ground from exhaustion. This was the twentieth time they had defeated all of the Chibis.

The Chibis simply brought themselves back to their feet. The agents moaned in reply.

"I've got an idea!" Axer exclaimed and stepped in front of Bun-Bun watching Baywatch. "Hey Chibi-NC81, you punk! I bet you couldn't hit me with that Death Ray (TM) even if I was standing still!"

"You think so!" Chibi-NC81 replied and fired at Axer. Axer jumped out of the way, the beam flew over Bun-Bun's head, but destroyed the TV.

"Someone dies now!" Bun-Bun exclaimed.

"You and what army!" Chibi-CAM taunted.

"This army!" Bun-Bun brandished his gloc. Soon Bun-Bun's army of a spray of rounds charged into the Chibis' ranks. Then Bun-Bun kicked the shaft leading to Junon's incinerator, and drew his switchblade with a *ka-klick*. Bun-Bun took his switchblade and whistled "Singing in the Rain" as he went to his gruesome task.

"Locked on target!" Billy Lee: Man of Action exclaimed as he finished typing in the cordinates. But suddenly something came flying towards Junon at intense speeds. "Holy crap its Pikacthulu, but now he's huge!" Pikacthulu was flying directly at Billy. Quickly Billy hit the manual overdrive button and manually aimed the barrel of the cannon at the mass of Pikacthulu. Billy Lee fired and the Chibicide and Huge Materia charge shell landed directly into Pikacthulu's chest. There was a massive explosion and Pikacthulu was gone. "Got him."

"Billy!" Princess Artemis yelled on the other side of his radio,"What just happened!? You completely missed!"

"No it was a direct hit," Billy replied over the radio,"I was just aiming at a different target. Pikacthulu charged at us, but I got him."

"Well I have enough resources for one more shot," Princess Artemis replied,"But I'm not sure if everyone could survive another wave of these Chibis."

****

Princess Artemis got to work on another batch of Chibicide Nanomachines. Chibi-san immediately awakened and attacked the tired agents. Chibi-san started firing at them again with its revolvers. The agents scrambled to safety.

"Sword dance!" a voice called out. Blues fell from the ventalation duct and started to slash Chibi-san wildly. Tonamel fell from the duct behind him and sprayed lemon juice into the wounds. Chibi-san howled in pain.

"Hey Tonamel and Blues," Phantom Ghost started,"Where have you guys been this whole fanfic?"

"I've been lost," Blues replied.

"And you guys forgot to send me an invitation," Tonamel pointed out.

"Generic energy ball of doom!" Chibi-san exclaimed and fire another generic energy ball.

"I've got an idea!" Tonamel exclaimed.

****

Tonamel stood over the fallen body of Chibi-san and spit on him.

"That was a great plan Tonamel!" Phantom Ghost exclaimed.

"Thanks."

"It was pure genius the way you did that," Medina complimented.

"I never knew you had it in you," Blues added.

"We could have never done this without you," Dr. Mayhem said.

"All done!" Princess Artemis exclaimed and sent another batch of Chibicide to Billy. "By the way that plan was sheer brilliance. I exspecially liked the way you...."

****

One of the tubes in the Junon cannon control room filled up with Chibicide Nanomachines.

"Hmmm...not as many as last time," Billy pointed out and went right back to typing in the cordinates.

Meanwhile in the other room a charred Chibi came up the stairs. This Chibi was badly burned and was a mass of all the other Chibi's body parts mixed together.

*Ka-Klick*"I guess someone forgot their lesson the first time," Bun-Bun remarked.

"Never fear, The Captain is here!" The Captain exclaimed as he fell out of a ventalation shaft brandishing his hockey stick.

"Yeah! Its Cap'n!" Axer exclaimed.

Suddenly three rabid chu-chus latched onto The Captain and started to maul him. BrandonTCA was standing at one end of the corridor holding his rabid chu-chu launcher.

"Brandon? Why?" Gray Fox asked.

"Because," BrandonTCA replied,"That's not The Captain, its an imposter!"

"How do you know?"

"Because the Real Captain is with me!" The Real Captain stepped out from behind BrandonTCA. Chibi-Bizzaro came at The Real Captain, but he smacked the Chibi-freak into the incinerator again with his hockey stick.

"No one mimicks me without paying me royalties!" The Real Captain exclaimed,"Or at least give me a beer."

"This is where we rumble," The Fake Captain said cooly as he threw the three rabid chu-chus into the incinerator as well. The Fake Captain charged The Real Captain with his hockey stick. Hockey sticks clashed, but the Real Captain was mightier. He smacked the hockey stick out of his evil double's hand, jabbed him in the stomach, and smacked him in the face. The Fake Captain was knocked to the ground.

"oH sCrEw It!" The Fake Captain exclaimed,"MaSs ThUnDeR wAVe!" Electricity flowed from The Fake Captain paralyzing the agents and Bun-Bun. The Fake Captain then morphed into Pikachtulu! "i'Ll LeVeL tHiS wHoLe ToWn!" Pikacthulu flew through the ceiling and started to grow.

"Amazing his power level is skyrocketing," BrandonTCA said looking through his scouter.

"Your deadmeat Pikacthulu!" The Captain exclaimed and ran for the airport. Bun-Bun poinged after him with his missle launcher.

"There almost done," Billy said in the other room,"Oh crap..." Billy's eyes once again meet a gigantic Pikacthulu. "sHoCkWaVe PuLsAr!" Pikacthulu emited a large thunderbolt into Junon Harbor causing the buildings to tremble and structural damage. Billy was thrown out of his chair. "I've got to make the shot." Billy got up and started pushing buttons. "Damn auto is down, I'll have to aim manually." "dIe!" Pikacthulu charged up again, but was interupted by a missle slamming into him.

"Take that electric mouse!" Bun-Bun exclaimed from the top of the Harbor. Bun-Bun fired another missle into Pikacthulu and realized he was out of ammo. Pikacthulu was unmoved and shot Bun-Bun off the cannon with a Thunderbolt. Before Pikacthulu could cause anymore damage an entire salvo of missles struck him. "ArRrGgHhH!"

"Here's The Captain!" The Captain exclaimed piloting the Highwind. The Highwind belched another salvo of missles in reply. Pikacthulu fired a thundershock, but the Highwind outmanuveured him and fired more missles. Finally Pikacthulu was peeved and smacked the Highwind with a Quick Attack.

"We're hit!" Jerry exclaimed.

"Damn Sam!" The Captain exclaimed,"We can't stop this monster."

"Maybe we can," Jerry said pointing at a button the Shinra added,"The Shinra added a Anti-Weapon System into the Highwind. By the way I'm Jerry, not Sam." The Captain pounded his fist on the button and the Highwind started to transform. The Highwind transformed into a gigantic humanoide figure. At the end of the transformation a pair of goggle with a pack of cigs stuck in them, a gear sized Venus Gospel, and a cigarette floated down and attatched to the Highwind. The camera looked at every angle of the Highwind and on the bottom of the screen appeared the words "Super Dimensional Anti-Weapon Gear Highwind II". "Cool...."

"wHaT tHe hFiL!" Pikacthulu exclaimed and then was struck with G-Venus Gospel and hit with more missles. Highwind II let loose more missles from its wrist cannons, but when the smoke cleared Pikacthulu was still fighting. Pikacthulu struck Highwind II with a Thunder, and Highwind II was blown back into Junon.

"Captain!" Jerry exclaimed,"Pikacthulu is still too much for us! We've got a feul leak, complete armor depletion, and camera damage!"

"Damn!" The Captain barked and noticed a button,"Hey what's this? @#$%-it Mode?" The Captain hit the button.

"@#$% it!" Highwind II exclaimed and blew steam out of its cig.

"Hey new buttons..." The Captain remarked and hit one.

"G-Hyper Jump!" Highwind II exclaimed and bounded into the air. The Super Dimensional Anti-Weapon Gear slammed G-Venus Gospel into Pikacthulu. Pikacthulu was stunned and knocked back. "G-Big Brawl!" Highwind II bounded into Pikacthulu and started a storm of spear slashes and thrusts. Pikacthulu was thrown back more with moderate wounds. "G-Highwind!" Highwind II brought up its wrist cannons and started firing missles at fully automatic speed. An explosion engulfed Pikacthulu. He burst into flames and sank slowly into the ocean.

"Yes I did it!" The Captain exclaimed. Highwind II suddenly ducked its head as a shot from the Junon Cannon fired overhead. The shell hit directly into the upper atmosphere and the Chibicide Nanomachines came back down to the earth in the form of glowing blue snow.

****

A couple of hours later a GMC 1982 Custom Van pulled up to the Highwind Residence in Rocket Town. The building was slightly blown up, but the party was still going on inside.

"Wierd," Alys stated,"Blue glowing snow." Since it had no effect on Alys she just ignored it. CAM and the rest of ROCKSLIDE walked inside. The Agents, Amish Vomit Keg, Cid, Billy Lee, Palmer, and Bun-Bun are exchanging presents while Shera cooks Christmas dinner.

"Hey CAM," The Captain greeted,"What took ya?"

"I had to go to the North Pole and fill in for Santa Claus," CAM said,"Did anything interesting happen while we were gone?"

"We just saved the world and Christmas from Y2K and Chibis," Princess Artemis replied,"Same old, same old."

"Cool."

"Here's you present," Princess Artemis said handing CAM a package and CAM immediately opened it,"Its Xenogears Solid: VR Missions. Now you guide Solid Fei through 300 virtual reality training missions."

"And here's what I got for you," Celes said and handed CAM another package,"Its Final Pokemon Solid: VR Missions. Now you guide Solid Ekans through 300 virtual reality training missions."

"And here's what I got you."

"A porcelian dead chihuahau?"

"No its a taco holder," CAM replied,"Look what happens when you push its nose." CAM pushs the nose and the chihuahau announces, "Ahhh! The ground beef she is burning my groin!"

"Gee thanks."

"Push the nose! Push the nose!"

"Now let's all sit around the tv and watch the Dukes of Hazard Christmas Special," Cid announced.

"No, we're watchin' A-Team Christmas Special," Mr.T insisted.

*Ka-Klick*"Your both wrong," Bun-Bun interupted,"We're watching Baywatch Christmas Special."

"I've got a solution to this problem," Shera said and slammed an Bud Lite on the TV.

"Your now watching the Dukes of Baywatch-Team Christmas Special," the TV announcer said. The babes of Baywatch ran towards the screen and climbed into a GMC 1982 Custom Van painted like the General Lee driven my Mr. T.

"Oh no Mr. T!" Pamela Anderson exclaimed,"Boss Hogg is drowning."

"I pity the foo' dat's drownin'!" Mr.T exclaimed,"We betta ramp for it!" Mr.T ramped the General T off a sand dune and into the ocean. Mr.T and the babes of Baywatch grabbed some M-16s from the backseat and shot the drowning Boss Hogg.

"I love you Shera," Cid said.

"Your not getting my bud lite Cid," Shera replied.

"bUt I wIlL!" Pikacthulu announced and materialized in the room.

"Pikacthulu! I thought I killed you!" The Captain exclaimed.

"yOu CaNnOt KiLl mE!" Pikacthulu announced.

"Hey look at that toilet!" BrandonTCA exclaimed pointing towards the bathroom. Pikacthulu turned and looked at the bathroom. Brandon suddenly noticed that he had no C4 on him. Suddenly a plot hole opened and hurled out Sephiroth and his Generic Resistance Force. Cloud walked into the room.

"Plastic explosives...must bring..." Cloud offered. Sephiroth took the plastic explosives and attatched them to Pikacthulu's back. Sephiroth detonated the explosives, but Pikacthulu was only stunned. CAM just out of the blue turns Pikacthulu red.

"Ha!" CAM boosted,"Now people will think your a Raichu, thus killing your fan base!"

"nOoOoO!!!" Pikacthulu screamed.

"I pity the that messes with me," Mr.T pointed out.

"I pity the raifoo'!" Pikafoo' announced. Both Mr.T and Pikafoo' grabbed Pikacthulu and tosses his ass.

"Hey a DBZ Reference," CAM said as he found the reference in his magic bag of plot devices. CAM used the reference and said in a Vegetaesque voice,"Grr-bah! What a MORON! You just won yourself a ticket to the NEXT DIMENSION!" A ray flew from CAM's hand and there was an explosion. When the smoke cleared Pikacthulu was gone. "Heh, cool."

"CAM's da man! CAM's da man!" Medina exclaimed.

"No I'm the man!" a mysterious voice proclaimed.

"Gilgamesh?" Brandon asked.

"No, Itsa me! Domino!" Domino replied.

"And you used a Dragon Ball Z reference!" Hart exclaimed,"Oh wait. I don't care about those."

"Now you all die," Domino said brandishing a Mako Gun.

"Stay good Domino! Stay good!" CAM exclaimed.

"No!"

"We haven't published FPS2 yet...." Benit said, "I can add you to the novelization."

"Oh ok."

"Yeah Christmas is saved!" The Captain beamed.

Jimi started playing a re-mixed version of the Charlie Brown theme on his strat. The whole gang got up and got down Charlie Brown style.

****

"And that's the story of how I helped save Christmas," Billy Lee said dressed in a Wal*Mart uniform punching the prices on computers.

"Um, yeah," a fellow Wal*Mart worker replied,"But there's no such thing as Chibis." Disgusted Billy Lee went to punching more prices on computers.

"You know," a woman said,"I think that story of how you helped save Christmas is cute."

"You do?" Billy replied.

"Yeah," the woman replied. An evil force whoosed by him and entered another nearby. The woman whirled around and was a Chibi. The Chibi smacked Billy into the gun section. The Chibi grabbed a computer in order to smash the woman with it. Suddenly the computer was shot out of the Chibi's hand. Billy was standing to the side holding a shotgun.

"I'll suck your soul," the Chibi announced.

"Come get some," Billy taunted. He tossed his shotgun in the air, jumped on a cart, and pulled out his revolvers. Billy started filling the Chibi full of lead. Chibi was blasted back into a trampoline and flew into the air. Billy fired his shotgun in the air at the airborne Chibi. The shells entered the Chibi and it finally hit the ground dead.

The woman embraced Billy. They might have made me THE MAN there. But in a way I am THE MAN. "Hail to the king baby." Billy said and the woman kissed.

Credits

Princess Artemis   The Captain   CAM
Dr. Mayhem   Medina   NC81
Tonamel   Blues   Gray Fox
BrandonTCA   Phantom Ghost    
As
Themselves

Billy Lee
As
Billy Lee: Male Giggalo Man of Action

Jimi Hendrix
As
Himself

Bun-Bun Mini-Lop
As
Himself

Mini-Cactuar
As
Itself

Mr.T
As
Himself

In loving memory of: Charlie Brown. I didn't like the series, but it seemed like the right thing to do.

Thanks to Cosmo Canyon, Squaresoft, and Sluggy Freelance for not sueing me!

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