Final Pokémon Solid 3

Part 5

Princess Q looked over in the general direction of the cloaked gear Agent the Captain had disappeared into. She shrugged a little, knowing that, for now at least, Trainer was sealed. Until she gave the word, that is.

She brushed off some pink mitochondria and looked back over her shoulder. Mew mewed in surprise. "Hey, when did you get here?" Coming from the house next to Cid's was Team Rocket Town itself!

"Uh, we, well...Cheesy BFM portal?" Cait Sith ventured.

"Oh, OK. I hope you arrived after I cast Pre-Fab Five...I'd hate it if anyone else had to hear that." Princess Q soon saw that they had heard everything, and she sighed in pity. Cid looked like he was breaking out in hives.

Mew floated over to Cid and stared into his eyes, as if to examine his soul.

"What the hell do you think you're doing you ^^$#^&% rat?" Cid grouched uncomfortably while waving Mew away. "^&%$, only Shera's allowed to do that," he whispered under his breath.

Somewhere, a silent Guardian Force and her alter ego winced.

Mew smiled then flew back to Princess Q's side. She mewed a few times then pointed at El-Fenrir. Mewtwo says there is a FUNdub headed our way. We have to do something about it!

"Unfortunately, I can't damage FUNdubs! We're mutually immune!"

Shera, who was Princess Q's original employer, knew of that particular weakness. "We aren't, though. There should be something we can do."

"Yeah, I'll go get the G-Highwind," Cid replied, "while Shera gets her gear, Ultimate Tea. That way, there will be some protection for us. I don't trust the Captain to do more than fall asleep, considering that's all he does in my house...."

"Hey, this is Final Pokémon Solid," Princess Q said, "So if I used my Reference Adder Materia, it shouldn't be too hard to summon someone helpful."

Mew nodded, then snagged the materia out of Princess Q's pocket. She closed her eyes for a moment, then using her mystical powers, she carefully melded her Pokémonity with the Final Fantasyness of the materia, and in a flash, the third part of the reference trinity appeared, Solid Snake.

Snake looked around and muttered something about Meryl under his breath. "What the hell...?"

Mew mewed, and Princess Q explained. "See, we summoned you here to help us battle the FUNdubs--"

"Damn!" Snake interrupted. "I've got to stop Metal Gear! I don't have time for this...."

Cid turned his nose up haughtily. "I am so %^&*$$ better at swearing than you." Shera elbowed him hard in the ribs.

"Well, actually, you can use the attacking FUNdub as practice. I think your excellent dubbing will be fatal to a FUNdub," Princess Q reasoned.

Snake frowned. "I don't like fighting gears on my own."

Princess Q tapped her foot in thought. "Hey, wait just a second. I have a plan." With that, she ran and hid in Cid's bathroom, leaving the others by themselves for a moment.

As soon as she closed the door, she set herself ino a trance. It didn't take long for her to arrive in the President's throne room.

"Hey, what's up?" Laguna said, rubbing a sore spot on his head.

Princess cocked her head. "What's wrong?"

Laguna shook his head. "Some girl yanked on my hair."

"Ah."

Laguna straightened his hair a bit then settled himself in his throne. "So what can I do for you?"

"See...I need another gear."

"Oh, is that all. What for? Did you blow up El-Fenrir?"

Princess Q rolled her eyes. "No, I haven't used it yet. I need a gear for one of my summons, Solid Snake."

Laguna nodded sagely. "I see, I have just the thing. Here, take these keys." He tossed the keys to Princess Q, who almost caught them, but they went a touch too far over her head. She shot a look at Laguna, who defended, "Hey, it was a genius shot!"

Princess Q stepped over to the keys and scooped them up. There was a neon-pink rabbit's foot for a keychain. She grimaced.

Laguna explained about the gear. "Those keys are to Metal Dub Solid. I think it will work nicely."

Princess nodded her thanks and left the trance world with the keys. When she returned to Cid's house, she ran out and handed Solid Snake the keys.

"The hell...?" Snake grumbled, looking in distaste at the pink keychain. But as soon as he took the keys in his hand, a thunderous stomping sound was heard outside. The Agents, summons, and Team Rocket Town rushed out, careful not to trip on all the email still strewn about. They saw a gear striding up. It was Metal Dub Solid, specially created to battle the forces of badly-dubbed darkness with its own superior dubbing.

Princess Q pointed at it and said to Snake, "It's yours."

"Cool."

Where Evebucks once was, in matters of stocks and business, it was over. For the building, it was no better, lying around in endless amounts of debris. Underneath all this debris was Agent Benit, weakened by the blows to her head from the collapsing building, but even further weakened from having her time manipulation abilities being taken away by Miang. Two seperate enities the Agent spirit Benit, and the Guardian Force spirit Aoi, were trying to survive in Cid Highwind's subconsciousness.

Ultimecia took all this information she gathered from watching the Agent's close demise. She only learned the underestimated powers Benit held underneath all the DBZ and Gundam Wing references everyone else was making for their powers. These powers held reference to obscure ideas, like mood rings, because apart from crystallizing time, she could also crystallize emotions to express her feelings, although she wasn't strong enough at the time Aoi woke up. Ultimecia wasn't going to let the remainder of the body go dead so soon...especially if she needed a body to complete her role for The Ultimate Mother.

With that, Ultimecia went into the rubble with no trouble and found the bleeding, crushed Agent nearby, and took her over.

"Hm?" Aoi looked around nervously. She was distracted from the screen, where Cid was currently gathering himself inside G-Highwind. Benit just stared at Aoi, obviously bothered as well, although very clueless.

"What's going on?"

"I felt something rather peculiar...like...someone's being possessed..." Aoi stood still for several seconds. The silence was ominous. Finally, she gasped and grabbed Benit's arm.

"We HAVE to get out of here!" Aoi panicked. Benit struggled in her grip, and cried, "Why!? Who's being possessed!?"

"Hello! You don't get it, do you!? Our abandoned body's being taken over by someone!"

"Ours? Under Evebucks? That's absurd; even if the person tried, you'd need DBZ strength to get it out!"

"Also, lots of magical control. And believe me, Ultimecia has enough power to do so!" Aoi exclaimed.

"Whoa, whoa! Back up. Ultimecia? She's taking it over? Lead the way!" Benit said. Aoi nodded and opened one of the white tiled walls, which lead to a walkway dimension, obviously through many minds, although the important ones were connected in this story. Benit and Aoi went through.

"Uh...whoops. We went in the wrong mind!" Aoi pointed out.

The scenery was all full of candies, chocolate rivers, ki blasts randomly shot in the air, and lots of factories around this peculiar landscape. Candy canes were trees, plastic grass was...well...grass, and the wildlife was mostly white chocolate or normal chocolate, most animals being related to Easter. Benit boggled.

"What!? Aoi, I though you knew what you were doing!" Benit panicked. Aoi shook her head and replied, "I sat around in your brain for many years, and the numbness does something to your memory!"

"All right, I believe you. But who're we in!? This person must have...caffiene...in their...minds..." Benit muttered, finally clueing in to who they were in. Indeed, all the factories, when closer read, said, "Hostess Twinkie Factory #XX".

"Go figure. We're inside CAM! I guess I don't blame Hi-C for taking him over, especially if he was hungry!" Benit beamed.

"I don't this was the reason why...but let's keep trying anyways," Aoi suggested, and the duo went through another portal.

"Okay, if we're gonna spend this whole post wandering through minds until we get to ours, go ahead and SHOOT me!" Benit exclaimed, her voice echoing wildly through the black landscape.

"It can only get better...." Aoi muttered. The area wasn't entirely black, but more or so the colours were inverted to look the opposite of their colour wheel. Normally, Benit wore navy blue and black, but now her boots were white and her clothing was all a sickening shade of yellow. The only attribute she liked in this world was her skin, which was peacock blue.

Aoi wasn't any better. Her teal skin, except for the marks around her chin and under her eyes, was now a hazy pink. The aforementioned marks were now bright yellow, making her look like a pink GF than anything else. Her normally turquoise bodysuit was now red, which amplified the red/pinkness of Aoi now.

"Can I call you 'Akai' in this world?" Benit asked the GF sheepishly.

"No, you may not!"

"But this is so odd! Who'd be so screwed up to have this kind of weird mind?"

"It can only be one person..."

"Who specializes in odd ideas and situations..."

Aoi and Benit looked at each other:

"Axer!" they uttered together. Just then, Benit cringed. "Oops...uh...I wonder if he heard our comment about 'screwed' and 'odd'...eh heh heh heh"

"Then let's just get outta here!" They left through another portal before anything could happen.

In this new mind, townspeople were babbling obscene ideas and riddles. The duo didn't need to stay long to figure out this was Gray Fox they were in. In another mind, the comments were mostly hard to decipher ingredients. Obviously, Benit had swirly eyes as Aoi dragged her out of Artemis' mind. In yet another, everyone was sleepy and wanted beer 24/7.

Is the Captain THIS lazy? Benit wondered as they doggedly left this mind.

A fourth mind was literally the Pokémon anime shown all over again, but this one had even more odd Pokémon, like Carbuncle, a cuter version of a Grendel, a Mokona here and there, and even how Aoi, Axer, and Phantom were when they were PokéAgents.

"That Phantom sometimes...he can be SO obsessed with these creatures!" Aoi muttered. She noticed Benit trying to take Carbuncle into her inventory.

"No no, we cannot take spiritual Pokémon with us for now. Find Carbuncle when we're back in the real world," Aoi disciplined as she dragged the whining Agent out of this mind.

Another mind was frightenly similar to where Squall was on the floating rock at the ending. It was more or so Limbo for the two of them.

"That Tonamel...or Garret or Musika or whatever he calls himself...taking forgetfulness to his advantage might wind him in serious trouble one of these days," Benit muttered as they quickly left this area.

"You rappin' bad!" Parrapa exclaimed. Benit slumped down to the floor in utter agony and tiredness.

"Aoi, please," she groaned expressively, "why do we have to do this spoony rapping? And why am I using tableware terminology for swear words!?" The teal GF smirked.

"It's to pass the time. I rather like this mind!" she said as she began dancing.

"But this' EKANS you're talking about here! Off course, this are the darkened items won't appear! Hey, spoony! Aw, forget it!" Benit looked to the ground, more or so to avoid another speech impediment then anything else.

"Kick, punch, it's all in the mind! I'm sure to beat ya! Are you the man now!" Chop-Chop asked the dancing Aoi.

"I'm the WOMAN!" she exclaimed, then started some more dance techniques.

Figures. We've got Gilgamesh, Billy, and Mog running for position of THE MAN, but she figures since there's no one for THE WOMAN, she gets egotistical, Benit thought, then sighed.

Kicks, roundhouses, punches, and chops later, Aoi got a rating of "Rappin' COOL!"

"Good job, Aoi. You may go on to the next stage!" Chop-Chop replied.

"Yahoo! Allright!" Aoi exclaimed. Benit scratched her head, then said, "I think you're getting a little too kocky here, ya know."

"AFFIRMATIVE."

"Let's get out of here!" Benit and Aoi left Solid Ekans' mind and proceeded to their next destination...hopefully, it was their most desired.

Ultimecia, after taking over Benit's body, never thought it was going to be this difficult to get out. Too much rubble for her to take out at once without incinerating the body, that's for sure. She needed another plan.

Unlike the others, Benit's mind was mostly blue, where money actually grew on trees, the bark being onyx. The water here was liquid sapphire, the ground emerald, the clouds pearl, and no mental humanity dwelled here, just like in Axer and Garret's minds. Fire was garnet, the plant life was mostly either amethyst or diamond. Either way, this place was too spectacular even for the Sorceress.

"Well, let's just take this step by step, and Sorceress Benit, although knightless, will be mine," Ultimecia said confidently.

"Going somewhere, Ultimecia?"

The Sorceress whirled around. There, leaning against one tree, were Benit and Aoi, looking pleased to catch their villain with their pants down...if they had any, at least. Benit held Saturn Rhapsody, while Aoi held onto a diamond javelin. Ultimecia was unfazed however.

"Benit, the Agent of money, and Aoi, the GF of krystallized time. It's such a surprise you both left this body for someone powerful enough to take over! It's too late, however. The first layer of rock has dusted off!"

"What do you mean?" Aoi asked. Ultimecia nodded. "I'm using time magic on the rocks above this body all three of us inhabit at the moment to age to the point of dust. In a matter of hours, all the rock will be blown away by the wind. Sorceress Benit's body will then walk freely to recover and to kall my own for Time Kompression. I mean, MY body is in the future."

"And who gave you that right?" Benit asked generally. Ultimecia laughed.

"I did. Who needs authority when you ARE authority, Benit?" Benit narrowed her eyes, unable to answer.

"By the way, before we all duel to decide the fate of this body, let me ask you one question, Benit. Since you are a sorceress, who would be your knight?" Ultimecia asked.

"Trying to stall me? Well, since you say I should answer before our battle, I will strongly admit I have no clue. I hang around with few men, except for the other Agents, but they're not interested in that particular fashion of being knights. Then Locke hung around with me, but the very idea of that man being my knight is perposterous. So, I have nary a clue," Benit answered. Aoi looked at her simply.

"Very well, then let us begin."

Benit and Aoi readied their weapons, waiting for Ultimecia's first attack. It came in the form of some Blizzaga magic. Benit took the hit. Aoi shot the diamond javelin at the Sorceress, doing some damage. Benit casted Ultima. Ultimecia retaliated with Ultima herself.

Both Aoi and Benit were starting to get weak, and the battle didn't even begin yet! The Agent searched desperately for the Laguna card she managed to snatch from Princess Q and the Quezacoatl Materia. She found both of them as Aoi stalled Ultimecia. Benit refined the Laguna card to 100 Heroes, and gave one to herself and Aoi. They were weak enough for Benit to perform Limit Breaks, while Aoi decided to demonstrate her own.

"Gold Rush!" Millions of dollars worth of jewels and coins pelted Ultimecia mercilessly.

"Blue Dimension!" A portal of time opened in front of Aoi's palms, and blue diamond shards shot through Ultimecia, but she still stood. The Sorceress, being as stupid as she was, tried Ultima again, but it didn't affect them.

"Blank Check!" A random amount was written on a check and tossed. It exploded on Ultimecia.

"Amethyst Soul!" Aoi jumped into the air and sent purple waves of energy at Ultimecia, slamming her to the ground. She got up again just as the Heroes' effects wore off. Benit searched for another duo of medicine when Ultimecia casted Double on herself and did Ultima twice.

Benit and Aoi were still kicking when Benit fed both of them some Heroes, but they were desperately low. Neither one had any Cure magic on them.

"Alright, if it comes down to this, we'll have to do the Secret of Ai to Okane!" Aoi muttered as she stood up. Benit got up too.

"I don't understand what you mean!" Benit ejaculated.

"Just do as I say! You have to sacrifice Stainless Steel and Coin Wrapper to execute this move! I'll use Blue Dimension with you!" Benit and Aoi stood still. Benit held Saturn Rhapsody in front of her. The view changed to a close-up of the polearm in front of her face, her eyes being determined and more detailed than Rayearth animation. Aoi kneeled down next to the polearm and grasped it with her left hand. A blue aura whirled through the pole and up to the can opener-esque head of the glaive.

Benit radiated a darker blue energy of her own to the head, feeling her two unused Limit Breaks leave her.

"What are you two doing?" Ultimecia asked.

Both teal and blue energies gathered at the head of Saturn Rhapsody, until they both made what looked to be an unstable pearl. Aoi then disappeared and junctioned herself to Benit temporarily in a flash of teal light to her forehead. The Saturn symbol appeared on Benit's forehead.

"Ultimecia, prepare to go back crying to your world for good!" Benit threatened as she rushed forward to Ultimecia with invincible confidence. The standard red limit flare was now blue in this case.

"Pearl Perdition!"

The sky broke into shards, sending them to a world of stars. Ultimecia heard silence. Then, it came. It felt like the pearl was going through her body, or her spirit in this case, and it wouldn't stop. It got even faster, with Wishing Star sound effects. The difference was that Pearl Perdition was more powerful and did about five more hits than Rinoa's greatest limit.

Ultimecia thought it had ended. That she was done being sent to Hell and back. But the final blow came when the Aoi-junctioned Benit, crowded with a blue ki of light so opaque she couldn't be seen except for the front, came barrelling uncontrollably toward Ultimecia.

That was the last vision she saw. What actually happened was that Benit's pearl had enough energy to be as powerful as a lesser degree (or greater degree, depending upon the reader's belief) Silence Glaive Surprise. About ten seconds of silence passed, then she struck. The shockwave was insane, probably causing permanent damage to an entire planet if she did it outside her mind. The advantage was that since the body was unaffected, and only her mind, she wouldn't remember any of this when she was rescued. That was the downside to Pearl Perdition: it caused temporary amnesia.

When the shockwave had died down, Ultimecia was gone. Saturn Rhapsody fell to the ground, and so did Benit. Aoi unjunctioned herself from her and helped Benit to a more comfortable position.

"You see why I junctioned myself to you: you couldn't do it by yourself, unless you want to cast Kamikaze on yourself at the same time. You won't remember any of this, which is a good thing because then you won't use this as often. Only in emergencies like this. I'll remember how it goes though, so don't worry about not knowing about it in the future," Aoi explained.

Benit could only breathe a sigh of relief. "We might as well stay here in case someone else has any bright ideas of taking Benit over," she said. Both of them fell silent.

Agent Garret prepared to face Sharp-Pointy-Thing HFIL in his temporary gear, Retrograde.

Garret was not familiar with the controls of this particular gear, so he attempted a different approach.

"You fight like a dairy farmer!" He shouted at Fundub Veggita, which got him the advantage for now.

Vegita was, however, proficient with this type of fighting. Unfortunately for him, his dubbing was so bad, that, even though he knew the proper responses, he could not retort correctly."Oh, Yeah? Well, you fight like you give Ginyu!"

Garret blinked, but quickly realized that he had a total advantage here. "You call that a response? But then what can I expect from a man whose name translates to 'vegetable'?" Veggita fell back some more.

The reply came: "Names are of little importance! You of all people should know that, Agent!" This reply was good enough to force Garret back a bit.

Agent Garret lashed out again, "I will not take your insolence sitting down!" This regained his advantage.

Veggeta was hurt by the dub once more, "Well, it's good that you're standing up!" Vegeta soon realized that he was not going to win this.

"You have the manners of a beggar!" Advance.

"So what?" Fall back.

"I have spoken with apes smarter than you!" Lunge.

"They must be pretty smart!" Spin out of control.

"No one has drawn blood from me, and noone ever will!" Fire.

Veggeta had to defend with the best thing he had, "What a MORON!" But it wasn't good enough. His gear began to explode, and he threw back his head and yelled "YEAAARGH!!" He then was sent to THE NEXT DIMENSION, and the fight was over.

Kusotare and Mocha Impact 2 clashed while the battle with the FUNdubs ensued. Each gear pounded the other with blows unable to break through either of their defenses. Then something caught Gray Fox's eye. It was the Vendetta.

Kusotare whizzed past Mocha Impact 2 to investigate. In a blink of an eye, Hi-C grabbed Kusotare with Mocha Impact 2's whip. Then with the other hand he fired a gear sized finger blast that pierced straight through the mecha's armor where the arm and the shoulder meet. Fortunately the blast didn't severe Kusotare's left arm, but certainly disabled it. The TwinkiEva still fought on. With its good arm Kusotare swung its G-Contrivance Blade.

Mocha Impact 2 teleported behind Kusotare and snatched the G-Contrivance Blade away with its whip. Mocha Impact 2 began to pound away on Kusotare from behind.

Agent CAM and the rest of ROCKSLIDE watched helplessly at the gear battle going on.

"I'm sick of this!" Agent CAM cried,"I'm going out there." Agent CAM entered Hi-C Mode and put on a space helmit. Before anyone could stop him he had already entered the air lock and was launched out of Alexander. Using Bukujutsu he blasted off towards the battle. Hey if Son Gokou can use a Kame Hame Ha in space CAM could use other ki attacks as well.

After getting angered by the multitude of attacks, Kusotare finally broke through with a shot that shattered one of Mocha Impact 2's cameras.

"Galaxy Beam!" Agent Gray Fox commanded and Kusotare replied. The TwinkiEva brought its wings together and fired a beam. Mocha Impact 2 teleported again to dodge.

"This is a time to use my secret weapon!" Agent Gray Fox replied, "You could nevery dodge this! Suppa Weapon go!" One of the gunports opened and out popped CAM.

"That is horrible!" Hi-C snickered.

"CAM!" Agent Gray Fox exclaimed, "What are you going here!? And what happened to my weapon!?

"That was a weapon...." Agent CAM stammered, "I ate it." Gray Fox banged his head against the controls.

"He ate it?" Hi-C asked out of morbid curiousity.

"It was twinkie based."

"Oh."

"But it was fluffy and creme filled and oh so delicious!" CAM protested, "How could I resist!?" Agent Gray Fox bowed his head in same.

Damn, Hi-C thought There is no way I can kill him now with CAM on board. Hi-C exited Mocha Impact 2 and blasted off. Agent CAMreclaimed his gear.

"Heh, we musta scared him off," Agent Gray Fox chuckled.

"Let's go get us some FUNdubs!" Agent CAM exclaimed.

"Kusotare took quit a beating and needs repairs," Agent Gray Fox replied sullenly.

"You’re right," Agent CAM replied, "And Mocha Impact 2 had camera damage and low on fuel. We better head back to Alexander."

Deep within the bowels of their secret mountain base, the Amish Vomit Keg sat around their table, with the illustrious Doctor Mayhem sitting at the head.

Mayhem looked around at his cohorts. "Okay, people, what we need is a plan."

Professor Flintstood up, and walked around the table. "Actually, our boys in R and D have been working on something special. You remember back when we had that run in with Sailor Moon?" Doctor Mayhem nodded.

"Well, we managed to get a small DNA sample from the skin left behind when she skinned her knee." Doctor Mayhem nodded again. "We have been successful in creating a being that could destroy even the most valliant Agent." Flint called down the corridor, "Send in the clone!!!"

A figure began walking down the corridor, but all that could be seen was the shadow. The shadow was that of Sailor Moon. Flintcontinued, "She is a perfect replica in every way... Except she is one eighth her size." The figure finally entered the room, and the group saw that it didn't look like Sailor Moon at all. It looked more like Rini dressed up as Sailor Moon for Halloween.

Doctor Mayhem lifted his pinky to his lips "I shall call her... Mini-Moon."

He then turned around when he heard a little sniffleing sound coming from the corner. There he saw Mini-Cactaur, looking very dejected. Doctor Mayhem held his arms out, "Aww... Don't cry, Mini-Cactaur, Daddy still loves you the best!" Mini-Cactaur ran into Doctor Mayhem's arms, and Doctor Mayhem fell off his chair in a quivering pile of pain. "Daddy likes a hug, but not so hard, please..."

“Ow! Freakin’ @#$^$% )@#$(*%! @*#*^% *%*$#! #@)%(# @*%* @ *^@ *!” cursed Cid as he stumbled into the kitchen and slumped onto a chair as he clutched his head in utter pain.

“Cid? What’s wrong?” asked Shera in a worried voice as she went over to the Captain and tried to sooth his ailment.

“I got this @#$^@ headache..” Cid mumbled and cursed as he rubbed his temples to ease the pain.

“Well, I have just the thing to help that out” said Shera as she stood up and walked to the medicine cabinet.

She opened up the cabinet and shuffled around through the contents. Shera took out a rusty wrench, which she threw over her shoulder. Then she pulled out a screeching purple monkey as it tried to claw at Shera angrily. She jumped back at the horrid sight but then summed up enough courage to open a can of Whoop Ass™ and toss the monkey out the window by it’s tail ala Mr. T style. With a huff of satisfaction she reached inside the cabinet again only to pull it out and find that her hand was covered in some green slime. Sticking her tongue out in disgust she grabbed a nearby towel and dried her hands of the syrupy slop. Finally, reaching inside the cabinet she pulled out a bottle of pills. Shera then walked over to Cid, opened the childproof cap, and took out a burgundy colored pill as she handed it to Cid.

“What’s this?!” he shouted as if the pill he was given was a dismembered hand.

“It’s not THAT bad!” Shera replied back with a yell, “It’s actually really good for you! It’s called Headache-Be-Gone, the best headache medicine out there!”

Shera gave a toothy smile to the camera as she presented the bottle. Cid just looked at Shera strangely.

“Um..Shera, who are you talking to?” he asked as he looked at Shera as if she had a third arm growing out of her forehead.

Shera blinked blankly and then chuckled nervously “Uhhh…nobody…want some water?”

“Sure...” he said as he held onto the pill with one hand and rubbed his forehead with the other.

Shera took a glass from a cabinet and went over to the kitchen sink as she looked at the camera again.

“With Headache-Be-Gone it can relieve the pain in just under 30 seconds!” she said as she held up the bottle again to present it towards the camera.

“Shera!” Cid yelled causing Shera to jump, “Who the @^$@#! ARE you talking to????”

Shera just looked back at Cid for a moment and then back to the camera that the pilot could not see at all.

“..It’s quite possibly the strongest and most powerful headache pill for you!!” she whispered excitedly

“SHERA! You’re freaking me out with you talking to yourself!” Cid screamed as he rubbed his head, “And you’re not making my headache feel any better because of it..”

Suddenly, Cid’s nose began gushing out blood like a geyser. “Oh @#$^@#$!@#!!!! My @#$^@$ nose is bleeding!!! GOD!!!!! I hate this headache!!!” complained Cid at the top of his lungs as he plugged his nose up with his hands.

Shera flashed the bottle of headache pills one more time at the camera before walking over to Cid with his glass of water.

“Thanks Shera…” Cid said as he took the glass of water and still holding his nose closed to slow the bleeding down just a tad.

“Here! Here! Take the pill!” Shera said with a cheery smile as she handed Cid the pill, which was taken with much haste.

Cid then popped the pill into his mouth and drank some water as he swallowed the medicine. With a sigh of relief he put the glass down on the table and waited for 30 seconds for the medicine to kick in while his bloody nose gushed like a geyser.

30 seconds later..

“Aahh! Thanks Shera! My nose bleeding stopped and my headache is gone!” said Cid happily and then his head exploded due to the fact that the medicine was much too powerful.

Cid’s headless body slumped forward onto the table as Shera gasped and was about to scream but the screen faded to black instantly.

“For headaches, migraine, and even nose bleeds try Headache-Be-Gone. Blowing up people’s heads with just one pill” said an announcer’s voice as the commercial ended with that quaint message.

“And we’re back in the 64th Annual Games, brought to you by the previous commercials. No animal, vegetable, or mineral were harmed during the making of any of these commercials,” stated Nick Moomba as he took a quick sip of his Evebucks™ Coffee, “So rest assured folks, Cid Highwind’s head didn’t really explode, it was just a fake body double…right Gilgamesh?”

Gilgamesh, the ultimate bad ass just looked at him silently. Nick Moomba asked the question again for reassurance, “Right?”

Gilgamesh remained silent. “Right?!” Nick Moomba asked once more.

“Anyway, our next game is Hot PotatoE bomb,” said Gilgamesh in his bad ass voice, which always made the crowd go wild.

Nick Moomba still looked at Gilgamesh for reassurance, “Right?!?”

Gilgamesh sighed which caused a giant twister to be created from his minty fresh breath and pick up some audience members who were then thrown out of the coliseum known as “The Coliseum”.

“In this red neck game, the players stand around in a circle. One of the players are tossed a Hot PotatoE Bomb which can explode at any moment,” informed Gilgamesh towards the camera and the audience.

“Right?!?!” asked Nick Moomba again like a child who just found out that Santa Claus might not actually exist after all.

Gilgamesh just ignored Nick Moomba. “The object of the game is to be the last person standing.”

“RIGHT?!?!?!?!?” exclaimed Nick Moomba hysterically as he grabbed Gilgamesh’s shirt collar and began to shake him back and forth.

“Stop that,” said Gilgamesh in an omnipotent tone as he place a finger on Nick Moomba’s chest. Since we all know the ultimate bad assness that is Gilgamesh, a simple touch like that flung Nick Moomba 50 yards away and smashing into a nearby cow.

“Moooooo!” bellowed the cow as it tipped over from the impact of Nick Moomba’s body.

Nick Moomba lay on top of the cow with a daze as dancing chocobos in hula skirts circled around his head as they warked. He had a happy drugged look to his face.

“Ooooh, look mommy,” said Nick Moomba in a cracking voice, “Pretty chocobos! Pretty pretty chocobos!”

Gilgamesh looked back at the camera. “Nick Moomba will be out of commission for this event. Now, we have a special guest referee for this event. He’s from Final Fantasy 8, he’s big ol’ guy but is just one snuggly Care Bear inside. Everyone welcome Ward.”

The crowd applauded but they didn’t go nuts. Ward was a cool character but his stature could never be compared to the ultimate bad ass that is Gilgamesh. No video game character could surpass the ultimate bad assness that is Gilgamesh. Nobody.

Ward walked up to the announcers’ booth and sat down next to Gilgamesh, taking Nick Moomba’s seat. The big lunk waved at everyone as the audience clapping died down.

“If you please, Ward,” said Gilgamesh as he looked to his temporary co-host, “Could you please explain the rules of Hot PotatoE Bomb?”

“..... .” said Ward as everyone gasped. I mean, the rules were so simple and so fair. How could anybody not understand the rules after Ward explained it? Even a three-year-old child could comprehend the rules of Hot PotatoE Bomb. Ward opened a new light to the game with that majestic voice of a lion that could have the ability to command an army yet sooth a crying child. Of course, as usual, his voice still could not match Gilgamesh’s own but Ward’s voice was very high in the ranking scale.

The “Expendable Three” and Team Winner nodded their heads in agreement as they begun to murmur amongst each other. They discussed how the rules were very fair and strategies to defeat their opponents. Agent Axer, leader of Team LOSER, scratched his head as a question mark bubble appeared above his head.

“Hey!” he exclaimed to the other players as he attained their attention, “What the hell did he just say?!”

“He said only everything young one,” said Kelvina sagely with closed eyes as she floated in the air with crossed legs.

Dominia looked at Kelvina with confusion and frustration. “Must you float like that ALL the time?”

“Oh but I must,” replied Kelvina simply as she floated in the air.

“Oh yeah?” said Dominia as she put a hand to her hip, “And must you have your eyes closed ALL the time?”

Ward decided that he would intervene the conversation and become the mediator before any argument arose between the two Elements.

“..... .” answered Ward to Dominia who gasped in shock.

“Of course!” said Dominia and smacked her forehead, “That makes sense! Geez Kelvina, I’m so sorry. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me?”

“You are already forgiven my friend,” Kelvina answered sincerely as she looked at Dominia with happiness showing in her eyes…even though her eyes were perpetually closed.

“Hey!” yelled Agent Axer as he flailed his arms in the air which caught everyone’s attention, “What the HELL did he say?!?!?”

Nobody bothered to say anything. Why should they? Or more importantly HOW could they? Nobody, besides Gilgamesh of course, could have the vocal talent or skill of Ward to explain it in the same way it was said.

“Players, please take your positions,” asked Gilgamesh as he caused a few audience member’s ears to bleed.

Agent Axer still had his jaw literally dropped to the ground. He was still confused as ever. The agent stood frozen in place like a statue until he was pushed from behind.

“C’mon…!” said Agent Aya as she pushed Agent Axer, “We have to get into position!”

“Awight Igh gwa waaa taaa waaa,” said Axer as Agent Aya gave him a stern look.

“Please PICK up your jaw. It’s hard to understand a word your saying if your jaw is on the ground.” Agent Aya said as she berated her fellow Agent.

“Sowwy…” apologized Agent Axer as he literally picked his jaw up from the ground.

The players took their positions. They stood around in a circle as they glared angrily at each other. Ward was having a conversation about the economy of Russia and the basic principles of a perpetual motion machine with the almighty bad ass himself.

Mini Game: Can you figure out where everyone is standing at in the circle?

“Hey Wedge,” said Biggs, who stood at the 6 o’clock position, to the person on his left, “What’s the death count this time?”

“I’m not Wedge,” said Kelvina as she looked towards Biggs with closed eyes, “I sense that Wedge is the person that’s standing across from you in this circle.”

“Oh, thanks..” thanked Biggs as he shouted to Wedge, “Hey Wedge! What’s the count this time around?”

Wedge shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. Lost track somewhere in the 7 digit range.”

“I know,” said Agent Aya who at the left of Seraphita, “It’s…..”

She was rudely interrupted when the mean spirited Tolone who was screaming at Seraphita. Tolone stood to the right of Seraphita.

“Would you SHUT UP?!” screeched Tolone like a banshee as she bellowed out flames from her mouth.

Seraphita screeched as she ducked to avoid the flames. “But I didn’t say anything!”

“I don’t care! Just SHUT UP!” Tolone screamed as she caught hold of Seraphita’s throat and began to choke it.

“Hey!” yelled Dominia who stood between two members of Team LOSER, “Stop that Tolone!!!!”

Tolone looked angrily at her team leader then back at Seraphita before releasing her vice from the ditzy girl’s neck. “You’re just lucky that Dominia is here….”

“Oh yeah?” squeaked the air headed Seraphita as she stuck her tongue out at Tolone, “Nya nya nya…gak!”

“I’ll…KILL….YOU….!” said Seraphita with clenched teeth as Domina slapped her forehead.

“Can you believe this?” Dominia said to person on her right, “At least you don’t have to deal with your team mates acting like a bunch of idiots.”

The person on Dominia’s right sighed. “Well, if you have the ‘Expendable Three’ on your team you’re chances of winning are zilch to none.”

Agent Axer looked to Dominia’s left and then shook his head sadly at the male “Expendable Character”. Agent Axer looked to his right.

“So, how do you do that?” asked Agent Axer to the female to his right.

“Do what?” asked the female to Agent Axer.

“Ya know….” Agent Axer said as his voice trailed off.

“Be able to see with my eyes closed?” she asked as she raised an eyebrow towards Agent Axer.

“No…how do you operate a Death Ray™?” asked the Agent as he scratched his head, “I saw you were operating that vehicle with the mounted laser cannon on the last game so I was just curious..”

Kelvina was knocked back a little bit by Agent Aya from her left.

“Oh, God I’m so sorry,” apologized Agent Aya to Kelvina, “These two next to me are just too rowdy.”

“I understand,” said Kelvina with a nod, “After all they are my partners.”

Wedge looked to the person on his right and watched Tolone choke the living daylights out of Seraphita. Then to his left he saw Dominia shaking her head sadly at the two Elements across from her. Everyone was babbling to each other as multiple conversations and arguments were happening all at the same time. If one were to stand in the center of the circle they would go absolutely mad from all the conversation. Of course one such individual was in the center of the circle, and that was Nick Moomba.

Nick Moomba slowly shook himself from his daze as the chocobo’s circling around his head fluttered off into the sun set. He then looked around and was surprised that he was standing in the center of the two teams who stood around in a circle. At first his eye twitched, then his head, finally his put his paws to the sides of his face as an insane looked gleamed over his eyes.

“Ah…Ah! Aaaaahhhhhh!!!!” yelled Nick Moomba with such intensity as if his brain exploded.

Oh how he wished that his brain would explode and that his existence would end. That was how horrible the multiple conversations were as they bombarded his fragile mind. In order to survive such a traumatic experience unharmed you must have a mental capacity of one bad ass that is Gilgamesh. Unfortunately, Nick Moomba was not that type of person and did not have a mental level equal to that of Gilgamesh. After all who DOES have the mental power of the bad ass himself?

Everyone stopped talking and looked at the Moomba who was laying in a fetal position, shivering involuntarily as he mumbled incoherent words from his lips.

“Oh my God….” Agent Aya said as she put a hand to her mouth in shock, “Nick Moomba…is a vegetable…”

“You are correct my child…” Kelvina said as she examined Nick Moomba with her own eyes…which remained closed anyway, “He will probably need a lobotomy…”

Everyone was silent for a few moments. They used this time to mourn silently at the loss of Nick Moomba. Seraphita sneezed.

“Shut up!” yelled Tolone as she wrung her neck once more.

“Aaack…aaaaaaaacckkkk…aaaaaaahhhh…” said Seraphita between choked breaths.

“Stop that!!!!!” yelled Dominia.

Then all hell broke loose as they all began to babble once more amongst one another. Kelvina contemplated for a moment.

Mini Game Question: Can YOU guess who is standing where within this circle of friends/enemies?

“Oh, I know the answer to that,” said Kelvina as she floated in place.

Well, don’t give out the answer then.

“Why not?” asked Kelvina as if it was a rhetorical question.

Because I have the POWER to delete you from this story, that’s why.

“……” replied Kelvina silently.

You doubt me, is that it?

“Well….” Kelvina said as she trailed off.

Allow me to demonstrate.

“Hey Dominia, where’s Kelvina?” asked Agent Axer to the leader of Team Winner.

“Kelvina? Who the hell is that? I don’t know of any perpetually closed eyed, always floating, and infinitely wise wo man by the name of Kelvina,” said Dominia as she shrugged her shoulders.

“Oh…” said Agent Axer as he scratched his head, “Also, why is there suddenly a large hippopotamus next to me?” The hippopotamus bellowed loudly as it stood to the right of Agent Axer. The Agent and Element leader just scratched their head towards each other.

See what I mean?

“Yes, I understand now…” Kelvina said with a bit of fear in her voice.

Good, then you won’t reveal the answer until I let you reveal the answer.

So, the question is posed. Who is standing where in the circle of enemies/friends?

…………

…………

…………

…………

…………

Kelvina, the answer if you will?

“Oh, it is rather simple,” said Kelvina with a smile, “We are not standing in a circle. Or in the correct order for that matter.”

………..

“You see, there were a few errors that I had spotted. First, Agent Axer was standing to the left of me correct?” Kelvina asked.

Well….

“But then you later stated that Agent Aya bumped from the left of me, right?” asked Kelvina once more.

Yes….

“So that states that Agent Aya AND Agent Axer are both to my immediate left. But that’s impossible,” said Kelvina simply, “Because then that would mean that Seraphita, Tolone, Agent Aya and Axer, plus Dominia are ALL on my left…”

Yeah….so?

“But then you stated that Wedge, who is standing across from Biggs which of course makes Biggs standing to my right (which you stated in the beginning), looked to his right and saw Tolone and Seraphita arguing while Dominia was at his left,” stated Kelvina with a smile.

………

“So in other words Mr. Author, these mistakes were intentional as a joke for FPS3,” said Kelvina as she figured everything out. Or so she thought.

Um…yes…a joke…

“After all, YOU wouldn’t make a huge mistake like that now would you?” Kelvina asked as she raised an eyebrow.

...Yes

“So with that said, please continue on with the story and CORRECT the positions of where we’re all standing..” said Kelvina as she crossed her arms.

Certainly.

So the players all stood in a circle (And in the correct position mind you) starting from Wedge who stood at the 12 o’clock position. Going clockwise the first person was Wedge then Tolone, Seraphita, Agent Aya, Biggs, Kelvina, Agent Axer, and Dominia.

“Thank you,” said Kelvina in a thankful manner.

You’re most certainly welcome.

As they finally positioned them selves in order, Gilgamesh magically transported Nick Moomba. The all might bad ass sat him down on a chair between Ward and he as Gilgamesh examined his co-host. Gilgamesh didn’t want to have his co-host incapacitated. The show must go on.

Nick Moomba sat on his stool, wavering a bit from side to side as a dribble of drool dripped it’s way out of his mouth. Gilgamesh placed a gentle hand behind Nick Moomba’s neck and uttered one word, which made him sound much more bad ASS.

“Forget.” Was all that was uttered and Nick Moomba snapped back to normal.

“…And then that’s how the nun ended up with the holy water!” exclaimed Nick Moomba as if he were telling a joke the entire time.

Nick Moomba blinked at Gilgamesh who blinked back at him which caused multiple solar eclipses. Then Nick looked behind him and saw Ward. A smile crept across his furry face as he looked at his old school friend.

“Hey Ward, how’s life been treating ya?” Nick Moomba asked as he shook Ward’s hand.

“..... . .” replied Ward as Nick Moomba gasped so hard that he choked on his own spit.

“No kidding! I never knew that before!” said Nick Moomba in shock as he coughed a bit.

“Let us go back to the game,” said Gilgamesh with a bit of omnipotent finality.

Solid Snake climbed up into the cockpit of Metal Dub Solid, testing it out and breaking it in so he would be ready when the FUNdub arrived.

In the meantime, Princess Q, Mew, Cid, Shera, Cait Sith, and the Captain were standing in front of Cid's house, making a valiant attempt to remember where exactly they left off.

Finally, unable to quite get it straight in their heads, Princess Q shrugged and announced, "I've been a little lax in copying the story so far. Sorry."

Cid scratched the back of his head. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Princess Q suddenly looked a little nervous, pulling at the collar of her green tunic. "Er...uh...nothing, nothing at all," she sweatdropped. Mew rolled her eyes.

"OK, well, anyway, I guess I better tell the Captain what I know about this Contact business," the Princess finally said. "I think I'll use a flashback to tell the story...."

Little Reeziel was exploring in a top secret area, attempting to elude parental authority for just a few more minutes. He didn't want them to catch him drinking his favorite rare imported from many many lightyears and realities away alpha plus gold EX Canadian Tim Horten's Coffee integral. They'd tan his hide for sure; he was only five years old.

Still, he liked his joe. So when he heard his parents thundering down the hallway, he ducked into another top secret, yet conveniently unguarded, room. What little Reeziel saw inside caused him to drop is cup in shock.

It was huge, a towering machine, pulsating powerfully with pure, unadulterated caffeinated goodness. It was...the Mr. Zohar Coffee Device. Reeziel slowly and reverently approached the behemoth machine, as if entering the very throne room of heaven. When he came near, he felt a strange presence eminating from the Device. Then, he extended one trembling hand toward the Device. He touched it.

Several things happened all at once. The Power contained in the Mr. Zohar Coffee Device awoke, deciding for some unfathomable reason to create Miang, destined to unite all the Mothers into one all powerful Mother of all Mothers. The Caffiene Existence, That Which Wakes One Up In the Morning, as the Power was later called, also began its work of powering all known forms of machinery in the world, as well as single-handedly making possible long workdays, all-nighters, cram sessions, CAM, and computer programming. Lastly, it imparted knowledge to Reeziel that he would not need for many many eons.

Reeziel was knocked out, his mind filled with visions of the future. Someday...he, the Contact, the only being in the universe to have personally contacted the Caffiene Existence, would have to do so again, for everlasting peace.... There was the ability in him to unlock the greatest power the world had ever known, provided he had the power to do so and the key to use....

When his parents finally found him, they were not particularly concerned with the shattered cup of Tim Horton's coffee they found. Instead, Mom was too busy keeping Dad's eyes off the indigo haired nekkid chick that had suddenly appeared to worry about such mundane things.

Long after, the first Reeziel died...and was reborn. His second incarnation was as world famous research scientist. That Reeziel also died and was reborn, this time as a choclatier. Another incarnation had him as a hula dancer.

Finally, in his fifth incarnation, Reeziel was born on the FFVII Planet. Miang, travelling the worlds for news of the Contact, found him. She kidnapped him and performed experiments, all in an effort to release the power of the Contact. In the process, Trainer was 'born'. Trainer was an exact duplicate of Reeziel, except dark and malevolent. Trainer had Reeziel's powers, but could not exist without him.

By some strange twist of fate, Reeziel escaped Miang, and she lost track of him for many years. Reeziel was taken to the FFVIII world by a stranger and deposited at an orphanage run by Cid and Edea Kramer, distant relatives of Cosmo Kramer. There he was raised under the name "The Captain"....Trainer receeded into Reeziel's mind, only to come out under great provocation...

Rocket Town: a serene sunset covered the peaceful sky over the well-known hamlet.

Princess Q finished waving her arms for that fancy flashback effect at the gathered group before her: Agent the Captain - aka Reeziel - aka the Contact, Cid Highwind - foul mouthed pilot to the stars, Shera Stargazer - tea servant extraordinaire, Caith Sith - fortune telling toysaurus, Mew - super Pokémon # 151, and last but certainly not least, Solid Snake - sitting atop the left shoulder area of his newly-acquired Gear: Metal Dub Solid.

"Will you cut that out?!" Cid barked to the remeniscing princess, "You're making me queazy!"

"Sorry," Princess Q nervously lowered her arms.

"So let me get this straight," Agent the Captain scratched the back of his head in ponderance, "I was some punk kid in a former life who touched a fancy-pants cosmic coffee maker - so now I have to save the universe by doing something like that again?"

"Well," Princess Q turned away to hide her guilty expression, "Basically - yeah."

Mew mewed disapprovingly, her psychic abilities carved through the lie like CAM through a Twinkie^TM.

However, before the discussion could continue, a tremendous explosion erupted behind them, reducing Cid's house to flying debris and a smoldering crater. The group were sent flying in all directions, deposited unceremoniously to the ground in a melee of bodies and flaming wreckage.

"What the $%^$#@!?!?!!" Cid's cigarette flew from his unshaven face, "My #$%^&*@!?!!!in' house!!"

"Oh my Planet..." Shera's voice was strained and distant.

Agent the Captain and Princess Q struggled to their feet, while Mew gently floated toward the smoldering crater. Cait Sith stayed on the ground shouting for Jim 'the hammer' Shapiro to come to his aid and sue his enemies. Solid Snake wasted no time in climbing into the Metal Dub Solid cockpit and activiting the sensors.

"We've got company!" shouted the agent.

"Kyeeeh HA HAH HAH!!" A hideously evil laughter echoed like thunder through the dust-filled sky. And before long, the source became clear. FUNdub Overhyped - in a gear of unimaginable strength and size - roared toward the wreckage that was once Cid's house, and the company gathered around it. "Now I will destroy you all! With the power of the Dark Pokéstar!"

High above the Planet, a moon-sized Pokéball hovered ominously, providing its master with unimaginable power.

"Point of insertion," Solid Snake readied the weapons systems on the Metal Dub Solid gear, "A missle up your ass!" The Metal Dub Solid opened up thirty-two launch bays all over its body and released an impressive payload of rockets, missles and other assorted warheads upon the approaching enemy gear. FUNdub Overhyped met the assault head on without pause, the shells exploded all around it with no discernable damage. The evil gear continued its course, its own weapons at the ready.

/REEZIEL,/ a voice echoed within Agent the Captain's head, /YOU HAVE THE POWER WITHIN YOU TO WIN THIS FIGHT./

"Ah my freakin' ears!" the agent answered the mysterious 'President'.

/HEY I'M TALKIN' HERE!/ The *PRESIDENT* continued, /THE POWER IS WITHIN YOU - JUST BE CAREFUL OF LEG CRAMPS!/

"Uh, are you alright?" Cait Sith approached the Captain with a raized eyebrow.

The troubled agent shook his head to clear it of the demons that seemed to pop up at the most contrived time. "I think so." He paused and looked to Q and Mew. "The *PRESIDENT* says I can somehow beat that thing." They all glanced up at the fast-paced battle going on in the sky above them. A battle FUNdub seemed ready to win. "But I don't know what in CAM's closet he's talking about!"

"Maybe we can help." Princess Q exchanged a knowing nod with Mew and the two travellers approached the Contact. Mew focused her abilities for mere seconds before a bright light surrounded the powerful Pokémon and the Captain. Princess Q bit her lower lip, secretly hoping that this was the right thing to do.

Metal Dub Solid delivered a thunderous kick to the FUNdub Overhyped (*) before being struck hard by the gear's giant club. Solid Snake grunted as his gear spun wildly toward the Planet - directly toward the gathered allies below. The large gear would surely crush them all before they could avoid it.

"Kwee HAH HAH!" Overhyped cackled, "I love the irony!" Above him, the Dark Pokéstar crackled with energy, replenishing FUNdub Overhyped with its limitless energies. As a final, fatal blow, the evil giant gear channelled the energy directly into an energy blast and fired toward the crater. An act of overkill, yes, but FUNdub's don't mess around.

* * *

~ I * N * T * E * R * M * I * S * S * I * O * N ~

* * *

Mew's power suddenly spiked, but most of the psychic energy she expended was forced directly into Agent the Captain's skull. The Pokémon had done it - the power was awakened.

"Urghh...." the Captain hunched over in pain moments before the Metal Dub Solid gear was to crush them all and the Overhyped's blast incinerate their remains. "Agent the Captain.... WARP DIGIVOLVE TO...."

The Contact flipped into the air as a beam erupted around him. The Agent grew in stature, a steel hockey mask appeared on his face, giant guantlets shimmered into existence on his arms and legs. A super-charged official 'Cid Highwind Mop' appeared in his hand, glowing with power.

"...W A R T H E CAPTAIN ! ! ! ! !"

The newly-awakened warrior raced into the sky and nibly intercepted the plummetting Metal Dub Solid gear. As soon as Solid Snake's gear stopped tumbling to the earth, its navagational controls came back online. The good gear flew out of harms way as War 'the Captain' continued toward the oncoming energy blast. Without hesitation, the super-charged agent began to spin his 'Cid Highwind Mop' at a blinding speed in front of him. The energy blast was deflected back to Overhyped and passed through the evil gear's chest like Twinkies^TM through CAM's digestive system.

"EARRGHHHH!!!" the villain let loose a blood-curdling, agonized scream as the beam continued through him and struck the Dark Pokéstar, causing it to crack and then explode. A black hole was created by the destruction of the star, and as is usually the case, FUNdub Overhyped (*) the undefeatable was sucked into his own black hole and never heard from again - at least until the next time he returned. The black hole receided into itself and was soon but a memory.

The Agents had won this round. But at what cost? War 'the Captain' began to glow again, but this time the tranformation was reversed. The unconcious agent plummetted to the unforgiving earth below....

Princess Q turned to Mew and whispered softly, "No turning back."

Mew nodded. We're doing the right thing, Mew said telepathically.

"I just hope they forgive us." With that, Princess Q began to call on her Ether powers granted her as a Guardian Angel of Solaris. The spell was beginning.

It was indecernable at first, a faint sense of deja vu that the otherwise occupied persons nearby hardly noticed. Then Mew contributed her enormous psychic power into the spell. The faint sense of deja vu expanded and changed to become a distinct sense of blatantly obvious forshadowing.

War the Captain returned to the surface of the Planet, the incredible power of the Contact receeding, leaving him senseless on the ground.

Cid looked over at Shera with an odd look. "Why do I get this feeling something odd is gonna happen?"

"You mean like that really useful coincidence when the Tiny Bronco only broke enough not to fly but could still be used as a boat?" Shera asked.

Cid nodded. "Yeah, just like that. Or how the tank 8 conveniently blew up on my at just the right time."

Shera looked concerned. "You're right...."

The spell finally took effect, the feeling of impending coincidence increasing tenfold. Princess Q sat down hard, for the moment utterly drained. Mew floated onto her shoulder and sat down.

It'll take a few minutes to reach us. Perhaps I should warn Mewtwo.

Princess Q nodded. "That might be best." Then, she just watched and waited.

Mewtwo yelped in shock. What his mother had just told him could cause devestating coincidences and mass plot twisting. But then again, it may not. He blinked and thought, I must warn the others!

The STA command center was buzzing like a hive of angry ants.

One of the automated oversight computers bleeped urgently, shouted, "This is huge! Look at that! It hasn't reached the FFVIII or FFVII world yet, but it will soon! References are crossing like mad!"

"What is it?"

The officer turned to face the other, face white. "It's the most blatant Plot Contrivance I've ever seen."

Benit huffed angrily beneath the ruins. She was thoroughly stuck, and yet no one seemed able to rescue her. Suddenly, there was an earthquake. This earthquake was very mild, yet it seemed to open up a sink hole below Benit, swallowing her. She fell through empty, cavernous space until she fell into an underwater stream.

Leviathan happen to be swimming in that direction, and accidentally swallowed her whole. Then, he got a stomache ache and went back home to the Land of Summoned Monsters in order to secure a Tums. When he got there, he sneezed, expelling Benit into the air. She landed conveniently on a warp space, which took her outside. There she was picked up by Golbez' forces on accident as they rolled by.

This brought her to the Tower of Bab-il. She found herself sitting on the shoulder of the Giant of Bab-il, apparently about to burst forth upon the FFIV landscape. Someone seemed to be replaying the game.

When the Giant stomped out into the sun, a stray Zuu picked Benit up in her claws and flew away, to drop her in a nest for her babies. Strangely, when the Zuu dropped her, a Cheesy BFM portal opened beneath her.

She passed through the portal and found herself standing atop the ruins she had previously been trapped under.

"How convenient..."

Princess Q sat with her head in her hands, feeling bad that she was in essence betraying her friends and fellow Agents.

That it was ultimately for the greater good did nothing to allay her guilt.

Anyone who saw her would quickly note the deep blue funk she had fallen into.

Thus was the Plot Contrivance released upon the world.

Benit woke up, very groggy, and shook her head. She noticed that some of her pale skin was ripped off and that the teal skin underneath was revealed. Still, she could talk.

"Damn Sam...that's some Plot Contriviance..." She paused. Aoi couldn't wake up now because her powers were taken by Miang. No matter how much skin was ripped off, she would still be Benit.

"That (butterknife)! I'm gonna get her if it's the last thing I do!" she declared and started to dawdle her way away from the rubble, on her way to the headquarters of the Council, ready to gain back her powers.

Out on the streets, people were gawking at a figure in tattered clothes and skin. Benit looked back and said, "What!? Haven't you ever seen a metamorph before? The nerve of these people..." She cluthed her side as a killer pain ran through her ribcage.

Finally, a hotel just seemed best, so Benit went into one, paid, and spent the night there.

Midnight came. Most people were gone inside for the night except for guards. Inside a hotel sat a contemplating and silent Agent, wondering how she could infiltrate the Gazel Ministry to get her GF powers back. So far, it seemed tricky.

"Too many guards...but then again, I can buy lots of Elixers to compensate...then when I reach the Gazel Ministry, what do I do?" Benit asked herself. She shook her head and stood up, thinking, Might as well go with everything with an air of improvisation if you're gonna get through this. Then I can make a grand escape with Alexander when I get my GF powers back. It's a good thing my Human powers weren't stolen; I don't think any of the others can do it this easily.

Some of her face was patched up from the afternoon nap as Benit paid the clerk and left. Yes, even at midnight, the Items stores were open, and she quickly bought as many healing potions as possible. She stepped outside.

The crickets were chirping loudly as Benit walked towards where she thought the Gazel Ministry was.

Miang sat still, looking at three pedestals. One was illuminated red, the Power Altar, another white, the Contact Pedestal, and the last one, the Key Throne, blue. The Key Throne was the brightest, having being fed the powers of the Key. Now it just waited for the Power and Contact to be complete.

"I see that -the Key- has been defeated in battle," Krelian said, approaching Miang.

"-Indeed-. I buried her underneath -Evebucks-. Her final -resting place-," she said.

"We must -hurry- and retrieve -the Power- and -the Contact- for everything to be complete before the -Agents-...especially -the Destined-, find us."

Miang suddenly felt a jolt in her body.

"-Impossible-! The -Key- survived the fall of the -building-!?" Miang breathed.

"The -Angel- has released the -Plot Contriviance-, although she wasn't aware that she saved -the Key-. I wonder why she has..." Krelian wondered. Both of them left the room.

Several minutes later, a third figure entered the room. He gazed at the three altars, especially the blue one, and stiffened.

"HYYAAAA!!!"

Benit swung her polearm at another guard coming for her, smacking the non-business end on the guard's head. She wasted no time in entering the building where the Gazel Ministry was.

Little did she know what she had in store for her....

“Wow, what an exciting match this will be,” exclaimed Nick Moomba as he was literally on the edge of his seat and then fell off it.

Nick climbed back on his seat as he adjusted his bow tie and acted as if it never happened. “So who do you think will win this game?”

“..... . . .” Ward answered as he gave a slight nod towards the Moomba announcer.

“Of course they’ll win, it’s so readily obvious! How could I have not known…” Nick Moomba said before he was hurled off his seat by a powerful force that ripped through the 64th Dimension.

The force was so powerful that it literally altered the molecular structure of everybody in the 64th Dimension, making them look like abstract sculptures. Everyone was affected by this except Gilgamesh of course. How could he, the almighty bad ass Gilgamesh, be affected by anything?

After the omnipotent force dissapated everybody was miraculously brought back to normal. Seeing as how this was the 64th Dimension, normality has a different meaning in this dimension.

“What the HFIL was that????” shrieked Nick Moomba for a second and then calmly sipped his Evebucks™ Coffee before screaming again like a lunatic.

Gilgamesh thought only for a fraction of a second. In fact his thought process was so fast, it was almost he wasn’t thinking at all. Oh but Gilgamesh is that all mighty to posses such a fantastic mental capacity.

“I see, so she activated the Plot Contravice…” mumbled the all knowing Gilgamesh to himself as his words forced some people to fall into eternal slumber.

“Huh? I don’t get it, could somebody PLEASE explain this…Plot Contravice…to me?” asked Agent Axer towards the announcers. After all, since he was the main character, he had to know what the Plot Contravice was since it would affect him immensly later on in his adventure.

“..... . . .” explained Ward in such a simple way that even a deaf person could understand.

“Ooooh! Okay,” said Agent Axer as he waved towards Ward, “Thanks a bunch Ward!”

And so the players stood in a circle (and if you forgot who was standing where the order from 12 o’clock position going clockwise is: Wedge then Tolone, Seraphita, Agent Aya, Biggs, Kelvina, Agent Axer, and Dominia) as they prepared themselves for the devistating redneck game, Hot PotatoE Bomb!

A well endowed stereotypical blond bounced into the coliseum known as The Coliseum, wearing a referee suit. She hopped into the circle and twirled a finger in her blond hair as she made a clicking noise with the gum in her mouth.

“Umm….like…it’s a small world after all….” The blond ditz sung outloud in a cracking voice.

“Hey, just shut up and give the spoony PotatoE already!” said Nick Moomba, obviously annoyed by this new hired referee.

“Umm…like, okay!” squeeled the ditz in a bubbly voice as she gave the PotatoE to Agent Axer.

His eyes went ^_^.“Oh, why thank you.”

“Umm.…like, okay!” squeeled the ditz as she hopped out of the circle like an idiot should.

“Oh, miss referee before you go anywhere,” said Nick Moomba towards her as she stopped in place. She twirled her hair and clicked her gum annoyingly.

“Umm…like…it’s a small world after all….” Sung the blond haired bimbo.

“Yes….I’m sure you have a small brain after all,” mumbled Nick Moomba under his breath before speaking towards the blond, “Anyway, when you’re done leaving this coliseum, go shoot yourself.”

“Umm….like, okay!” replied the ditz as she walked away singing ‘It’s a small world’ to herself.

“Let the games begin,” said Gilgamesh with a copious amount of bad assness in his voice.

The potatoE in Agent Axer’s hand began to tick like a bomb as his eyes bugged out. “Aaah! Here you go!”

He tossed the potatoE towards Seraphita who screeched in horror. “Wow! Thanks, I always wanted to eat a potatoE!”

“No you fool!” said the mean spirited Tolone who was standing next to Seraphita, “Throw it at somebody!!!!”

“But….” Seraphita began to plead, “I’m hungry!!!”

Tolone smacked Seraphita upside the head which caused her to release the potatoE. The mean spirited Element quickly picked up the potatoE and threw it towards Wedge, knowing that since they die all the time it would greatly increase the chance of Team Winner’s victory.

The potatoE landed on Wedge’s hands as he sighed, releasing a small anime ‘sigh’ cloud from his lips. “This isn’t fair…” he said sadly as the potatoE stopped ticking. The tiny mini Death Ray™ popped out of the potatoE and it was aimed directly at Wedge’s head.

“Awww…isn’t that cute! It’s a mini Dea…” he said as the Death Ray™ activated and fired a beam which enveloped Wedge’s upper torso. Agent Axer shook his head sadly, knowing that Wedge was out of the race.

“Oh and it looks like Wedge is going to be feeling that for a long time. Ahahahahahahaha!” laughed Nick Moomba as he looked towards Ward and Gilgamesh who weren’t laughing along with him.

“::sigh:: You guys just can’t understand sophisticated humor…” mumbled Nick Moomba as they watched the rest of the game.

The potatoE randomly chose it’s next target and flew onto Dominia’s hand. Since she also knew that particular members of Team LOSER have the certain track record for death, she threw it towards Biggs. The potatoE landed on his hand as a small compartment opened up without warning and sprayed Biggs in liquid nitrogen, making him into one magnificent ice sculpture. Gilgamesh took this opportunity to show off his bad assness. After all, if you got it, flaunt it.

“Asta la vista, baby,” said Gilgamesh as he gave an icy stare towards the frozen Biggs who shattered into a million fragments.

Nick Moomba went towards his microphone. “Clean up crew on the center stage. I repeat, clean up crew please report immedietly to the center stage.”

The hot potatoE flew towards Kelvina. Without seeing the potatoE (after all, does she EVER see things with her closed eyes?) she sensed the dangerous vegetable and used her mental powers to let it hover in place. She then used her telekenesis to pass it towards Agent Aya.

“Hey, what the…!” exclaimed Agent Aya as the potatoE in her hands immedietly jutted out spikes and impaled her to death, “Aaaaah!!!!!!!”

The potatoE then flew towards Agent Axer who’s eyes turned into upside down U’s. “Um…excuse me…I have a corpse on my potatoE. Could somebody please help me take this out?”

“Sure, like, let me help” said Seraphita as she walked over to the potatoE and pulled out Agent Aya’s corpse. She then tossed it aside like the pile of rubbish that the corpse was.

“Oh, why thank you little miss,” said Agent Axer with a smile on his face.

“No problem!” giggled Seraphita as she turned around and walked back to her place in the circle.

Agent Axer then thrusted the potatoE at Seraphita as one of the spikes impaled itself on her back and through her solar plexus.

“Oh! Talk about back stabbing!” exclaimed Nick Moomba as he winced, “She’s going to be feeling that for awhile…”

“………..” replied both Ward and Gilgamesh as a small anime sweat drop appeared on their foreheads.

“Oh man! I just bought this shirt!” shrieked Seraphita in horror as she looked at the giant rip on her shirt and the spike impaled through her chest before collapsing onto the ground.

“Seraphita! Noooo!” yelled Tolone. As mean spirited as she was she couldn’t stand the defeat of her fellow team mates. She rushed towards Seraphita to see if she could still be revived. Unfortunetly, she didn’t pay attention to Agent Aya’s corpse on the ground as she tripped and fell on the spiked potatoE.

“Ah! Damn!!!” cursed Seraphita and then became motionless.

“Screw the rules, I’m gonna win and I’m not going to let a LOSER team win against me!” yelled Dominia as she jumped on Agent Axer and began to screeching and clawing like a mad cat.

Agent Axer used one hand to try and block Dominia’s assaults while his other hand searched for anything nearby to use. He first felt a fluffy pillow and he was sure that wouldn’t work. He then reached around some more and accidentally stuck his hand in a bucket of honey that was just sitting around for no particular reason. Agent Axer then reached around again and felt a hard stiff weapon. The Agent grabbed hold of it as he swung Agent Aya’s rigamortis corpse at Dominia’s head. The corpse made contact as Dominia was hurled back like a ball and was impaled on the spiky potatoE.

“No…I won’t…lose…” Dominia said in gritted teeth as she tried her best to remove herself from the pointed contraption.

“Why don’t we play, follow the leader?” asked Agent Axer as he swung Agent Aya’s corpse towards Kelvina, “You should follow your leader into that bed of spikes over there!”

Agent Axer then began to assault Kelvina mercilessly with the rigamortis corpse.

“Amazing! Agent Axer is using a dead body as a Redneck Game weapon! This has to be a first in recorded history!” said Gilgamesh in feigned shock as he read through a magazine, obviously not paying attention to the game at hand.

The magazine combusted into flames as Nick Moomba yelled in horror. He looked towards Ward and Gilgamesh who were giving him an evil glare.

“Okay okay…” Nick Moomba said as he turned his seat to face the game, “I’ll watch…sheesh…”

Setting: Rocket Town Auditorium

Time: That night

Agent the Captain stepped up to the podium in the front of Rocket Town’s massive theater/auditorium/opera house. He tapped his microphone, looking out at the crowd of Rocket Town dwellers in front of him.

"Is this thing on? Good." Agent the Captain cleared his throat grandly. "Ladies and gentlemen, we are here tonight to celebrate--," the Captain continued, not noticing the the form hiding in the rafters above him.

The purple octopus slowly pushed the 4-ton weight to the rafters above the Captain’s head.

"Uwee hee hee! Don’t feed the octopus, kids!" Somebody tapped the octopus on the "shoulder."

"Mr. Ultros, I presume?" a dark man said. Ultros put a tentacle up to his chin.

"Yeah, who’re you?"

"Er…you may call me Trainer the Captain. Leave this place or be destroyed, comrade."

"Hey, what gives? See her down there? The cutie in the opera dress singing. She and her friends annoy me, so I’m dropping this weight on their heads," Ultros said.

Trainer the Captain lifted a Pokéball into the air and zapped the purple octopus with a beam. The pathetic creature squealed as it glowed red and soon disappeared into its new master's Pokéball.

"Now, for de other bit of business."

"As I said," the Captain continued, "we’re here to celebrate the most whacked out fanfic Rocket Town has ever seen. May I have the envelope, please?" Suddenly, there was a spattering of gunfire from high above. The Captain hit the ground and shoulder-rolled off of the stage. The many people in the auditorium ran out screaming. Trainer the Captain dropped from the ceiling with cat-like grace…or maybe fox-like. Who knows? He stood over the Captain, the last remaining person. The Captain got up.

"You!!" the Captain shouted.

"Yes," Trainer the Captain chuckled, "I have come to settle things between us once and for all. There can be only one 'the Captain' in this universe."

"Wait a second," the Captain scratched his head as he slowly stood up. "You're not supposed to be here," the Captain turned away from his evil twin, "This isn't what happened... Gray Fox dropped from the ceiling over a year ago in this exact situation!"

"What are you talking about, comrade?" Trainer shot his counterpart a puzzled look.

Suddenly, Agent the Captain found himself in total darkness. He quickly turned back to Trainer to find he was gone. In fact, the whole auditorium had dissappeared around him. IN FACT, he was nowhere near Rocket Town anymore. The Agent shivered as he looked carefully at his surroundings. A desert road in the dead of night.

Without anything else to do, the Captain put his hands in his pockets and began to walk down the side of the road. Minutes later, a bus appeared in the distance, coming toward the Captain. When the bus got in front of the travelling agent, it stopped.

"Ya need a ride, buddy?" the dishevelled bus driver chortled.

"Yeah, sure," the Agent dropped exact change into the slot and sat himself on the bus.

As he rode, he noticed there was one other person on the bus with him. This person looked familiar.

"Hey," the Captain leaned forward and spoke up to the driver, "Where's this bus going, anyway?"

The driver glanced to the side for but a second as he barked the answer: "Cuba!"

"Huh?" the Captain slowly sat back in his chair. Curiosity got the best of him and he turned to the other passenger. There was definately something familiar about him.

"Agent Caesar, Roman Intelligence Agency," the figure announced as he flashed a badge at the Captain.

The Captain was about to pulled the stop-rope when the front of the bus suddenly exploded! The massive vehicle jack-knifed on the desert road before falling on its side and spinning uncontrollably across the concrete in a wave of sparks and high-pitched squeals.

When the smoke finally cleared, the emergency door on the back of the bus was kicked open. Agent the Captain coughed as he pulled himself from the wreckage.

"Hey! Don't leave me!" a voice called from inside the remains of the bus. The Captain turned back to the bus and pulled Agent Caesar from the smoldering heap just before it was hit with a projectile and exploded. The two agents tumbled across the desert ground before coming unceremoniously to a halt. Agent the Captain slowly looked up and saw Trainer the Captain walking slowly toward them with a rocket launcher.

"Now what?"

Benit had managed to knock down all of the guards at the entrance and where she was at the moment. If she gained enough levels, she could probably wipe out the army.

"I'm a spy, not a warrior! I gotta find a better way to get around...okay, think like Solid Snake..." Benit looked her surroundings. Below her there was nothing. Around her were several doors, no doubt leading to more, unaware guards. Above her...

"Bullseye!" she whispered as she saw an air shaft above her. Wasting no time, she ripped it off with her polearm, climbed up, shut it, and was crawling her way around to finding out what the HECK was going on here.

First it was tea stocks dropping, then Evebucks, then histories being found, then gears, then a premonition...and what ticked Benit off was that she was one third of this premonition. It was all very confusing to say the least. What could be next?

"Hi there!"

Benit tried to jump up, but smacked her head on the roof of the cramped shaft. She clutched her head and resisted swearing. She looked behind her and saw a familliar figure with candles on his head.

"Lucky Dan!?" Benit whispered. "But you're supposed to be smothered underneath a bunch of Ramsus groupies now!"

"Come now, do you think I can die that easily?"

"No...but..."

"No ifs, ands, or buts. I'm just as suspicious as you are about this entire mess. I'm also a prisoner for working with you guys way back in Solaris when Ramsus was chasing you around," Dan explained.

"I'm infiltrating at the moment. Miang took my GF powers away from me and almost killed me underneath a building. Odd, both of us seem to have a death wish here."

"You must be part of the Time Kompression then, huh?"

"I don't understand it fully, unfortunately," the minter sighed as both of them started crawling through the shaft.

"I'll tell you. 'When the Key, Power, and Contact come together, Time Kompression will arise and destroy all opposing forces'. These three characters are all in the same timeline, two grew up with each other, and the other one is really difficult to figure out," Lucky Dan explained.

"The other one? Well I know that The Captain is the Contact, I'm the Key, but I don't think any of us know who the Power is," Benit whispered.

"Best we look for information from the Big Wigs, book it outta here, and tell the others their plans for a head start."

They started crawling through the air shaft.

Lucky Dan and Benit crawled over lots of security guards, checking through the gratings on the roof.

"C'mon, where's the Big Bad Boss Room?" Benit muttered as they turned right.

They heard voices, which were deep and precise with their words.

"Jackpot!" Lucky Dan whispered.

"You sure?"

"I know so! Come on." He gestured her forward until they reached another grate. Peeking through it, they saw Krelian, Miang, and the Gazel Ministry below them. Benit's heart almost leaped from her mouth had she not covered it from nervousness.

"It appears that -the Contact- will be our next target. His whereabouts seem to be -unknown- at the moment," Krelian said.

"They don't know where the Captain is!" Benit whispered as quietly as she could to Lucky Dan.

"As long as his powers aren't on that pedestal," he said, pointing to three different coloured altars, "we'll be fine."

"But mine are!" Look at that blue pedestal. It's the brightest!"

"Miang, you say that -the Key- is still alive after her -death wish-. -The Guardian- released a -Plot Contriviance- to free her, I bet."

"She is only a minor -obstacle-, at best, although -the failure- didn't succeed in killing them earlier," Miang said.

"Failure? Must be Ramsus. And the Guardian releasing a plot contriviance...Artemis?" Benit asked herself, then remembered herself saying "That was convenient" earlier. "I wonder why she would do that..."

The entire Ministry paused. Benit and Lucky Dan looked at each other.

"Something -smells-...like -candles-!"

Benit gasped and tried to blow out the candles on her companion's head. It didn't work. She pulled them out of his head and tried to find somewhere to hide them. As luck would have it, she found several candle holders at the other side of the room.

She crawled to where they were, and when the Gazel Ministry wasn't looking, she dropped them perfectly into the holders, still glowing. She wiped her hands of the wax.

The Gazel Ministry turned around, and Miang beamed. "Oh, it must be those -aroma candles- I bought earlier!" A BIG puff of wind blowed out of Benit mouth in anime style from intense relief.

"Now what?"

Agent Caesar huffed as he and the Captain crouched groggily on the desert sand, their bus a flaming wreck to their far right. Approaching from the left: Trainer the Captain, armed with a rocket launcher and walking toward them.

"I have a plan." Agent the Captain announced confidently. The Agent rifled through his pockets for a few seconds before producing a paperclip, a stick of gum and an elastic band. "I saw MacGiver take out a rocket launcher with just these before. Now if I can tap into my knowledge of 80's TV shows, we'll be in business."

"That's your plan?!?!???" Agent Caesar cried out. "A paperclip, elastic and some gum verses a rocket launcher?!!?"

* We interrupt this transmission for some important words from our sponsors... *

A lone figure walked out onto a stage and picked up a microphone. "Hi," the speaker announced, "This Cap'n CAM. And I'd like to talk to you about a very important condition that is plauging our school children - spontaneous Twinkie warts." CAM looked solemly into the darkness before continuing. "This condition is a result of not allowing your children to eat at least one Twinkie with every meal. PLEASE, if you have any compassion for your children or the youth of today, you'll send me all your Twinkies! Or, write "Twinkies" on a 3 by 5 card and send it to: RockeT CanyoN, Cap'N's QuarterS; PO Box 2300; Arlington, TX 10056."

CAM turned to walk of the stage but amended, "And vote for me in the SpoonY AwardS!"

* This has been a paid message by the CAM campaign 2000 committee. We now return you to our regularly scheduled massacre. *

"Wow! I can't believe that worked!" Agent Caesar cheered as Agent the Captain finished tieing up an unconcious Trainer the Captain. The rocket launcher had been disabled and lay at their feet. The paperclip, stick of gum and rubber band were destroyed in the blast.

Agent the Captain left his evil twin where he slept and walked over to retrieve the rocket launcher. "This may come in handy later."

"So NOW where do go?" Agent Caesar asked.

"I don't know I - " before the Captain could finish his sentence, a bright blue glow washed over him. A strange, wooshing sound wooshed from his very person.

"What the-?" Agent Caesar grabbed the Captain by the arm to prevent him from fainting under the stress of these weird FX, and he too became trapped in the field.

The next thing they knew, the two agents were now in another place. A grassy schoolyard in the middle of the afternoon was where they now stood. Agent the Captain squinted as he read the letters above the main doors: 'Greenhill Academy'.

Understandably confused by their unexpected transportation, the two agents approached the closest classroom window and peered inside.

There, at the front of the class, stood Professor Brandaravon: "And so then you select the movement comand that bundles up switch-changing ability with the effects in the unit's time item comand. Now you can have time changes in your RPG...are there any questions?"

The students looked at each other in confusion, and along with them, Agent Caesar and Agent the Captain exchanged puzzled glances.

What was happening here?

Benit had to recover her breath after that stunt she pulled on against Miang and the Gazel Ministry. Speaking of which, they still went on with their discussion, which mainly consisted of gloating. Finally, Miang said, "I'm getting a little tired. I think I will rest for now."

She left the room, and along with her, two crawling figures in the shafts. She never heard them following her.

C'mon, why can't you slow down, dammit! I'm starting to tire! Benit thought anxiously as she crawled after Miang at a steady pace, Lucky Dan not far behind.

Finally, Miang reached her room and sat down, brushing her long indigo hair. Benit and Dan both found a shaft each and showed as little of themselves as possible.

"Soon...as soon as I can find -The Contact- and -The Power-, the Mothers will be -one- to rule the universe. -Krelian- is such a fool to try to revive -god-," Miang gloated. "But it's those -Agents- that stand in the way, killing -Eve- and -Ultimecia-, two Mothers of the -spell-. But there are still more -Mothers- to complete it. They cannot win, especially with -The Key- out of place. She may be alive, but she is -weak-."

The Mothers? This isn't about Deus? Okay, I have to make some sense of this. Key, Contact, Power, combine their strengths to get Time Kompression. Krelian wants to use it for reviving Deus, as far as I know from the game. Miang wants to use it for the bonding of Mothers. Who are the Mothers? Benit suddenly answered her own question when Miang had said about killing Eve and Ultimecia. They're female bosses...OH MY! The unity of female bosses in RPG games! It'll be worse than Deus, perhaps! I HAVE to get out of Solaris and tell everyone else!

Benit signaled Lucky Dan over, and they crawled around until they found a room without a person in it.

"Lucky Dan, we're in serious trouble. I figured out the WHOLE reason why this war is going on," Benit said, then continued, "Miang has a goal to unite all female RPG bosses into one being, the Ultimate Mother, or so I'm guessing. We only got rid of two Mothers, Eve and Ultimecia. But there are still others. Q might know something about this. Can you help me escape from Solaris?"

"Off course! Escape is my specialty! Come on, I see a locker with some Element's clothing," Lucky Dan said. Both of them dropped out of the ceiling shaft, stretched from the claustrophobic crampedness and changed into these newer clothes.

Benit now wore something like a blue uniform, like she was a Water Elemental, while Lucky Dan wore a red uniform, like he was a Fire Elemental. They put on wigs, coloured contact lenses, and even changed their names. Benit was now 'Jiha', a somewhat physical clone to Kelvena except her eyes were open, while Lucky Dan was 'Sangrene'.

"Let's do it," Benit whispered. They both entered the halls, and some Geblers looked at them suspiciously.

"Hi there, never saw you before!" one guard said.

"My name's –Jiha-, while he is -Sangrene-. Can you help direct us to your gear stations?" Benit asked, failing miserably at the Solarian speech impediment.

"Yes, ma'am, Jiha! Right this way!"

Benit twitched when they both saw Ramsus heading towards them.

"Good day, -Commander-," Benit said, succeeding with the impediment.

He waved at her and was on his way without a word. She sweatdropped and followed the guard.

"What in Fraundorf's name is going on here?!??!!"

Agent the Captain looked around the peaceful grounds of Greenhill Academy. His travelling companion, Agent Caesar looked into the window at the classroom full of puzzled students being... 'taught' by Professor Brandaravon.

"I mean," the Captain continued, "How do we keep jumping from place to place, time to time like this?"

"Maybe one of us is wearing Future Trunks," Caesar shrugged. Inside, the students were leaving the class in an orderly fashion while their 'instructor' called out some last minute instructions.

"I just hope the next leap..." the Captain paused for dramatic effect, "WILL BE THE LEAP HOME." The Agent struck up a heroic pose.

"Hey what's going on in there?" Agent Caesar pressed his nose against the now-steamed window pane. Inside, a black-cloaked figure aimed a shotgun at the head of Professor Brandaravon, talking to him about what - the agents could not hear.

"We better get inside!" the Captain announced.

"I'll handle this!" Agent Caesar proudly offered. The RIA Agent set his metal briefcase on the ground and opened it. Inside, there were gadgets and metallic shapes of assorted size and appearance. The agent quickly began to assemble something from various pieces of equipment. The Captain scratched his head, wondering what was being constructed. Minutes later, the device was complete. It was roughly K-shaped, buttons and knobs adorned every inch of its surface. Glowing lights hummed all over the strange contraption. The Captain could've sworn he saw a few screens that carried the Clearnet PCS Digital Wireless Internet on its surface.

"The K-Device is ready," Agent Caesar huffed as he struggled to hold up the complicated tool. Without further ado, Agent Caesar smashed the window with the K-shaped instrument, using it like a hammer - or any other blunt object.

Agent the Captain grumbled while he followed the RIA Agent through the broken window and into the classroom.

Inside, they found no one. The two occupants had left the room during the construction of the K-Device - which was now being dissassembled and returned in component form to the metal briefcase.

"We're too late!" growled Agent the Captain as he shot an angry glance to his co-agent.

"They probably went through there," Caesar pointed to the only door in the room. The Captain stomped over to the door and swung it open to reveal - ninjas!!

Four Ninjas sprang out and spread out in a formation.

"We are the NINJA KIDS!" one of them proclaimed, "We must act fast, or you will all soon be servants of THE SATAN!"

The Ninja group began to rush out of the academy towards a growing rift in space-time, "It's THE SATAN!"

"What the..." Caesar began, "you don't think-"

A shadowy object emerged from the rift and it fell down before the NINJA KIDS. It appeared to be a large glove with all manner of cybernetic parts all over. Two mechanical wings sprouted from the back of the glove.

"It is THE SATAN!" one of the NINJA KIDS said, "The hand with the 'Hadou of Murderous Intent'! METAL GLOVER!"

"Figures..." Agent the Captain muttered, "I guess we have to stop that thing first."

The mechanized tip of one of Metal Glover's fingers flipped open before the glove shouted, "MEGA HIGH GLOUV BEAM!"

A huge blast of energy tore out of the small opening, sending the NINJA KIDS flying.

"I don't suppose MacGyver ever stopped a giant cyborg glove, did he?" Agent Caesar inquired.

"I don't think so," The Captian responded, "but maybe this will!"

Drawing on his evil double's rocket launcher, he fired a lethal warhead at the latest strange incarnation of Glover, but the glove took up a peculiar stance will one finger on the ground and he glided forward, passing through the missle and the two agents as if they where thin air while shadow Glovers followed behind.

Metal Glover, who was now behind the agents, leapt up to fire a blast of flaming death from his mech-finger, when the sound of a helicopter lifting off was heard.

Metal Glover imediately turned away from the agents and he burned with evil energy.

"SCRAMBLE GLOUV PUNCH!" it shouted, as it spun around making little uppercuts in the air before deploying it's wings and blasting off towards the helicopter.

The Captain tried to lock onto Metal Glover, but the Helicopter interfered with the tracking, and a clear shot was not possible.

Then a second rift opened in time between the rising helicopter and the more rapidly rising glove. Something flashed out of it, and a figure suddenly appeared on the ground holding a mistranslated 'Organics' sword.

Metal Glover's ascent stopped and it plummeted to the earth, struck down by the mysterious person's sword blow.

The figure looked much like Brandon's Sailor Senshi ally, Kera, but her hair was a bit shorter and darker.

She looked up to face The Captain and Caesar, "Someone's using this contrived state of the plot to try and fluff up the agent's futures."

"I guessed that much," the Captain said, "and I don't think I'll be getting back to our time until they're all sorted out, but who are you? You're not one of the agents."

"Just consider me to be the future's trouble-shooter," she said, "Brandon's ride should arive back in the story as planned now, but I'd keep an eye out for more things that need to be tied up here. I've got to get going."

Before another word could be said, the visitor vanished the same way she came.

"Foolish, incompetent glove!" a voice shouted, as another figure leapt down to the fallen glover, "Even at this stage, you cannot defeat them."

The Glove's ally pulled away a purple cape from his face, revealing himself to be the same size and shape as Kirby, only he was clad in black with a half-white and half-dark mask over his face.

"What the HFIL are you?" The Captain approached the Kirby-like being.

"I am the Metaknight," the puffball-shaped creature spoke with a surprsiningly forceful tone, "Pikacthulhu has placed me in charge of directing this pitiful glove into battle."

"I thought you Kirby-things where opposed to all the evil crap that Nintendo has spewed out."

"Hmph," Metaknight said, "I don't care about the silly rivalries between mascots, I just know that Pikacthulhu intends to bring order to the world of cute mascot-ish characters, a goal which I have been unable to accomplish in Dream Land on my own."

Metaknight put away his sword and pulled out, of all things, a Digivice, "This is his last chance. Now you will face the creature that nearly bested my own rival."

The CG sequence began.

METAL GLOVER- Digivolve-to...

Metal Glover shed off his cybernetic parts and he grew in size, obtaining a fifth finger in the process . . .

. . . MASTER HAND!

"Nearly defeated your rival?" Agent Caesar said, skeptically, "This thing couldn't even take down Kirby, but you think it'll beat us?"

"Ha ha ha ha," Metaknight replied, "It wouldn't be wise to underestimate Master Hand. When Glover went on his PSX-character attacking spree, he lost the support of the rest of the people at Nintendo, and he attempted to crush them in that 'Smash Bros.' incident with powers granted by Pikacthulhu. It was only due to the intervention of some dimensional travelers that he was not sucessful. Now, you will face the full force of this crushing Hand!"

Metaknight wraped his cape around and vanished from sight as he huge hand closed in on the Agents.

The guard left both disguised heroes be, and they ran around to see which gear they could use to get out of Solaris and warn everyone of their discovery.

"No...No....NO! Man, none of these have IDF!" Benit complained.

"This one does!" Lucky Dan said, pointing to one.

"That's Vendetta! You must think I have a death wish if I'm gonna take the gear!"

"No no, just take the IDF crystal out, use it, and we'll be home free. It'll be more safer than the one in Customs, although the location you want will be tough to get."

"Fair enough. Help me get it out," Benit said. Both of them climbed up the Omnigear like spiders. Both of them scrambled around inside it until Dan found the IDF crystal.

"It doesn't matter if I get my powers back later or not; we just have to warn everyone," Benit said. Suddenly klaxon alarms were sounded everywhere, almost giving both heroes a heart attack.

"Attention, Elements. Intruders in Omnigear Vendetta. Repeat, intruders in Omnigear Vendetta," an overly cheerful woman's voice called out through the intercom.

"Spoony, they found us! Hurry up and open the IDF!" Benit pressured. Lucky Dan started opening a portal as people started scrambling into the room.

"Look! It's -Jiha- and -Sangrene-, Commander!" the guard they met earlier told Ramsus, who ran into the room.

"Jiha and Sangrene? You -idiot-! There's nobody here by the name of those two! Those're disguises!" he shouted as he started climbing up his Omnigear. By the time he reached the cockpit, his IDF crystal and both intruders were long gone.

BrandonTCA was spiraling through space and time...again. Things wheren't looking particularly good. The plot contrivance effect had interfered with the IDF-drive on the El-Kaiser Space Custom, and somehow it had created a dimensional warp that even he didn't know how to get out of.

Brandon touched two fingers to the IDF-Crystal on his shoulder-plate, causing blue arcs of lightning to spark off into the swirling mess of light around him, but they had no effect.

"Carp," he said, "I can't seem to break through...this contrivance effect is jamming any chances I have of locking on to a familar dimension. Wait a sec...maybe if I can't lock on and break out into any familiar worlds, maybe I can get some equipment thant can."

Brandon produced the blue Tuxedo Kamenesque rose that he often used as a disarming projectile and the flower flashed brightly, causing his E. D. BrandonTCA outfit to dispell, leaving him in the Solid Ekans sneaking suit.

"This modified CODEC should be able to lock onto and comunicate with people on other dimensional levels," Ekans said, for the sole purpose of informing the audience, "Let's see if I can get in touch with anyone."
The agent made several attempts to contact his allies, but none of his efforts resulted in any kind of response.

"Fluff," he said, "I guess this contrivance has cast everyone else into alternate spaces and times as well...if only I had the number for someone who wasn't caught in the contrivance...wait a sec, here's one..."

Kirby pushed open the little door to his hemispherical home and he walked over to the wall to hang up the crystal medal he had been rewarded with on his latest adventure. It finally looked like he was going to get the chance to rest. For the moment, Dark Matter was destroyed, the the Castle of the Metaknight was devoid of activity, and old King DeDeDe had actually helped Kirby on his last quest, so he probably was just as tired as he was.
Kirby walked over and fluffed up his big star-shaped pillow and plopped down on his bed for a nice nap.

The shrill beeping sound of the CODEC ripped through the still air of Kirby's house. The marshmallowy hero rolled over and pulled two points of the star pillow over his ears, but it was no use. Kirby rolled out of bed and opened a drawer to remove the CODEC.

"Hello?"

"Kirby?"

"It's me."

"This is Solid Ekans, I'm stuck in some kind of contrivance time warp! I need someone to help me get a fix on a dimension to IDF-warp to."

"Wha?" Kirby said, "You need to get warped back into some kind of normal space?"

"Yes," the agent responded, "My power can't break out of the contrived space."

"Hmmm...," Kirby pulled out a remote control with a large star on the antena, "Okay. I've got a signal that I'm going to send to you. I want you to try and get that CODEC hooked up to some other equipment so that it'll broadcast through the contrivance field."

"I'll try."

Kirby wired the remote into the CODEC and he pressed a button.

The equipment at Ekans' end began to emit a set of yellow waves, and soon a light appeared at the end of the spiralling corridor of light.

A huge Warp Star appeared from the void and it swooped in and grabbed up Ekans, carrying him out of the contrivance timewarp and down onto the saccharine landscape of the planet Popstar.

"Wow," Kirby exclaimed, running out of his house, "It really worked! I didn't know if our Warp Stars really had IDF-abilities or not."

"Well," Ekans said, "Nothing breaks through a contrivance quite like a good reference."

"Hey pudge ball!" a distant voice called out.

"Uh-oh," Kirby said.

The red-clad cyan-skinned duck-like King DeDeDe rushed onto the scene, followed by a few Waddle Dees and Waddle Doos. Big DeDeDe still hadn't removed his Crystaline reward from the Ripple Star adventure, but from the look on his face, the past adventures where the last thing on his mind.

"Have you seen that Meta-Knight?" DeDeDe forcefully inquired of his rival, "None of my pals have seen the guy for weeks."

"Nope," Kirby said, "I'm afraid that I haven't heard anything about him either."

"Yeah, that's what I though," DeDeDe replied, "It seems that nobody's seen that guy since us two left Popstar. I'd say the odds are that he's up to something again...And who's this guy? Is he one of them' Space Bounty Hunters from that Smash Bros thing?"

"Oh no," Kirby said, "He's the guy who travels to all the different worlds that we where all from. He's also the guy who I was trying to help when Pikacthulhu escaped."

"Oh," DeDeDe said, "This is that guy? He doesn't look that special."

"Wait a minute," Ekans said, "You guys said that Metaknight vanished?"

"What?" DeDeDe said, "You know the MetaKnight?"

"Sort of," Ekans responded, "Did you ever notice that he built a second Halberd ship that just kinda vanished?"

"Hey," Kirby said, "That's right. It just disapeared off the launch platform at the Metacastle."

"Well," Ekans said, "That one had some kind of IDF crystal in place of that glowing one in the core...it wound up in our world and nearly made a very large mess of things. Needless to say, our relations with Meta haven't been to friendly ever since."

"Oh, I get it," DeDeDe said, "You think that Metaknight vanished because he and his crew are off goin' crazy in another world?"

"Exactly," Ekans said, "MetaKnight hates the whole lazy happy fuzzy life here on Popstar, and he seeks to bring order to carefree cute animal characters...I'd wager that he's probably cut a deal with Pikacthulhu to go after some of the Agents."

"Why would he do that?" DeDeDe said, "You don't exactly look like a cute, marketable character."

"Maybe not," Ekans said, "but we're the main obstacle to Pikacthulhu dominating all Pokémon. The fact that we often hang out with guys like Cait Sith and Lucky Dan probably doesn't hurt either."

"Well," Kirby said, taking out his remote again, "What are we waiting for? Let's investigating!"

The huge gate to the Metaknight's castle flew off it's hinges as it was struck down by DeDeDe's Star Hammer.

Some of the Metaknight's soldiers who where left at the castle sprung into action, but Kirby respoded by sallowing up one and stealing it's sword, with which he drove away several more.

Ekans had returned to his E. D. BrandonTCA form since a stealthy entrace had not proved to be an option. Whe ignited his beam sword and batted a flying Capsule J off it's collision course with his allies. DeDeDe leapt into the fray quite litterally, smashing a few armored soldiers under his weight in grand Mario Bros style.

"Eeep!" a Waddle Dee in a sailor hat reported to a bird-like officier, "Kirby's here! He's brought friends and they've stormed the main entrance!"

"What?" the Bird-like creature said, "Deploy the Heavy Lobster Heck Custom!"

Data flickered up on Brandon's DX scouter.

"I'm definitely picking up the residual disturbance from a big IDF-transfer," He informed the pair, "If we can get a little further in, I should be able to analyze where the destination was."

The threesome warded off the guards and pushed open the next big door.

Inside it was pitch dark and extremely quiet...too quiet.

Then a set of spotlights flicked on, one after another until a huge mechanical contraption was illuminated.
The machine was painted Gold and it had a pair of huge pincer-claws with guns mounted inside each one. The machine opened it's cockpit and it's pilot began to speak.

"Ha ha ha ha!" the Heavy Lobster pilot shouted, "Kirby, you and your friends will never defeat our most insanely powerful mecha yet. I present to you the Heavy Lobster Heck Custom! It's got missles, gordo mines, concealed flame-throwers, and invincible armor made of-*FWACK*

DeDeDe's hammer slid down off the face of the small round Mecha pilot, and the pilot slid down from the Heavy Lobster to collapse on the floor.

"Well," Brandon said, "I guess that's one way to do it, now let's check out that disturbance pattern."
The DX Scouter let out some more generic beeps and warbles before displaying a result.

"What the spoony?" Brandon said, "It looks like they actually rode the contrivance wave back in time...to the Suikoden World."

"I wouldn't worry about that," a voice sounded from behind them.

The threesome turned to see someone in a Sailor Senshi Fuku silhouetted against the glow from a portal in space-time, "I've managed to stop the Metaknight's allies in that time, but they still pose a threat in other areas of the contrived world. You'll have to follow in here if you hope to save them."

The figure vanished back into her gateway, and a second opened alongside it.

Brandon checked the DX Scouter, "I looks stable...I'm going in."

"I'll go, too!" Kirby peeped.

DeDeDe glanced at the door in space-time skeptically, "Well, I'm stayin' here to make sure that no one tries to mess with Popstar until you get back."

"All right," Brandon said, "Then let's kick it!"

A curtain falls and Mog and Cait Sith appear on the right and left edges of the stage.

"And so begin the special episodes of Final Pokémon Solid," Cait said.

"Space and time is being kuntrived, and Pikakulhu's allies are trying to take advantage of this and mess it all up, kupo," Mog said.

"What sorts of strange worlds await the agents in the next episode?" Cait said, "We don't know, but we do know what you have to do now."

The two exclaimed in unison, "YOU GOTTA BELIEVE!"

The space around two time-dimension travellers was astounding, almost indescribable. Benit and Lucky Dan were grateful for the IDF Crystal in Vendetta for getting them out of Solaris in the nick of time. Unfortunately, they both had no idea where they were going.

"I wish I could've gotten Aoi's power back...the Big Wigs have an added 1/3 chance of beating us with my, The Key's, power," Benit sulked as she floated in this strange space.

"No can do. They had whole armies there. Best you get help from your friends...and see what they're up to. I noticed that you've been separated from them for awhile," Lucky Dan inquired. Benit explained to him that she was abducted, but escaped, only to be trapped underneath a building for a couple of hours and did some mind-travelling with her GF counterpart...that is, after destroying Evebucks for good. She told him that she infiltrated Solaris, met up with him, and found the devastating secret to The Mothers and their plans.

"Wow...quite a mouthful for a single person. Well you seem stuck with me now. I just hope we're going in the right direction here!"

"The gravity sucks," Benit quoted, then felt a familliar air in this portal. "Uh oh...we're mind-travelling again..."

"How can you tell?" Lucky Dan asked.

"I mind-travelled with Aoi (as you know) into EVERY single one of my friend's minds until we reached ours. I'm the only Agent who can now freely travel through minds Laguna-style...although I have no idea how I'm doing it. I thought I did it as Aoi, but I don't have the powers, so that can't be it," Benit explained.

"Let's just hope we don't say anything that they'll hear."

"Don't worry. I'm pretty sure the others didn't hear us."

Data flickered up on Brandon's DX scouter.

"Huh? Hey...I think...this can't be Ekans, eh?"

"Don't ask me! You're the mind-traveller!"

"Aw you're no help!"

"I'm definitely picking up the residual disturbance from a big IDF-transfer,"

"Could that be us?"

"Pray that it is."

He informed the pair, "If we can get a little further in, I should be able to analyze where the destination was."

"If it matches with our previous destination, then we're in business."

The threesome warded off the guards and pushed open the next big door.

Inside it was pitch dark and extremely quiet...too quiet.

Then a set of spotlights flicked on, one after another until a huge mechanical contraption was illuminated.

"Plot contriviance, anyone?"

The machine was painted Gold and it had a pair of huge pincer-claws with guns mounted inside each one. The machine opened it's cockpit and it's pilot began to speak.

"I am Krabby! Hear me roar!"

"Ha ha ha ha!" the Heavy Lobster pilot shouted, "Kirby, you and your friends will never defeat our most insanely powerful mecha yet. I present to you the Heavy Lobster Heck Custom! It's got missles, gordo mines, concealed flame-throwers, and invincible armor made of-*FWACK*

"Serves him right."

DeDeDe's hammer slid down off the face of the small round Mecha pilot, and the pilot slid down from the Heavy Lobster to collapse on the floor.

"Well," Brandon said, "I guess that's one way to do it,

"There's also sautee, julienne, and shake and bake."

..now let's check out that disturbance pattern."

The DX Scouter let out some more generic beeps and warbles before displaying a result.

"What the spoony?" Brandon said, "It looks like they actually rode the contrivance wave back in time...to the Suikoden World."

"Suikoden!? Aww man...that's not us!"

"Wait wait! We just gotta listen, watch, and see..."

"Aren't watch and see the same?"

"Figuratively speaking."

"I wouldn't worry about that," a voice sounded from behind them.

The threesome turned to see someone in a Sailor Senshi Fuku silhouetted against the glow from a portal in space-time,

"I am Sailor IDF! In the name of dimensions, I will warp you!"

"I've managed to stop the Metaknight's allies in that time, but they still pose a threat in other areas of the contrived world. You'll have to follow in here if you hope to save them."

"Can you say...DUH?"

The figure vanished back into her gateway, and a second opened alongside it.

Brandon checked the DX Scouter, "I looks stable...I'm going in."

"I'll go, too!" Kirby peeped.

"Now how the heck can a marshmallow help Ekans? Or Brandon, I should say.

"Hey, you never know. He could ally himself with a Gummy Bear tomorrow."

DeDeDe glanced at the door in space-time skeptically, "Well, I'm stayin' here to make sure that no one tries to mess with Popstar until you get back."

"All right," Brandon said, "Then let's kick it!"

"Where the Sun don't shine!"

"Dammit...too bad they didn't find us. And with that MST riff, I'm sure he didn't hear us," Benit sulked.

"Like I said, we just have to wait for now and go with Brandon unintentionally...although with his IDF abilities, he should find us no prob."

"In his mind!? You're way out of your mind!"

"Do you have another way to get out?" Lucky Dan inquired.

"Let's just keep watching. Got any popcorn?"

Mewtwo looked over from his hiding place on Alexander's bridge. The pilots of the Gears were milling about forlornly, pleased to have won the epic battle against the FUNdubs but upset to find Benit gone.

Mewtwo sighed. He felt like such a giant wuss. Most powerful Pokémon indeed.

Um...guys? Mewtwo mentally projected softly, to get the Agent's attention.

"Yeah?" CAM responded, "What is it?"

Benit got kidnapped by Ramsus while you were gone, Mewtwo explained guiltily, She's probably in Solaris by now.

"And you didn't stop him?" Phantom Ghost asked somewhat redundantly, which as we all know is his specialty, since obviously if Mewtwo was here and Benit wasn't, then he didn't stop Ramsus.

Um...no...and don't think I don't feel just horrible. My image as Most Powerful Pokémon Ever is forever tarnished. Mom's gonna whip me when she finds out. And...there's something else. Someone, I think it was Princess Q, cast a very powerful Plot Contrivance spell. I don't know what will happen, maybe nothing, but we should all prepare for it just in case.

Alexander overheard this and said, "Let's get your Gears repaired. Something tells me we may be in for some trouble."

The tendrils of the Plot Contrivance reached out and plucked CAM out of reality and plunged him into some unknown world.

"Well we have to go to Solaris and rescue Benit," CAM keep talking unaware he was gone.

"What on Earth are you?" some villager asked. He was dressed him simply peasant clothes. "You aren't of this place! You must be from another world! Help! Help! Its a demon!"

"Oh great," Agent CAM muttered and glanced down. Well if he was transported back in time or something he was definately out of place wearing that space suit of his. "I'm not a demon. I'm good!" The peasant was not convinced, he was too inbred to understand.

"Help! Help! We're being invaded!" Finally after much screaming he attracted several guards. They all drew swords from their scabbards and charged CAM. CAM nimbly dodged all of their attack and knocked them away. The warriors rubbed crystal amulets and began getting funny looks on their face. Soon more and more would-be adventurers charged in and attacked. CAM had no difficutly blocking and dodging their attacks.

CAM quickly drew his Mako ARM and fired. The opposition was blown away so to speak.

"Well that should do it," Agent CAM remarked. Littered around him were dead bodies with souls standing by them. All of them whining.

"Why did you kill us?" one asked.

"I'm going to kill you!" exclaimed another.

"I need lk!"

"We need a fogger some one call a fogger!"

"Sum of a botch!"

"U sux!1111111!!!"

"Why aren't you dying!?" Agent CAM exclaimed.

"The goddess Lorminstra owes us all favors."

"That certainly sounds familiar," CAM remarked.

"I am Elendryl!" a wood elf ranger arrived yelling,"You'll feel the wrath of my immolation blade!" Elendryl's blade launched a ball of green fire that struck CAM. Agent CAM narrowed his eyes. He drew one of his hands into a fist that glowed with ki. Elendryl quickly found himself engulfed in a huge ball of ki and was vaporized.

"So you like magic, huh?" a group of wizards asked. "Well try some of ours!" The mages pelted CAM with lightning bolts that reflected off a ki shield. The bolts went hurtling back at their casters killing them.

"I am Sir Maldon," an armored man bowed,"I shall defeat you for my country's honor!" Maldon drew a claymore from his scabbard and began his attacks. For a two handed weapon he was able to move nearly as fast as Agent CAM. In defense CAM grabbed a longsword off the ground and fought back. Their movements were a blur as their blades crashed repeatedly. Unfortunately in the middle of the sword fight CAM's sword shattered. He then got an idea.

CAM put his fists to his side and began to concentrate. He started to gather his ki and reach his full power. A red aura surrounded and the ground he was standing in began to sink. CAM's hair and eyes faded from gold and torquise back it is original color several times. The ground CAMsinks into a large crater and in explosion of light as the camera pans completely around him he tranforms into Hi-C Mode.

Sir Maldon was startled by this. He deftly swung his claymore, but CAM grabbed it and pulled it out of his hands. The blood drained from Maldon's face and he fainted. While Maldon was out CAM traded his space suit for Maldon's clothes. Agent CAMput one some golvern platemail with silver spurs, a roleran scaled warhelm, and a black hooded cloak.

"Are you from the Sacred Empire of AOLeris?" an elven man asked as he suddenly appeared. Agent CAM shook his head. "Then come with me, I'll explain everything." Agent CAM reluctantly agreed.

"NOW what??" Agent Caesar rasped as he and the Captain backed away from the approaching ominous giant glove.

Agent the Captain nimbly raised the rocket launcher and basted at the MASTER HAND. The resulting explosion sent the agents reeling back. For many minutes the thick DBZ-style smoke covered the area like a dense wall. Finally, it cleared to reveal...

VEGETTA.

"Oh wait," the evil Sajain paused, "Wrong scene!" Instantly, the villain flew off into the cosmos. Behind him, the MASTER HAND towered, unscathed!

"This is bad," the Captain cringed, "Very bad!"

Suddenly, a cheezy rainbow-colored FX mess appeared just above the agents' heads. The two time-tripping adventurers rolled out of the way in opposite directions just as an odd-shaped figure dropped out of the portal.

It looked like a three foot tall caveboy with a red tattered outfit and big, black hair. The short, wide-eyed figure toted a very large squared stone axe that had eyes and eyebrows on one side.

"Musashi?" the Captain cringed.

"My name's Flint!" the 'tike' bubbled, "I'm a time detective I'll save you!!!"

"Uhh," Agent Caesar scratched his head, "Okay.."

Without warning, MASTER HAND swiped at the unlikely trio with vicious rage!

"Okay, Dad!" Flint hollered at his axe, "Let's hang this mitten out to dry!"

"Maybe you should get out of here, kid..." the Captain warned in a hushed tone.

Flint seemed to either not hear the Agent's warning, or not understand, as the self-professed time detective leapt high into the air toward the giant glove. The stone axe grew ten times its size as the little caveman swung with all his might. The axe fell hard on the giant glove, causing it to flatten out in defeat. Flint backflipped back to the side of the Agents just as the crumpled glove started to glow and tremble.

"It's gonna blow!" shouted Agent the Captain as the three ran for cover. The MASTER HAND exploded in a shower of tattered white shreds and candy.

"Thanks for the help, Flint," Agent Caesar patted the caveman on the head as its mighty axe shrunk to a more manageable size.

Suddenly, yet ANOTHER rainbow-colored rift opened over the battle ravaged grounds over Greenhill Academy. A blue dinosaur shaped hover bike appeared through the time pocket, riding atop it were two teenagers.

"Flint!" the pink-haired girl called, "There you are! We told you to hold on tight to the bike! Get on! We have to find the next time-shifter!" The tiny warrior nimbly jumped on the back of the bike just as it began powering up and lifting off.

"Wait!" shouted the Captain after them, "How about giving us a lift to the present - I mean, OUR present."

"Sure, I -" the boy on the bike stopped in mid-sentence when one of the gauges in front of him caught his eye. "According to these readings, you're some kind of time-shifter!" He pointed a trembling finger at the Captain.

"Um, I'm supposed to be some 'Contract' or something."

"You mean 'Contact'?" the pink-haired girl asked.

"Yeah, that's it."

"That means you have some time-shifting powers inside you," the boy began to explain, " So if something contrivianced came in contact with your body it might cause your dormant powers to awaken and send you spiralling through the timestream!"

"Ohhhhhh...!" Agent Caesar pretended to understand.

"My first question stands." Agent the Captain flatly spoke. "Will you give us a lift home or not?"

"Okay!" the boy answered.

Within minutes, the five time-travellers were streaming through the time.. stream. They were all crammed on the tiny, two-person skybike, desperately struggling to hold on. Shortly, a black hole opened in front of them and the bike passed through it.

Presently, the travellers were inside a familiar looking house. More specifically, a familiar looking kitchen.

"Here you are!" the girl bubbled.

"Thanks, kids!" the Captain struggled to stop from puking all over these super-nice future teens. Without further delay, the temporal bike zapped back through the portal and was gone.

Agents Caesar and the Captain looked around their new surroundings. A pot of tea simmered on the stove in this modest, yet extremely clean kitchen.

"Do you know where we are?" Agent Caesar asked.

"I think," the Captain opened the fridge and examined its contents. "Yup! Cid's house." Caesar peered over his shoulder and saw several cartons of cigarettes carefully stored on various shelves and compartments.

"Really? Cool! I'm getting a cup of tea." Caesar took out a cup from an overhead cupboard and strolled over to the stove were the tea pot simmered.

"Hmmm..." the Captain hmmmmed. He peered out the window at the orange sunset. Outside, he saw an enormous Gear on the street. Standing in front of it: Princess Q, Cid, Shera, Cait Sith, Solid Snake and a floating Mew. He also noticed HE himself was outside with the group, talking to Princess Q about something, while the female gadget-maker was waving her arms in a strange way. Then he saw Cid bark at Q to get her to stop her weird action.

It was then that the forboding doom dawned on the time-travelling Captain, "Oh spoony...!" His voice rasped. "Caesar! We've got to get out of this house! It's about to expl-"

But the Captain was cut off by a thunderous roar. It was almost whitenoise - the sound of the explosion was so loud that the agent seemed to hear nothing.

Seconds later, Cid's house was nothing but a crater and burning debris...

"What the $%^$#@!?!?!!" Cid's cigarette flew from his unshaven face, "My #$%^&*@!?!!!in' house!!"

"Oh my Planet..." Shera's voice was strained and distant. Little did the group outside know of the true tragedy that had just befallen them...

A space-time rift opened and Kirby fell out onto the ground, followed quickly by Brandon 'TCA', who fell out and bounced on Kirby, knocking the wind out of the marshmallow before falling down beside him.

"Oh spoony," Brandon said, observing the new surroundings, "This place looks almost as saccharine-fluffy as Popstar.

"It's not that bad," Kirby said, uprighting himself, "But it's definitely got a unique look to it."

"Well," Brandon said, "We're on Meta's trail. Let's start looking for anything resembing an IDF disturbance."

Then a strange creature bounded out of the bushes and it began to hop around Kirby. It had no limbs, but it did have long ears and a round, pink tail.

"He he," Brandon said, "I think the marshmallow rabbit likes you."

Kirby leaned over to get a closer look at the creature, and it suddenly pounced forward and bit onto the pink hero. Brandonsprung into action and quickly rushed in and struck the Rabbite off of his ally, and upon striking the ground, it burst into a spray of blue crystals.

"Hey!" Kirby said, "those look like your IDF-crystals, don't they?"

"Funky," Brandon observed the IDF-crystal like substance that had appeared from the fallen rabbite, but at his touch, the crystals vanished.

Kirby also tried to pick some up, but they disappeared when they contacted him as well. Brandon opted to employ the DX Scouter.

"Hmm," he said, "It looks like this stuff is the physical embodiment of experience points...I'd wager that it shows up whenever any creatures in this world are defeated." Just then a mighty rumbing shook the area, as light swirled around an area to the south and a mountain of discarded toys sprung up form the ground not far from where the duo was standing.

"Wow," Kirby said, "I guess this game-world is still growing."

"Hmm," Brandon adjusted the DX Scouter again, "Rabbites and an expanding world...it's gotta be the fourth Seiken Densetsu game. I'd guess that we'll find our answers over there."

The twosome entered the junkyard of broken toys, keeping an eye out for generic RPG monsters. Then the ground shook, and several toys pulled together forming a a huge monster Teddy bear that stomped towards the pair.

"TETSUOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Brandon shouted for no good reason.

Kirby opted to do something useful instead and he pulled a thermal detonator from Brandon's reference bag and popped it in his mouth and spit it into the bear, imbeding the explosive within the mound of toys.

The pair ducked behind more junk as the monstrosity exploded, scattering junk all over the...other junk.

Just when it seemed that things had calmed down, a Yellow Rabbite bounded through the clearing with a sky blue orb in it's mouth, and a small man was chasing after it.

The rabbite darted towards Kirby and bounded over him, leaving the man to bounce into the marshmallow hero and recoil onto the ground.

The little guy was covered in hair all over, save his face, and he was porportioned similarly to Kirby himself.

"Hey," Brandon said, "What's the big rush?"

"That rabbite ate it!" Professor Bomb exclaimed, "he ate the core to my revolutionary Varible form golem! It's an amazing creation that can convert from a normal machine golem into an airship, and all the data is stored in that core!"

"All right," Kirby said, "We can help. Let's chase that thing down."

"I've got a plan," Brandon said.

The rabbite hopped into the clearing with the orb still held in it's maw. A set of numerous old couches and chairs had been placed in the area, and a small stand was set at the end. Brandon appeared and pulled out a small blue-haired UFO catcher doll holding a two-sided sword that resembled the main character of Chrono Cross and he placed it on the stand at the far end of the couch pile.

"SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERGE!"

Kirby and Bomb emerged from the rubble behind the Rabbite and the three of them tackled the furniture, forcing their way over the furiture hurdles towards the UFO doll.

The Rabbite sprang off of a recliner towards the doll, but it was pulled out of reach by Kirby's suction breath, and the Rabbite was left stuck between Brandon and the other two.

The rabbite looked about nervously and gulped, unwittingly swallowing the core.

"Noooooooo!" Prof. Bomb exclaimed, "Now I'll never get it back!"

The little man grabbed the Rabbite and began to attempt to strangle the creature, but the lack of a neck made this process very difficult. Finally, in an act of frustration, he hurled the Rabbite into the air.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEP!" the Rabbite shouted as anime dash lines swriled past it. The Pink ball-like tail of the Rabbite suddely inflated to many times it's normal size and the Rabbite's yellow body spiked out like a crystal porcupine. The Pink ball went from it's spherical state to an elongated zeplin-like shape. It drifted away from the body, and was connected only by a few yellow cables. The body soon sprouted several propeller-like extensions and soon the rabbite had transformed into a huge pastel-colored version of the second FFVI airship.

"Now there's something you don't see everyday," Brandon said.

"Oh my," Prof. Bomb observed the huge ship, "It seems that the core integrated itself into the Rabbite's DNA...this is amazing, but I won't know how this will work without some field tests...You two! Since you caused this little mess, I demand that you take this thing wherever you're going and report how it works in active flight on RPG-adventures."

"Hey!" Kirby said, "You're the one who-"

Brandon clamped his hand over the marshmallow mouth, "We'd be happy to help see what this creature is capable of, and we'll be sure to inform you as to how it handles in active adventure situations."

"Very good," Prof. Bomb said, "Well I've got work to do so I'll let you get on with testing...um...what will we call this...You're a pink balloon, what's your name?"

"Kirby."

"All right," Prof. Bomb declared, "Airship-rabbite! Your name will be Kirby-Ohki."

"Eeeeep!" the ship sounded back.

A green ray of light shined down from the blue spheroid ball on the underside of the pastel yellow ship body and Kirby and Brandon were carried up to the deck.

"Wow," Brandon said looking at the crystals floating on the exterior deck of the airship, "I'd wager that we can probably get some kind of IDF-travel capability out of our new friend if we play our cards right."

Then an explosion rocked the deck and Brandon and Kirby tumbled to the floor in grand Star Trek style.

"The fluff was that?" Brandon said.

"It's the Halberd!" Kirby pointed over the railing towards a huge high-tech battleship, which was floating towards a newly-spawned dimensional rift.

"Carp," Brandon said, "Metaknight was trying to get away before we even found him. Kirby-Ohki, return fire...if you have weapons or something."

"Eeeeeeep!" the Rabbite-ship shouted. The blue hemisphere on the ship's bottom glowed and a blue orb of light apeared at the front of the ship, which fired rays of light back towards the Halberd, striking one of it's wings.

"They're still getting away," Kirby said.

"Don't worry," Brandon reasured his fluffy ally, "I should be able to get a trace on what world they're headed to next, and we'll track them down there."

"We can't just follow them in?" Kirby suggested.

"I'm afraid not," Brandon said, "I think our ship is too low on carrots."

Everything went black.

Of course, this was mostly due to the fact that Agent Garret's cloak had landed over his face. When he moved it, he saw that he was on the roof of a large stone building, surrounded by a number of other stone structures. He felt like he was being watched, though he couldn't see anyone. Suddenly, what had looked like a shadow in the corner turned into... A shadow in the corner with a person standing in it. The mysterious figure walked over to the Agent.

"I have a message for you from the Keepers."

Agent Garret looked at the Keeper skeptically. "The Keepers of what?"

The Keeper suddenly looked very confused. "What?"

"You said the Keepers. What do they Keep?"

"Well, um... er... We Keep the Books," came the unsteady reply.

"What books?"

The Keeper looked very worried. No one had ever cared about this before. "Well... THE Books."

"Not to pry too much, but what's in THE books?"

The Keeper started to get agitated. "Look, you know when people talk about something, and then say 'So It Is Written'? Well, They don't know it, but they're talking about our books. Okay?"

"So these books have everything in them, past, present, and future?"

"YES. Can I get on to the mystical cautioning now?"

"One more thing. Who wrote them?"

"Oh, shut up! Here's your caution: Those with no identity have no future, A choice in the future will decide what path you walk. One path leads to sucess. All others lead to death."

"So it is written?"

"YES. Now leave me alone!"

The mysterious figure ran off, leaving Agent Tonamel to ponder the meaning of the words, and wondering if he could follow that guy and find a finished copy of the saga he was taking part in.

"Whee! I love this anti-gravity atmosphere!" Lucky Dan said, swimming around in the air, along with Benit, although she wasn't having as much fun as he was.

"Hmm...lotsa candy, Seiken, Tenchi....rabbits-"

"Blargin' stuff," he interrupted.

"Sounds like Brandon's in one of his crazes again. Typical. Now how do we get outta here?" Benit asked.

Instantly, another portal opened in front of the two mind-travellers.

"Hmph. Maybe that plot contriviance thrown about is still working," Benit replied thoughtfully.

"If so, Brandon's gonna find out about those (witchy) Mothers!" Lucky Dan said as he dragged both himself and Benit through the hole.

Both of our beloved heroes found themselves falling down towards a sea of toys and rabbits. Suddenly, they bumped into a ship.

They got their wits back together, realized they were human again, and looked around at their landing site. The ship itself seemed to be screaming "EEEEEEEE!!!!"

"Is this thing Neener!?" Benit asked loudly as she clutched onto the ship.

Lucky Dan ignored the strange screaming and looked over a bar that obscured them from a man and a marshmallow being. Benit followed.

"Hey! It's Brandon and Kirby!" Benit whispered and leaned closer to figure out their conversation. She did catch 'out of carrots', and was a little confused. She looked around and noticed that this whole airship was shaped like a rabbit, and it's hunger was the same as a rabbit's.

It's elementary, Benit thought as she asked Lucky Dan, "Got any carrots? I have a feeling they might be important."

"Sure, got some in my PocketSpace for feeding myself while I was in prison," he said as he fetched out bag upon bag of carrots. They looked around for a helm opening and found it, crawling through.

A rabbit seemed startled by the two newcomers, but Benit attempted to silence it by presenting the many bags of orange veggies at it. The rabbit settled down and silently showed them the way to the engine room. Once the rabbit left them to their tasks, Benit and Lucky Dan stood before a huge burner. Several carrots on the rack were just pitch black and crisp. There weren't many carrots left, so they quickly got to placing as many of the vegetables on the grate as possible.

The ship started to gain some power...

Brandon and Kirby realized that, somehow, Fate had heard their words as Kirby-Ohki started to gain some speed to its thrust. Brandonrushed for the engine room while Kirby directed the rabbite airship.

Two figures, a man of straw, and a girl, were seen throwing volley after volley of carrots into the fire as Brandon came inside.

"Hey, shake a leg, Lucky Dan! Our company oughta be here soon!" the girl shouted.

"Hey, hey! Don't pester me! My straw could catch on fire too!" the straw figure retorted.

"She canna take much more of this!" she said as the rabbite let out another "EEEEEEEEEEE!!!" She then continued, "Okay, this thing's a descendent of Neener, no question about it."

s that...? Brandon took a closer look, and the girl turned around. "Heya, Benit!"

"Huh? May I ask who you are?" Benit asked dubiously as Lucky Dan turned around.

"Oh yeah, you're not used to my E.D. BrandonTCA form," he said as he reverted back to Solid Ekans.

"Ooohh! Okay!" She smiled. "Haven't seen you in awhile, but I've got LOTS to say," the minter said as Ekans reverted AGAIN back to Brandon.

"I don't think we have time for that at the moment. Let's get back to the bridge, you two," Brandon said as he lead Benit and Lucky Dan to where Kirby was. Suddenly, a blast buffeted the ship and shook the four heroes around like peanuts in an almost empty can.

"Spoony! I think we're moving too quickly! Who fed it too much!?" Kirby asked, then continued, "And who are these two?" He gestured to Lucky Dan and Benit.

"That's not important! I think we gave Kirby-Ohki indigestion!" Benit said, then quickly blushed at what she just said as the other three gave her odd stares.

"Anyways, Benit. I got transported to Popstar by the plot contriviance, met up with Kirby and DeDeDe, and found out Metaknight has possibly made an alliance with Pikacthulu to get rid of some of the Agents," Brandon explained, then took a deep breath. "I'm not sure which Agents though, since Pikacthulu doesn't know all of them."

Just smile and nod, Benit thought as she nodded, unsure of what he just said.

"You don't get what I just said, do you?"

"No..."

"I do," Lucky Dan replied. "When I was in the Solarian prison, I heard the Commanders talking about a 'Metaknight' and a 'Pikacthulu' alliance, and thought they could exploit this treaty for their 'Time Kompression' spell to at least find -The Power-."

"Are -The Key- and -The Contact- okay?" Kirby asked, seemingly knowing the situation as he dodged more of Metaknight's shots.

"The Contact is, but the Key isn't."

"What happened to the Key?" Brandon asked.

"My GF powers were taken away by Miang when I finally destroyed Evebucks," Benit said.

"Well it makes sense that they'd want some time manipulation abilties that not even Kera can detect entirely. Spoony. So, the Power and Contact are safe. Best we get Pikacthulu and Metaknight down before we go back to Solaris," the warrior said as the party concentrated on the Metaknight forces ahead of them.

Benit placed a hand over her eyes and narrowed them. "(Pidgey). How can we possibly bring Metaknight down?"

“Evebucks Coffee, Ultimate Tea, Mako Soda Pop?” the stewardess asked the passengers in a bubbly voice as she handed out different refreshments.

Just a few rows ahead of the stewardess sat Agent Aya on the seat nearest to the aisle as she looked towards the camera with a smile.

“Don’t you hate it when this happens?” she asked as the plane began to jerk violently into the air and then dip downwards towards the ground.

The passengers began to panic as the oxygen masks popped out of the overhead compartment, which really didn’t provide any safe protection from the hazardous decent.

“Um…this is your um…captain speaking um….we’re going to be crashing ummm…landing…in the Nibelhiem mountains ummm…so please fasten your seatbelts ummm….put your tray tables up umm…and hope you’ve had a safe flight with us ummm…” said the captain’s voice over the intercom as the passengers screamed in utter terror.

Suddenly the door to the cockpit bursted open as the captain emerged wearing a parachute. He then went over to the emergency exit and opened it, releasing forth a gush of wind into the plane, which hastened the plane’s decent due to the pressure increase.

“Umm…THIS BIRDS GONNA FLY!” he yelled as he jumped out the open door and activated his parachute safely, leaving the passengers on the crashing plane.

The stewardess then walked up next to Agent Aya as she smiled happily “Evebucks Coffee, Ultimate Tea, or Mako Soda Pop?”

“We’re going to DIE!” Agent Aya yelled as she grabbed onto the stewardess and shook her violently.

“Ummm….I’m sorry…we don’t have a drink called ‘We’re going to DIE’..” said the stewardess in an annoyingly bubbly voice, “Would you like to have pretzels instead?”

“Aaaaaaaaah!” screamed Agent Aya as the plane crashed and exploded on the Niblhiem mountains.

As the flames burned through the wreckage Agent Aya emerged from it. Her body was covered in fire as she sat down on a nearby rock and waited for the firemen to arrive. The fire trucks arrived to the scene as they jumped out, took out their firehoses, and began to spray the flaming wreckage with water as they completely ignored Agent Aya.

“Boy…it’s getting hot here,” said Agent Aya as she fanned herself with her hand, “Hey..what the…AHHHHHHH!”

Agent Aya screamed as she was disintigrated by the fire that surrounded her body into nothing but black ash. Her ash was then collected in a pan by a janitor walking around in the middle of nowhere and threw the contents into a nearby trashcan.

A day later..

“So don’t you just HATE it when that happens?” Agent Aya asked again as she flew in a different airline, “Well, now you don’t have to worry about crashing into a mountain anymore!”

Agent Aya then looked at a different directions which was the equivalent of looking into a different camera “Well, now thanks to Pinto Airlines I can arrive safely at the gate without having to descend from a high altitude, crash into a mountain, and get disintrigated into ash by the hot flames.”

Agent Aya looked at a different direction but accidentally looked into the wrong camera. She then looked again at a camera but was looking at the wrong one. Finally, on her third attempt she looked at the correct camera and smiled happily.

“We’re now landing, please fasten your seatbelts, put up your tray tables,” said the captain as everyone fastened their seatbelts.

The plane landed safely and was on it’s way towards it’s designated gate. Agent Aya gave out a sigh of relief as she smiled at the camera

“See what I mean? I finally didn’t die for once thanks to Pinto Airlines!” she said as the captain parked the airplane.

“Hope you enjoyed the flight!” said the captain through the intercom and then the plane just spontaneously exploded.

“Pinto Airlines. Our planes our safer then our cars…well…sort of..” said an announcer’s voice as the commercial ended with that apprehensive note.

Agent Axer stabbed his golden hoe into the ground as 5 feet long of soil was immedietly dug up. The Agent then lifted up a brown bag in the air as if in a triumphant pose. He then opened the bag as he walked over the newly dug up soil and threw some PotatoE seeds in the air. The area around the newly dug up ground was now littered with PotatoE seeds as Agent Axer walked over to a nearby shack. He came out later with a watering can as he began to pour water over each PotatoE seed until the area was soaked. 2 minutes and 30 seconds later the day quickly changed to night as Agent Axer wiped his forehead dry from the sweat that had built up from all that farm work.

"Well, time to get some sleep," said Agent Axer as he walked into his little farm house.

He quickly went over to the bed table that was (of course) next to the bed. On it was a journal and when he opened it up a box popped up below him.

"Will I write in my journal before I go to bed?" said the words in the box with the 'Yes' and 'No' options to choose from.

Agent Axer said yes and immedietly went to bed.

"Wait a minute," said Agent Axer as he sat up on his bed, "Something is terribly wrong with this picture."

Agent Axer stood up from his bed as he looked at his immediate surroundings. Sure enough, he was a 2.5D figure as opposed to a 3D being like he was used to.

The Agent rubbed his chin in contemplation. The farmer over alls he was wearing. This farm, the days that are only two and a half minutes long, and the PotatoE's could only mean one thing.

"I'm in the Harvest Moon world..." said Agent Axer as his words trailed off.

Gilgamesh appeared in front of Agent Axer with a resounding boom. "That is correct Agent Axer."

"Gilgamesh!" exclaimed Agent Axer as he immedietly fell on his knees bowed to Gilgamesh, "I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy!"

"I do nae have time for this," said Gilgamesh as he crossed his arms, "I must show you what happened in the Redneck Games and why you are here now."

With that said, Agent Axer was thrown back to the wall by the sudden force of Gilgamesh's powers as the Agent's mind was being assaulted with images of what occured in the Redneck Games."

"Oh my God! Agent Axer is using Agent Aya's rigamortis corpse as a weapon of mass destruction!" yelled Nick Moomba excitedly as Kelvina was assaulted relentlessly by the corpse of Aya Brea.

"Take this! And this! And some more of this!!" yelled Agent Axer as he swung the corpse back and forth.

Kelvina finally ducked an attack as she scooped hear hand down to find the closest weapon even if her eyes were closed. As she sucessfully groped a weapon she swung it towards Agent Axer. The Agent parried the hippopotomus weapon with Agent Aya's corpse as a resounding 'clang' sound reverberated between the coliseum walls.

The two combatants began to swing corpse against hippo as their weapons continually clinged and clanged against each other. While this was going on Dominia, who was still alive even though she was impaled by the spikey potatoE was trying her best to pull herself out of the contraption.

"I...will not...lose..." Dominia muttered as she tried her best to pull herself from her spikey restraint.

Kelvina swung her hippo in a wild arc as it made contact with Agent Axer (Ouch!!). He was then sent flying towards the spikey potatoE!

"Oh no! If Agent Axer doesn't do something soon he'll be impaled by the spikey potatoE of death!" shouted Nick Moomba at the edge of his seat.

"........." said Ward as Nick Moomba raised an eyebrow at him.

"Look, Ward, this is not the time to be talking about the physics of Quantum Mechanics. We're in a middle of a redneck game right now," berrated Nick Moomba.

Gilgamesh just sat there. No need for somebody as almight as he to say anything at the moment.

Dominia was able to pull herself free from the spikey potatoE. Although she had numerous gaping holes from her body Dominia was still able to function.

Suddenly, Agent Axer collided with Dominia as it stopped his momentum and transferred it to the Element leader. She was then forced backwards and was then deeply impaled by the spikey potatoE.

"Okay. Ouch," said Dominia as she became limp.

This angered Kelvina much as she began to float. A monsterous red aura surrounded her like a ball of flame as she flew high in the air.

"That's it! You leave me no choice!" screamed Kelvina threatingly.

"What do you plan on doing Kelvina!?" yelled Agent Axer as Gilgamesh dissapeared from the 64th Dimension, knowing all too well what would happen next, after all he IS Gilgamesh.

Then that was when Kelvina did the unthinkable. She opened her eyes!

The 64th dimension began to rumble as chaos began to ensue. People began to be thrown off their seats as they were lifted into the air and were forced to ballroom dance with each other. Others were reverted to various animals but mostly into three toed sloths and more hippos.

Then as if there were an atomic explosion a wave of blinding bright light spread out from Kelvina. Agent Axer covered his eyes protectivly as the world around him dissapeared in a white visage.

Moments later, Agent Axer whistled to himself as he prepared to farm. Because the 64th Dimension had collapsed unto itself he was teleported by Gilgamesh at the last second to the Harvest Moon world.

"And now that your memories have been restored," said Gilgamesh as Agent Axer cringed in utter respect and fear,"You must help your comrades out for I see a battle of monstrous fan-fic proportions arriving very soon."

"But...how can I reach them?" asked Agent Axer but Gilgamesh dissapeared.

"W-wait!!!" yelled Agent Axer but it was all too late.

Agent Axer heard a booming voice in his mind as he clutched his head in utter pain. "Find Kirby-Ohki in space and you will find the other Agents."

Agent Axer quickly ran to the cabinet as his nose began to bleed due to the mental message that Gilgamesh sent telepathically. He then forcfully opened it as he began to spill out all the contents until he found a bottle of 'Headache-Be-Gone'. He was about to pop a pill into his mouth but, remembering what happened to Cid Highwind in the commercial, he decided against it as he tossed the bottle over his shoulder and casted a cure spell on himself.

The Agent sighed as he walked outside of his farm house and looked longlingly at the stars.

"Kirby-Ohki could be anywhere in that sea of space. They could even be billions upon billions of light years away. It'd be near impossible to find them now..." Agent Axer said as he sighed.

"Well, better jump it then." said the Agent as he shrugged to himself and then jumped.

"Aaahh...made it!" exclaimed Agent Axer as he landed inside Kirby-Ohki.

Brandon and Agent Axer turned to face each other and screamed.

"Aaaiiiieeee!!! Who're you!?" exclaimed both of the Agents simultaneously.

"What do you mean who am *I*? Who are *you*?!" they both shouted as they pointed a finger at each other.

"I'm Solid Ekans!" Brandon said as he turned into Solid Ekans for a few seconds before morphing back to Brandon.

"Oh! Well I'm Agent Axer..." said the Agent as he looked at himself, "But seeing as how I'm still in my 2.5D self from Harvest Moon I suppose it was hard to recognize me."

"As dead sexy as you are," said Benit with sarcasm dripping from her tounge, "Perhaps you should change out of those stinky farm clothes and return to your 3D self, yes?"

Agent Axer gave a nod. "Okay, I'll just go use the bathroom...."

Then the thought occurred to him. The reason he was in the 64th Dimension in the first place was because he went to the BATHROOM.

"On second thought...I think I'll use the time elapse technique so I can change back to my normal..." said Agent Axer as everyone gave him an odd glance when he said normal, "...self..."

Agent Axer blinked. Brandon blinked. Agent Benit blinked. Kirby blinked. Lucky Dan blinked. A hippo blinked. A baby blinked. A car blinker blinked. Somewhere during the blinking Gilgamesh blinked which destroyed a solar system.

"Well...." said Agent Axer as everyone stopped blinking, "Time for me to elapse time so I can change."

… …

"Okay! Good as new!" Agent Axer exclaimed as he put his arms to the side as if to present himself in a model-esque fashion, failing miserably at it of course.

"Well, hopefully we can keep up the pace with Metaknight here," Brandon said after yet another one of his allies' return to the job.

"Oh boy! And to think this adventure across Square dimensions was due to Evebucks and the Anima Twinkie in the beginning! I seriously need an RPG-five minutes/one week rest," Benit said, stretching.

"No time for that, Benit-girl. Kirby-Ohki's having problems!" Kirby replied at the wheel. The opposing force threw lasers at the defenseless Kirby-Ohki, making it scream harder.

"Fight! Fight! Fight!" Axer chanted as he scrambled on top of the airship. Brandon and Benit followed him. The three Agents stood in a three-party RPG standoff against Metaknight forces that were dropping like...well, you get the picture.

Axer made the first move, shouting, "Wild Fire!", charging his pyro-Limit. Fire blazed on the sword, and he swung the fire ring at the enemy, disengaging them. More fell down, but the gloved-hand cursor fell on Brandon.

"TCA Laserblast!" he called out. Rays of blue light shot out from his hands and punctured through the second wave. Unfortunately, a third wave came for Our Heroes, but Benit's turn was highlighted.

"Gold Rush!" Benit, since she was on an airship and not on the ground, had to jump into the air and summon the jewels from far below. The priceless jewels and artifacts broke from the ground spontaneously and pelted painfully against the third wave. Somehow, none of the gems hit Kirby-Ohki.

The airship that was providing the waves of enemies seemed to be the key to disarming them. All three of them took out their best projectiles; Brandon his fashionable blue Terran Rose (at which Benit drooled at the sight), Benit a Blank Checkbook, and Axer his trademark Unblockable PotatoeS.

"And, 1...2...3..." Brandon began.

"Unblockable Blank Shot!" All three of them combined their attack names and threw the three projectiles inside the black airship. Since the Checkbook was going to do the most damage, the rose swirled its power around it for MORE POWAH, while the potatoeS popped into mounds of curly fries, covering the charged Checkbook with a shield of greasy goodness, and to lessen the damage on the three heroes. Plus, it made the attack Unblockable, so...

The odd projectile entered the airship. The same silence that happens whenever Silence Glaive Surprise is used occurred.

The explosion was very loud.

Spirits and moral were at an all time high as the trio of Agents entered Kirby-ohki. They all smiled from ear to ear as a cow "Moo"-ed to add to the randomness of it all. Who WOULDN'T smile after destroying an airship by combining all three of their limits together to make one monstrous attack?

Suddenly, a beeping signal interrupted their state of euphoria as Kirby hobbled over to the control panel.

"We have an incomming message from an unidentified location source," announced Kirby as he read the statistics of the transmission.

"Put it on," said Brandon as he pointed dramatically to one side of the ship,"THE SCREEN!"

The comm-screen popped up behind Brandon as he sweatdropped, realizing that he just pointed at the opposite direction of where he thought the screen would actually appear. Everyone looked at the comm-screen as Brandon turned around to look at who was sending the transmission.

"Aaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!" screamed Agent Axer in horror as he pulled at his hair, "OH MY GODDDDDDDD!!!!!! DID SOMEBODY OPEN THE ARK OF THE COVENANT!?!?"

"Like, Hi, and like, stuff," said Yuffie as she twirled a finger slowly through her hair.

"Yuffie!?" everyone exclaimed in utter shock. The exception was Agent Axer who was too busy freaking out.

"Yeah, like, because I like, haven't made enough like, cameos at all in, like, this like, Final Pokémon Solid Episode, and like, I thought I'd like, like, you know, like," uttered Yuffie. Everytime she proclaimed the world 'like' she'd twirl her finger in a circular motion through her hair.

Agent Axer interrupted her. "Oh...God," he felt like vomiting his insides out, "I'm sorry but...you're just too DAMN ugly to look at...."

Agent Axer looked away and everyone else agreed. All the transgressions that Yuffie had gone through from FPS1 through the current FPS has transformed her to a hideously grotesque creature. If a leper and Yuffie were to be in a Beauty Contest the leper would win hands down only because Yuffie was just, well, there are no words to describe her "beauty". And her "beauty" is said *very* loosely in this case. Plus, her intellegance has been drastically reduced so much so that even an amoeba has an advanced mental capacity than would Yuffie any day.

"Like, I'm like, like you know like, like, really like, really really like, like um...like insulted, like, and stuff!" Yuffie squeeled as she twirled her hair in fingers, getting them entangled.

"Move!!!" said another small comm-box as it bumped against Yuffie's, sending it spiraling off the Main Screen.

Everyone had a large visible question mark above their heads as Agent Axer gasped.

"It's....YOU!" exclaimed Agent Axer as he pointed a finger at the comm box.

"Yes, that's right!" yelled Dominia with an evil glint flashing in her eyes.

"Meee too!!!! ~_^" squealed a mousy voice as another comm-box appeared on the Main Screen, revealing her to be Seraphita.

The 3rd comm-box appeared as the Main Screen was split into three congruent halves.

"I'm @#^@#$^ here too!" cursed Tolone as a small steam cloud puffed out from above her head.

"Do not forget me, my compatriots," said the final Element member, Kelvina, as her eyes were safely closed.

"We ARE," they yelled as flashy lines and lights appeared around their comm-boxes.

"THE ELEMENTS!"

Agent Garret was still intrigued about the 'books' that the Keeper mentioned. So, he followed the Keeper back to the Library. As if that was difficult. However, there was a definite problem when he finally got inside. There were books, alright.

BOOKS.

LOTS of BOOKS.

Well, he thought he'd have a look at one, and see what they were like. He reached for one on the first shelf he saw. All of a sudden, a little window popped up, proclaiming 'Crammed full of Pokémon books!' Well, thought Garret, this will make things easier.

He went to the different shelves, most of them full of Poké-goodness. One of the books he managed to pull out, and there was $10 in between pages 77 and 78, so it wasn't a total loss.

"Books of prophecy. Get real." Agent Garret muttered.

Then, all of a sudden, one of the books fell out of the bookcase, and opened up. Garret was sucked into the book, a la Myst.

When he awoke, he was on top of something strange. Strange and flying.

Benit put her arms behind her head. "Aw, and just when we thought we taught you a lesson WAY back earlier in Solaris."

"Methinks we need to make a long story short, if y'all don't mind, cuz we really want to get to Metaknight and Solaris in the fastest pace possible," Brandon replied as he pulled out something.

"What's that?" Axer asked.

"It's the Mother of All Plot Contrivances...The Holey Plot Grenade!"

"I'll get the Book of Refs and read the instructions," said Benit, removing said volume from her ref bag.

"Refs, Chapter Two, Verses Nine to Twenty One," instructed Benit.

"And Solid Snake raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'Oh, Woolsey, bless this thy hand grenade that with it thou mayest blow thy plot holes to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' And Woolsey did grin, and people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and large --"

"Skip a bit."

"And Woolsey spake, saying, 'First shalt thou learn ability with Job training, then shalt thou take out the Holey Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shalt be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holey Plot Grenade of Writer's Block towards thy plot holes, which being spoony bards, shall snuff it."

"Amen."

"Okay," said Benit, "pulling pin...one..."

"Five," said Axer.

"Six," continued Benit, "Hey!"

"Two," said Brandon. "Three!" finished Benit, throwing the grenade in a random direction. It exploded in a flash of white light.

Agent Garret was already sucked into a book, but he found himself not where he wanted to be; standing on top of a floatable car in Solaris

Tolone suddenly remembered something.

"Hey, I forgot that I have a cake in the oven! Who wants to put the icing on with me!?"

"I DO!!!!" the other three screamed and ran inside the plot hole, leaving behind three very pleased Agents.

Phantom Ghost sat in his gear, seemingly the only one forgotten behind at the Space Battle until another contriviance struck the universe. He found himself going through a warp hole, then standing next to someone.

"Garret!?"

The very same happened to CAM

Agent the Captain rushed forth, though he knew he was already too late. The agent and his comrade Caesar were nothing short of walking dead. They both dwelled in a time and space that was seconds away from being anihilated from the face of the Planet. Just as Cid's house was struck by the missle fired from the approaching FUNdub Overhyped (*), Agent the Captain's hand closed around the wrist of Agent Casar.

Suddenly, the world around them melted away. At first it seemed all color had drained from the universe. Then shapes around them became faded. Suddenly there was screaming nothingness. This was the true power of the Contact. The power to bend FATE. The power to twist reality to it's own ends. The power to alter history in the blink of an eye. A power that would one day destroy itself.

But that day was not today.

Agents the Captain and Caesar plummeted through a black hole and landed hard on an entirely new surface. The two travellers rubbed their eyes groggily to attempt to register their surroundings. It was Cid's Kitchen again. But it was perfectly intact. The agents slowly got their feet and looked about them. The same tea pot simmered on the stove. The same refridgerator full of cigarettes hummed silently in the corner. But something was different; something very intagible was wrong.

Suddenly, a grizzly pilot stomped into the kitchen from the front door.

"Who the %$&*#$#! are you and what the %$#@!! are you doing in my house?!"

"Cid?" The Captain looked wearily at his friend. "Cid? It's me, the Captain."

"I'm the $%&%#!@!!in' Captain, you $%&*&$#!!!!" the pilot snarled.

"No," Agent the Captain continued, "You know, the guy who sleeps on your couch? The guy who wore that distinctive groove into your couch on many a restful day and night while you yelled at me to mow the lawn?"

"Well I don't know anything about my couch but," the pilot turned his head slightly in a glance out the kitchen window, "My lawn COULD use a good &^*^%$@!in' mowin'!"

The Captain's face went pale. Suddenly, the agent rushed past the heated host and into the living room. The couch was there, sure enough, just as he left it. But there was no groove. Planet help us all, THERE WAS NO GROOVE.

"What's YOUR story?!" Cid snapped at Agent Caesar.

"Agent Caesar, Roman Intelligence Agency." the RIA Agent flashed his badge.

"Roman Intelligence?" Cid scratched his head, "Do they have an office here in Submarine Village?"

"Don't you see? Haven't you realized it YET?!"

A booming voice echoed from outside. The three rushed out to the front of the modest dwelling. There stood, in a fancy black outfit - cape included - Trainer the Captain.

"In dis vorld, comrade," the Russian sneered, "You came in contact with the Zohar Coffee Device and ver killed dead." Agent the Captain felt faint. "But now dat you have been sucked here by the forces that govern us all, you dragged me along again. You see, you kennot exist without me, comrade. Vhere ever you are, I vill be. I hev been pulled along mit you like an anchor. But now you hev broken the dimensional barrier between these two vorlds. And only you ken bring us all beck. You are de...." the villain took a deep breath, "The FINAL POKÉMON SOLID TRIGGER."

Agent the Captain felt dizzy again, and once more his from began to glow strangely, accompanied by the strange wooshing sound. Agent Caesar grabbed onto the Agent and disappeared with him, soon to be followed into the dimensional void by Trainer the Captain.

When Agent the Captain came to, he was lying atop the debris that was once Cid's house. The contriviance had passed. The first Captain had been plucked out of the sky when the contriviance hit, sending him racing into the timestream. But now the Captain was back.

"Universe," the Captain wearily opened his eyes, "...Out of danger?"

Agent Caesar was about to answer his Star Trek question when Cid and the others rushed up to them. This leg of their journey was over. However, the real ordeal was about to begin....

And then, there was nothing.

For a long, long time.

So long, in fact, that several new universes had popped into existence.

And yet...such was the power of the Plot Contrivance that these new worlds began to meld together...and such was the determination of the Agents and their comrades and enemies that neither time nor space nor laziness, nor huge files full of bad punctuation would stop the inexorable advance of the plot.

While the Agents settled themselves into the humdrum routine of Solaris, carefully avoiding the food, Miang personally made her way to the Planet. She watched as Cid and Team Rocket Town, Solid Snake, and Princess Q (among others), ran up to the Captain and Agent Caeser.

She landed on top of the crushed remains of Cid’s house in Opiomorph, her huge, snakey, powerful Gear. All the assorted persons screeched to a halt, staring at the enourmous Gear as it reached a hand down to grab the Captain by the back of his shirt. “Finally! The Contact is mine!”

“HEY!” the Captain shouted, “I’m getting a little tired of being yanked around like this!” He looked down, waiting for the others to perhaps, I dunno, DO SOMETHING, but for some reason they had all fallen into a trance.

“No, my dear Contact,” Miang giggled from inside her gear, “They shall not save you. See? I have an accomplice!” She pointed one of Opiomorph's large index fingers at Princess Q and Mew, both of whom retained their conscious minds...but a blue glow surrounded Mew, psychic energies comming off her in waves.

The Captain just glared at Mew and the Princess...

Meanwhile, back with the Agents who were milling around Solaris...

Benit flipped a coin up into the air and then caught it. She wanted her GF self back...but how to get it? Agent Axer stood nearby, blankly poking a Wel which didn’t appear to be very dangerous. Brandon TCA examined the Bright Spoon relic, polishing it to a high sheen. Trainer Phantom Ghost had wandered into a Pokéshop and was haggling another trainer to trade him a Metal MewTwo for that oh-so-wonderful Ghost-type only Misdreveous. CAM had again begun clawing at his Emergency Twinkie Pack that wouldn’t open except in extremes most dire.

And....er....uhhhh....

Oh yeah! And Agent Garret was being forgettable as always.

Benit flipped the coin again. But just as she was about to catch it, a giant doorway appeared out of no where, leading to a room deep in Solaris. The minter could sense the presence of Aoi, so she waved the others forward. As the entered, the door closed behind them. As the Agents travled through the secret hallways, following the sense of Aoi, they suddenly realized Brandon TCA was gone.

All became dark for Brandon...then, a bright light shone directly in his eyes. Through the stinging brightness, he could just make out a big spinning globe, covered in monitor screens, each of which held the visage of a somewhat human head. The Gazel Ministry.

So. The –Spoonimus- has come.

It was then that Brandon realized he was confined, his arms pinned to his sides by a giant metal cylinder.

Begin the -process-…

Go on to Part The End