Final Pokémon Solid 3

Part 4

Krelian entered the chambers of the Gazel Ministry.

I hear that -Hi-C- has escaped, and the -Agents- now have their -Gears-.

Plus we must get the -Contact-.

"I have called in -Gen Fukunaga- with -FUNimation-," Krelian told the Gazel Ministry.

"Hello," Gen Fukunaga greeted, "I think this it time to call in the -FUNdubs-."

The -FUNdubs-?

"Yes, five extremely powerful giant robots," Gen Fukunage explained, "Each piloted by a powerful dubbed character."

I hope ‘Freiza’ isn’t one of them.

Yes, -that one- is disturbing.

Last time -it- was here, -it- tried to -caress- us."

"No, the -Agents- destroyed -it-," Gen Fukunaga replied, "We need to send one after the -Contact-, one after the -Z Senshi-, and three after the rest of the -Agents-."

Why the -Z Senshi-?

I thought ‘they’ were just around to make ‘silly jokes.’

"Because -Son Gokou- might remember he could teleport the entire Z Senshi in here and kill us all. It took weeks to wish us back the last time he did it."

Then launch the -FUNdubs-.

It shall be a purge.

Those who lay eyes on a FUNdub shall not live to tell about it.

What's for -dinner-?

Let's have -Chinese-.

We had that last -night-.

I'll call for a -pizza-.

Hey, whose -talking- here?

I don't -know-.

Meanwhile, the Z Senshi gathered in the [Capsule Corp Ragnarok].

"Hey Kakarotto," Vegeta started, "Don't you have a way to like teleport us or something?" Son Gokou simply did not hear him.

"Hey guys," Son Gokou started, "Look what I ordered from Sluggy Freelance. It’s Socklop-san!" Son Gokou displayed the mini-lop sock puppet.

"Sono mame shi-ne, <nerd boy!>" Socklop-san said to Son Gohan, who was buried into a book. Goten and Trunks were quite amused. Vegeta found his urge to kill rising

"Stay good, Vegeta! Stay good!" his good conscious exclaimed and was immediately vaporized.

"Atta boy, Vegeta!" the evil conscious praised and was promptly vaporized.

"Now I feel better."

"What are you reading there?" Videl asked Son Gohan and snatched the book away. "Kama Sutra!"

"I got it from Muten Roshi," Son Gohan explained.

Fwap!

"Ow!"

"Hey, can I see that book after you're done?" Son Goten asked.

"Hey, I've been thinking," Eighteen said, "Do you think that it really is a good idea to have Kamesennin do most of our babysitting?"

While everyone else was excited to have modifications to their gears, Benit requested to Daravon that she did not need Alexander tweaked up, and for very obvious reasons. With that, she left everybody down at the second hangar and took the elevator to the cockpit. Benit sat down, and seeing that she never got any rest after three days, she decided to take a little nap...

Am I who I really am, or am I not really who I think I am?

Benit once again had a dream sequence, but this time she was inside of Laguna. Laguna himself was talking to Headmaster Cid and Matron Edea. None of the kids were around them, but it looked to have an aftermath of a battle.

What the..? What am I doing here now?

"Huh?"

"Is something wrong, Laguna?" Cid asked him.

"No no...must be the faeries again. Is it? Yo, speak up in there!" Laguna conked on his head. Benit took the time to quote Golgo-13 by saying, "......"

"Must be my imagination...."

"But Laguna, you say that prophecy of Time Kompression can be occurred again in a different manner?" Cid asked him.

"Yes. I read to Kiros and Ward that Time Kompression can occur again, but are in three different forms. They are the Key, the Power, and the Contact. It is uncertain as to what is the process, but we only know one thing..."

"What is it?" Edea asked.

"That only two of them are here."

"In this orphanage? That isn't so. Explain how both of them are here."

"May I see all the kids? The second group that cluttered this place, I mean," Laguna requested. Edea lead him inside and seated him in the lounge room. He forked up an old issue of Timber Maniacs as he heard Edea call the children forth.

Okay, time to see who these fellows are, then maybe I can warn them of something!

"Huh? Hey, I know you're in there, faerie!" Laguna retorted to the air, but in essence, was talking to Benit in his head. She did the Golgo-13 quote again. Laguna nearly lost his head when he started smashing on it, trying to get Benit to talk.

"Matwyn! That man is scarrrry!" a child's voice cried in the air.

"Huh?" Laguna turned around and found a bunch of children scattered in the lounge room, with Edea folding her arms.

"Is there a problem, Mr. Laguna?" she asked sternly. "You're frightening the children with your voices."

Laguna blushed. "Oops. Well uh, I might recognize the two children if I can look around...."

"You'd have to forgive me though, two children are missing. One's recovering from a head injury now, and the other has ran away again. That girl thinks she can do everything by herself...." Edea muttered.

Laguna took a good look at the kids. Several of them seemed confused as to why they're in the lounge room, forbidden to them because of the breakable goodies that kids were tempted by at their time. Unfortunately, he only came up with one child. He pulled the confused boy toward him.

"Yes, I recognize him from the article."

"What is this all about? Where do you get your information?"

"Occult IV."

"I thought that magazine was disbanded due to conspracy theories."

"Conpwiacy thewries...." one child gurgled.

"Uh, Gray, you and the others can go play outside at the beach now," Edea coaxed the other kids.

"What about Weezy? He's our Captain!" a smaller Axer asked.

"He'll be back in a jiffy. Say, why don't you guys go and find your friend. She must've disappeared again!" she excalimed in that fashion that kids found appealing, but adults were very annoyed with.

"Benwiit! Okay, we have a new mission now! Go and find Benwiit!" the younger Gray Fox exclaimed and all the other kids barreled out except for "Weezy", which Benit found frightenly similar to the Captain.

Benwiit? Did *I* run away from the orphanage? Thought I was capable of working alone? No wonder I tried to leave the agent world in FPS1, but everyone kept dragging me back. Everyone did it to me even when I was young. And we played "Missions" even when we were young! Kawaii!

Laguna took out the issue of Occult IV again, ignoring the voice in his head and looked at the three forensic pictures of what the Key, Power, and Contact might look like if they were kids. Indeed, "Weezy" matched up with one of the pictures.

"He fits the puzzle for sure."

"Reeziel? He couldn't. Let me see the other ones," Edea said before saying to 'Reeziel', "Okay, you can go find your friend now." He nodded and trotted off. Edea looked in the book and saw the remaining two pictures.

"Yes..." she sounded agahst, "I think another child fits this female description...but she's the one that runs away too often from here."

"What's her name?"

"She actually has two forms, odd child she is. The children are used to 'Benit', but she was actually born 'Aoi'. Actually, no one knows where she's from, but she seems to be the only one who can talk to Squall decently and not fire up CAM's temper tantrums because she has no voice," Edea explained.

"I don't get it. How can she have two forms at the same time?" Laguna asked.

"I'm trying to understand her, but she doesn't want to open up to me. I'm hypothesizing that someone gave her the ability to be human and speak, but her Aoi GF powers are weakened. If she undergoes an extreme case of anger or sadness and becomes Aoi, the kids are frightened by her because of her lack of voice and power-ups, which lead to her seizures as Benit."

"Seems to work with the Key. And Reeziel is the Contact. But do you recognize the third one?"

"No. I'm sorry, I don't have this boy in my orphanage." Edea looked regretful.

Suddenly, the door was knocked open, and two figures were running, one crying, the other seemingly having a good time with it. Edea looked flustered as she went into the other room, Laguna following. Benit was surprised by the events that placed around her, since she had no idea who these terms were. Power? Key? Contact?

"Seifer! Why're you bugging Benit again?" Edea's voice could be heard.

"Cuz she ran away again, and she's freaky," Seifer exclaimed. This caused the human formed younger Benit to cry even louder. The older Benit inside Laguna was even more disgusted, despite the fact that Seifer was just a kid and never remembered her in the long run.

"Seifer! That is rude of you!"

"But those seizures of hers are making my watch stop!" Seifer whined. Laguna jumped at that statement. "She's even weirder than CAM!"

"Go upstairs, and don't come down again for the rest of the evening!" Edea scolded. Seifer left them to go upstairs. She then tried to calm the younger Benit down, picking her up.

"Forgive me, but me and my husband have great difficulty taking care of these children. I think we need to create some schools for them to grow up in," Edea said to Laguna, then turned to Chibi-Benit. "Why'd you run away again? I was worried about you!"

Chibi-Benit was sobbing so hard that she couldn't even talk. Laguna volunteered to take her while Edea went upstairs to punish Seifer. While Laguna held Chibi-Benit, Benit had one question roaming in her mind:

Who's the third factor responsible for Time Kompression? Two of them are obviously me and Cappy. I knew that Cappy was the Contact, but I was surprised to find out I'm the Key. I guess I now know from reading that scripture that woke Alex up.

"Hey c'mon, kid. What's up? Why do you keep running away from here?" Laguna asked Benit, the one in his arms physically. 'Benit' sniffed, then answered weakly, "No one likes me. They think I'm weirder than CAM, and he has frequent tantrums, but at least....he doesn't...*sniff* stop watches with headaches....!!" Then she sobbed again....

"Hmmm....maybe I should send somebody here to watch these kids as they grow up. She'll need to contact me by unconscious conversation..." Laguna mused.

This' pitiful. I was such a wreck when I was young. No one liked me here? I guess that's why I consider money to be my friend, and I gotta keep making it to make friends.....man, and I have worse problems of being a loner that Squall!

In the outside world, the Agents took to going up to the cockpit to go to their rooms. There, they found the sleeping Benit in the pilot's seat. Gray Fox took out a stray feather from his bottomless inventory and put it up to the sleeping Agent's nose. The irritation caused her to sneeze and wake up. Benit shook her head to recover whatever sanity she had left.

"Hey, can't I ever get any beauty rest anymore? Meanie..." she muttered.

So, now we -know- who to -kidnap- for the -Key-

"Yes. The -dream sequence- she had and we monitored while eating -pizza- was able to only distinguish the fact that now we know who the -Key- is. Unfortunately, we're no closer to the -Power-'s idenity," Krelian explained.

Could it be the -spoonimus-?

"It's a -possibility-."

Now, we get -them-.

hi i'm ditzy and i'm called usagi

Who let that -guy- in here again?

Agent Axer suddenly felt strange as he stood with the other Agents who were cackling with glee at the prank they pulled on Benit. Mewtwo seemed to have picked up on Agent Axer's feelings. After all, he was psychic.

"What's wrong?" asked Mewtwo only to be responded by a surprised Agent Axer.

"You can talk???" exclaimed Agent Axer with wide eyes.

"Um..oops..." said Mewtwo and switched to telepathy as he anime sweat dropped much.

"Anyways..is something bothering you Agent Axer?" asked Mewtwo telepathically to the bewildared Agent Axer.

Agent Axer shook his head to remove himself from utter shock. He scratched his with confusion. "For a second there...I thought I heard you talk."

Mewtwo nervously shook his head as Agent Axer shrugged in response. Mewtwo exhaled a bit, leviating him from his nervousness.

"Yeah...so I got this funny feeling right here," Agent Axer said as he pointed at his body.

"Hmmm..." hummed Mewtwo telepathically as he used his all powerful psychic ability to scan the problem. Mewtwo then chuckled when he found the answer, only to leave Agent Axer with a giant question mark appearing above his head much like in Metal Gear Solid.

"So what's wrong?" Agent Axer asked as the question mark remained floating above his head.

"It's not common but…" Mewtwo communicated telepathically, "but the problem is that you have to go to the bathroom."

Agent Axer's eyes bugged out as a giant exclamation point appeared above his head accompanied by a sharp, shrilling, beep sound.

"The bathroom? But that's unheard of! I've never seen any main characters in RPG's use bathrooms," said Agent Axer as he recalled a non-important character in FF7 as the only reference for one person to actually use a bathroom.

"Well, you better believe it. YOU need to go to the bathroom, whether you're a main character or not!" Mewtwo scolded telepathically as he folded his arms.

Mewtwo then used his psychic powers to "push" Agent Axer towards the bathroom. "Go on..scoot..scoot" said Mewtwo telepathically as he continued to move him.

"All right! All right! I'm goin', I'm goin’..." whined Agent Axer as he walked towards the bathroom.

Upon reaching the bathroom he took care of his buisness and let out a sigh of relief. He pressed the flush handle as it sucked in the water within its spirally vortex. Of course, the vortex would not stop as it literally expanded, sucking in everything in the bathroom. Soap, towels, rubber duckies, you name it, and it was sucked into the spiraly center. Axer was surprised at the sudden power of the toilet's swirl as he held onto the towel rack with dear life.

"Aaaaah!" yelled Agent Axer as he was lifted off his feet, and floated dangerously in the air. He looked like a flag flapping in the wind as he held onto the towel rack with all his might.

"Sorry old chap but we need you here one more time," said the strangely talking vortex as it reached out a watery hand from its spirally depths and grabbed Agent Axer's leg.

"Aaaah!" screamed Agent Axer as he held onto the rack with all the strength he had, "I'm not going! And don't TOUCH me! I don't want to be touched with toilet water!! Eeeek! Rape!"

The towel handle broke as he was sucked within the vortex. The toilet issued forth a burp.

"What was that?" questioned Agent Grey Fox as he looked back to the bathroom.

"Oh, Agent Axer had to use the bathroom," replied Mewtwo telepathically.

Agent Grey Fox just scratched his head in confusion "A main character using a bathroom? That's something unheard of..."

"Aaaaaahhhh!" yelled Agent Axer as he spiraled endlessly within the vortex, "Nothing can be worse than this!"

As if on que some speakers floated next to him in the watery abyss and began to speak up in a garbled voice. "And now back to our Teletubbies marathon! Followed by comercials featuring naked pictures of Yuffie!"

"AAAAAAHHHH!!!!!" Agent Axer screamed at the top of his lungs as everything just got worse.

Just like in FPS1, Agent Axer was completely knocked out due to blood loss from hearing about Yuffie. After all, everytime Agent Axer heard the name Yuffie he would usually start twitching spasmodically in pain until he was knocked out. The news of Teletubbies didn’t help the situation either.

Agent Axer woke up from his unconciousness when he felt someone slapping him. The Agent fluttered his eyes a bit and sat up to look at his surroundings.

"Oh..dear Karp no..." muttered Agent Axer in fear as he looked at his srroundings, but more specifically, a big giant neon sign that practically blinded him to near death.

'You are now in the 64th dimension. Population: ±å§£ì+¢¹Ç¬¾' read the sign as the population "number" confused Agent Axer greatly.

He looked around and saw that it was raining Skittles, but for some reason it never really hit him at all. Hippos and Ostriches were dancing and prancing around like they would be in Fantasia. He stood ontop a blue wavy ocean but was not sinking. The horizon had a purple tint to it as it donned on some shades. Far away a giant face, floating in the ocean, was looking upwards as it gobbled up the skittles with its open mouth.

"Why hello there!" said the giant face as it floated by Agent Axer and continued eating up the falling candies.

Axer was more confused then ever as he leaned back on a shoe that acted as a tree. He felt the same slapping sensation that woke him up from his unconcious slumber except this time it was on top of his head. Agent Axer looked up to see a blank CD with dollars for wings as it pooped out tapioca pudding on his head through the hole in the center.

"Ack! Stop that you stupid...THING!" exclaimed Agent Axer as he grabbed a CD Burner floating in the ocean and threw it at the CDR avian.

Little did Agent Axer realize that such a simple act as throwing a simple ol' CD Burner at a rewritable CD could cause catrastrophic results. Results that if one were to think it, they would become insane (or maybe not). In either case the CDR was inserted into the CD Burner's during the ascent into the skies. The burner then clattered to the ground as it began to write information into the blank CD.

"Download complete, BOINK!" exclaimed the CD burner as the machine spit its contents out.

Agent Axer watched with his mouth wide open as the CD spun ever so slowly in the air. After all, the dramatic 'slow motion effect' was activated to enhance the tension in the situation just like in FPS1.

"Noooooooo!!!" yelled Agent Axer in slow motion as he slapped his hands on his cheeks and morphed into the Scream'-like in Van Gogh's painting.

The CD clattered on the ground as Agent Axer ducked and took cover from anything strange that would occur from a single drop. If a drop of a PIN could cause a nuclear explosion who knows what a CD would do?

Axer waited for the inevitable.

He waited...

And waited...

And waited some more...

Until he stood up and tapped his foot impatiently as he looked at his watch.

"Aren't you going to explode anytime soon?" asked Agent Axer to the CD on the ground as he picked up the circular object.

"Ah, don't touch me you brute!" exclaimed the CD in a feminine accent but had the voice of a man thus making its gender unidentifiable, just like Yuffie.

"Oh! Sorry!" said Agent Axer as he dropped the CD, half flabbergasted and half just freaked out by the whole situation.

"That's okay," said the CD as it used its money like wings to fly, "Anyways we have no time to waste."

The CD began to fly away but then stopped when it realized that Agent Axer wasn't following. The CD flew back at Agent Axer and just fluttered around his head annoyingly like a fly.

"I refuse to go ANYWHERE until you tell me WHERE you're bringing me AND if it'll bring me OUT OF HERE!!!" shrieked the Agent as he stressed out the capital words in his statement.

"My dear boy," the CD said in the same strange tone of feminine/male voice, "You shouldn't concentrate on the Who’s, When’s, Where’s, Why’s, and How’s. Try concentrating on the Whoops, Hens, Pears, Pies, and Cows!"

The CD began to fly to away, beckoning Agent Axer to follow it. With a confused scratch to his head he had no choice but to follow the CD in this insane and surreal "reality" that is the 64th Dimension.

He followed the bird for what seemed like eternity. Actually, since time really didn't exist in the 64th dimension eternity was a term that had no meaning. Even still, Agent Axer was feeling fatigued and was tired of tredding on top of the ocean landscape.

"Are we THERE yet?" railed Agent Axer as he trudged slowly along his way.

"No, we're not...WAIT!" said the flying CD as it abruptly stopped.

Axer let out a gasp of excitement. "Are we there already???"

"Well, no. Actually we've been going the wrong direction. According to my Spider Senses we were heading due speakers when we should have been going directly towards nitrogen oxalate," stated the flying CD as it began to fly to a different direction.

Agent Axer just blinked blankly and scratched his head with confusion. He came to the conclusion that the 64th Dimension's sense of direction must be a diviation from the normal North, South, East, and West compass points like they do on his own Dimension. Knowing that delving into such a strange concept would only increase his already confused mental capacity by 10 fold, he silently followed the flying CD without asking any questions.

"Phew…man am I tired," said the exahsted Agent as he lay on top of the water which acted as if he were laying on a field of grass, "I think I'll take a nap..."

He had an irresistable urge to fall asleep as he closed his eyes. The CD just kept on flying to its directed course, unknowinly leaving Agent Axer behind. Then, just because the 64th dimension is strange as it is, a giant walking Turkey Baster strolled past the sleeping Agent and stopped dead in its tracks. It then pointed its funnel at the Agent and sucked him inside itself like water. The Turkey Baster hummed a merry tune as it went coincidentally towards the direction of which the CD was flying at.

Within the Baster, Agent Axer felt himself falling again, but this time more slowly, like a feather. As he swayed back and forth in the air he landed softly in a red plush sofa. He began to snore loudly as a snot bubble began to form, growing larger in volume with each breath. Suddenly, two magician gloves appeared inside the void of the Turkey Baster and with a wave of its hands a pin appeared. Of course we all know the affect of a pin drop, but what if one were to use it to poke something, like a snot bubble perhaps. Surely some insane and comical event were to take place.

The magician hands then popped the enormously large snot bubble and released forth a copious amount of popcorns! The popcorns were then magically lifted by some strange force into a bowl next to the Agent.

"Huh...?" mumbled Agent Axer as he woke up from his slumber and looked at his current surroundings, "Where am I...?"

"Agent Axer!" boombed a deep divine like voice from the dark void of the Turkey Baster.

"Who…who's there?" asked Agent Axer as he searched through the darkness. He could only see the spot light shining down on him.

"Agent Axer...this...is God!" said the booming voice as it left Axer in utter shock.

"…God..?" he said softly in a whimpering voice. Axer wasn’t sure if he should be happy or fearful.

"Yes, God...Godfrey Jones!!" said the voice which suddenly mimiced that of a talk show host.

The lights turned on as he found himself sitting in a red chair (as mentioned before) with a bowl of popcorn sitting on the armrest. In front of him stood a projector and in front of that stood a large prjector screen. Behind him an audience of 100 people began to clap and cheer loudly. A generic talk show host stepped onto the stage and smiled as his white glossy teeth practically blinded Agent Axer and half the audience members.

"Thank you thank you...please I know I'm great. Oh, you're just too kind!" said the generic talk show host, now known as Godfrey Jones, as he inflated ego with his own self absorbed comments.

Then a large sign that hilighted the words "Applaud" turned dim as they audience stopped clapping.

"Welcome, Agent Axer! Before we begin, I want to ask you," he said as his voice became dramatic, "Isn't there something you've always wanted?"

Agent Axer just looked at Godfrey Jones strangely as he issued forth his response, "Yeah, sure. I want to get the SPOONY out of here!"

Godfrey Jones just laughed. "You want to know about your past don't you?"

"Are you INSANE?!" the Agent said as he shook his head violently, “Have you even heard a word I said?!?”

"Well, do you know why you want to know about your past?" said the host as he flashed his pearly whites, which almost blinded Agent Axer had he not put on some shades in the nick of time.

"Can I have some fries with that!?!" Axer bellowed forth.

"That's because you're in..." the Godfrey Jones said as he ignored the Agent's response.

"THIS IS YOUR LIFE!" exclaimed the audience members plus the host as they stressed out each word.

Agent Axer was about to dart out of the chair but straps shot out from the cushions of the seat and began to bind him in an unescapable vice. Agent Axer began to struggle to escape his bonds since he really didn't need to be told about his past.

"You’re dumb…this MOCKERY of a ‘show’ is dumb…!" yelled Agent Axer as the words 'Laugh' highlighted on a sign which caused the audience to laugh, “And you’re all DUMB!!!”

"Well, aren't you just a pickle and a half?" said Godfrey Jones as he playfully punched Agent Axer on the cheek lightly.

He swatted his hand away in anger as the lights began to dim, hiding the audience members in a veil of shadows. The remaining spotlights shone down brightly on the projection screen, Agent Axer, and Godfrey Jones.

"Well, we have to do this. After all *everybody* talked about *their* past in this FPS installment so it's only fair that you trap yourself in a perdicament and are forced to watch clips of your past," said the host almost in a disturbing chipper voice.

The announcer held a gold microphone and pointed it at Agent Axer's face a little too close. So close in fact that the mike was practically jammed on his nostrils.

"Now, do you have anything else to say before we begin?" the host asked as he smiled and caused half the audience to go into epileptic seizures.

"…Go to HE-" said Agent Axer vehemontly as he was interrupted with a loud screeching feed back.

The mic was taken away from his face but was accidentially smacked on the nose. Godfrey Jones then used a fancy gesture towards the projection screen.

"And now, without furthur ado, This is Your Life, Agent Axer!" he announced as the projector hummed to life.

"Mwa. Well done, Grasshopper," Ekans said as he and Gray Fox let forth some easy laughter from their prank on Benit, and after wondering where Axer went.

"Hmph. Then I guess I'm not telling you the secret I learned when I was dreaming," Benit replied.

"Huh? Huh? Secret! Tell me!" Phantom urged. He nudged close to the helpless Agent.

"Want me to knock off your hat so that everyone can see your eyes?"

"No! Anything but that!" he replied, holding the bill of his cap and stepping away. Gray Fox stared at him.

"Come on. I'm not letting you off so easily! Tell me what the secret is!" Gray and Ekans leered closer to her. Benit was starting to feel terribly uncomfortable from being surrounded by a lot of men. CAM joined in on the fun, and Benit felt like she was going to fall through the floor....

Which she did.

The male Agents were shocked to see a gaping hole where the female Agent was standing. They all heard a resounding, "OOOOWWWCCCHHH!!" and laughed hysterically.

"Her heart must've been too heavy from us crowding her," Gray Fox remarked and jumped down the hole. He found her sitting most ignomniously on her butt, her face trying to blush but couldn't.

"So, what's up with this? What're you trying to hide?" he asked. Benit glared at him.

"I could've told you if you didn't play that prank or made me fall through the floor. Too bad for you," she said and Super-Jumped(TM) back up. Gray did likewise. Ekans grabbed her.

"Come on, guys! Why am I getting this torture!?" Benit exclaimed.

"We wanna know what's going on!" CAM said. This took the toll on Benit: her eyes became eerily black, like she was possessed by someone. Just black irises.

"WTF?" they exclaimed now. Benit opened her fist and three red coloured shards all shot forth to the Agents' necks, save for her own.

"Puny Agents. The Key of Time's power can surpass your own. IDF mage? Destined? Hi-C's former host? Makes me want to laugh! You even so much as try to save your lovely Benit, and these shards will stop you in your tracks. Literally," 'Benit' said calmly. The shard near Ekans pushed him off. 'Benit' retracted the three shards and took out her weapon.

By now, Ekans, CAM, and Gray Fox were astounded by Benit's actions. Mewtwo, Phantom, ROCKSLIDE, and Alexander all either bounded in the room or heard what was going on.

"I see. Lots of Agents and friends. I notice that one is gone. The less, the merrier then," 'Benit' sneered.

"WTF has happened to you, Benit? Get a hold of yourself! It's April Fool's Day! We were just kidding around," Gray persisted.

"April Fools Day? Joking? I have no idea what you're talking about." 'Benit' took a step forward, readying her weapon. "Well kome on now, all of you wusses to challenge your old friend?"

Mewtwo stopped in his tracks. "She's possessed!"

"Well no kidding, Sherlock! But by spoony who?" Ekans asked.

"Ultemicia. She found a weak and opportune time to take her over when the Gazel Ministry found out who the Key was and Benit was feeling down! It all adds up: her secret was that SHE'S THE KEY!"

"Better leave her now, Ultemicia. Whether she's some Key or not, you guys don't deserve to have her," Phantom defiantly said.

"I kan't believe you bumbling idiots managed to survive two stories prior to this. You guys don't even know how to threaten properly! Gimme a challenge!" 'Benit' replied.

"You got it!" Gray said as he invoked his Limit Break. The others did so too. Some cool music played as the barrage of odd philosophy, chandelier, whiplashes, MGS rappin', psychic beams, ass tossing, Megids, gunshots, illuminas, and gorish strikes all combined into one giant ball of energy and was flying at 'Benit'.

However, as she noticed the ball, she gave a look that said, "You kan't defeat me for all your worth!", which was a sneer and narrowing of the black eyes. Now called 'Sorceress Benit' for now, she lifted her hand and out shot many red shards, just like Aoi's Blue Dimension attack.

The red shards entered the ball and it was actually slowing down! Pretty soon, it was right to Sorceress Benit's face but it dropped down, looking like a kaliedoscope-like crystal of colours, never staying the same even if you tried the same motion. She jumped on top of the colourful rock as everyone gazed at her.

"See? You're pathetic! Maybe when Solaris is done with the Key, I kan take her body and use it for my deeds, in exchange for your lives! What do you-- !!!" Sorceress Benit stopped in mid-speech as she took a mighty blow to the back of her head. Or more or so, Ultemicia was forced out of her body and left the crew in a haze. Benit's eyes became brown again and she fainted off the rock. Phantom, Ekans, CAM, and Gray Fox ran to her aid.

"Who did that blow?" Gray asked.

"That would be my fault," Alexander replied, "I used just some weak holy energy of mine, but enough to drive Ultemicia out of her. I guess you guys just have to try to not get on her weak side anymore, or Ultemicia will get a second opportunity to possess her."

With that, Benit was out cold for some time while she slept in her room, leaving everyone else with what to do. Mewtwo volunteered to pilot Alexander while she was recovering.

" -Ultemicia-. You -failed- us," Krelian remarked.

"I know. It was that GF's fault. I was left open for him to attack," Ultemicia said.

"I don't want -excuses-. I want -the Key- and -the Contact- while we try to -figure- out who -the Power- is."

"Yeah. I won't be able to take her over now, though. Now that they know her own secret of this triangular factor of Time Kompression, along with the Contact, they will move in faster than expected."

"Fortunately, they -do not- know where our -base- is."

"Pigs!!! PIGS!!!! YOU’RE ALL A BUNCH OF DIRTY, STINKIN’ HOGS, THE LOT OF YA!!!!" complained Agent Axer as he sat strapped on his sofa.

"Shhhh!" shushed the audience as they watched Agent Axer's life unfold on the big screen.

"It hasn't even started, what are you complaining about?" asked Godfrey Jones as he took a remote out and pressed the on switch.

The projector hummed alive as it began to unfold the life of Agent Axer. The Agent was helpless to do anything about it but watch with irritation and boredom.

Like the opening of Front Mission 3, the image opened up to some DNA strands being analyzed by a computer. Then the camera panned out of the computer screen that was still analyzing DNA as a conversation between two people could be heard. Unlike the FF7 and FF8 games FM3's FMV sequences did not allow them to show any HUMAN people. This camera angle that the people were looking at seemed to have been through the eyes of somebody. Plus, even though their voices were heard they were speaking in a different language so subtitles were provided so that they could be understood.

"(We're closing now. Hurry up)," ordered voice #1.

"(Oh? But I wanted to buy a soda…)" complained voice #2 and was replied with a thwack to the head as the camera shook a bit.

"(What the KARP do you think this is?! A 7-11? Get out!)," shouted voice #1 as voice #2 walked out of the computer room.

The scene then transitioned to the next one where it shows the two voices walking down the hallway. Again, their faces were not seen since since the camera was looking through the eyes of voice #2.

"(Is everything according to plan?)," asked voice #1 as the two neared the end of the hallway.

"(No, the blue mouse walks through the green door carrying the string cheese)," said voice #2 cryptically and was smacked on the back of the head as the camera began to shake again.

"(Stop talking in code! What do you think this is? An episode of FPS3?)," grumbled voice #1 as he walked down the corridor.

"(Er...okay)," said voice #2 as he regained his composure and started walking down the hall,"(Anyway, to answer your question, according to our intellegence, the Japan Defense Force is on the move)."

"(I understand. Say no more)," said voice #1.

"(The plan can be modified provided there are no more surprises, like birthday surprises or military tactical espionages or such things like that)," continued voice #2 as a door was opened and the movie screen was then bathed in white light.

"(Right, let's trust in their power)," said voice #1 as the white light cleared to reveal a field of multicolored, beautiful flowers, "(The power of our children)."

"(Oh really? I'm so happy we have children now)," said voice #2 and was smacked on the back of the head, shaking the camera once more.

"(Shut up! That's not what I meant!)," said voice #1 as the FMV ended and the camera was reverted to field map view where buildings are blocky and characters were poligonialized.

"Waaaaa!" cried a childish voice as a boy ran up to the two men and clutched to voice #1's leg.

"What's wrong, Axer?" asked voice #1 to the crying child on his leg..

"I was...was playing with my toy Wanzer and...and Lukav came up to me and...and threatened to KILL me once he takes over the world!" cried the little Axer.

"Lukav!" exclaimed voice #1 as he summoned little Lukav.

"Yeah..." said Lukav with guilt showing in his voice, plodding towards the man with his head to the ground.

"Now you know better then to threaten people with your scheme for world domination," said voice #1 as he berrated Lukav for his actions, "For that you'll be punished by having a time out so that your naive mind will contemplate how to rule the world with an iron fist in the near future…"

Lukav looked up to voice #1 with saddened eyes, "But...but..!"

"No buts!" said voice #1 as Lukav drooped his shoulders and walked away.

Little Axer was sniffling lightly as he let go of voice #1's leg and wiped his nose with his finger.

"Now Axer, why don't you go play with Emma and Alisa? Help them figure out how to make a much more sophisticated and catastrophic version of the atmoc bomb so that when you grow older you guys will build it and Lukav will use it for world domination," suggested voice #1.

"Okay!" said little Axer excitedly as he ran towards a little house on the pararie.

"Those Imaginary Numbers..." said voice #2 as he chuckled, "They can be so cute sometimes."

"I have high hopes for little Axer there," said voice #1 to voice #2, "He's much more advanced then any of the Imaginary Numbers. Out of all the others, he can build the MIDAS even at his early stage of development."

Voice #2 nodded as he watched Axer talk to two little girls outside of the little house on the pararie. Lukav sat somewhat distant from them in a little 'Time Out' play pen with a radio playing a message continuously.

"You will take over the world," said the radio.

"I will take over the world," said Lukav in a zombie voice.

"You will rule this world with an iron fist," the radio said.

"I will rule this world with an iron fist," repeated Lukav.

"You will then act like a stupid generic villian who will try to vanquish his foes in the dumbest way possible," said the radio voice.

"I will then act like a stupid generic villian who will try to vanquish his foes in the dumbest way possible," repeated Lukav in a monotone voice.

"Good, this is the end of side one," said the soothing radio voice, "Please turn to side two when you are done."

Lukav squeeled with delight as he stopped the radio, turned the tape around and played side two. He began to repeat the subliminal brainwashing messages on the tape.

"Anyway…" said voice #2 as he looked to voice #1, "Aren't you afraid that...I dunno...say hypothetically somebody, like the total Bad Ass Gilgamesh, were to kidnap an Imaginary Number, like Axer, and then take him to a hypothetical dimension, like the FF8 world, and stick in him an orphanage so that we won't use the child for our world domination purposes...?"

"Ha!" laughed voice #1 hysterically, "When they make a game about a giant Meteor crashing into a planet then I'll believe you!"

A giant question mark bubble appeared on top of voice #2's head, "Um...that's already happened and they called that game FF7,"

"Oh fiddle sticks…" grumbled voice #1 as he snapped his fingers.

Little did they know that while they had their brief conversation about a hypothetical situation, Gilgamesh entered through a portal, kidnapped Axer, and exited out of the Front Mission 3 world.

"Oh...that is so...so sad..." said Godfrey Jones as he took out a hanky and blew in it. The audience memebers shared the same sentiment as they all too blew their noses in unison. Axer was the only one unaffected by the whole thing.

"Well, your BUTT stinks too, ya know!" whined Axer as he tried to struggle out of his bonds.

"In either case, there’s plenty more of your past to see!" said Godfrey Jones as he smiled, causing the projection screen to burst into flames due to his sparkly white smile.

"Ooops, there goes our projector screen soo...we'll just take a break after this comercial message from our sponsor!" said Godfrey Jones as he flashed a smile to the camera and instantly shattered the lens.

Damn. Feels like a week when you're asleep.

Who're you?

I am you. You are me. You know...it literally felt like a week since you've been in this abyss, but it's really been seven hours.

Well sure...what's your point?

I think you better get up sometime soon, for two reasons.

Enlighten me.

One: battle might be coming up sooner than you think. It's not with Ultemicia this time though. Let's just say another Gear battle, but three will go up against us and try to take down everyone, ESPECIALLY you and Gray. One might even take a major hating to you.

But who hates me so much to target me only? 'Cuz something tells me this guy will just keep chasing me around in future stories with me in them, like Lupin vs Zenigata, or CAM vs Locke.

How would you feel Benit vs Ramsus?

Peachy.

Tell me you're sarcastic.

Off course I am! Damn, some people are dense...

Oh yeah, and the other reason you have to get up.

...Is?

Two: you have to go to the bathroom.

Oh.

Benit opened her eyes slowly and found herself in bed and groggily got up. As advised by her inner self, she took a break, then went back to the cockpit, where everyone seemed to be sleeping.

Is it night already? Well, I guess it makes sense if I was possessed by Ultemicia late in the afternoon..., Benit thought. She stepped carefully over her comrades' bodies, trying not to wake them up as she tiptoed to the crevice she made when she fell through.

Uh oh...Alex is NOT going to be happy about this. What should I do? She observed her surroundings, even noting the huge multicoloured rock in the center of the cockpit where she fainted off. She shook her head in dismay at the damage she done. Oh well, she could just mint enough to repair...

Crickets could be heard as Benit was lured to the crevice she created. She peered down: nothing seemed to be down there that was important except little stars lighting the room up. The stars seemed to be moving around...like...fireflies?

There's fireflies in Alex? Oh man, I thought the 64th Dimension was cracked up enough, Benit thought as she jumped down. Her boots echoed the shock she had to absorb and she twitched at the loud sound made. It was hollow, but faint enough that no one heard. She sighed a breath of relief, then looked in her Vast Pocket Space for a flashlight.

Benit found one and flicked it on. Indeed, there were fireflies, but they were scared off by this new light source. She shone it left and right until the fluorescent strobe light hit what appreared to be a metallic leg.

Ah, it must be one of the others' Gears. Probably Bun-Bun Wing or something. But there was something wrong about this Gear. Bun-Bun Wing's metal was grey, but this one was pure silver. Benit shot the light up to the face of this new Gear, which was NOT one she recognized.

Maybe I oughta consult Axer on this one if he doesn't have a Gear. But if he comes back and has one, then I can have this one privately until someone needs it. Alex might be all endurance, but he ain't all strength. I'll wait and see...

With that, she Super-Jumped™ out through the hole. Little did she know was that there was a cloaked man in the same room that Benit jumped out of. He watched her intently...

Princess Q slapped her face in frustration.

"Cap~tain! You are supposed to jump when I press the button!"

Agent the Captain glared down from his perch atop the third level of Steamwood. "I hate this game! I hate it I hate it!" He was so frustrated he had reverted back to speaking in fonts. The Captain was not taking well to this strange internal battle he had managed to get himself stuck in. It was bad enough that Trainer the Captain was down there snickering like some deranged version of Beavis and Butthead; but now he had to go around dressed like that Musashi menace... Suffice it to say the Captain's hold on his temper and sanity was tenuous at best.

"If you want to get out of this perpetual Steamwood HFIL, you are just going to have to do as I tell you. We all know you can't beat it on your own, we've been hearing about it for over a year in Rocket Town! So just let me DO this!" Princess Q had not expected the Captain to be so adamantly stubborn...she felt just about flustered enough to beat him over the head and just do it herself.

But that wouldn't solve the problem. Trainer the Captain had picked this venue to defeat Agent the Captain...and it was a good choice. Trainer the Captain, being in reality a rather annoyingly active part of the Captain's deep deep deep dark dark deep dark subconscience, was well aware of the Agent's weaknesses. And he was playing it to a T; every time the Captain failed to save Steamwood (which was right around the umpteenth, or maybe the nth time by now) the Trainer would get stronger. Soon Trainer the Captain would be able to take over the Agent...giving him free reign to really terrorize the universe and drink all the Ultimate Tea.

What would solve the problem was getting the lead weights out of the Captain's pants and making him jump for Bahamut's sake! Princess Q had one sore thumb at the moment, button mashing as she was.

"Let's try this one more time, this time, you have to jump when I push the button!" Princess Q shouted up at the Captain, just as Steamwood exploded again.

"%^&$ %##@&& &%#@!!" the Captain growled as he found himself in the castle above Grillin' Village again.

Trainer the Captain snickered evilly from the shadows.

Agent Garret looked around. Everything was metal. This was NOT Rocket Town. He had made a serious error in his contrivance calulations. Too bad really, because his Gear didn't warp with him. This didn't turn out well at all. The AVK got away, and he couldn't even keep hold of his gear. He'd have to find a way to have Q get it for him.

All of a sudden, he saw a person jump down from a hole in the celing, and land with a sound that would wake the dead. Was that... Agent Benit? He couldn't tell, it was too dark. The fireflies provided most of the light. He looked over where she was, and saw a silver mecha. Well, in a pinch, it would do, if he couldn't find his own. But first, he had to figure out where he was, and how to let Q know about his Gear.

As Benit Super Jumped™ through the celing, Agent Garret fired a rope arrow into the celing, and climbed up after her.

Pikacthulu and his troops gathered for a meeting near Esthar.

"Then it is agreed," Tao Pika Pika said,"We will go to the Lunar Base to regroup our army."

"rIgHt!" Pikacthulu agreed,"bUt NoT zIo UnTiL hE kIlLs AlYs."

"Um, right," Zio sweatdropped and teleported away.

"Not so fast!" a voice cried, "Prepare for trouble!"

"And make it double," a male voice added.
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all people within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jessie!"
"James!"
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light."
"Surrender now or prepare to fight!"
"Meowth! That's right!"

Before Pikacthulu could react, Team Rocket was upon him. "Arcane ball go!" Pikacthulu was trapped in the Arcane Ball. It jiggled once. Twice. Three times. It then stopped all movement.

"Ha!" James cried out, "We got Pikacthulu!"

"kAiO-KeN tImEs TeN!" Pikacthulu cried as am aura of red ki surrounded him shattering the most powerful Pokéball ever created. With this distraction Ash was able to capture Jessie, James, and Meowth in a Pokéball.

"wE'Ll MeEt BaCk Up At ThE lUnAr GaTe," Pikacthulu told them.

After the ‘sorceress Benit’ episode, the Agents had regrouped in the snack bar that was included in Alexander.

"For a Gear, this place is sure cozy," BrandonTCA remarked.

"Hey, where is CAM?" Celes asked.

"Oh, I think he was going to train in the Secondary Gear dock," Agent Gray Fox said while sipping on an E-Special.

"With who?"

"Mobile Dolls activated," a voice chimed.

"CAM!" Celes cried and ran towards the docks.

"Gee, isn't she getting a little dramatic," Gray remarked, "This is a comedic fanfic, you know."

The rest of the Agents walked over to the observation window of the gear hangar to see what was going on. Celes had tried to open the door, but CAM had welded it shut with some ki blasts. Agent CAM faced off against five of the Taurus mobile dolls Daravon had lifted on his way here. The Taurus mobile dolls fired their rifles at Agent CAM, but they simply bounced off a Ki Sheild.

"Hikari!" CAM cried and threw five balls of light into each of the Gear's cameras. This really didn't effect them like it does a human, but it prevented them from getting a bead on him. Agent CAM blasted off and started to pummel one of the mobile dolls. Every punch left a large dent in its armor. Agent CAM blasted it several shots from his Mako ARM, and then blew it up with a Ki Blast. Agent CAM holstered his Mako ARM and faced his other oppenents. The four other mobile dolls fired.

"Kouhi-Hame-Ha!" CAM's Kouhi-Hame-Ha absorbed their shots, and even destroyed one of them. Agent CAM started dodging and countering the attacks with ki, and also attacking when there was a chance. The mobile dolls were do damn fast to fight and defend against at the same time, exspecially when not even in a gear. Eventually the inevitable happened, CAM ran out of energy. The mobile dolls began to pound away on CAM with rifle blasts.

CAM trashed and writhed in the air as every shot meet his flesh.

"CAM!" Celes cried.

Agent CAM began to see his life flash before his eyes. A stray shot to the head cause his scouter to start playing "Spirit vs. Spirit". He saw Chibi Hi-C standing among the bodies of the young boy he just posssessed's family. Even CAM's grandfather could not withstand the brutality of Hi-C. With his last once of breath, CAM's grandfather forced the four star ball into Hi-C's left hand and uttered a curse under his breath. "Your shall forever be bound within the recesses of this body, until this ball is destroyed." There was a flash of light, and Hi-C screamed as the ball burned his hand. When the light cleared there was only CAM holding the four star ball.

Agent CAM looked on to his stay at Matron's orphanage. How the children where afraid of his tantrums. The mysterious guests. His adoptive father. The fateful day of his head wound. How he was a good hearted child afterward. His abandonment by his adoptive father...

Agent CAM reflected on his past, Hi-C, and what he is going to do about it. After much soul searching Agent CAM found something within him.

Agent CAM reared back his head and screamed as energy rushed through him. His hair became spikier, changed to gold, and his pupils vanished. With a final cry turquoise pupils appeared and with a brilliant flash of light an aura of ki surrounded CAM. This sudden flare of power shattered the observation window, and blew up two of the nearby suits. Undaunted the Taurus continued fighting, CAM caught all the blasts and throw them right back destroying the suit.

Zio , hidden in the shadows, used this oportunity to strike. Using his slingshot he fired a shot at Alys. It hopelessly missed and hit a button on the monitor.

"Zergo mobile dolls activated," the voice chimed.

"Even with this new form, I don't think CAM could stand up to them," Gray Fox commented, "He is fighting Gear-sized enemies."

"CAM! Get out of there!" Celes screamed.

Agent CAM ignored her and went into the fight. The ten vergos fired at CAM, and he dodged every last once but his ki couldn't pierce their force fields. With thier more superior blasters they broke through CAM's defenses and knocked him to the ground. The Vergos prepared to fire again, but a large beam knocked their shots away. Agent CAM looked to the side and saw Mocha Impact 2.

"Thank you," CAM said gratefully and flew into the open cockpit. Once CAM was in the cockpit an aura surrounded his gear and it went into Hypermode. At an increased speed Agent CAM teleported behind them with the use of the IDF engine pummeled two to death with Mako blasts. Mocha Impact 2 spun around and fired two Citra cans from the shoulder cannons destroying two more. Repeated whiplashes brought one more down, and Agent CAM teleported again. "G-Kouhi-Hame-Ha!" The gear sized blasts demolished the rest of them.

Mocha Impact 2 kneeled, the cockpit opened, and Agent CAM levatated to the ground and reverted back to normal. His was know wearing a blue dragon t-shirt, blue jeans, and a leather jacket.

"Hey, where did you get the new duds?" Gray asked.

"I found them in a duffel bag."

"CAM! I was so worried!" Celes greeted him.

"I'm fine," CAM replied, "And I found this in my other pants." CAM showed her a crystal shard. "This is the last piece of the Dragon Ball. It’s my connection to Hi-C. With this, I was able to make that transformation by tapping into his power."

An explosion erupted near the Lunar Gate. Pikacthulu and all of his minions rushed in and took control of the center. After hijacking a carrier, they blast off into space.

Perhaps it was the late hour, or perhaps just the author's desire to get on with things, but it sure seemed an awful lot like Agent the Captain was doing those double jumps the way Princess Q told him to.

Of course, that made Princess Q happy. She stood at the base of Steamwood, waving the controller around like any gamer who is excited about winning.

Trainer the Captain, however, was not so happy. He growled and fished through his pockets, looking for some Pokémon that would be useful for stopping this whole fiasco.

Agent the Captain was actually only semi-aware of his surroundings; Mew had to zap him a few times with Psychic to lull him into a sort of dream-state so he would follow the controller’s orders. And that was probably for the best; such was the Captain's loathing of Musashi that he had actually threatened to dye Princess Q's hair Egyptian Plum if she didn't give him back his regular clothes...and as everyone knows, that would be Bad.

So the impossible was finally realized: the Captain FINALLY saved Steamwood. Trainer the Captain was foiled temporarily and Gray Fox had a brief seziure caused by the ensuing disruption in Life, the Universe, and Everything such an unbelievable event inevitably caused. Fortunately, that was all the ill effects any of the Agents suffered; the main shockwave actually hit Endor, vaporizing every Ewok within several parsecs of the small moon and satisfying Lucas purists everywhere.

Princess Q jumped up and down in delight, while Mew mewed happily. Trainer the Captain stalked over to the Princess and the Pokémon while Agent the Captain blundered about the base of Steamwood, dazed and confused.

"You hef angered me, comrade," Trainer intoned, voice full of dangerous portent.

Princess Q gave him a side-long glance and sighed. "I really wish I didn't have to do this."

"Do vat? You ken do nothink!" Then Trainer the Captain lifted his clenched fists to the sky and shouted, "Mewtwo! Come to me! I haf realised you, so you must obey me!" The sky around Steamwood suddenly darkened with storm clouds and lit up with thunder.

After a several moments of holding that dramatic pose with nothing dramatic happening, Trainer the Captain suddenly dropped his arms and shifted around uncomfortably.

Princess Q looked at her wrist, forgetting for a moment that she didn't have a watch.

Mew floated silently.

Trainer the Captain shifted around for a few more minutes.

Princess Q scratched her head then looked around, bored.

"HFIL," Trainer the Captain muttered.

"Mew."

Agent the Captain tripped over the PlayStation, pulling the plug out of one of Steamwood's roots.

After several more minutes of silence, Princess Q ventured, "Mewtwo's not coming I guess."

Trainer the Captain stomped his foot and fumed. "You vill not get out of here alive. I vill make it so you kan't efer find your vay out!" Then Trainer the Captain tried to summon up a confusing maze of HTML code and web site URLs.

Princess Q yawned. "Since you are really the Captain's deep deep dark deep dark side, I assume you know that I know more than you know about what you have left strewn about the 'net...."

"Mew?"

Princess Q pouted. "I mean, Trainer the Captain can't honestly expect to get me lost in a maze of URLs. Somewhere I have an award for finding unearthing web 'secrets'...."

Mew shook her head and sighed. Let's just get this over with.

Princess Q nodded slowly. Suddenly, Trainer the Captain felt the fabric of his reality warping. Agent the Captain suddenly recovered from Mew's induced stupor, but before he could scream and dye the Princess' hair, she gave him his regular clothes back.

"Just so long as I get to burn these," the Captain muttered darkly as he stormed off to go change out of those thrice-cursed Musashi clothes.

When the Captain returned from changing, he blinked and found himself in Cid's living room.

Princess Q was sitting next to him, and Mew was floating above, making little mew noises.

Princess Q and the Captain both opened their mouths to speak at the same time, but they were interrupted by a deep, strangely blue voice coming from outside.

"G...."

Benit stood still and watched her comrades rest. She swore she saw Gray Fox convulsing in his sleep, but didn't want to bother him. Coincidentally, she looked down and saw an arrow at her left foot. Benit jumped away and saw a glimmer of thread on it.

Realization came to her that someone was trying to climb up.

Agent Garret climbed up the rope that the arrow held on to. When he got to the top of the crevice, he saw what he thought were two swords at his throat. A closer look and he saw that these two swords were attached to a pole, which Benit held on to with a look of sheer spite.

Double-sworded spear...what a way to put it, Garret thought as Benit said very quietly, "Don't move, intruder! I don't want to wake my friends up here with this mess, so come along and I'll unmask you swiftly..."

"Wait!" Garret hissed, "itsa me, Tonamel!"

The angry look on her face disappeared and turned into one of embarrassment as she took Saturn Rhapsody off his neck. "Tonamel? Didn't recognize you with the cape on. What name are you using?"

"Um...hey you remembered! I use Garret now, although I went around as Agent Thin Man for the AVK." Benit blinked.

"You must be an anit-hero in this FPS then. What's going on with Princess and Cappy back at home?"

Agent Garret told Agent Benit about the Captain being trapped in Steamwood, the Princess and Mew saving him via a controller, and how he got here. The AVK, he said, were still on the loose, along with the Nemesis Moogle.

Agent Benit then told her side to him, about the aquirement of Gears, the battles between Hi-C, Pikathulu, and FUNimation execs from Solaris, and the premontion of a second form of Time Kompression coming true. Both Agents knew that this spell was the ultamite goal for the evil of FUNimation and Solaris.

"Spiffy. I wonder if AVK are working for Solaris. Maybe not, if even they're lost in this labriynth. By the way, where am I?" Garret asked.

"You're in my Gear, Alexander, on the FF8 world. Although I don't know what's going on with this silver Gear I found, which I assume you saw too." Garret jerked at the statement.

"Yeah, I did. I might need it though because I can't call Hammer back for awhile yet." Garret paused and stared at the sky from the glass ceiling. Benit followed his gaze. The night sky was filled with some kind of falling stars, but the odd thing was that they were cascading away from one single source. As abruptly as they saw it, the stars vanished.

"Amazing...hey waitaminnute...." Benit murmured. Now both Agents knew that something odd was happening if falling stars were descending right for them. It was time to get into "Asteroid Ass-Kickin' Mode".

Agent Benit ran up to a red button and pushed it with haste, sending another barrage of klaxon lights and red lights around the room, waking the other Agents and friends up.

"Hey, what gives!? I was having a dream of twinkies, coffee, and Celes...." CAM complained as he struggled to get up.

"No time for that, you spoony bards! There are falling stars heading for us!" Benit shouted as she took the pilot's seat. Alexander whirred to life. "Time to engage in another round of Gear battles." By now, everyone was shocked as they looked upwards.

Garret jumped down into the crevice and ran up to the silver gear. The newest gear whirred to life.

"I am the Gear that awakens in the case of danger. I am Retrograde."

"Sweet. I'll be your temporary pilot, Garret," he said as he jumped inside of it and operated the wall to open for the 'hidden hangar'. Retrograde bursted out of the wall and flew upwards.

Back in the cockpit, Benit saw the silver gear burst from a wall she couldn't see below her as the other Agents bounded down for the elevator.

"Alex, engage Gear preparations for launch and attack. Also, verify what is abushing us."

"Will do," Alexander said and the screen turned green, the 'asteroids' indicated in white, and the gears in red. Alexander took up a lot of ground space, and there were many 'asteroids' in the sky. It focused on one single 'asteroid' and zoomed in 1000x for better observation.

Unbeknownst to Benit, Mewtwo sat next to her on the armrest and watched the screen. Benit herself was somewhat confused by what was on the screen at maximum zoomage range.

"What IS that!?" she cried. Mewtwo floated up to the screen.

"Dear Mog, no! Those are....METALLIC MEWTWOS!" Mewtwo yelled. Benit's jaw gaped. She grabbed an intercom and switched it on.

The remaining Agents were in the first or second hangars, observing the 'tweaks' and 'add-ons' Daravon put forth to the Gears during the last few days. The intercom chimed on.

"Everyone, listen up. Our threat has been identified as metallic Mewtwos. The source who sent these are unknown, but was observed to be from a single source in space. All units are ready to go. Proceed at will." Benit's voice was cut and the intercom chimed off.

Agent Garret already took to the space skies in Retrograde, and seemed to be passing the meteors at immense speed. He knew these weren't meteors, but some kind of metallic Pokémon. Retrograde's cannons fired some ice and froze few metal Pokémon to the sea floor.

"Cool...an ice Gear. Let's see what else this can do..."

Meanwhile, Pikacthulu had single handedly taken over the Lunar Base, and destroyed everyone in his path.

"i'Ve GoT a FeW sUrPrIsEs FeW oUr DeAr AgEnTs," Pikacthulu said and waddled to a near by computer. He logged onto Proffessor Oak's computer and wired 153 Pokéballs to this terminal. He then handed 150 of them to Ash. "pUt On A sUiT aNd PoP tHe HaTcH. lAuNcH aLl HuNdReD aNd FiFtY mEtAl MeWtWoS. aSh YoU aRe NoW tHe PiLoT oF Fünfundzwanzig."

"But brother," Tao Pika Pika pleaded.

"dOn'T wOrRy I'vE gOt An EvEn BeTtEr OnE," Pikacthulu replied and threw down another Pokéball. Out popped a gear that resembled Raichu. "tHiS iS sEcHsUnDzWaNzIg. iT's MuCh LiKe Fünfundzwanzig, bUt It CaN lAunCh Up To 150 SpAcE eLeCtRoDeS, hAs A lArGe BeAm kAtAnA, aNd A BlAdEd TaIl."

"I am grateful," Tao Pika Pika said with a bow,"but what are those last two balls then?"

"tHiS," Pikacthulu started and releashed the ball to reveal a Scytherlike gear,"iTs My GeAr

Hundert Dreiundzwanzig SiNcE i CaN't BrEaTh In SpAcE. iT's OnLy 75% DoNe, bUt I tHiNk ThE rEsOuRcEs On ThIs BaSe WiLl Be EnoUgH. aNd ThIs." Pikacthulu gestured at the last Pokéball. "Is A lItTlE sUrPrIsE fOr ThE aGeNtS."

Jarred from an uncertain sleep, Gray Fox found himself in the plug room. He could have sworn something huge, something mega, something kachunga, had sent the delicate balance of Life, the Universe and Everything spinning far into chaos. Being the Destined, he was privy to the Interconnectedness of All Things, but all he had to show for it was a headache and lots of spam in his mailbox. All in all, it made for a bad premonition. Of course, it could have just been the Mideelian food. Regardless, here he was in the plug room, along with Phantom Ghost, Solid Ekans and CAM. Tonamel had already been launched into space. As far as anyone knew, Axer was still in the bathroom. And ROCKSLIDE was staying behind with Benit. And Metal Mewtwos were attacking from space. This wasn't good. This wasn't right. This was…not nifty.

"What're we waiting for?" CAM asked. "Time to kick spoony!" There was a general nod among da boyz, and they jumped into their respective plugs and strapped themselves in. With a slight whir of protest, the plug shot off through Alexander's innards towards the Gear Hangar.

Pilots…'Solid Ekans, Phantom Ghost, CAM, Gray Fox' confirmed.

Gears…'Bunbun-Wing, PokéArms, Mocha Impact 2, Kusotare' confirmed.

LAUNCH GEARS!

Alexander's launch cannons pointed directly at the dark sky above. Small flickers could be seen occasionally, probably Retrograde blowing up the occasional Mewtwo. A rumble passed through Alexander, and the four Gears launched simultaneously outward. Kusotare and Bunbun-Wing unfolded their wings and blasted upwards, while Mocha Impact 2 and PokéArms ignited rocket boosters. Gray Fox hit a button, and Jimi Hendrix began playing over the sub-etha.

"Mood music," he explain simply to his fellow pilots. Faster than you could say 'Kiki,' the Gears were out of the FFVIII planet's atmosphere and directly in the path of the falling Pokémon. A Gundam-esque space battle was ensuing: truly, this was Just Wild Gears Communication.

"Go!" Phantom Ghost shouted. PokéArms jetted across to Bunbun-Wing. Both Gears raised their cannons, and in a hideously bright barrage of light, opened fire. The unlucky Metal Mewtwos in their path were quickly reduced to slag, falling and burning up in the atmosphere.

"Whoo-haa!" Agent Garret yelled over the radio; he now had help.

"Look at the big cluster over there," Gray Fox observed. Kusotare suddenly shot toward the group of Mewtwos. "Kusotare, Galactic Beam!"

"You're the man!" the TwinkiEVA said brightly. He stopped short, and pointed the ends of his wings towards the collection o' Pokémon. Life, the Universe and Everything rumbled dramatically, then froze. The Gears and the Mewtwos stopped dead still, as if stricken. Gray Fox closed his eyes, drawing upon the power of the Brood. Luminous energy began to collect around Kusotare's wings, growing and brightening. The pilot put his hands forward, palms out. The TwinkiEVA mimicked the movement. Rainbow light played around Kusotare's hands, and then a globe of G-Ki began to collect. Kusotare began to glow, and then it jerked forward. A massive beam of multi-hued light shot outward. The cluster of Mewtwos was entirely engulfed. And the Universe began to function again. A few stray dust motes floated away from where the Mewtwos had been, glinting in the sun's light. And then, the Final Fantasy victory music began to play.

[Metal Mewtwos are in the Next Dimension! Gray Fox wins! Collected 800,000 EXP! Gray Fox went up in level! Gray Fox level 88>90! The enemy dropped something! Received a 'Molten Pokémon!]

"Yay!" Gray Fox yelled. "Fox's da man! Fox's da man!"

"Wow," Solid Ekans said. "That Gear are sick."

Are you sure that the -FUNdubs- will be enough?

"I believe so," Gen Fukunaga replied, "Each -FUNdub- is a mighty -Gear- with a powerful -Pilot-. Firstly, there is -Zero Quality- piloted by -Goku-. This is the most powerful Gear, armed with a huge Kamayayaya blaster. Secondly, there is -Pointy Sharp Thing HFIL-, piloted by The Great Sender to the NEXT DIMENSION -Vegeta-. It has a Sharp Pointy Weapon. Third, there is -Eternal Dragon-, piloted by dubbed -Piccolo-. It has a dragon arm with an attatched Special Beam Cannon. Fourth, there is -Bad Merchandising- piloted by -Krillen-. Its has a big machine gun, rocket launcher, and a poorly crafted sword. Finally, the fifth FUNdub is -Overhyped-, piloted by Garlic Jr. It has two curved blades and the pilot is immortal, but he tends to get knocked into his own dead zones by Gohan all the time. "

"Then launch the -FUNdubs-!" Krelian ordered.

Setting Course: [Capsule Corp Ragnarok]

Mission: Send Z Senshi to the NEXT DIMENSION.

Launchers primed.

FUNdub "Bad Merchandising" confirmed.

Pilot "Krillen" ready.

Launch FUNdub.

Setting Course: FF8 Planet

Mission: Kidnap the Power, Key, and False Contact.

Launchers primed.

FUNdubs "Zero Quality, Sharp Pointy Thing HFIL, and Eternal Dragon" confirmed.

Pilots "Goku, Vegeta, and Piccolo" ready.

Launch FUNdub.

Setting Course: FF7 Planet

Mission: Kidnap the Contact and Guardian Angel.

Launchers primed.

FUNdub "Overhyped" ready.

Pilot "Garlic Jr." ready.

Launch FUNdub.

After some space travel the FUNdubs arrived near FF8 planet under the guise of meteorites, but Esthar quickly caught on to this plan with some inside help.

A spy shuttle soon took notice of three meteorites.

"Hmm," the Esthar soldier said, "It seems that three meteorites are headed this way. Probably some space trash."

"Tell Colonel Kiros," the other replied, "He's in this area."

Elsewhere in space, the ship Exaclibur waited for orders. On board were Colonel Kiros and Ward, Lt. Aya, and Sgt. Biggs and Wedge.

"Hmmm," Kiros said,"Scouts report three meteorites."

"...." Ward interjected.

"You’re right," Kiros said, "I bet there from Solaris. Lt. Aya how many can we catch up with?"

"Only one, sir."

"One would be just dandy."

Once Excalibur was upon the meteorite, it shattered to reveal a small fighter.

"I doubt that fighter ship is really the weapon," Colonel Kiros stated, "but I bet the pilot inside is the weapon. Our scanners indicate a high amount of power from him."

"I'll wake him up with the machine guns," Lt. Aya stated and started pelting the fighter ship with machine gun fire.

"No," Colonel Kiros reprimanded, "We want it destroyed, fire the cannon."

Lt. Aya fired the laser cannon, but the fighter ship dodged and returned fire. The Excalibur's sheilds withstood the fire.

"Biggs and Wedge go out in the Ford Taurus mobile suits," Colonel Kiros instructed, "If he wants a fight, then that's what he'll get." Sgt. Biggs and Wedge nodded and were launched into battle. To their surprise, the fighter ship changed into a mobile suit, and to no one's surprise, the mobile suit Zero Quality destroyed Biggs and Wedge with one shot. A shot from Excalibur's cannon distracted Goku long enough for them to escape.

"Why are we escaping, sir?" Aya asked.

"It is said those who lay eyes on a FUNdub shall not live to tell about it." With that note, Aya died of a heart attack.

Zero Quality tried to pursue but it got cut off. A large beam katana and a tail slash knocked Goku back. Then the unknown assailant fired one Space Electrode after another into him. Goku finally doubted his current situation and blasted Zero Quality off. He told the rest of the pilots that they'd wait and surprise them after the Agents defeat Pikacthulu.

In Laguna's office in Solaris, his cell phone rang. "J'ello?"

"President Loire," Colonel Kiros reported,"We were just attacked by a strange gear. It was made out of FUNdubbian alloy."

"Its a FUNdub?"

"Yes, FUNdubs are on FF8 planet."

"Thank you, Colonel Kiros," Laguna said, "That is all. Prepare my tall geese." The chef nodded and shuffled off to make some foie gras. "I'm hungry, and now what to do about the FUNdubs. I know I'll call the Elements." In a puff of smoke Alys, D, Gabriel, and Rune appeared.

"Could you at least give us a warning first," Alys complained,"and what do you want?"

"Solaris and the Pokémon have sent a thre-" Laguna started.

"I thought you were with Solaris!" Alys interupted,"You’re keeping stuff from us." Alys grabbed Laguna by the hair. "Keeping information from me is the sixth most dangerous thing in the world!"

"Alright! I'll talk!" Laguna cried,"I'm not really the Solaris president, I'm powerless. I rule Esthar. The only people working for me are you and Artemis! Please let go of my hair, I'm an ally!" Alys dropped him. "I just wanted to give you this." Laguna handed her an issue of Timber Maniacs. Alys flipped through it. She say spy photos of Ash launching the metal Mewtwos, and a gear resembling Zero Wing fighting a gear that looks like Raichu.

"The Mewtwos that are attacking now are just the first wave," Laguna told her. Alys' eyes narrowed.

Launchers primed.

Gear "El-Reisingei" confirmed.

Pilot "Alys" ready.

Launch Gear.

El-Reisingei blasted straight out of the tube into battle. Alys fired the G-Moonslashers that cut two Metal Mewtwos down the middle. She turned to face another squad. The shoulders of El-Reisingei opened and let loose a shockwave that shattered several Metal Mewtwos. Then her gear's chest opened and fired Burst Rockets destroying the remainder of the squad.

Kusotare, El-Reisingei, Mocha Impact 2, and BunBun Wing all stood in line. They all drew their cannons and charged them. All four elite gears unleashed a huge blast that engulfed the rest of the attackers.

"This isn't the last of them," Alys radioed CAM,"That wasn't even a quarter of them, and thousands more where that came from."

CAM become silent. He started the Sub-Etha to all the radios. "This attack was not even twenty-five percent of the Mewtwos, and still thousands more where that came from. We can't take that, we have to stop them at the source. Its my fault that Pikacthulu is back, and that Hi-C is loose. I will try to stop them myself, but even with my new power I will probably die trying. If we work together we may just win, this will be our final battle with Pikacthulu this fanfic. To all of those capable pilots with a gear, I have only one thing to say: To outer space, every one of us!" An aura surrounded Mocha Impact as CAM used Hi-C's power and blasted off towards the Lunar Gate. BunBun Wing and Kusotare caught up with him. El-Reisingei and Alexander followed.

Three Metal Mewtows touched down at Trabia Garden and attacked. These monsters easily defeated the SeeDs, but then a new force burst out of the crowd. Hi-C flew up into the air to face them.

"So you’re the new Pokémon," Hi-C greeted. The Metal Mewtwos replied with Psychic attacks. When the smoke cleared, Hi-C was gone.

"E....."

Agent the Captain carefully peeked through the blinds in Cid's front window, "Looks like some big-spoony moogle is stomping this way."

"Nemesis..." Princess Q gasped.

"Mew," mewwed mew from her perch on Princess Q's shoulder.

"You're right," Q nodded, "That's the last mutant moogle with Cid's attitude." She peered through the window and amended, "And this one seems to be carrying a bazooka."

As if on cue, the livingroom wall on the other side of the window exploded with debris and ember, causing the three to jump backwards and land on the sullied carpet floor. Before the trio could get to their feet in the smoke-filled house, an eight foot tall moogle stepped through the hole it created.

"N...." the behemoth uttered.

"R O C K E T T O W N ! !"

The sky above Cid's house grew dark and cloudy. Suddenly a vortex of air and wind began to form in the sky, cirrus and nimbus formations swirlled about the atmospheric portal being created by these strange new conditions. Without warning or explanation, a torrential shower of email blasted downward from the vortex and buried Cid's house.

Nemesis Moogle roared in agony as his left foot became crushed under the mountain of email that buried Cid's house. It struggled to free itself like an angry bear caught in a steel trap.

"That'll hold it," Agent the Captain muttered, "For now..."

"Yes, but you've trapped US in here with it!" Princess Q fumed. Mew mewwed in agreement.

"Hmmm...," the Captain hmmed as an anime sweatdrop appeared over his head, "What if I tried THIS!"

The Nemesis Moogle roared in agony and clasped its massive paws to its ears.

"It's working!" Princess Q cheered, "Your fontspeak is causing it pain somehow!"

"The brown fox jumped over the red barn." the Captain continued. The Nemesis roared again, this time turning its bazooka to the outside pile of email and blasting itself free.

The Agents had escaped - or HAD they?

Mewtwo drummed his fingers on the armrest of the decidedly uncomfortable chair he was occupying on Alexander's bridge.

Why can't they make chairs for Pokémon with tails, Mewtwo thought to himself while shifting around trying to find a comfortable position to sit in. After much contortion, he found one, or at least something that could be mistaken for a one. He lay in the chair sideways, with his legs sticking up and his tail draped over one chair-arm. His back was crammed into the corner, leaving his face nearly touching his belly and putting a rather unpleasant amount of pressure on that thing sticking out of the back of his head. His right arm was stuffed uselessly behind him, while his left arm hung down, his three-fingered hand just touching the floor. Mewtwo sighed.

He watched the viewscreen, where Kusotare had just vaporized many Metal Mewtwos. Sensing the outcome of the battle, the real Mewtwo wondered what a Molten Pokémon would be useful for; perhaps someone could take it to a junk shop and use it to make their weapon stronger. Or maybe it could be changed into 100 Firaga spells.

Suddenly, a psychic jolt startled Mewtwo as he sensed a disturbance in the Force. Unfortunately his position was not conducive to startled jolting, leaving him with a sore neck.

Rubbing his neck with his free arm, Mewtwo reached out into the psychic plane to discover what had startled him. He found it quickly enough; it was his mother Mew contacting him from another world.

What is it, mother? Mewtwo thought.

Mewtwo, Mew sent back, I need your help. We are planning something, something dangerous, and I need to ensure some cooperation from the people you travel with.

What's wrong? What's happened?

Mew sighed psychically. I need to have you speak with the Destined. He I think would best understand our predicament. But be descreet; if he does not agree with our plan, you must not let on what you know. But please, you must help me as best you can. Understand?

Mewtwo nodded silently. Yes, I understand. Then Mewtwo listened intently while Mew outlined her plan and explained what she needed. Mewtwo's eyes widened, by turns shocked and concerned, scared and saddened. But he understood, and shoved his feelings aside. His mother was very wise, and he trusted her judgement.

Mewtwo sighed, then tried to get up so he could get his armor and join in the battle. Unfortunately, his tail had fallen asleep, and he was stuck.

"Oh pidgey," Mewtwo 'shouted' to himself, struggling to extract himself from his badly twisted position.

Funfundzwanzig, Sechsundzwanzig, and Hundert Dreiundzwanzig (which was completed all its repairs by now), with their pilots Ash, Tao Pika Pika, and Pikathulu observed the Agents blasting what wasn't even 25% of the metallic Mewtwos to the NEXT DIMENSION in the Lunar Gate.

"Lord Pikacthulu, am I supposed to keep launching the metallic Mewtwos until they are weakened enough for us to attack?" Ash asked of his master.

"Of CoUrSe, YoU iDiOt! ThAt WaS tHe PlAn FrOm ThE bEgInNiNg. ThOuGh I dO wOnDeR iF oUr DeAr AgEnTs WiLl SuRvIvE tHe OnSlAuGhT oF mY mEtAlLiC mEwTwOs....AnD tHis," Pikacthulu gestured to the remaining Pokéball in his hand.

"What's contained inside it, brother?" Tao Pika Pika asked.

"TiMe WiLl TeLl."

"Um, Gray. Better quit rejoicing over your victory and start pumping some more lasers, 'cuz we got more Metallic Mewtwos on the way," Alys retorted through the radio to Kusotare.

Gray Fox looked over to his left, where indeed more Mewtwos were heading their way. "Better use the G-Weapons then if our cannons are exhausted for now. G-Contriviance Blade!" Gray Fox took out his Contriviance Blade, while Kusotare took out a much larger version to mimic his pilot.

"Do I have to do this? It's so embarrassing...." Kusotare whined.

"Be quiet. Nobody asked if you can or can't. Only on my orders."

CAM took out his nameless whip to this day, and Mocha Impact 2 did the same with his G-Whip.

"Hey CAM," Benit's voice came through the radio, "I think I have a proper nickname I'm calling that whip."

"What?"

"Coffee Jolt. You never do slow down with that thing"

"!!!!"

With that, Benit stood up in Alexander and took out Saturn Rhapsody. Since Alexander didn't have proper hands, he controlled the G-Rhapsody with telepathy and mimicking Benit. Alys used her Moonslashers, and El-Reisingei took out the G-Moonslashers as well.

Ekans used a Chu-Chu Rocket, and Garret...well...Garret used whatever his new weapon was with Retrograde temporarily. The Gears took out larger versions of those weapons.

"Here they come!" Gray Fox yelled as some cool space battle music cued. The metallic Mewtwos were now in better view, and the G-Contriviance Blade sliced through lots of torsos. Kusotare did some clever dodging motions as psychic blasts missed him and gave a hearty swing of the sword.

G-Rhapsody floated in the air and shot through like a bullet, many Mewtwos impaled like shish-kebab. The disfunctioned Mewtwos were scraped off instantly and it twirled around, destroying anything in the glaive's circular path.

Some Mewtwos were coming for Bun-Bun Wing, but he simply fired some huge metallic Chu-Chus (with their safety on) so that the Xenogears refs were having a good time chewing down the Mewtwos without a problem. Garret and Retrograde took to one on one physical contact and punched some down, kicking their foot into the Pokémon's faces.

Alys threw her Moonslashers inside El-Reisignei harmlessly, but the G-Moonslashers had different ideas as it cut through Mewtwos without thought. Mocha Impact 2 did a parody of CAM's limit break "Beat Down", whipping and slicing more Pokémon to dust.

"That's it! Try your limit breaks!" CAM shouted through the radio.

Kusotare actually took an awkward position of looking like a yoga. Phrases and peculiar questions were babbled out without a thought of stopping, halting the Mewtwos in their tracks. The white energy cackled and exploded many Pokémon, the power of "PhilosoBS".

El-Reisignei did "Lethal Image" making it divide hazily into four more of the identical gear and it each threw a G-Moonslasher, cutting through 4 times the amount of Pokémon. The gears each grabbed the G-Moonslashers without a problem.

Alexander tried "Gold Rush". Since the meteorites, comets, stars, and planets were available to him as jewels, coins, and minerals were to Benit, he invoked his mental abilities to call them forth and they hurled together at the metallic Pokémon, ending their bland lives.

Mocha Impact 2 did "Beat Down" again, while Bun-Bun Wing did "MGS-Parappa Ref Solid", a huge record player materializing in front of the gear and it did record scratching motions while rapping, "Oh yeah! Did you check the toilets on the left?"

The Pokémon looked confused and looked to their left, where oddly enough, there were toilets floating in the vaccuum of space.

"I wonder if we're in the 64th Dimension..." Benit wondered as Bun-Bun Wing tossed a good amount of C4 on every confused Mewtwo's backs, and then they exploded.

Retrograde was having a difficult time with what limit break to go for. Finally, he just did his own without Garret and did "Ice Cyclone", where his ice cannons took position. They fired ice all around his perimeter of metal Mewtwos, and he spun around, literally making a cyclone of ice to spread to Mewtwos further out. Garret thought he was going to be sick....

"Jesus Christ Superstar! These Agents aren't going to give up!" Tao Pika Pika complained.

"And those limit breaks took out the last of our metal Mewtwos..." Ash sulked.

"HmPh! ThEn I gUeSs We HaVe To TaKe MaTtErS iNtO oUr OwN hAnDs. BrOtHeR! sLaVe! CoMe AnD lEt Us DuEl!" Pikathulu announced as their German numbered gears whirred to life and crashed through the viewing window of the Lunar Gate to the Agents.

Agent Aya walked through her house having a coughing fit. The woman entered her kitchen and turned on the light as she strengthened the vice of her bathrobe around herself. Agent Aya continued coughing erratically and spasmodically as she opened her cupboard and searched around for a bottle of cough medicine.

“Damn these coughing fits…” Agent Aya mumbled to herself as she searched frantically through the cupboard.

She reached in and found a box of cookies, which she threw over her shoulder. Agent Aya then found a moldy piece of cheese, which she discarded over her shoulder. Then the Agent found some old, fuzzy candy that were glowing due to its long period of time spent sheltered within the medicine cupboard. She tossed that away and reached in again as she lerched back a bit with a squeal of horror when a king cobra snapped back at her from within the cabinet. Agent Aya quickly grabbed the viper near the head and began to pull out the 10-foot monstrosity from the cupboard. When that was finished, she threw the snake out the window and reached in. She finally found a bottle of cough medicine, which had a bubbly thick red residue settling within it.

“Ah! Here’s the cough medicine!” she shouted with glee as she took out a spoon from the utensil drawer, opened the cap, and flipped the bottle upside down.

The liquid inside would not flow as well as Agent Aya desired. The cough liquid, which was as thick as molasses, was not moving from the bottle that was suspended upside down in the air. The Agent gave out a huff of frustration as she placed the spoon down and put the bottle in her mouth as she began to suck the contents inside it. The syrupy liquid would not budge even from the suction that Agent Aya was creating, as her lips were pretty much jammed inside the bottle due to the pressure. The Agent then pulled the bottle out of her lips as the liquid did not budge from its container. She grabbed the bottle, lifted it over her head, and brought it down hard on the counter, smashing the bottle into little bits and pieces. The Agent was successful in bringing the liquid out but for some strange reason it still retained the same shape as that of the bottle even if it wasn’t in the container. With a sigh, she took the spoon and scooped it into the liquid, which looked like jello.Aya took a chunk of medicine into her mouth as she grimaced from the taste. As she swallowed the substance she let out a hoarse yell as she ran to the kitchen sink, turned on the faucet, and began to drink straight from tap to get rid of the disgusting aftertaste.

“Wow! That really helped my coughing a lot!” said Agent Aya as she stopped lapping water like a horse and stood up, beaming happily, “Now I better go to sleep for church tomorrow.”

“We are gathered here today,” said the priest as he began his sermon the next day, “To mourn the loss of one, Agent Aya…again…”

While the congregation of people in the church sobbed Eve floated in the back of the church as she chuckled maniacally to herself. Then she turned around and floated out of the church as she held up a bottle.

“Thanks to this Arsenic I was able to poison my nemesis, Agent Aya, who thought that it was actually a bottle of cough medicine. What a dumbass!” said Eve as she presented the bottle of Arsenic that looked much like the ‘medicine’ that Agent Aya drank the day before, “Thank you Poison-A-Lot™! You’ve helped me kill my nemesis …again!”

“Arsenic, made by Poison-A-Lot. Killing your foes with one gulp,” said an omnipresent announcer’s voice as Eve smiled wickedly while presenting the poisonous bottle towards the camera. Then the commercial ended leaving the audience baffled with that note.

“And we’re back from our commercial break,” said Godfrey Jones as the words ‘This is Your Life’ popped briefly on the screen for a few moments then dissapeared, "If you just tuned in we were just watching a segment of Axer’s life. Now we’ll be continuing from where we left off.”

Godfrey Jones then jammed the mike up to Axer’s face so close that it was bending his nose in an acute angle. “Any words or comments before we begin?” the host asked.

“Your MOM’S butt smells! It’s also hairy like a SASQUACH!!!,” Axer replied as a large screeching feedback was heard, causing some lights to shatter and heads from the audience to explode.

Benit gasped.

"The Lunar Gate! Those gears...are they part of Solaris?"

"Negative, Benit. I've seen that one gear before. Pikathulu controlled it, and I'm betting my two cents that the other two gears are being used by his chronies Tao Pika Pika and Ash," Ekans explained.

The enemy gears took to a stance near the ally gears and three new connections were made in the radio.

"So, AgEnTs. I tHiNk It'S tImE wE pRoPeRlY DuElLeD wItHoUt DiStUrBaNcE. ThE wInNeRs WiLl LiVe...ThE lOsErS, bEiNg YoU aGeNtS, wIlL bE sEnT tO tHe NEXT DIMENSION!" Pikathulu said over the wavelengths.

"You so sure about that? Although I wouldn't mind duelling, if only to send so many coins up your ass you'll be crapping gold!" Benit shouted.

"ThAt DoEs It!" Hundert Dreiundzwanzig barrelled forward to Alexander and crashed into him. The resounding jolt that followed in Alexander threw Benit and Mewtwo off their chairs head over heels and onto the other side of the cockpit.

"Arrgh, my tail was asleep!" Mewtwo complained as he held onto his tail while wincing. Benit rubbed her head and muttered, "Ooh, you're gonna pay for that..." She picked up Saturn Rhapsody and swung it into the air, making an air slice type of sound. G-Rhapsody did the same, swatting Pikathulu's gear off of Benit's gear.

Mocha Impact 2 came forward and tried to whip Hundert Dreiundzwanzig, but it hit Alexander instead.

"DAM SAM, CAM! Watch where you're aiming the thing!" Benit scolded to CAM by radio.

"Oops. Sorry."

"Hah! You cannot beat my brother with these cheap tactics. They might've worked before, but not anymore!" Tao Pika Pika said as he tried to kick Kusotare with Sechsundzwanzig. Fortunately, it missed Kusotare, and he grabbed the leg and twisted it.

"If YoU tWiSt FuRtHeR, i'Ll ReLeAsE THIS!" Pikathulu said as his gear held out a Pokéball. The Agents were confused as to what was inside it.

"What the hell is inside that thing?" Garret wondered.

The metallic Mewtwos were pressing on the Agents hard. The Agents kept reducing them to slag, but more just kept coming and coming. It reached the point that they forced PokéArms away from the rest of the agents. This was probably part of their plan, but that would mean the villans actually had a strategy, so it must have been something completely different.

"AAHHHHHHHHH!" Trainer Phantom Ghost yelled in the manner of Mobile Suit pilots everywhere as several metallic Mewtwos got some solid blows in. "There's no end to these things is there? Umm... guy's?" Phantom tenitively called as he unloaded yet another round from his gattling gun and taking out a nice chunk of the metallic Mewtwos. Unfortunetly they were almost instantly replaced.

"Oh great, I'm seperated! And I'm talking to myself to boot! This is not turning out to be my day." Phantom said to no one in particular. "I guess I'll just have to take you all out myself!"

With that Phantom began to unload everything he had. Considering this was an RPG world, he had little fear of running out of ammo. However, the metal clones were just a bit much for his gear alone. So he called in some help.

"Haunter! Go! Gengar! Go!" He called as he released his pokémon. Since he was in space, Yuffiesaurus Rex and Aerodactyl would faint on the spot, but his ghost pokémon worked just fine.

"OK guys, just start taking them down and don't stop!" Phantom ordered. His ghost pokémon made quick work of some of the metallic Mewtwos, and since they were ghost type the psycic attacks used against them were as ineffective as the physical attacks. Unfortunetly they soon tired and had to be retuned. Sensing the end was near Phantom had a flashback to Profesor Daravon explaining one of the upgrades he and the other techs made to the PokéArms for no particular reason.

"This ability is to be used with hoplessness. Passage to Next Dimention must you be sure of to use." the linguisticly impared professor said.

"What?" came the ever intelegent reply from Phantom.

"He said 'Don't press this button unless your situations hopless.'" the helpful crew cheif said.

"Oh. Any reason why?"

"It's a straight out rip off from 'The Last Starfighter'. We want to avoid a lawsuit.'

Phantom knew that he had to use the reference to get out of this. Summoning his courage and going over his bank account to see if he could higher enough lawyers to get him out of this, he pushed the dread button.

The change was not immediately obvious. All the gear did was open up all of it's weapons. Chest cannons, sholder and leg missile launchers and it stuck it's gatling gun straight behind it. Then it started to spin. And it got faster. In almost no time it was simply a sperical blur. It was then that it opened fire. At the speed it was going and in the manner it was spinning, all the gunfire and missles spread out in a globe from the heavaly armed gear. No metallic Mewtwo was safe.

In just a few short miniutes almost all of the metallic Mewtwos in his visinity were gone. The Pokéarms slowed down to a stop and returned to it's normal state. Inside Phantom was recovering from spining very fast. If he were on the ground, he would have most likely stumbled out, ovbiously very dizzy, taken a few short comedic steps, and falen to the ground with little swirlly eyes. But since he was in space, none of that happend and he was alloed to regain his senses before continuing on.

Godfrey Jones took the mike out of Axer’s face and looked into the camera, smiling his extremely shiny pearly whites, which caused the lens cameraman to go blind.

“Well isn’t that just great?” asked Godfrey Jones rhetorically as he gave out a fake laugh, “Anyway, we were at the part of Axer’s life when the ultimate bad ass Gilgamesh kidnapped Axer for no reason what so ever and sent him to the orphanage in FF8. Now, let’s see what happens…”

A few years have gone by and little Axer pretty much remained the same. After all, the orphanage in the FF8 world only provided him with the same lifestyle that the Front Mission 3 world had to offer, with the exception that the adults never made him create MIDAS bombs for practice. The FF8 world offered him playmates as did the FM3 world and was able to befriend a rowdy and energetic youth by the name of Zell. However, he wasn’t able to escape the clutches of bullies since a mischievous mean little tyke, by the name of Seifer, always picked on all the kids in the orphanage especially Zell and Axer.

“Ha!” laughed Seifer as he pushed Axer onto a pile of mud.

“Ow!” cried little Axer in pain, “Why’d you do that for?”

Seifer just chuckled annoyingly. He kneeled down next to little Axer and a wicked grin spread across his face and said “Because I felt like doin’ it, chicken wuss!”

With that said he rammed Axer’s face into the mud and laughed at his predicament as Seifer stood up and walked back to the orphanage. Axer sniffled out a little bit but tried not to cry because he did not want to show Seifer that he was weak. He will get him back, oh yes he will. When he does that will be a mark in history that shall not be forgotten.

“That jerk,” Zell cursed lightly as he helped Axer up, “Why does he have to be so mean? It’s almost as if he has a stick up his-”

“I dunno…” said Axer sadly as he wiped the muddy gunk off his face, “But I’m going to get him back…I just need something big…like a Gundam…and do something with it.”

Meanwhile, back at the ranch..er…in another world.

“Muy excellenté!” exclaimed Mad Scientist 01, “We’ve just created our very first Gundam Wing!”

“But what should we call this one?” asked Mad Scientist 02 as a giant question mark appeared above his head.

“Why don’t we call this…” said Mad Scientist 03 as a thought bubble appeared above his head, “Gundam Wing Negative One.”

“That’s good….” Contemplated Mad Scientist 04, “But why not just call it Wing Zero?”

“Because…because…” muttered Mad Scientist 03 as a giant question mark bubble appeared above his head except it inflated in size the longer he thought about the answer to the question.

“Because it just is!” yelled Mad Scientist 05 as he finalized the Gundam’s name by slamming his fist on a table. As we all know, slamming one’s fist on a table not only makes it more dramatic but also it’s a great way to finalize an argument with a weak answer. It’s kind of like parents who say ‘because I said so’ or university teachers saying ‘I have a degree and you don’t’ to end a philisophical argument.

All the Mad Scientists were silent for a moment as if they were thinking until a large Christmas light appeared above all their heads and then shattered.

“I have an idea!” said Mad Scientist 01, “Let’s go out and celebrate!”

Everyone nodded their heads in agreement as they all began to file outside in a single line, all in numerical order. Before they left though two scientists had a brief conversation.

“Hey, 04, did you forget to turn off the Cheesy Brave Fencer Musashi Portal Machine (CBFMPM)?” 03 asked to the scientist behind him.

“Uhhh….oops,” said 04 as a large anime sweat drop appeared on his forehead, “Guess I just plum forgot….”

Before anyone could react the CBFMPM hummed to life by itself. The machine generated a large portal to a certain well-known dimension.Coincidentally it was placed near Gundam Wing –1 and sucked it into it’s spirally vortex, taking the small Portal Machine device with it.

“Damn,” said Mad Scientist 01 as he scratched his head, “I hate it when that happens…”

Back in the ranch..no..um…FF8 orphanage.

Just then a Cheesy Brave Fencer Musashi appeared in front of Zell and Axer as a gigantic Gear popped out, flew a few inches up in the air, and landed with a loud thud. Both boys were surprised at first (after all a giant machine just appeared out in front of them) and then became excited.

“Whoa! This is so cool!” exclaimed Zell as he hopped around the gear like an excited and hyper kid high on crack.

“You know what this means right Zell?” asked Axer as he examined the gear.

Zell stopped jumping like a rabbit as he scratched his head. “Gee, I don’t know…how could any of our Transformer figures connect with this big thing?”

“No! That’s not what I mean!” yelled Axer as he scaled up the leg of the giant robot, “What I mean is that we can finally use this against Seifer!”

“Oooh,” said Zell sadly as he kicked the dirt, “I was really hoping to use this as a Transformer or somthin’…”

Axer found the way easily to the cockpit door as he opened it up, stepped inside, and closed it. Zell looked up with a bit of worry.

“Hey! Do ya know how to operate that thing?” asked Zell as he placed his hands around his mouth to increase the volume of his voice.

Axer then activated the Gundam as the monitors inside switched on. He pressed a few buttons as he activated the outside intercom. “Don’t worry, I’m an Imaginary Number! I can handle this no problem!” Axer reassured Zell as he pressed a few more buttons. Then the giant beam cannon on his hands fired out as it blasted in a random direction.

“Um…oops…”

Back in the Orphanage, little Aya was playing at the beach as she padded down some dirt to make a sandcastle. She then hummed a merry tune to herself as she looked up into the sky to look at some clouds. Unfortunately she didn’t see any clouds except for a large energy beam that blasted her innocently into oblivion. Not too far away Matron was busy brooming the backyard area and noticed the beam cannon had just annihilated one of her orphans.

“Oh my God! You killed Aya!” Matron shrieked in horror, “You bastards!”

Then there was a few seconds that elapsed for mourning. Matron then hummed a tune as she continued sweeping.

Again, at Gundam -1, the boys were having way too much fun. “Wooooow! That was soooo cooooooool!” exclaimed both boys at the new discovery of the Gear’s destructive power.

“Who cares about Transformers! This is way better then that!” said Zell excitedly as he hopped up and down, “C’mon let’s go scare Seifer with it!”

“Yeah!” Axer exclaimed as he began moving the Gundam over to the orphanage.

Back in the orphanage… again … “Hmm…” hummed Seifer as he walked around the orphanage to kill time, “I’m bored…maybe I’ll go burn some ants with a magnifying glass or something…”

Suddenly, Wing –1 stomped in front of Seifer causing him to scream at the top of his lungs. Seifer slowly walked backwards but each time he did the mecha would scrunch forward a little bit. The bully was then pushed up against a wall as he cringed in fear and a moist spot started forming on his trousers as it trailed down and made a small puddle in the ground. Axer bent the mecha down until its robotic face was very near Seifer’s cringing frame.

“Boo!” yelled Axer as that yell sent Seifer screaming in abject horror into the orphanage.

Seifer was panting heavily as he slammed the door behind him. All the orphanage dwellers looked strangely at Seifer but then noticed the pee-pee spot on his pants. Everyone pointed and began to laugh at Seifer. The bully wanted to escape their taunts but couldn’t because the only means was through the door and he knew behind it lay the giant mecha, Wing –1. Then, just for fun, Zell, who was standing a few feet away from Seifer, ran up to him and pulled down his pants so the bully was standing there literally half naked. This action only incited more laughs and giggles from everyone else.

“Waaaa!!!” cried Seifer as he ran into a little playhouse and hid inside so that he may escape the traumatizing event.

Zell then ran outside as he hooted and hollered. “Yes! Axer you did it!” yelled Zell up to the giant machine, “Now everyone’s going to call him Seifer-Wet-His-Pants for a looooong time.”

“All right! Time to celebrate!” Axer said as he searched the control panel, “Now…where’s that open switch...”

Axer pressed a button, which only activated the internal Cheesy Brave Fencer Musashi Portal Machine. This caused the Mecha to be sucked into a portal and disappear from the FF8 dimension. The mecha then appeared in the 64th dimension. Thinking that this was a gift from God or some sort of magical toaster the citizens began worshipping the machine like an idol. For some strange reason Axer had disappeared from the cockpit and appeared in the FF7 world. Eve found him during her usual daily afternoon “Power Runs” and took him into the Eve Corporation to be raised as an Agent. Still, to this day, he wondered what happened to his gear.

THE END

The projection screen faded back to white as the audience members and Godfrey Jones sobbed pathetically over Axer’s life.

“::sniffle:: That is so…so sad ::sob sob::” cried Godfrey Jones as he blew into a hanky.

“I like CHICKEN! I like LIVER! Meow-mix, meow-mix please deliver!!!” sang Axer.

“Well, that’s all we have time for now folks,” Godfrey Jones stated as he returned back to his cheery self in a second, “Before we go, any last words?”

“Sure,” answered Axer immediately before the mike was shoved to his face again, “I just want to say that my BUTT can make a better show than this. If you’re watching this show and absolutely enjoy it, you must either be LABOTOMIZED or as DUMB as Yuffie!!!

“Hey!” retorted Yuffie from the audience and stood up abruptly, “I’m NOT labotomized, just to let you know!!”

“Oh...” said Godfrey Jones as he pulled the mike back, “Well…then ta ta!”

With that said, Axer was launched out of the turkey baster and was spit out into the wacky world of the 64th dimension. He flew high up into the air and then fell down as he landed on a piece of marshmallow fluff. He bounced off it and flew forward several thousand feet until he skidded on the pillows which acted as the ‘ground’.

“We’re here!” said the flying CD who was unaware of Axer’s absence.

“Where’s HERE?” asked Axer as he stood up and scratched his head.

Suddenly the ‘ground’ began to rumble as the pillows exploded, releasing all it’s feathery substance. Axer was blinded momentarily as he swatted the feathers away until they all settled onto the ‘ground’. The Agent looked at his surroundings and gasped at the neon sign before him which read…

“Welcome to the 64th Annual Redneck Games!”

While Agent the Captain held off Nemesis Moogle with pain-inducing font-speak, Princess Q began a frantic search for materia, any materia, that could help them out with this mess.

Unfortunately, she found one. It was a red Summon materia, containing the essence of a most frightful GF...the Pre-Fab Five. She winced and hesitated.

Anget Neener was to the Pre-Fab Five as Pavorotti was to, well, Agent Neener.

Somehow, beneath the piles of e-mail brought down by Agent the Capatin's Rocket Town limit, the Nemesis Moogle screamed out a loud, peircing "T...!" while the Captain continued his font-speak.

Princess Q stomped her foot and pouted, knowing somehow that where guns, knives, glaives, sais, Egyptian Plum hair dye, broken whiskey bottles, and Strats failed...the GF would succeed. It was a question of whether she and the Captain would survive themselves. But she grit her teeth, and Mew sensing the impending auditory assault, stuffed her small paws in her ears.

"Captain, I think you better plug your ears," Princess Q said in a shaky breath. "It's about to get nasty."

Agent the Captain looked back at her. "What do you mean?" he asked, eliciting another cry of pain from the deformed Moogle out under the e-mail.

But the Princess didn't hear, for she was steeling herself to summon the most awesomely horrible GF ever discovered. She placed the red materia in the butt of one of her sais, and holding out before her face, she whispered the Ancient words needed to conjure up the Guardian Force.

"Boy Band."

Suddenly the sky darkened, all illumination dimmed except for a sudden blast of stage lights and a fanfare of guitar cords and drums. Out of the flashing dark came a concert stage; standing upon it, back-lit with a thousand bright spotlights, were the sillouhettes of five young men. A sea of unseen teenaged girls screamed.

Then, the five dark forms lifted microphones to their lips and began to sing.

"You're my Popsicle! Everything you do just captures me! You're my Popsicle, you make me feel so fancy free!"

Princess Q's face fell in horror. "Oh dear Bahamut! It's worse then I thought!"

And it was. By far. Nothing the bands *NSYNC or Backstreet Boys ever recorded compared in sheer unadultarated bubblegummy horror to the first album of the New Kids on the Block. This was more than teenybop...this was...this was...

There are not words to describe what this was.

But it worked, and well. By some freak happenstance, the high-pitched screeching strains of the erstwhile music had mixed in magic with the presence of the Contact, and his Solarian herritage had produced a song sung in Courier. The Nemesis Moogle paused, then with a look of dumb shock on its deformed face, exploded, transforming itself and the e-mailes around it into great heaping piles of saccharine and bright pink bubblegum.

Unfortunately, the effect of the strange magic didn't last long, for Agent the Captain fell twitching to the floor, unable to mentally withstand the song, and the knowledge that this travesty had been recorded in 1986, thus forever tarnishing the reputation of the '80s.

Mew just blinked in stupified wonder. This stuff was pinker than Jigglypuff, and sweeter too. It was enough to gag even an adorable Pokémon such as herself.

Princess Q just sighed, for she had been ennured to this horrid sound long ago, when she had temporarily taken leave of her senses and not only listened to, but bought the CD this particular song belonged to.

She thought, all things considered, it could be worse. She might have actually had to see them.

As the combined forces all the Agent's gears fought the rest of Metal Mewtwos they were eventually defeated depleting much of the Agent's fuel and ammo. That's when the gates of the Lunar Base flung open. Hundreds more Metal Mewtwos flew out followed by Fünfundzwanzig, Sechsundzwanzig, and Hundert Dreiundzwanzig. All around the agents were fighting immense amounts of Metal Mewtwos. The deadly trio decided to focus their attacks on the three most dangerous gears. Ash challenged BunBun Wing, Tao Pika Pika fought Kusotare, and Pikacthulu decided to fight Mocha Impact 2 for grudge purposes.

The lines were drawn and the Gear pilots took their battle positions. Fünfundzwanzig clashed with BunBun Wing. With an Lightning Punch, Ash and Son Pikachu knocked away BunBun Wing's beam sabre. Fünfundzwanzig's booster blazed to life and began to pummel BunBun Wing with lightning punches. BunBun Wing broke through and landed a single strike. With a sudden *ka-klick* a sword popped out of the arm and cut a gaping gash into the armor of Fünfundzwanzig.

"G-Pika-Pika-Pi!" Son Pikachu cried and the Fünfundzwanzig fired a gear sized Pika Pika Pi. BunBun Wing replied with a blast from its Mako Gloc. The Ki-Poké attack was absorbed by the raw mako power, and as Ash tried to dodge engulfed half of Fünfundzwanzig left. Defeated, Ash and Son Pikachu flew off in a pathetic attempt for self-preservation.

Hundert Dreiundzwanzig took battle position across from Mocha Impact 2. Hundert Dreiundzwanzig moved with such speed that is left behind copy images whenever it moved as Pikcathulu praced his PokéGear around Agent CAM. Mocha Impact 2 began to rapidly fired its Mako ARM at all of his opponents. Hundert Dreiundzwanzig crept behind Agent CAM and slashed him in the back with strikes from its Sword Dance. Mocha Impact 2 countered with a whip lash which was parried very easily with the superior speed of Pikacthulu.

"I guess," Agent CAM started,"I'll have to actually go to full power." Agent CAM went into Hi-C Mode and activated his gear's System Hi-C. A brilliant aura surrounded Mocha Impact 2. "You see like the Omnigears this cockpit is equiped with a system that brings out the qualities of the pilot known as hyper mode automatically, but this cockpit even goes as far as to heighten the pilot's skills."

"nAnI?" Pikacthulu replied and quickly got a grip over himself. Hundert Dreiundzwanzig used agility to enhance its own speed and then used Copy to leave copies of itself behind. Pikacthulu lept at Agent CAM with his sycthes and has caught by Mocha Impact's whip. The single strike severed the PokéGear's upper and lower torso. With its last bit of energy Hundert Dreiundzwanzig fired a small wire that pierced into Mocha Impact 2's cockpit.

"YoU sEe, ViToLy ArE mInE." Pikacthulu loaded his mysterious Pokéball into his computer and sent a Porygon Virus into Mocha Impact's computer. "mY oRiGiNaL pLaN wAs To InFeCt aLeXaNdER wItH tHe ViRuS, aNd ThEn It WoUlD iMpAiR eVeRy GeAr. BUt ThIs WiLl HaVe To Do."

The Porygon Virus entered System Hi-C and began to fry Agent CAM's mind. Agent CAM cried out until he lost consciousness, the cockpit opened and CAM fell out to drift in space. Pikacthulu discarded his own useless Gear and climbed into Mocha Impact 2. After deactivating the Porygon first.

Elsewhere, Kusotare faced Sechsundzwanzig. The PokéGear immediately unleashed its supply of 150 Space Electrodes. The Space Electrodes began to slam into Kusotare self-destructing each time.

"Kusotare...." Gray muttered as another Space Electrode exploded.

"What?" Kusotare asked.

"Um...nothing..." Agent Gray Fox answered, "I don't think we can take much more of this, though."

Kusotare put its wings together and fire a Galatic Beam vaporizing the enemy Electrodes. Sechsundzwanzig fired its boosters and swung at Kusotare with its beam katana. Kusotare dodged and retaliated with a punch. Sechsundzwanzig was able to cut a scratch into Kusotare's armor with its tail.

Pikacthulu saw this and knew that Tao Pika Pika was no match for the TwinkiEVA. Not knowing any other way to reach Kusotare or beat it Pikacthulu activated Mocha Impact 2's System Hi-C. Pikacthulu cried out as a red sphere of energy surrounded his stolen gear. Three Metal Mewtwos flew towards Mocha Impact 2 and fired their psychic attacks. "wHy ArE yOu AtAcKInG mE!?" Pikacthulu then remembered that the Metal Mewtwos were only automatons. They did only what they were programmed to do. Attack the Agents and their gears. Pikacthulu never thought of stealing the Agent's gears would be a problem. With a single blow all three Metal Mewtwos were destroyed.

wHo ArE mY eNeMiEs? ThOsE wHo FiGhT mE? tHoSe WhO fIgHt?

Pikacthulu's mind became clouded, he turned arounded and watched Tao Pika Pika and Agent Gray Fox's gear battle. Mocha Impact 2 raised its Mako ARM to fire. WhIcH oNe Do I sHooT? bOtH oF ThEm. aLl WhO fIgHt ArE mY eNeMy. Mocha Impact 2 fired its ARM and the blast forced both gears to stop their fight.

"CAM! Watch where you point that thing!" Agent Gray Fox exclaimed over the Sub Etha.

Five more Metal Mewtwos attacked. Pikacthulu turned to face them. With five quick shots he easily dispatched them, and turned and fired another shot at Agent Gray Fox. Kusotare dodged and the stray shot slammed into Sechsundzwanzig's slave engine causing the entire machine to explode.

"nOoOoOoOoO!" Pikacthulu cried and then snapped back into reality. Mocha Impact's Mako ARM was aimed towards where Agent Gray Fox and Tao Pika Pika were fighting. "bRoThEr......"

"Yes," a voice with an Italian accent said over the Sub Etha.

"nAnI? tHaT vOiCe!" Pikacthulu realized,"yOuR nOt TaO pIkA pIkA. yOuR mY oThEr BrOtHeR....."

"Itsa me Pokérman!" the voice announced over theh Sub Etha. Pikacthulu saw a gear sized version of his good brother Pokérman in his striped suit with his magic tarot cards on the monitor. "dIE!"

Pikacthulu began to concentrate on the power within his soul and after bringing some of it to the surface he put it through the Ki Amplifing Device. "poké bOmB!" Mocha Impact 2 threw the glowing blue ball towards Pokérman.

"Brother, no!" Pokérman cried.

Pikacthulu snapped into reality seeing only bits and pieces of Sechsundzwanzig floating through space.

"Wow, great attack CAM," Agent Gray Fox said over the Sub Etha, "I never knew you could do that."

With sweat beaded on his brow, Pikacthulu just knew he had killed his own brother... the one he liked, that is.

"CAM?"

From physical exhaustion from the Poké Bomb and the mental exhaustion of System Hi-C, Pikacthulu collapsed out of his cockpit and floated out into space.

"Huh?" Agent Gray Fox questioned, "What happened to CAM? Where the hell is CAM!?" Agent Gray Fox's attention quickly went over to where another battle was taking place very far away from the rest of the gears. Alexander had gotten very far behind due to its lack of mobility in space and was now being assaulted by all the remained Metal Mewtwos. Alexander was easily being overwhelmed from not being able to dodge any of the attacks, and from the number of attacks size really doesn't matter. To make matters worse Alexander couldn't hit the Metal Mewtwos with its guns due to their mobility. All the Agents were already heading their way there but the only Gears possibly fast enough to get there are Kusotare and Mocha Impact 2. One of those were already out of commission. Kusotare blasted off in order to save Benit.

Hi-C flew towards the empty Mocha Impact 2. Since he was using Freezer's body he could move freely in space with no need for a space suit. He climbed into the cockpit, and with the knowledge of his former host actitvated it.

As Kusotare was close to reaching Alexander when Mocha Impact 2 appeared before him.

"What in the name of HFIL?"

"Hello Gray Fox..." Hi-C said over his scouter.

"Hi-C?"

Mocha Impact 2 went into System Hi-C and blinding aura surrounded the gear more brilliant the ones CAM could ever achieve.

"I'd thought you'd know better than to use that," Agent Gray Fox remarked," Didn't you see what happened to Pikacthulu."

"System Hi-C works only for those that are pure of heart and know their purpose," Hi-C reply,"And trust me. I have both of those qualities, but my heart is pure evil."

The rest of the Agents raced towards Alexander in order to save the behemoth from the army of Metal Mewtwos.

"And what's that?" Phantom Ghost asked.

"I don't know," BrandonTCA replied,"I think Alexander just released four gears...."

Ten Metal Mewtwos prepared for their next assault on Alexander. There ewre two swooshes of air, and in an instant all ten were destroyed. Apocolypse floated above the wreckage holding its massive katana rivalling that of the Masamune. Vampire Hunter D looked up and charged into battle slicing every Metal Mewtwo that got into range in half. Several of the Metal Mewtwos attempted to sneak up behind D. With no noise five of them were destroyed, and then a large beam from no where destroyed five more. A black shape of a Taurus suit outlined space, and in another instant without any sound ten more were destroyed.

The suit uncloaked. It was Taurus mobile suit painted black with a Supressed Space Laser and a Supress Laser Rifle known as Silent Death. It was the stealth Magitek Taurus suit (the prototype of the Ford Taurus Magitek Mobile Suits) created by Professor Daravon for Agent1469. Without a sound. its guns began to fire destroying every enemy within range.

Unfortunately stealth didn't effect a souless automaton that much and many more Metal Mewtwos came to overpower the suit. Something zipped through the sky and destroyed twenty five more Metal Mewtwos with single blow. This was extremely fast, some would even say it was helluva fast. Reinforcements came in to face the GMC 1982 Custom Van. A group of Metal Mewtwos began to pelt the van with pyschic attacks.

"My van is tough foo'!" Mr.T boasted and began to blast the Metal Mewtwos with lasers from the grill of his van. A Metal Mewtwo attempted to sneak up from behind, but Mr.T saw him in his rear view mirror. With helluva fast reflexes, Mr.T switched to reverse and ran over it.

CAM floated alone in his space ship. He had floated all the way over to Alexander and the battle erupting around it. Three Metal Mewtwos moved in for the kill. Suddenly there was a whoosh and one of the Metal Mewtwos were sliced in half. General fired two Tek Missles destroying the other two. Celes opened the cockpit and floated towards Agent CAM. Celes prepared the Cure3 spell and casted it on CAM healing his wounds. Celes then grabbed her lover and floated back into General. A large group of Metal Mewtwos flew in for the assault.

Alys spotted them and flew El-Resingei into the fray. She moved in for the kill just when Zio jumped out from the shadows with a knife. Alys grabbed him and they began to struggle. During Alys incapitation, the Metal Mewtwos began to attack. General was badly battered by the onslaught lacking mobility, and finally Celes cried,"Ultima Beam!" General's chest opened a bright blue beam streamed from the center and vaporized the offending Metal Mewtwos. Alys kicked the knife out of Zio's hand, grabbed him by the collar, and then slammed his head into the cockpit's observation glass cracking it (the glass and the head for that matter). Alys then kicked a button and the cockpit door blew off, and the vacuum of space sucked out Zio. With no space suit Zio's life was very complicated.

"That was for killing me," Alys said. El-Reisingei fired a G-Foi and vaporized the body. "And that was for all the Hentai you inspired!"

Alys turned her gear around to see how Celes and CAM were doing.

Everyone was in one piece but General was badly damaged, and there was more Metal Mewtwos on their way. El-Reisingei flew to intercept these opponents. El-Reisingei's chest opened up and began to spew burst rockets destroying a flank of them. Alys fired Phonon destroying another flank with soundwaves. Most of her ammo was gone now, and most of her fuel was gone too preventing any close combat too.

El-Reisingei fired its slashers destroying two more of the Metal Mewtwos. The Mewtwos began to overwhelm El-Reisingei with Pyschic attacks. In a fit of rage, Alys fired Megid and destroyed another flank. Now with no tech points left she was completely screw. El-Reisingei drew its rifle and began firing Hijammers completely rendering a Metal Mewtwo innactive each shot. This was no help soon she'd run out and then everything would be over.

Suddenly the Landale flew by destroying some of the attacking Metal Mewtwos in order to cover another pilot. It was a Ford Taurus mobile suit coming to join Alys. It must be Rune and Gabriel must be piloting Landale.

"Alys?" Rune said over the intercom.

"Yes?"

"I know a way to defeat them. Are they all robots, aren't they?"

"Yeah."

"Then you know what to do."

"Circuit Break!" Alys and Rune cried at the same time. Alys fired a Hijammer with mixed with a lighting spell Tandle from and the electricity spread through the remainer of the unit disabling them.

Elsewhere Mr.T and D had easily cleaned up the rest of Metal Mewtwos.

"We did it!" CAM yelled over the communication system,"We won!"

"Kamayaya!" a voice yelled and in an instant Rune's Ford Taurus and El-Reisingei's left leg were destroyed by a flash of light.

"Rune!" Alys cried and Rune appeared beside her. Alys let out a sigh of relief.

Above them Zero Quality held its double blaster over them. Before it could react a GMC 1982 Custom Van slammed into its back. Zero Quality reared back and fired another huge blast, but the vehicle was too helluva fast.

"He's HFILuva fast," dubbed Goku remarked and fired a third blast to no avail. The cannon was now overheated and had to be discarded. Zero Quality drew its beam sabre and continued with its attacks. While it was distracted, General scored a good blow with its G-Illumina.

Agent CAM then sensed something coming. He lifted his hand and blew open the hatch, he then grabbed Celes, and flew her to safety with Bukujutsu. That exact second, A Sharp Pointy Weapon pierced through General and destroyed it. Sharp Pointy Thing HFIL decloaked, spread its wings, and joined the fray.

Apocalypse pounced on the FUNdub driving its knife through its armor.

"You MORON," The Great Sender to the NEXT DIMENSION exclaimed and brought up his Sharp Pointy Weapon. El-Reisingei knocked it out of Vegeta's hands with a G-Moonslasher. Suddenly two dragon heads lashed out and grabbed Apocolapyse and El-Reisingei. Piccolo in the Eternal Dragon FUNdub fired its Special Beam Cannons from the dragon heads severly damaging Apacolypse and rendering El-Reisingei utterly useless. With quick reflexs Mr.T struck all three FUNdubs with a single step on the gas. A barrage of missles struck Mr.T's van causing it to have a fuel leak. Apocalypse flew into action after being releashed by Eternal Dragon's grasps. Bad Merchandising began to pummel the gear with rounds from its gatling gun, forcing Apocalypse to retreat.

"What are you doing here?" dubbed Goku asked.

"Well they redirected me, bro," Krillen replied,"The Agents are considered a much bigger threat now, bro."

A barrage of missles struck the FUNdubs as Silent Death decloaked. Two missle launchers were mounted on the shoulders, and it was holding two gatling cannons. "GO! I'll hold them off!" Agent1469 typed on to the other monitors.

Apocalypse grabbed onto Mr.T's van, El-Reisingei grabbed on to the Landale, and CAM carrying Celes was in the lead as they headed towards Alexander's gear docks.

Before the FUNdubs could react Silent Death to pour rounds upon them. They FUNdubs shielded themselves and returned fire with their vulcans and Krillen's machine gun, but eight Planet Defensers swirled around Silent Death protecting him. Agent1469 guessed that he could hold them off until he runs out of ammo, or until the the Laser Cannon cools off. Silent Death knew he had no chance of piercing their armor, but he could at least hold them at bay for awhile. Soon his fears were answered, Zero Quality pointed its Laser Cannon towards him. There was no possible way he could dodge the shot with the extra wieght of all the added weaponry.

Suddenly Goku's concentration was broken by a giant Mini-lop ramming into Zero Quality. The Mini-lop then transformed into BunBun Wing. Soon the rest of the Agent's gear were upon them the enemy. The battle was about to begin....

Kusotare and Mocha Impact 2 stared at each other for several minutes. Gray Fox blinked.

"Ha I win!" Hi-C exclaimed, "and I shall win the battle."

The Agents still on the FF7 Planet rejoiced as Nemesis Moogle was defeated.

Then a dark shadow covered them. A large black gear with two large curved swords and an uzi strapped to its back floated down. Overhyped dispersed the agents with Uzi fire, and Agent tC tripped over something. A cloaked gear! Agent tC climbed inside, and began to examine the gear.

Agent tC snuck up behind him in the new gear, and struck him with its blackjack rendering Overhyped disabled. After that Agent tC began to batter the FUNdub with sword slashes, until it stopped moving. Overhyped jumped back to life and began to batter AgentC with Uzi rounds.

"The stress would have easily killed even a greatly skilled pilot!" Princess Q remarked.

"But I am immortal!" Garlic Jr. cried in a badly dubbed voice as he drew his curved blades.

"Double G-Kamayamaya!" Goku chaneled his rather badly dubbed Ki though the dual-barreled weapon, releasing a pair of beams which homed in on the Bunbun-Wing.

The Agent gear fired a counter-blast from the Buster Glock, but the second blast turned about and barreled towards it. The gear raised it's spotted shield into position, but the blast still sent the Bunbun-Wing spiraling off-course.

"Gah!" Brandon blurted out, "I can't seem to get any of my special attacks to work with this ether engine. It seems to only run power to the BG's beam cannon."

The Zero Quality raised it's weapon again, but it was cut off as a swarm of missles from the aproaching agent's gears darted in around it.

"So," Piccolo said from the Eternal Dragon, "your friends have arived to even things out? Try this! G-Triple form techique!"

"What?" Brandon said, "That won't work in a gear! Besides, it was only in a filler-space thing in the Nappa fight that anyone but Tenshinhan does that."

"Too bad!" Piccolo said, "We have the mistranslation power! We do whatever we want. The rules are ours to change!"

Three Eternal Dragon gears flew towards the Bunbun-Wing. Brandon blasted one with the Buster Glock, and he deflected a special beam cannon shot from the other with the spotted shield, but the third fired it's beam cannon direct into the green core of Bunbun-Wing.

"Grr-baah!" Brandon said, checking the instruments, "The ether system is shot...power levels dropping...fluff!"

Another Dragon gear charged at Bunbun-Wing with a beam-polearm, but the Agent's gear caught the shaft with one hand, and it flicked out a blade on the other to cleave the weapon's rod in two.

"What?" Piccolo said, "that blast should have finished you off for certain!"

"Heh," Brandon said, "your dubbed beam can't be seen peicing through it's target. I've been saved by your own digital painting."

"Well then I'll just have to finish this the hard way!" the dubbed Namek exclaimed, as the dragon heads from the center gear reached out and clamped onto the limbs of Bunbun-Wing, threatening to pull the damaged gear appart.

"Great," Brandon said, "this is one of those depressing battle situations where the protagonist ends up attempting to blow himself up."

"What?" Piccolo exclaimed as the Dragon arms contined to try to tear appart the reference mecha.

"I was saying," Brandon said, "that I'm glad all three of you are here to join me, on our trip to THE NEXT DIMENSIO-"

Just as Brandon drew his had back to slam the now-exposed switch, a massive blast from a particle-projection cannon blew between the two mecha, vaporizing the arms of the Eternal Dragon FUNdubs.

"What the HFIL?!?"

A large section of the stars behind Bunbun-Wing began to distort as a moderately large starship decloaked into view.

I Just Feel Rhythm Emotion

"Sorry to keep you waiting," a voice from the ship spoke, "but I knew you wanted to do the wacky Duo quasi-quote."

..kono mune no kodou wa

It was Missionary-9, the Dropship that the STA team usually used to carry the generator for the STEVA units.

…anata e to tsuzuiteru:

so far away . . .

"Hey, guys," Brandon said, "I guess you decided that a one-man infiltration mission was getting kinda old buy now?"

"He he," Kera replied, "well, actually we just heard about the intense mecha battle action from the guys on the FF8 planet. We've fininshed the El-Kaiser space custom. Wanna try it out while we work some repairs on the mini-lop there?"

Mou kizutsuitemo ii hitomi wo sorasazu ni

"HFIL, yeah!" Brandon said, ejecting in his space suit towards the unloading platform of the Missionary-9.

With several of their weapons broken, the Eternal Dragons united into one again, using G-Namek regeneration.

Atsuku hageshiku ikiteitai

The El-Kaiser space custom blasted out of the loading bay. True to the awful pun of its name, it did in fact resemble the general form of the SaGa Hero. The wings on the 'helmet' where actually energy flares emited by the ether system. On it's back where a set of thrusters not unlike those used by the Tallgeese, but they where a blue hue, like the rest of the gear.

The Eternal Dragon spun it's beam-polearm about and it swung it down towards Missionary-9, but it was parried by the beam-sword weapon of El-Kaiser.

Akiramenai sa wo kureru anata dakara dakishimetai

"Sorry," Brandon said, "This dropship is parked in a 'no impaling' zone." El-Kaiser flittered back and then ignited it's trusters to shoulder-tackle the Eternal Dragon FUNdub, sending it flying away from the Missionary-9.

I Just Feel Rhythm Emotion

The El-Kaiser had a pair of beam-weapons mounted on each of it's forearms, not limiting it's ability to attack with it's fists, but greatly inhancing the ether capabilities.

"G-TCA-Laserblast!" Brandon cried out, as the blast shot over the gear's wrist, slaming into the FUNdub.

Ayamachi mo itami mo

"Special Beam Cannon fire!" Piccolo quickly turned the FUNdub around to fire not on El-Kaiser, but the STA ship. El-Kaiser darted across space to deflect the beam with it's sword.

Azayakana isshun no hikari e to michibiite

"How in the HFIL did it get over there!"

"The same way I got up...here!" Brandon shouted, as the El-Kaiser blasted foward, the glow from the engines and the helmet flares changed its hue. Normally they emited a green glow, but they suddenly shifted to a light red hue.

I Just Feel Rhythm Emotion

El-Kaiser's hyper mode had engaged. The gear's beam sword flared to far beyond it's normal length and it slashed furiously at the FUNdub. Piccolo's attempted to parry with the beam-polearm, but it was quickly struck away.

Kono mune no kodou wa
Anata e to tsuzuiteru

The combination ended with El-Kaiser bringing down the weapon and sending the Eternal Dragon FUNdub spiralying through the darkness. El-Kaiser pulled out a beam rifle which was stored between the thrusters on it's back. It locked on to the ether blasted on it's right arm, and the gear drew the weapon up over it's head, building up power.

"This 'tlansration' ends now!" Brandon shouted, "I'm not going to let the evil side of spoony prevail! G-Finishing Laser!"

The weapon emited it's huge beam down on the FUNdub.

So far away ...

Ash Ketchum flew by in what was left of Fünfundzwanzig, and noticed his master floating through space. Ash Ketchum grabbed him with the gear, and then grabbed what was left of Hundert Dreiundzwanzig. Ash took off and escaped under the crossfire with his master and his gear.

“Hi everybody, I’m Nick Moomba and this is the 64th dimension’s 64th Annual Redneck Games!” introduced Nick Moomba as he adjusted his bow tie for the camera, “We’re located in the fine coliseum called… ‘The Coliseum’ where there are 50,000 audience members to watch the fantastic event. For this special occasion my celebrity co-host will be none other then the bad ass himself, Gilgamesh!”

The audience gave a resounding cheer at the mention of the all might bad ass. Gilgamesh gave everyone a small wave, which only elicited more cheers from the crowd. Then there were a few Gilgamesh groupies, all consisting of prepubescent girls, who were waving giant posters of his bad ass image and were chanting his name like a glorious hymn. Gilgamesh gave a quick wink to the groupies which all caused them to swoon and faint. After a few hours of cheering Gilgamesh’s name they went silent to give some common courtesy to the announcers.

“Well, what a crowd!” commented Nick Moomba as he turned his chair to look at the ultimate bad ass Gilgamesh, “Before we start do you want to greet the crowd?”

Gilgamesh gave a slight nod as he leaned over to the microphone.

“Yo!” he exclaimed which sent the crowd over the edge.

Since he was SO ultimate and SO bad ass that the crowd literally went into a massive orgy of violence. Some audience members were blown off their seats just because Gilgamesh is just one bad ass. Other’s heads spontaneously exploded because of the same reason. Most of them began to riot by slapping Gilgamesh signs over other people’s heads.

“Gilgamesh is the bad ass!” yelled an audience member as he slapped a sign with a picture of Gilgamesh over another person.

“Yeah! I agree!” replied the attacked member as he counter struck the attacker.

“So do I!!!” screamed a third member as she slapped both of them upside the head with a sign that she held.

A few minutes of chaos ensued before the riot police arrived, carrying some canisters of gas. The all wielded riot shields and carried some sausage links to act as a baton. They began to thwap the audience members away as they prepared to throw the canisters into the crowd.

“Excuse me sir…” replied a little girl as she tugged on a police officer’s pant leg.

The officer stopped beating on people momentarily as he looked down at the wee little lassie. “Yes? What can I do ya for?”

“I think…..I think….I think Gilgamesh is cool….” said the little girl in a low voice.

The officer blinked at the little girl and she did the same to him as well. After a few minutes of blinking blankly at each other the officer thwapped her over the nose with his sausage link.

“Ok! Ready…..GO!” yelled the leader of the riot police as all of the officers threw the gas canisters into the crowd.

Smoke began to fill the bleachers as the audience began to cough and hack. Still, they did not end their relentless assault of Gilgamesh picket signs. Few more minutes elapsed until everyone was finally subdued into a state of serenity. The audience members walked back into their seats all wearing a smile on their faces. Nick Moomba just scratched his head with his furry paws in confusion.

“Um…exactly what were in those canisters?” asked Nick Moomba towards the leader of the riot police.

“Oh it’s just a special sleep medicine made by Evebucks™” answered the leader of the riot police.

Nick Moomba stood from his seat dramatically as he slammed his paws on the table.

“You fool! Don’t you KNOW that Evebucks coffee and anything made from them is made out of PEOPLE???” he shrieked as he flailed his arms in the air.

“Well…yeah…” replied the leader of the riot police and shrugged his shoulders apethetically.

“Oh…okay…just thought you should know what it’s made out of,” said Nick Moomba calmly as he sat back down and took a sip of his own Evebucks coffee. After all since he was a Moomba it really didn’t matter if the coffee was created out of humans. If it is permissible for humans to eat an animal like a COW why not animals eat/drink humans?

“So, what is the point of the Annual Redneck Games you ask?” inquired Nick Moomba as if the question asked was rhetorical, “Well, to answer your question, the Redneck Games is a way to determine a ‘champion’ team. The team who wins tries their luck in climbing aboard this gear that appeared 64 years ago, our time.”

“However, each yearly attempt at boarding the gear provided with some dire results,” added Gilgamesh as the crowd went berserk once more only to be subdued by Evebucks™ gas.

“Let’s see a few clips of the last few attempts shall we?” asked Nick Moomba as the screen faded into a scene with a giant gear on it.

The first person to try to board it climbed up its leg only to be slapped into a pancake by the robot’s giant hand. Then the screen showed a 2nd person approaching the gear but was immediately stomped flat like a bug. The third person ran up to the gear, screaming like a beast, only to be shot down by the gear’s large beam cannon on its arm. Then they continued showing clips repeatedly. Each time that a person would try to climb into the gear’s cockpit they would be mashed, slashed, pulverized, liquefied, flicked, kicked, punched, and the list of attacks go on. Of course the most obvious trend is that each attempt would end up unsuccessful.

“Well, how ABOUT that?!” asked Nick Moomba a little too cheery as the view was shifted back to him.

“Yes, it was quite interesting…” commented Gilgamesh as few audience members went insane due to the fact that he was so bad ass.

“Well, its now time to bring out our contestants!” said Nick Moomba as he took a sip of his Evebucks ™ Coffee.

A figure ran out into the center of the coliseum as he waved out towards the crowd. A spotlight landed on him once he reached the center of the gargantuan arena.

“This contestant is a visitor from another dimension. He’s 5’10”, weighs 160 lbs, likes long walks on the beach, (insert something cheesy and cliché here), and read poetry. He’s also an Agent of the renowned FPS series AND he has spiky hair that could impale somebody. Watch out folks ‘cause here cooooomes….” Announced Nick Moomba as he waited for Gilgamesh to say his line.

“Agent Axer…” he said through the microphone as the crowd cheered wildly.

“Oh thank you…thank you…you’re too kind…really…” Axer smiled as he waved, thinking that the crowd was cheering for him when it was in actually for Gilgamesh. He never realized it at all, but none of the less the cheering continued to serve as an inlet for his ever-growing ego.

“Pssst, Mr. Moomba,” hissed a stagehand off the side to try to get Nick’s attention.

“What?!” asked Nick with anger in his voice as he looked towards the stagehand. After all how dare a stagehand interrupt him while he was announcing some team members. Since he was part animal his control and bestial rage were not controlled as it were with some humans.

“We need to cut to commercial soon so we’ll have to introduce the teams in groups…” replied the stagehand as he tapped his watch to indicate that they were running out of time.

“Yeah yeah….” Grumbled Nick Moomba as the next three contestants in Axer’s team ran out into the coliseum.

“And here we have our next three contestants of Axer’s team. One of them is a woman from the NYPD while the other two were members of Avalanche. They all aren’t very high on life and death seems to be a big fan of this killable trio. Say hello everyone toooooooo……” announced Nick Moomba as he looked towards Gilgamesh yet again.

“Vicks, Wedge, and Agent Aya…” he answered as the crowd cheered loudly and some people’s heads exploded due to the overwhelming bad assness of Gilgamesh.

Agent Axer just looked at the trio bounding towards him with skepticism and frowned.

“You guys are on MY team?” Agent Axer asked with an annoyed tone as he pointed to himself.

“Well…yeah…” replied Agent Aya as she stood next to Agent Axer.

“There IS a mistake right…I mean don’t you guys know your track record…?” Agent Axer asked in a pessimistic tone.

The trio of “Expendable Characters” just looked at each other with three giant question mark bubbles appearing above their heads. They thought for a certain period of time until they gave up and shrugged their shoulders at Agent Axer. He just sighed with disbelief.

“These four people make Team LOSER!” announced Nick Moomba as he stressed out the words ‘loser’.

“Hey! That’s not true! We’re not going to lose!!!” yelled Agent Axer and then looked at the trio of dead beats, “On second thought….”

“The next team are 4 beautiful women. They’re smart, sexy, and most of all very deadly. They all have giant mechas of their own…” announced Nick Moomba as four ladies ran to the center of the coliseum.

Team LOSER looked at the four shadowy figures with questionable looks. They wondered who they could be. After all, the description of four beautiful, smart, sexy, and deadly women pretty much fit the description of every female in the video game universe. Well…with the exception of Yuffie of course.

“This girl is a Fire Elemental and she pilots the gear Grandgrowl. She’s quite the comical type but she can be a bit ditsy at times. Say helloooo tooooooo…..” said Nick Moomba as he looked towards Gilgamesh yet again to continue where he left off.

“Seraphita,” announced Gilgamesh as the crowd went crazy and a spotlight appeared over Seraphita.

“::Giggle:: Like, hi everybody!” she squeaked and waved at everybody.

“This next girl is a Sky Elemental and she pilots the gear Skyghene. She’s pretty stern and is always mean to her partner Seraphita. Here coooomessss…..” stated Nick Moomba and didn’t even bother to look towards Gilgamesh this time. He just sat back and took a sip of his Evebucks™ Coffee.

“Tolone,” finished Gilgamesh as the crowd continued to cheer insanely.

“Hey! I am so not mean,” Tolone huffed as she crossed her arms sternly.

“Like…yeah you are!” retorted Seraphita as she blew a raspberry at Tolone.

“Shut-up!” yelled Tolone angrily as she slapped Seraphita upside the head.

“The third girl in the line up is a Water Elemental and she pilots the gear Marinebasher. She’s the calm and serene type and is pretty much the polar opposite of Tolone. Everyone welcooooommeeee……” Nick Moomba said as he took out sip of his Evebucks™ Coffee, only to find it empty.

“Kelvena,” Gilgamesh said as the crowd went nuts by chucking, well, nuts at each other while the spot light appeared over the newly introduced girl.

“Tolone, I don’t think fighting is absolutely necessary right now,” she said, “We need to cooperate together as a team.”

“Yeah!” added Seraphita, which only annoyed Tolone greatly.

“Why don’t you BOTH shut-up!!!” Tolone shrieked like a banshee as she lunged at Kelvena who simply moved to the side and dodged the attack easily.

“Irrational violence will never solve your problems,” replied Kelvena sagely which could even rival with Agent Artemis’ own wise philosophical remarks. One might even say that it could compete with Gray Fox’s PhilosoBS limit break.

“I’ll violence YOU!!!!” Tolone yelled angrily as she took out a missile launcher and fired it at Kelvena who merely sidestepped the attack and hit Serephita in the process.

“Ouch…..” Seraphita whimpered as the explosion cleared up and she was covered in black soot.

“Finally the leader of Team Winner!” exclaimed Nick Moomba a bit too excitedly, due to the fact that he received his refill of Evebucks™ Coffee.

“Hey! How come THEY get an optimistic sounding name?” railed Agent Axer but his words were left unheard.

“This leader of Team Winner is also the leader of the Elements. She is the Earth Elemental and pilots the gear Bladegash. She’s also the ‘glue’ that holds the team together. Say salutations tooooo….” said Nick Moomba as a spotlight went over the leader of Team Winner.

“Dominia,” Gilgamesh stated as the crowd began to turn violent again. They began throwing punches and kicks at each other this time. The riot squads were immediately dispatched to take care of the crowd.

“Tolone, stop acting so mean to Seraphita! Seraphita, stop being such an idiot! And Kelvena could you PLEASE open your eyes every once in awhile. A little sun won’t hurt you!” berated Dominia to her teammates.

“Yes Dominia…” they all replied sadly as they bowed their heads in shame.

“There you have it folks! The two teams that will be competing in the 64th Annual Redneck Games!” Nick Moomba announced but his words were left unheard as the crowd continued rioting. The police tried their best to quell the audience.

“Woah!” yelled Nick Moomba as he ducked to dodge a ninja star thrown at him. It embedded itself in the wall behind him as Nick wiped his forehead. Then 20 cruise missiles were fired from the crowd and straight towards Gilgamesh. Of course since Gilgamesh was SO bad ass he just had to merely LOOK at the missiles for them to be vaporized out of existence before they could reach him.

“Well…we’ll go into a commercial break. Stay tuned for the wacky events and (insert something game show-y here)!” Nick Moomba announced as he dodged to the side to avoid a poison dart that was aimed for his jugular.

Benit laid still on the floor of Alexander. Slowly, she woke up and came to a resting spot on her buttocks. Suddenly, she saw a sword at her neck. She looked up and saw Ramsus leering at her.

"Well, well, if it isn't my now constant nemesis, Kahr Ramsus. What kinda grudge you holdin' against me?" Benit asked him.

"The fact that my personal status has been lowered by your threats at Evebucks."

"Oh please! That was DAYS ago now."

"SILENCE!" Ramsus took the sword away from her neck and grabbed the weakened Agent by the lapels of her shirt. He looked straight into her face. Finally, he just kept his grasp on her arm and lead her away down the elevator and into Vendetta.

Benit summed the situation up: "If sabotaging a minter's life isn't a violation of the First Amendment, IT SHOULD BE!"

Nearby, Benit had completely forgotten about him, but Mewtwo kept himself in his hiding position. When both hero and villain were gone, he came out and stared at the empty room. One thing came to his mind:

I'm sorry, Benit.

Vendetta whirred to life and sped out of Alexander. CAM and the group saw the gear leave and wondered who the heck that was. Unfortunately, they had to keep their eye on the assault of FUNdubs and regroup in Alexander.

Meanwhile, inside the Omnigear, Ramsus piloted it while Benit sat still. She wasn't strapped down, chained down, or forced down in any manner or way. Ramsus wondered how that could be.

"You know...you're being a little too cooperative for being a prisoner. When I kidnapped Maria, she was screaming like a baby," Ramsus remarked, laughing at the memory.

"Can't help it," was the dull response, "I was raised this way. Plus, we're in space, so I'd die if I left." Truth be told, Benit was formulating a plan. "Where're we going?"

"Solaris."

Benit shuffled in her seat, and Ramsus kept a forceful eye on her, but found there to be no need. "I'm bored," he said. "I wonder how the Annual Redneck Games are going."

"Enlighten me."

Ramsus switched on a television screen, where there seemed to be a coliseum of people cheering insanely. Benit leaned closer to the screen, where she seemed to see a familliar person in the middle, along with the Expendable Three.

"AXER!?" Benit yelled. Ramsus looked at the screen carefully, then exploded in peals of laughter. There were four familliar girls there too.

"The Elements are there too? What the (pidgey) is this about?" Benit asked.

"Beh. They just started the games anyway. I only wanna see the winner at the end, that's all." Ramsus switched the TV off. Benit looked ahead of her into the window, where stars, planets, and other assorted space items zoomed past the unlikely duo.

They both arrived in the floating city of Solaris. Despite the many occurrences happening to the heroes and the villains, it was a bright day out today. Vendetta landed with a thud, then stopped. Ramsus lead Benit down the elevator into the warehouse. They finally went to the Solarian Customs counter. The same security guard asked monotonusly, "Name?"

"Kahr Ramsus," he replied. Some people walked by. Irvine came up to them and asked Ramsus, "Hey, can I have your girlfriend?"

"WHAT!? She's not my girlfriend!" Ramsus shouted. Benit turned beet red at the embarrassment.

"Looks cute enough to be, though," Irvine replied, "In fact, she's a nice hunk of meat!"

Benit tensed, then punched the Galbadian, making a similar black eye to hers. Ramsus then tossed him out on his ear.

"Damn cowboys don't know when to quit..." Benit muttered.

"Name?"

"Huh?" Benit turned around.

"Yeah, you. Ramsus, what's your girlfriend's name?" the guard asked the Solarian.

"Oh! You people are DENSE! She's not my girlfriend! She's my rival!" Ramsus shouted as he threw his hands down on the counter.

"Benit," the Agent answered before anything else could happen. The guard wrote her name down.

"Um..that's 5000 gil for admission, 2500 from each of you. Checks only," the guard said.

"Hey, when'd the cash come in all of a sudden??" Ramsus complained. Benit shrugged: money was her business.

"Funding for the coffee, you know. Ever since the secret was let out by your girlfriend (Ramsus tensed again), it's been hard for commercialism," the guard answered.

"In that case, let me handle it. Money's my expertise," Benit said as she fished out a book of checks, ripped one off, wrote down the amount with an available pen, and handed it back to the guard. The guard took the check, but he noticed something wasn't right about this check. Some stuff was sprinkling off of it.

"Uh..." he stuttered stupidly, when the check exploded! He never saw that the stuff falling off the check was some explosives, prominent whenever she wrote amounts down on it, if one could recall from FPS1, AKA her Blank Checks. Smoke filled the small area. The two men were coughing when Benit ran through the smoke and out to the exit.

With that, she broke into a mad dash. She noticed a bench coming for her and she couldn't swerve out of the way in time. Benit jumped over it, her leap making a noise like a tuning fork was struck in the way like Lupin from Albatross: Wings of Death.

The smoke subsided, and Ramsus saw Benit jump over the bench. He growled and pushed the people out of his way. All of the Ramsus groupies weren't there, for they were swooning over Gilgamesh at the Redneck games. He couldn't let her get away again.

Unfortunately for him, Benit's training was more fierce than Ramsus', so she wasn't visible when he came up to where he thought she was hiding.

The yell could be heard everywhere in Solaris.

The sewers were terrible. Off course, they never could smell like the Botanical Gardens, but come on. Benit was thinking this way while she travelled through them. Unlike regular sewers, what she was taught about Solarian food from Q was enough to make her upchuck her lunch. She recognized this area and rushed up to a convenient ladder.

Agent Benit poked her head out of the manhole and found herself alone in a famillair warehouse. The Evebucks warehouse.

"Aha...! Well, if Ekans can perform a one man infiltration mission, then I wonder how he'd feel about me doing a one woman infiltration mission," Benit whispered. She got herself entirely out of the manhole and stood still.

The only things available to her were Twinkies to eat, since they seemed to be the only thing in her pocket that wasn't from the Soylent System. She took a bite as she trecked further into the warehouse, her footsteps echoing. Benit figured that she was the only one in here, so she broke into a run.

"Come on, we don't have all day here. We still have to deliver to the FF4 world! Plus, I think Fort Condor wanted some too. Pick up the pace, FOOOOOOOOOOLS!" Miang shouted at the other end of the warehouse. Below her, Mothman slave labour worked on people, goofifying them to mitochondriac goo.

Benit ran further down past the empty blender where she and the other three Agents she was with found out that the coffee was made from mitochondria. Finally, she stopped when she heard a woman yell, "FOOOOOOOOOOLS!"

Benit held in her breath. She didn't recognize the woman's voice, but she guessed that she wasn't going to be on friendly terms with the Agent. Benit had to figure out a way to assassinate her and Evebucks entirely. She scurried behind the garagntuan blender as some Mothmen came walking down the hallway toward her, but they never saw her.

The two Mothmen seemed to be enjoying a steaming cup of the orange coffee. They rounded past the Agent, the latter hiding in the darkness, using the dark blue hue of her clothes to her advantage. Benit took the second bite of her Twinkie as one of the Mothmen disappeared, leaving the other alone. She snuck up behind the Mothman and tapped its shoulder. It turned around and was awarded a gut stab from the Agent's Saturn Rhapsody glaive. The body fell, dead.

Benit shuffled behind the other Mothman, who was standing in front of a washroom. Since she didn't have C4 with her, she had to use a Blank Check. She wrote a random amount down and tossed the check onto the second Mothman's back. It looked back at her, but it exploded, leaving a good amount of carcass.

"Eeww. I wonder if you guys are Solaris' chicken," Benit remarked as she wiped some meat off her arm.

Miang heard a noticeable explosion from the other room. She dismissed it as the mischief of the Mothmen, who were getting rowdier and rowdier these days. "Damn Mothmen," she muttered.

Benit continued down her course.

Trainer Phantom Ghost saw the FUNdubs arriving and gaining up on Ekans, so he launched a swarm of missiles at Zero Quality. This saved Ekans from a particuarly badlly dubbed death, but not from battle as the Eternal Dragon darted in to take up the attack. Phantom begain to go over to help Ekans, but saw the Sharp Pointy Thing HFIL and Bad Merchandising closing in for the kill. Or the send off to the NEXT DIMENTION. Either way it wasn't good. Fortunetly Zero Quality was stalled for a bit by the missiles attacking it. Seeing Grey and CAM's gears getting ready for battle and knowing ROCKSLIDE was out of it forthe moment he knew that he and Tonamel would be the only ones capable of taking the remaning FUNdubs down.

“Tonamel! You take on the Sharp Pointy Thing HFIL by yourself. I'm going to take Bad Merchandising.' Phantom called to his fellow agent over the radio.

“Can do, Phantom. We'll show them not to mess with us Agents,” Garret replyed and broke off to face The Great Sender to the NEXT DIMENTION. Phantom proceded on a direct course to intercept Krillen.

“Hey Krillen!” Phantom called over the radio.

“What?”

“I bet your FUNdub doesn't stand a chance against my Gear!”

“We'll see about that, bro!” Krillen shouted as he rushed forward with his sword in hand. When he reached the PokéArms he took a single swipe with it. That was all that was nessisary for Phantom to catch it on his sheild and break it.

“Aw, mondo nuts! This is not good.”

“I wouldn't worry to much about it Krillen. After all, it was a poorly crafted sword. No, I'd worry more about this!” Phantom shouted as he brought his beam gattling down on the enemy FUNdubs head. The impact sent it realling a good way's toward the FFVIII planet. Just enough time for Phantom to get Haunter and Gengar out and inform them what to to. Having done so, the ghostly duo set out after the FUNdub.

“Come get me, you monsteerrrrrrrs!” shouted a poorly dubbed Krillen as Haunter and Gengar started. They doged all of his shots with an almost indiferent air. Indeed, it was totaly unnessicary for them to dodge. They just thought it was fun. But while they were dodging they were also shooting. A carful eye would notice that they were shooting an imaginary line that followed the exact center of the FUNdub. When they made a complete circle they did it again. And again and again untill they seemed satisfied. At this point they signeled the PokéArms, which was also firing along this imaginary line and dodging shots, not always sucsesfully. When he got the signal he put his beam gattling on his back, crept up behind Bad Merchandising and put a hand on each shoulder of the FUNdub, effectivly immobilising it.

“Wha... what are you doing?” Krillen asked

“Your skills are great, but even though you pilot a FUNdub, you are still foolish.” Phantom cooly replied.

“Shut up! This is nuts! Let me go!”

“The time of FUNdubs must never come.” Phantom said his eyes becoming visible through his hat somehow in an extreme close up paning across his face.

“Shut up! You're too self righteous!”

“No, you aren't worthy of power.” Phantom said.

“Wha...?”

“FOOOOOOOLLLLLLSSSSS!” Phantom shouted as he comanded his gear to move it's arms in opposite directions. This, of course, would not normaly effect a FUNdub or a gear, but Phantom had carfully orchestrated this. He and his pokémon had cleanly cut a nice line through the center of it's armor making it easy for the PokéArms to rip in half, which it did. All was silent for a moment as the PokéArms held the two halves of the now destroyed Bad Merchandising, one half in each hand. Then the engine of the FUNdub realised that it should blow up. So it did. When the flash subsided enough to see if anything was left, the shadow of the PokéArms was clearly seen. But not without a cost: The Gear was badly beaten up by the explosion and while it could shoot from afar, if it took much more damage it would definetly blow up.

Knowing that his job here was complete, Phantom recalled his Pokémon and surveyed the battle field to see if some extra firepower would be useful.

Benit took down to her course through the factory, getting more and more warmer as she proceeded. Finally, she stopped in front of a large window. It was tinted, so she could look inside, but no one could see outside. Inside, Benit found Mothmen working, several corpses lying around for mitochondriac usage.

Benit swallowed and tried to find the female that yelled from earlier. It wasn't too difficult for her, for she found a woman sitting on a throne (odd as it was) overlooking the slaves doing their gruesome task. Benit ducked down as she saw the woman stand up.

Miang yawned as she stood to stretch. "My my, I never knew -Eve- had it this hard. But she was killed by those pesky -Agents-. They never knew that they killed a -Mother- of a videogame, those fools. They think they're just fighting for their precious -tea-. Well, when I get my hands on the -Contact-, the -Key-, and the -Power-, everything will change for -EVERY- dimension here."

Miang yawned again. "Oh dear, I better get some rest though. All this can do a lot to my head." Miang left through a door behind the throne and out of the warehouse. When she thought it was safe, Benit poked her head up and didn't see the woman. She smirked, but was thoughtful.

I'm not sure if that freaky woman is still here. Plus, I have to get rid of all these Mothmen, halt deliveries, and tell those that they need their shipments returned. And when I get the coffee back, what do I do with it then? I can't throw it away, and Axer doesn't like it anymore.

One thing at a time though. Those Mothmen are my only priority right now. And I have just the thing... Benit fished a cell phone out, dialed three different numbers and put the connections three-way service. All three connections were answered.

"Hello?" one female on one end asked.

"Hey Rydia. It's me, Benit. Relm, Selphie, you there too?"

"Yeah."

"Booyaka!"

"Great. I need everyone's help here. Do you guys think you can come to the Evebucks factory in Solaris? I'm here," Benit asked the other three FF girls.

"Do we need one of those cheesy BFM portals? Those give me the creeps, plus they're cheap," Rydia inquired.

"Hmm...BFM portals come spontaneously, sooo...1..." Benit started to count.

"Hey, wait! What're you doing!?" Relm complained.

"....2...."

"This' cruelty!" Selphie said.

"....3!"

The other three girls shrieked. Three portals opened over Benit's head, and out came Rydia, Selphie, and Relm. They crashed on top of Benit, crushing her spleen.

"Eeeeeh...get offa my spleen, pleez," Benit muttered underneath the pile. The others scrambled off of her.

The Mothmen were unaware of the four girls in the warehouse as they blindly worked on the coffee. Suddenly, the lights went out. The quartet were in the generator room, and Selphie pored over the controls. She scratched her chin.

"Heey. The lights went out!" she exclaimed.

"It doesn't take much genius to figure that out," Rydia remarked.

"Hey!"

"Enough squabbling and get into your cloaks," Relm said as she left the room, Benit following.

About ten minutes later, the Mothmen were still running around trying to get some power back on. Miang wasn't going to be happy with this. Instantly, a red strobe light shone down. Then, consecutively, a yellow, green, and blue strobe lights shone down in the darkness. The Mothmen were confused.

The red strobe hit a short figure all covered in a bright red cloak. The other three colours did the same, although their heights were higher than the person in the red cloak. They couldn't see their faces as some music cued up.

As the music started to come to its beginning, the blue cloaked figure stepped up gracefully and threw their head back. The person in the blue cloak was Benit!

Yume de dakishimeta nara
Ne, damari konde

The other cloaked figures, still hidden, seemed to be singing with Benit. The Mothmen were entranced. The blue light only followed Benit.

Kao ga mirenaku naru de
Doshita no

Benit walked around, still in her cloak, when the green cloaked figure stepped into the crowd. She threw her head back, revealing Rydia!

Ienai kotoba zawameku mune
Mujaki ni kimi wa nozokikomu kedo

The green light followed Rydia as she followed Benit, the latter still in the blue light. The yellow cloaked figure started to walk. The Mothmen were still frozen, enjoying the song as the yellow cloaked figure threw her head back to reveal Selphie! The yellow light followed her.

Kawaberi o fuku kaze ga
Mo kaeranakucha
Sayonara o sekasu kara
Shikarareru

Selphie followed Benit and Rydia as the red cloaked figure started to walk, and add a little jump to their walk, like dancing. They threw their head back to reveal Relm! The red light followed Relm.

Kimi no egao ya
Karui shigusa
Hitotsu hitotsu ni tolkakete iru

Benit, Rydia, Selphie, and Relm stepped to the end of their line and gestured to the Mothmen, further entrancing them. They all began to chorus.

Futari wa mada tomodachi dane
Suki to itta sore dake da ne

Benit took out a blue rose and held it to herself, while singing:

Nani o sureba ii no kore kara

The other three held their specific coloured roses to themselves, while singing with Benit:

Donna koto hanaseba ii
Futari

The four girls went back to their starting point as the song reached its conclusion. Benit's blue cloak revealed her hands in a position of waiting to snap them at a particular time. The Mothmen were still dazed in their position. She heard the cue...and snapped them.

Everything was silent for five seconds. Then without warning, insanely sharp prisms shot through the ground underneath every Mothman and impaled them dead from bottom up! The prisms were now covered in blood, but they shone blues, greens, yellows, and reds like they were unaffected.

When the cries died down, everything was silent. Then the lights went back on, the coloured lights dimmed, and the girls threw off their cloaks, still wearing what they normally wore.

"Ha ha! Good job, you guys. The plan was a success!" Benit said. Her plan was that while they sung, Aoi had woken up inside of Benit, not entirely, but enough to pay attention to the positioning of the Mothmen. Once they finished the song, Aoi waited for the cue to impale every Mothman in the area, and did so perfectly. Aoi couldn'tve done it if they were moving, the Mothmen.

Aoi rested once again, and Benit came up to the other three.

"Well...now that we're done here, I think I still have a manicure appointment," Rydia said.

"And I was in the middle of a painting," Relm replied.

"I was updating my website! I gotta go back!" Selphie complained.

"No prob. Hopefully we can do this again to audiences!" Benit said as the other three exited through BFM portals. Once the portals closed, Benit was all alone in the warehouse for sure.

Miang was sleeping in her room. Suddenly, a startling jolt in her spine woke her up.

"That -power-. Is it the -Key-?" Miang asked herself. It had to be: the Contact was nearby when Miang had jolts in her arm, the Power was near when she had jolts in her feet, and the Key was near when she had a jolt in her spine. This one was in the spine, so the Key had to be near.

Wasting no time, and putting matters into her own hands, Miang went in search of the Key.

Benit now had gotten rid of the Mothmen, so that they wouldn't tell on the Gazel Ministry that an intruder was around. Despite the blatant Ranma 1/2 reference she made with the song, it wasn't really that bad.

Now, I think I'll take care of cancelling shipments, she thought and went to the throne where the woman was sitting. In front of the luxurious throne was a computer, similar to the panel Squall had. It was currently off, so Benit simply swtiched it on and sat in the throne.

On the screen had displays of 'Shipments', 'Cancellations', 'Future Destinations', and 'Modes of Destination'. Benit first chose 'Shipments' to see where everything was going. She was amazed by how many current destinations the coffee was going. Baron, Mysidia, Kalm, New York City, the Whitehouse! Everywhere! Some had arrived there, indicated with an orange symbol. However, some hadn't arrived to some cities yet. Benit wrote notes down of which ones had arrived and which ones hadn't. That took a good half hour.

Once she was done, she went to 'Modes of Destination'. Surely enough, everything was being shipped in self-destructible airplanes, which was why planes were cancelled in Solaris. Benit searched around until she found the self-destruct mechanism. She inputted each plane that never arrived to their destinations yet and set them to destroy in five minutes. A timer ticked away on the top right corner of the screen.

For the cities whose shipments never left Solaris yet, Benit went to 'Cancellations' and the rest was pretty easy. Those would never leave again. What about those that arrived?

That was pretty tricky for Benit, since the victims might fall prey to the coffee again if she didn't hurry. The timer was at 2:30 minutes. Benit scrolled back to 'Shipments', and slapped herself on the forehead. She hadn't seen the contact numbers or codes to each city! She crossed off any cities whose shipments would explode or never arrive. By the time she was done writing each one, the timer went off. Benit nodded.

Okay. Time to make some calls, she mused and picked up the phone. She made a prerecorded message that said;

"Dear Citizens, we are very sorry to say that Evebucks will be going out of business. Evebucks will be replaced with a new company who sells an even healthier version of the tea/coffee. For those who wish to understand why we are closing, you may reach me at my frequency: 149.16. Thank you, and have a good day."

With the message set, Benit sent it to the remaining leaders of the cities, who would legalize to dump the coffee. She even decided to send the message to President Rufus, just in case he had any worries.

"Yeah!" Benit got up and did the patented Zell Prance as she enjoyed the success of stopping Evebucks 75%. The remaining 25% was to destroy the main factory where she was at. She switched the computer off and went around the factory, setting Blank Checks to destruct on the snap of a finger on the floor. The prisms dripped a little blood off of their rainbowish shards.

Minutes later, Benit was done the task of setting the explosives. Now, she just had to get out of Solaris.

Miang, however, had watched her the entire time she was infiltrating the electronics of Evebucks, or what remained of it now.

Hmph, no matter. Evebucks was doomed to begin with. But now I'll retrieve the Key's power... Miang thought. She found her opportunity when Benit was standing in the middle of the factory, now silent and abandoned...for now.

"Little Key....let me...have your...." Miang began. Benit darted around, trying to find the source of that woman's voice.

"POWER!" Miang finally struck. Benit whipped around and found Miang coming for her, but it was too late for the Agent, as Miang pierced through her body in an etheral state, coming out behind Benit with a blue orb. Benit was screaming at the hot pain inside her chest. Nothing but pain, and since FUNdub wasn't around to censor it, Benit spat blood up before collapsing to the ground facefirst.

Miang was out of Benit now, cascading an orb similar to Cid's attitude, except this time it was a blue orb cascading with Benit's, or rather Aoi's, time manipulation abilities. Miang laughed.

"My pretty Agent, don't you know it's dangerous to taste your own medicine?" she asked the half-conscious Agent. More blood flowed out of Benit's mouth. Miang stepped into a portal.

However, before she left, Miang stuck her hands out and snapped her fingers before leaving entirely with Aoi's powers. The snap was the cue for the checks Benit placed down to explode! With each explosion, rubble was blown out, bouncing on the Agent pathetically. The Evebucks factory capsized on the helpless Agent, burying her beneath all of the rubble.....

Oh man....where am I?

It was just a white, three-dimensional, six feet all dimensions room. It only had white tiles on all six walls, including the ceiling. All in all, the quiet was eerie enough for the visitor's skin to gain goosebumps.

This just royally sucks....

You're not alone. This room gives me the creeps too.

The visitor whirled around, and saw Aoi, the GF of crystallized time. Even the visitor didn't realize who they were, but then they recognized themselves as Benit.

Hello! I thought you couldn't talk!

Dumb as a box of rocks. Who do you think spoke to you after Ultemicia possessed you? I can't speak physically, but mentally I can.

You have any idea where we are?

I'm here all of the time. It's a cinema room in your mind, where I see out of your eyes when I sleep. Weren't you here when you 'slept' when you were me?

I can't recall....

Figures. But now that we're both here, who knows what'll happen, since our body seems to be....

DEAD?

Not that way! No no, more like disabled. Unconscious. See my point? Anyway, now that we're both in the Cinema Room, we'll be sent to some random mind in this entire battle, seeing out through their eyes until our body is recovered and nursed to health. Any questions?

Yeah, what happens if our body dies?

Trust me; it's not going to happen.

So you saw the future? Good enough for me. Don't answer my question then....But I have another one! Are you okay? Miang took your powers!

Gotta damn itchy sunburn that won't go away until I get my powers back, that's for sure. But it'd take me a full ten years to recover my powers manually.

Oh dear...then it's best that we get your powers back as soon as I wake up.

With that, one of the white tiled walls lifted and whirred to reveal a television implanted inside the wall. Benit looked pleased.

Fate has chosen our eyes to look through.

Big screen TV! You must be lucky!

Aoi sweatdropped.

"@*(&$#, woman! Don't hurt me so much!"

"But it won't do you any good if I can't get any antibiotics on you!"

"Then work more carefully then, (&$#&)(^!!"

"If you'd let me!"

Wha..? Who're we inside now?

Don't you recognize that voice?

Gimme a few minutes.

Shera was unsuccessfully trying to get some cream on Cid's gash that the Nemesis Moogle created when he, Shera, and Cait Sith were dragged in the hot air balloon. Currently, they were regrouping in Cid's house, somewhat destroyed by the chaos from earlier.

"So much for a freakin' Moogle hunt," Cid replied, taking a nice long drag of his cigarette. "And now my lawn is destroyed too. So much for a peacful town, &((&#$! There's no possible way I can exact revenge on that pink demon anyways! Got some of my ((&%#^ attitude, and I never knew my attitude was that powerful!"

"Serves you right," Cait Sith commented, looking out the window where Q, Mew, and the Captain were battling the Nemesis Moogle.

"Shut up, cat."

Figured it out yet?

Benit slowly turned to Aoi with a major look of distress on her face.

We're....inside....CID HIGHWIND!?

You got it!

How can you act so casual!?

Suddenly, the sky became dark. It was apparent that Q was using the GF of Modern Horror. All three members of Team Rocket Town looked out the window. Some heinous music cued, and Cid boggled.

"Oh my...they're worse than the Backstreet Boys or Hanson..." Shera commented, her hand over her mouth.

"Damn right! And that's saying a LOT! Maybe I oughta ask Q what group that is; the Spice Guys could do something about them!" Cid remarked.

"No time for shameless refs! We gotta Duck and Cover!" Cait yelled, ducking underneath the table. Shera went to hiding inside her car, while Cid squeezed himself inside the freezer.

"Oh man," Cid whispered inside the cold freezer, "I knew I shouldn'tve stashed all of these cold bottles in here...gotta &^##* wedgie...."

I did NOT need to know that.

The abberation of music continued. Apart from peculiar fontspeak, the music seemed to be doing the Nemesis Moogle some good, the three unaware that it exploded in pink pounds of mitochondria. Cid felt the remainder of his attitude return to him when the music died down.

Soon, all three of them piled out of their compromising hiding positions and absorbed the information that the Nemesis Moogle was out of the way. Shera yawned.

"Well, I'm not sure if we should help Q in her mission..."

"What're you worried about? Of course we should! What're you so *##&( skeptical about?" Cid asked her. Shera answered, "Nothing much."

So Cid, Shera, and Cait grabbed their weapons, Venus Gospel, handgun, and Omnikazoo respectively, and barrelled out of the door.

Unfortunately, all they only found were Q and Mew.

"Hey! Where's tC?" Cait asked her.

"He went inside a cloaked gear that just ambushed us!" Q responded.

"Well *^%@^ this! Time to use the Highwind to the next level!" Cid boasted, running for the airship.

"You mean....G-Highwind? From the Christmas incident?" Shera asked, running after him.

"Damn right!"

This'll get VERY interesting....

But I wonder how everyone else is doing back on the FF8 world....

“Tifa! I’m home!” exclaimed Cloud as he entered his domicile located in Costa Del Sol.

“Oh hi Cloud, I’m being subservient by cooking you dinner in the kitchen!” yelled Tifa as a delicious aroma filled the household.

Cloud sniffed the air and felt like he was in heaven as he practically floated a few inches off the ground and followed the scent to the kitchen. Tifa had on mittens that looked much like Red XIII as she frantically cut ingredients like a pro and threw them into a boiling pot once they were diced to perfection.

“Hey, need any help?” asked Cloud as he watched Tifa dash to the fridge, take out more vegetables, cut them up, and threw them into the boiling brew all within a blazing record of 30 seconds.

“Well, actually, yeah,” she replied and took out some Agent Axer patented ‘Unblockable PotatoE’ and diced it into little squares, “Could you stir the soup while I cut up this potatoE?”

Cloud gave an affirmative nod as he walked over to the pot. Holding the handle with one hand he took the soupspoon and began to stir the concoction like a witch would. As Tifa finished slicing the potatoE into tiny microscopic, almost atomized, pieces Cloud let go of the spoon as he clutched hand to his head.

“Aaaah! My….head…” Cloud grimaced in pain as he heard a familiar high pitch squeal.

“Cloud…Cloud…this is a transmission…from Sephiroth…” said Sephiroth telepathically to Cloud as static interference could be heard, “I order you to…bring me Tifa’s soup…and some Frosted Materia-O’s.”

Cloud then crumpled to the ground, still holding the handle of the pot in his hands. As his body crashed to the ground the liquid concoction spilled out of the pot and onto the floor. Tifa screeched with fear.

“Oh my God!” she yelled with abject horror as she let out a surprised gasp, “My soup…I mean…Cloud! Are you okay??”

“Must…bring…soup…plus…cereal…to…Sephiroth…” he mumbled almost incoherently as he began to twitch violently on the ground.

“What can I do…?” Tifa said as she panicked, “I mean my soups all ruined…Er…I mean, Cloud is freaking out again…!”

A capped figure then crashed through the window and landed in front of Tifa with a ‘THWOMP’. She yelled in stupefied horror as she looked at the figure standing before Cloud’s crumpled body.

“Have no fear!” announced the mysterious figure, “Dr. Hojo is here!”

Hojo then kneeled down to examine Cloud as he took out a stethoscope from a black doctor bag that he readily carried. He jammed a pokey type instrument at Cloud’s eyes, his ear, then up his nose. Hojo nodded and jotted down some notes as he reached for Cloud’s wrist and tested for a pulse. Tifa just looked at Hojo with a raised eyebrow.

“Um…aren’t you supposed to be PROFESSOR Hojo?” she asked incredulously.

“Er...no…I don’t know who you’re talking about…” replied Hojo as he sweat dropped much, “Anyway my diagnosis is complete and it seems that Cloud is afflicted with an acute case of Sepirothitis. Whoever shows the symptoms of this disease have uncontrollable urge to follow telepathic orders from Sephiroth himself. Those who fight the temptation of following his orders will be assaulted with various afflictions such as spasmodic twitching, floating in the air, freaking out, and even belching out the ABC’s”

“That’s horrible!” Tifa gasped, “What should we do?”

“I think I have a plan…” said Dr. Hojo as he gave out a fiendish smile.

A week passed.

“How are you feeling now Cloud?” asked Tifa as she subserviently gave Cloud a cup of coffee.

“Great! This metal plate that Dr. Hojo implanted in my skull has done wonders to my life!” Cloud said as he tapped his head with his knuckles, a hollow metallic sound was heard.

“Really?” she asked a little bit too enthusiastic, “How great IS this metal plate?”

“Well, thanks to Dr. Hojo not only can I prevent myself from Sepiroth’s persuasive telepathic messages, but now I can intercept 387 different radio frequencies ranging from cell phone conversations to even the Spanish radio station!”

Cloud knocked his head with his fist a few times as some electrical interference was heard. Then Spanish music played within the confines of his hollow skull. Cloud then began to bob his head to the song about “Senior Don Gato who was a cat and on a high red roof Don Gato sat” or some such sillines like that.

“Thanks for everything Dr. Hojo!” they said in unison as they flashed a fake smile to the camera.

The screen froze as a phone number appeared at the bottom of the screen. Then Dr. Hojo’s voice was heard.

“I, Dr. Hojo, will help any, if not all, your physical ailments and treat them with the most sophisticated way possible. You’ve tried the best, now try the rest! Please call 1-800-1MAD-DOC!” Hojo said as the commercial ended with that strange note.

“And we’re back in the 64th Annual Redneck Games!” announced Nick Moomba as he took a sip of Evebucks™ Coffee.

The masses were finally quelled down since they were drugged by Evebucks™ gas from the riot police. In the center of the coliseum, known as “The Coliseum”, the two teams (Team Winner and Team LOSER) each consisted of 4 players each. They all stood silently as they were immersed within their own moody thoughts.

“Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow…” meowed Seraphita in her head with a dazed look on her face and smiled absent mindedly.

“!@#^%$@!@#$!@^&*)*)&*&%#$$@!!!!” swore the ever spiteful Tolone in her mind as her cursing streak could * almost * match that of Cid Highwind’s.

“Om….” meditated the serene Kelvina.

The leader of Team Winner, Dominia, looked at each of her teammates and sighed knowing all too well what each one was thinking.

“I’ve been around them way too long…” railed Dominia in her thoughts as she let out a sigh.

“TETSUOOOO!!! I mean…! Niiiiiiick Mooooooombaaaa!!!!” yelled a Lunatic as he jumped out of the crowd and ran towards the announcer.

The Lunatic ran past the two teams leaving a trail of dust behind him and everyone began coughing furiously. The Lunatic reached the Moomba announcer as he grabbed him by the collar of his suit and began to shake him furiously. Nick Moomba wriggled around under the Lunatic’s grasp like a rag doll and felt a little light headed from all the shaking.

“Don’t you know…!” exclaimed the Lunatic as he shook him with each passing word, “That Evebucks™ Coffee is made out of people just like the Solarian food and Soylent Green??????”

“Actually…yeah,” answered Nick Moomba as he took a sip from his Evebucks™ Coffee.

The Lunatic blinked blankly back at Nick Moomba who in return did the same. They both blinked at each other repeatedly until finally the Lunatic then put his attention all on the almighty bad ass that is Gilgamesh himself.

“Gilgamesh!!!!” yelled the Lunatic as he reached out to grab the almighty one’s shirt collar but decided not to because who knows what will happen when one touches him, “Can I have your autograph?”

Gilgamesh sighed and because of his almighty bad assness he created a might twister with just his breath. The newly created tornado blew into the crowd as it began picking them up and tossing them everywhere. Some groupies even forcefully hurled themselves into the spinning vortex so that they may have the honor of telling everyone that they were in a twister made by Gilgamesh’s breath. All would even comment how minty fresh the tornado smelled because Gilgamesh’s breath had the same sweet odor as well.

However, Gilgamesh didn’t sigh for the groupies out there. In fact he sighed out of pure irritation. As bad ass as he was Gilgamesh was in a middle of doing a job. It is a job that does not call for interruptions or respites in between. He glared quite angrily at the Lunatic who in turn soiled his own trousers in complete utter bestial fear. Gilgamesh pondered at the situation at hand. He could give an autograph but that would mean stopping in the middle of his job to do so. Plus there was going to be a “Meet and Greet” session being held after the 64th Annual Redneck Games so what would be the point in doing this now? And all this internal monolouge he was having now was also wasting valuable viewership time.

Gilgamesh found the solution to the problem as he just looked at the Lunatic once more and blinked. This made him ‘pop’ out of existence.In fact, because Gilgamesh was so bad ass, he was able to manipulate time and space to make it so that this little incident never existed in the first place. Thus, it was wiped clear from everybody’s memories as the members of Team LOSER began to have thoughts of their own, much like the Elements had.

“I wonder…when am I going to die?” thought Agent Aya as she scratched her head.

“I wonder…when am I going to die?” thought Vicks as he scratched his head.

“I wonder…when am I going to die?” thought Wedge as he scratched his head.

Then the leader of Team LOSER, Agent Axer, looked towards the “Expendable Three” who were all scratching there heads simultaneously. All of the three had looks of utter confusion on their faces and Agent Axer could only guess what they were thinking. The leader of Team LOSER let out a heavy sigh as one of those anime sigh clouds escaped his mouth and his eyes turned into upside down U’s.

“Karp…I’m not gonna win this am I?” thought Agent Axer as he sighed again.

“Well Gilgamesh, isn’t this exciting?” Nick Moomba announced quite cheerfully, “Four exciting games, each one more fiendish, devilish, and more red neckish than the next!”

“…Yes,” replied Gilgamesh as the same frenzy and quelling of the crowd occurred once more.

“Tell us what games we’ll be having today Gilgamesh!” exclaimed Nick Moomba as he looked towards his co host.

“Well…” said Gilgamesh as the crowd literally were blown off their seats as he named each redneck game, “The games are….Crash Car Derby…Hot PotatoE Bomb…Catch the Rabid Chu-chu…and finally a game that needs to be in every redneckish event…and ol’ fashioned hoot n’ nanny with a Pie Eating Contest!”

“That’s right!” added Nick Moomba as he nodded his head, “And the first event in our contest is…”

“…The Crash Car Derby,” finished Gilgamesh as a dramtic chord was played from nowhere.

“Crash Car Derby?!?” exclaimed both teams simultaneously as each one had a giant question mark bubble appear above their skulls.

“Crash Car Derby…” said Gilgamesh again which caused some audience member’s heads to explode spontaneously.

“Yes, in Crash Car Derby. The players will have a car of their own. The object of the game is to incapacitate the other team member’s cars into submission. Doing so will make them eliminated from the contest. The winner will be the team that destroys the opposing team’s last vehicle into nothing but a smoldering burning pile of debris and chaos!” stated Nick Moomba as both teams were all given Crash Helmets.

“…Kids, don’t try taking your parent’s car and make a Crash Car Derby of your own with your friends out there,” said Nick Moomba as he pointed to the camera, making sure that the message was addressed to the children out there watching in TV land.

The eight players were ushered towards another side of the massive coliseum, which house eight different cars of mass destruction. The Elements squealed with utter girlish glee as they ran towards the cars, trampling down the members of Team LOSER in the process.

“::giggle:: Like, this car looks totally cool! ^_^” giggled the air headed and bubbly Seraphita as she hopped into a pink bug (the type of car, not insect) with dual Rocket Launchers on its sides.

“Ehh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh,” cackled the mean spirited Tolone as she entered into a ink black 64 Mustang with giant 12 food spikes jutting out of the groiler for ramming purposes.

“I sense…A great power within this vehicle…” said Kelvin as she calmly floated into a Ferrari with a giant mounted laser cannon on its roof.

“This car just screams TAKE ME! Ha ha ha ha ha ha…!” laughed the leader of Team Winner, Dominia, as she jumped up a few feet into the air to enter into a gargantuan Monster Truck with wheels that could just pulverize anything in its wake.

After Team Winner entered their vehicles of chaotic destruction, Team LOSER finally stood up after being trampled upon and looked at the 4 remaining vehicles. They shrugged and unenthusiastically walked over to their four vehicles with slouched backs as they approached their vehicles.

“I guess there’s no surprise as when I’m going to die,” said Agent Aya as she hopped into her Golf Cart.

“Hmm…better make sure my watch works so I know when my Time of Death will be…” muttered Vicks under his breath as he entered a puke green colored bumper car.

“::sigh:: At least I’ll get resurrected again afterwards…” sighed Wedge as he opened the door of his brown rust bucket colored Pinto.

Axer just shook his head as he entered his aqua colored, three wheeled truck called the “Sardine Extreme”. Obviously by the way things were looking, their chances of winning were very slim to none. Yuffie attaining a high IQ score was more likely than their chances of victory.

“Okay! Players, start your engines!” exclaimed Nick Moomba as everyone set the ignition on their cars.

Everyone’s engines roared to life save that for Wedge who had much difficulty in starting up his car.

“C’mon….” said Wedge as he tried to start his car with little success.

Finally Wedge’s Pinto roared to life as he gave a sigh of relief. The car exploded, sending flaming shrapnel and glass in the surrounding vicinity.

“Wow! Did you see that Gilgamesh?” asked Nick Moomba and the bad assed one only nodded, “Well, that’s one player down from Team LOSER and 3 more to go. The odds seem to be against them but perhaps they still have a chance in beating Team Winner.”

“Ready…” said Nick Moomba as everyone’s engines in Team Winner revved up while the cars of Team LOSER just sputtered and coughed.

“Set…!” said Nick Moomba as he raised a gun in the air while everyone pressed on the gas to rev up their engines some more.

“Go!” said Nick Moomba as he shot a bullet into the air, only to sail back down and hit Vicks on the head, instantly killing him in the Bumper Car which was crushed under the wheels of Dominia’s monster truck.

Nick sweatdropped muchly. “Ummm…ooops…guess that’s two left on Team LOSER…”

“Aaaah!” yelled Agent Aya in horror as Tolone’s spikes rammed into the Golf Cart and impaled her.

Tolone backed up which released Agent Aya’s car and her corpse. Dominia raced through as it plowed right past the recently impaled wreckage and squashed it into oblivion. Then Seraphita fired two rockets at the golf cart while Kelvina fired a Death Ray™ at the hapless vehicle. Both attacks connected and a tremendous explosion. Agent Axer watched the events unfold wide eyed and in pure horror. Knowing that the chances of his victory were very slim he hopped out of his “Sardine Extreme” and waved a white flag in the air. Two rockets were then fired straight at Agent Axer’s vehicle, which caused it to explode. Agent Axer luckily jumped out of the way before he was caught in the explosion as he continued to wave the white flag, only to have it obliterated by a laser beam into nothing but ash.

“Oh karp…” said Agent Axer under his breath as he realized that the Elements were out for blood. Unlike the “Expendable Three” he can’t get resurrected at a whim. Well, he could but this FPS author won’t allow that to happen and change the name to the “Expendable Four”.

Tolone raced up to Agent Axer and tried to impale him onto the spikes but he hopped on the hood of the car and ran towards the end of it and hopped off, ala Jackie Chan style. Then Seraphita launched her dual Rocket Launchers at Agent Axer who yelled in utter shock. Then a magical wall appeared next to him. Agent Axer then did a Matrix-esque move by doing a sideways flip on the wall as he dodged the two missiles. The two rockets then headed straight for the announcers’ booth as Nick Moomba spit out his Evebucks™ Coffee.

“Holy Shiitake!” exclaimed Nick Moomba as he ducked under the booth as if it would provide some ample source of protection.

Gilgamesh just glared angrily at the missiles, which stopped in mid air. The rockets yelled outloud as they flew away, whimpering like lost puppies. Nick Moomba slowly perked his fuzzy head from under the announcer’s booth and let out a sigh of relief as he sat back on his chair drinking more Evebucks™ Coffee.

After that attack, Kelvina squinted her closed eyes and aimed her Death Ray™ at Agent Axer. The destructive weapon released forth it’s beam of energy as it raced towards Axer who just had a look of shock when he landed from his sideways flip. Agent Axer quickly fished out a mirror from his pocket as the beam hit the reflective surface and blasted off towards the announcer’s booth once more. Nick Moomba once again spit out his Evebucks™ Coffee when he saw that beam of light racing towards them again.

“Mother Trucker!!!” exclaimed Nick Moomba as he dived under the announcer’s booth again.

Gilgamesh summoned a portal, which brought Agent Aya, Vicks, and Wedge back to life again to ultimately use them as human shields. The “Expendable Three” had looks of confusion on their faces before they were obliterated into cinder by the laser. The beam didn’t stop its trajectory as it continued to speed towards the announcer’s booth. With a sigh Gilgamesh just waved his hand which caused the laser beam to detach itself from the continual stream of the Death Ray™ and used it to make a light show. The coliseum known as “The Coliseum” was then forcefully dimmed as neon lights began to shoot from various directions making the audience “Oooh” and “Ahhh”.

The light show didn’t stop Dominia from revving up her gargantuan monster truck and race it towards Agent Axer. The Agent whirled around and his pupils became very small for dramatic purposes. He was frozen in place as the monster trucks wheels speed across the coliseum, throwing giant dust clouds and dirt everywhere. There was only a foot left for Agent Axer to escape when he side stepped the massive wheels and went directly under the passing monster truck. Dominia screeched her tires as she began to turn around. Agent Axer looked around and he saw that all four vehicles had surrounded him, all of them revving up their engines to prepare for the final assault.

“Any last words before we eviscerate you into bloody matter?” yelled Dominia outside the window of her monster truck as she revved up once more.

“Uhhh….” boggled Agent Axer as he rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

“Okay, that’s your last word! Let’s kill him Elements!” Dominia said as they attacked him simultaneously.

Agent Axer calmly stood in the middle as Nick Moomba closed his eyes with his furry paws.

“Oh no! Once they’re done with him it’ll probably take 20 workers to clean that mess up!” Nick Moomba said as he opened a little crack within his furry paws so he could watch the mayhem and carnage.

Agent Axer quickly took out an Unblockable PotatoE and threw it towards Kelvina. It smashed through the windshield of her Ferrari and hit Kelvina between the closed eyes.

“Aaaah! I can’t see!” exclaimed Kelvina in pain as he put her hands over her closed eyes. Kelvina accidentally hit the button for the Death Ray™ and it shot out wildly.

“Take this!” exclaimed Seraphita as she fired her dual Rocket Launchers at Agent Axer. The rockets were fired but it only traveled a few inches before the laser from Kelvina’s car hit them and blew up in front of Seraphita’s pink Bug car. She shrieked outloud as her car exploded in a pile of flaming wreckage.

“Awww…crap…” huffed Dominia as she let go of the wheel and Kelvina’s laser beam hit the engine of the monster truck and exploded, sending parts flying everywhere.

“I got you now…!” said Tolone with gritted teeth as she zoomed towards Agent Axer at an alarming speed of 100 MPH in her ink black 64 Mustang.

The large spikes connected to the car’s grill were just about to impale Agent Axer when a loud resounding crash was heard. The spikes stopped only inches away from Agent Axer’s gut as he looked at Tolone’s car only to find that it was crushed under the massive wheels of Dominia’s dismantled monster truck wheel.

The only car that was left standing was Kelvina’s who was still blinded due to the fact that an Unblockable PotatoE was thrown at her eyes. Then another monster truck wheel fell on her vehicle, which totally destroyed it into a pile of twisted metal. A referee in a black and white striped suit bounded into the coliseum and surveyed the smoldering piles of cars all around him. He then jotted down some notes in a notepad as he went by each and every single destroyed car. He nodded and then went up to Agent Axer, doing some measurements on.

“And the winner of this match…” said a referee as he finished examining the coliseum’s wreckage, “Team Winner!”

The crowd gave out a resounding cheer and Agent Axer had literally dropped his jaw to the ground. After picking up his gaping mouth he looked at the referee in shock.

“Excuse me!!!” yelled Agent Axer as he grabbed the ref by the collar and shook him wildly, “But I’m the LAST person standing!”

“That may be true,” said the ref as he swatted Agent Axer’s hands away, “But the rules were to destroy all the opposing team’s car first and Team Winner did that. There were no rules about who survived last”

“Oh…” said Agent Axer as he sighed.

“Well, there you have it folks! That’s the end of round one! The score is Team Winner with a point and Team LOSER with zero. Coming up next, more red neckish games!” said Nick Moomba as he looked at the light show that Gilgamesh created with his bad assedness, “We’ll cut to a commercial. And while that’s happening we’ll just sit back and enjoy the Redneck Games’ first light show!”

With that Nick Moomba put on some cool looking clip on shades and leaned back on his chair, sipping Evebucks™ Coffee as he watched the neon light show.

Go on to Part 5