Final Pokémon Solid 3

Part 1

A swivel chair rolled by in the dark theatre, coming to a rest by the front stage. Floodlights rested on the newcomer, who happened to be the Voice of Finance, Benit. She cleared her throat, folded her hands, then began her speech.

"Ladies and gentlemen. As I'm quite aware, you all have known that we here at the FPS HQ have been on a long vacation. I just never knew it'd last for about nine months. Never worry, we still act weird for you. Several of us have been thinking for a time, including I, for the third installment. And so, here it is. For those who do not approve of this message, you may sit on it, rotate, and have a nice life. Thank you, and enjoy the show."

Everyone heard the swivel chair roll away.

* * *

Tonamel looked at the clock, and then, in a fit of brilliance, at the calendar.

"...It's been so long since I've been hired, has the world run out of wrongs to right? Or has everyone forgotten that I'm here for hire? I'm running low on spending cash."

He looked at his wallet, lying on the table, nearly empty.

"Well, if there aren't any heroes that need my assistance, perhaps there are others..."

He pulled out the Random Name Dictionary, and started reading names... "Adam the Aardvark, no, Aaron the Nerd, no..."

Two days later, he had progressed about halfway through the 'A' section, when his eyes came upon an interesting name: Amish Vomit Keg.

"That name seems familiar. Aren't they some kind of rock group? Maybe they could use some help. Well, I think I'd do ANYTHING to get Agent Neener off of the Top 40..."

He reached for the telephone.

Princess Q is seen tinkering with several unusual devices, waiting for any wandering agent or willing victim to try them out for her.

On the workspace before her are what appear to be a few sets of keys, each with a key fob decorated with different esoteric appearing signs, a few materia, a steaming cup of Ultimate Tea (which any unwary person might regret not noticing), and a number of other completely useless looking bits of junk.

Princess Q scratches her back a moment, apparently because one of her strange devices made her itchy. After a moment she props her booted feet up on the desk, smoothing out the funny green outfit she heisted from Dr. Uzuki last time she was in Lahan.

In this way she waits for the proper time to despense her wisdom and strange, probably highly dangerous devices.

"About time things started to roll," Benit replied, then heard her P220 Transmitter Coin beep. She answered it.

"Benit? This' Princess Q."

"Artemis? Geez, when did you adopt Q as your nick?"

"It's a free country. Listen up, I need you to come over soon. I think the stocks are going down on a very important item of our arsenal."

"What could be going down?"

Q hesitated, then said, "Our tea."

Agent Benit arrived at the Super Secret 100% Stealth Warehouse within minutes. Princess Q walked out to greet her.

"Nice clothes," Benit sniggered.

"Hush. Now come, let me show you the stocks. See that line up there?" Princess Q asked while pointing out the big red line with 'FULL' written in bold type. "That's the full line. Now our stock pile of tea is right about here," again, the Princess pointed to another line. It said 'DECAF'. "We're running dangerously close to decaf. Now I don't like that, you don't like that, Agent CAM might go into convulsions, and Cid will have a fit."

"Hmmm," Agent Benit replied. "How is it that our stocks are depleting so fast?"

"We're dangerously close to decaf, which I guess everyone hates. You want me to advertise this as best as possible to others who are unaware of this tea. If we sell enough decaf tea, then we'll have enough money to buy the caffeine."

"Exactemundo," Princess replied.

"That is RIDICULOUS! Don't I have enough cash to buy the caffiene from our supplyer?" Benit panicked.

"No." Benit slumped her shoulders again.

"Well, who do I advertise to? How?"

"Advertising, eh...that is so not my field. Well, I guess it wouldn't do any good to advertise to MidgarSoft programmers...," Princess Q stroked her chin thoughtfully. "Perhaps...perhaps we should advertise to those guys who live in Fort Condor. They're hyped up enough as it is."

"But wouldn't the decaf tea make them paranoid?" Benit asked.

Princess Q shrugged. "I doubt they'd notice. All they do is worry about being attacked and protecting the condor. They couldn't get any more paranoid."

"True, true. I don't think that will make enough sales, though. Fort Condor is pretty small."

Princess Q nodded. "I hadn't thought of that. Well, if you can find any way to advertise to Solaris, I'm sure they wouldn't mind. They could stand to loose their caffiene addiction. Just don't eat the food."

Agent Benit peered at the Princess suspiciously. "And just how do you know so much about Solaris?"

"Ah, um. That's all common knowledge! Don't drink the water, don't eat the food, same difference, right?" Princess Q stammered. "Now get to work on that advertising, please. And take a Coin Toss relic while you're at it."

"Coin Toss relic?"

"Yeah, it's that little stick right there." The stick Princess Q pointed to was about a foot long and looked for all the world like a small, smooth baton.

Benit looked at the artifact suspiciously, then said, "If you think I'm gonna use this baton as a fighting weapon, Saturn Rhapsody is just as good for me. I'll take it anyway and see what it does, though."

The Princess looked at her as she departed the stealthy factory, weilding the Coin Toss Relic in hand, and a package of decaf tea in the other hand.

Pretty soon, Benit stood in the middle of nowhere, expecting something to happen.

As she stood on the grassy knoll where she was first discovered in FPS1, a little blue UFO passed by her overhead that looked a little too similar to a PuPu from FFVIII. She looked up, and it noticed her too.

"Um...hi. Do you think you can do something? Take me to...um...Solaris," Benit nervously asked.

The PuPu looked confused, then a beam engulfed the surprised agent. Pretty soon, she was gone. A second later, she reappeared in what looked to be a village.

"Um...not exactly what I meant," Benit said to the PuPu, but when she turned around, it was gone, leaving a Triple Triad PuPu card behind.

Trainer Phantom Ghost was finishing feeding his Pokémon. He gave them all some of Brock's Secret Recipe Pokémon Food™ and some Ultimate Tea. They really seemed to like the Tea, plus it raised their stats every time they drank it.

"That takes care of that." Phantom said tossing a bag of Brock's Pokémon Food to his Yuffiesaurus Rex. He went back inside to catch up on his reading and to have a cup of Ultimate Tea for himself.

"Uh oh. I'm almost out of Ultimate tea. I better go over to the Princess' place and get some more.' Phantom thought 'But first, a cup of tea.'

So after he had his tea, Phantom gathered up his pokémon, (Gengar, Haunter, Aerodactyl and Yuffiesaurus Rex) he set out to the lab the Princess had taken up in. But before he had gone very far he came across a very confused Benit.

'Hey Benit!' Phantom called 'What's up?'

"And so then you select the movement comand that bundles up switch-changing ability with the effects in the unit's time item comand. Now you can have time changes in your RPG...are there any questions?"

The students in Greenhill academy's RPG Making class stared blankly at 'Professor Brandaravon' with little anime spirals in their eyes as they attempted to decipher the gibberish that he had spewn forth in his attempt to explain something that he had read in a FAQ.

"All right, then class is dismissed for the day. Dont' forget about the dungeon mapping projects due this friday. Remember, you'll get extra credit if there are some good puzzles in them."

'Brandaravon' picked up his Thopmaster 2002™, a blue-hued duplicate of the nameless hero's weapon that he had the blacksmith instructor fix up for him and he walked out of the classroom.

He heard a clicking sound behind him and spun about to meet a shotgun barrel at eye level. The dark cloaked man kept the weapon trained on the RPG Maker instructor as he issued his inquiry, "you're the one they call Solid Ekans, are you not?"

"What if I am?" 'Brandaravon' replied.

"A certain party is in need of your assistance."

The 'professor' raised an eyebrow and responded, "Don't you have some mute kid that you can drag along on your little sub-quest, Mr. Clive?"

"This isn't any of your silly fanfic humor," Clive snapped back, "I have very serious matters that will get your attention."

Clive began to lead Professor Brandaravon, or Solid Ekans down the halls of the Greenhill academy.

"Look," the FPS agent began, "I came here to get away from epic fanficticious quests for a while. Just leave me alone. I can't see how blasting off my head is going to benefit either of us."

"What?" Clive exclaimed, "This land is being torn appart by wars! You expect be to believe that you came here to escape adventure?"

"This land may not be peaceful," Ekans replied, "but Fritz Fraundorf hasn't written any humor fanfics about recent events here."

"So it is true," Clive said, "Solid Ekans is one of the ATfP Soldiers...and I thought that rumor was just one of Angol Fred's doings."

"You know about Angol Fred?" Ekans asked, "This mission of yours is a crossover?"

"It takes place in the FFVII world."

"Look," said Ekans, "I get the Midgar times. I know that the Shin-ra President was Kidnapped by Ninjas. If you want a Bad enough Dude to rescue the president, ask someone else."

The two reached the end of the hallway.

"You're wrong," Clive said, tossing off his cloak, "I am the Shin-ra President. I expected more of you, knowing your background."

"Hey," Ekans said, "can I help it if I haven't re-read the Guardian Amulet Recently."

Clive/Rufus pressed a hidden switch on a bust at the end of the hall and a secret entrance opened to the outside. Air rushed through the door as it slid open to reveal a Shin-ra helicopter still running in the forest clearing behind the accademy building.

"All right," said Ekans, "you've got me intrigued now. What is this mission of yours?"

"You'll find out soon enough," Rufus said, sliding open the helicopter's door.

"Hurry it up!" Reno shouted from the cockpit, "Those highland guys are going to be out here any minute!"

Ekans tossed his bookbag aside and he grabbed the Thopmaster 2002™ before boarding.

"He he," Ekans said, "helicopters go 'thop'."

Reno sweatdropped at this comment and then lifted the vehicle off the ground as an angry division of highland soldiers appeared on the scene. Their crossbow bolts deflected harmlessly off the metal skin of the Shin-ra helicopter as it rose into the skies over Greenhill.

Agent Gray Fox lay on the floor of Fox's Den, suffering from an acute fruit juice hangover. He opened his eyes.

"Light," he said simply. There was a sudden flurry of incessant chatter.

"Gray Fox! Gray Fox! Gray Fox! Gray Fox!"

"CAM," Gray Fox said.

"Yeah, I'm CAM! Now wake up, I have something to show you."

"Guh." CAM shrugged generally and spied a binder on the bartop.

"Hey…I've-got-your-Triple-Triad-cards!!" CAM said mockingly. Gray Fox's eyes shot open.

"Put 'em down."

"Get up off the floor first."

"Don't wanna." The bartender passed a hand over his eyes. "I had a dream. There was something called an Anima Twinkie in it. And something big and purple with glowing eyes."

"Wait a second…back up. What about Twinkies?" CAM asked eagerly.

"Anima Twinkie."

"Xenogears and Twinkies…sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet." Gray Fox used a convenient table to help himself get up. He noticed Alys and D were already cleaning up the floors and sinks. Which suited him. He snatched his binder full of Triple Triad cards back from CAM.

"Thos're mine." He put them into his Inventory.

"So, uh," CAM began, "you have any idea where this Anima Twinkie is?"

"Man…it was a dream."

"Who cares?! There's a possibility for Twinkies here! And, I thikn Agent Artemis is now in the gadget dispensal business. Let's see if we can get anything from her."

"But I-"

"No buts! Mr. T! Alys! D! Pikafoo'! Agent 1469! Jimi! We're going!" The various Agents of ROCKSLIDE, plus Jimi, materialzied from their respective sleeping spots. "Mr. T, we have to get to Princess Q's place fast."

Mr. T grinned. "Well, den we'll take my van, cuz my van is fast, foo's!" Before Gray Fox could lodge any more complaints, he found himself wedged between Agent 1469 and Pikafoo' in the back of the T van, heading for Princess Q's house.

"I shouldn't have told CAM anything."

In the blink of an eye, the custom van Mr. T drove helluva fast arrived at Princess Q's house. Gray Fox fairly lept out of the vehicle, trying to get away from Pikafoo' as fast as he could, for the Pokémon seemed a bit...friendly.

Brushing himself off, Gray Fox wandered over to the Princess' door and rapped on it solidly. After a few moments without an answer, Fox knocked again. There was still no answer, however two trained attack moogles rushed from the sides of the house, one with a long Aura Lance and the other with a Ragnarok.

"Kupo," one growled menacingly.

"Hey hey hey!" Gray Fox said nervously while backing away a few steps and holding his hands up. "I'm just looking for Princess Artemis. Know where she is?"

The moogles looked at each other then started discussing the problem in Gray Mountain Kupo (which is somewhat different than Narshe Kupish, the native tongue of Mog the Magnificent.)

While the moogles conversed, CAM reached over Mr. T's seat hand honked the horn. "C'mon!! Hurry up! I want that Anima Twinkie!!" A scuffle ensued with many threats of being thrown helluva far for manhandlin' the T's van.

Gray Fox just shook his head and looked back at the moogles expectantly. Finally, they finished and turned to Gray Fox. The moogle with the pole-arm spoke. "She's at work right now. Follow these directions to reach her place of employment."

Gray Fox took the peice of paper, which was written in Gray Mountain Kupo. "What? I can't read this!"

The second moogle shrugged. "Get a Pokémon to read it. I don't know how, but most are quite fluent in all forms of Kupo and Kupish."

Gray Fox rolled his eyes and turned back to the van. He really didn't want to sit next to Pikafoo' again...

"What the freakin' flyin flannigan flay is going on here?" thought Agent Axer who was mysteriously floating a few inches off the floor and was transparent, "Am I a ghost...? Am I...dead?"

He looked around his current surroundings and at the various ornaments lining along side the walls of the room "This place looks AWFULLY familiar...."

As another thought crossed his mind he saw a familiar figure, smoking some cigarettes, wearing flight goggles, and had a very rough complexion. The person ran his fingers through his blond hair, issuing forth a long string of curses upon his lips. "Oh, now I know where I am...I'm at Cid's house...what am I doing here though...? Am I really dead?"

"What the #@^%@$# is UP with this 'stocks' karp...I ask Shera for some goddamn tea and she says 'Oooh look at me, I'm Shera and we're out of Ultimate Tea!’" mumbled Cid almost incoherently as he mimiced Shera's voice in mockery.

"Low on Ultimate Tea?! I must be dead," thought Agent Axer as he watched Cid walk outside of the house and was compelled to follow him.

"Luckily, I have my reserves of Ultimate Tea bean sprouts in my front yard..." said Cid to nobody in particular as he walked to his front porch and searched around for his small garden of bean sprouts.

Then Agent Axer had to cover his ears as Cid issued forth a string of curses so long and so loud that if a human were to hear it, their ears would pactically bleed or worse - explode! However, there was a non-human figure that didn't cover their ears as she opened the door to her house and floated strangely to the fence that surrounded the front lawn of Cid's house.

"Um...excuse me, neighbor, but could you lower the volume of your cursings? I'm trying to make some tea here," said the strangely familiar, feminine (if such a creature could be classified as some sort of identefiable gender) voice that could melt people into mitochondriatic goo. Upon hearing the voice Cid and Agent Axer both cocked their head to the general direction as both were completely shocked and stupefied.

"Eve?!" they both exclaimed at the same time though nobody could hear Agent Axer because of his current state of being.

"What the @#$^$#%# are YOU doing HERE???" swore Cid as he spewed forth another trademark cursing attack.

"Well, if you MUST know," said Eve in a cocky voice, "I decided that I'd take a break from the villainy business and settle down in a nice giant Victorian mansion, which I must say, was conveniently located next to your house."

Cid and Agent Axer both raised a quizitive eyebrow at Eve as they both turned to look and stare at her house. Indeed, it WAS a giant mansion; its archway adorned with intricate Corinthian columns and the place was made of marble. It was a house that suited even the finest of the finest, the best of the best, and most of all a person with a TON of CASH in their hands. It was quite huge to say the least. It was like a towering abomidable giant compared to Cid's ant like shack house. It casted a giant perpetual twilight over the pilot’s house, causing it to be swallowed in eternal darkness

"No wonder I've been getting rickets..." observed Cid as he looked at the towering shadow of Eve's mansion, cacasding his house in a dark blanket.

"Now how'd you get so much money to buy a fancy shmancy place like THIS?" inquired Cid as he looked down at the dirt and noticed some strange mineral around it.

"Oh you know....I did a little bit of this...and a little bit of that...and before I knew it my tea was making big bucks and I was in buisness! Then I made a super merger with Starbucks to make a multibillion dollar corporation!" said Eve as she handed Cid a buisness card. It read the words "Evebucks - We make the best tea in the WORLD!"

"Now, as I was saying, could you please tone down the swearing level?" asked Eve as she twisted the air as if to turn down an imaginary volume knob, "I'm trying to make some tea here.”

She held up a handful of mysteriously glowing leaves in her hand. Suddenly, harmonious, angelic voices filled the air. Holy light was radiating off of the tea plants as if it were a sacred relic. Cid was in awe at the leaves for a few seconds before snapping his head back to reality and figured out the whole equation of things.

"Heeeey! Those are MY Ultimate Tea plants! What're YOU doing with THEM? And what do you MEAN you made your OWN tea?" asked Cid as he looked at Eve suspiciously, grabbing some of the shiney mineral from the soil.

"YOUR Ultimate Tea plants? I think not my dirty mouthed neighbor," said Eve with sarcasm dripping from her words, "In fact, I made...MY own 'special' recepie...why not try some of my brand of coffee sometime? You'll like it. It seems to be doing wonders in Solaris…I guess cause my coffee is so much like their..."

Eve stopped herself in mid sentence, not wanting to give away the secret recipie of her coffee.

"Um...'scuse me?" asked Cid as he arched an eyebrow at the direction of Eve.

"Nothing," said Eve as she reached (from seemingly out of nowhere) and gave Cid a plastic bag with the words 'Evebucks' etched across it. It contained some strange orange beans.

"Anyways, nice meetin' ya, neighbor," said Eve as she turned around and floated away.

"Hold on a second!!!" screamed Cid as Eve stopped in her tracks and turned around, "Was it necessary to put salt in my yard so that nothing would grow on it again?"

"Eheh heh heh heh heh heh" chuckled Eve at Cid's perdicament and then sighed, "Yeah."

With that, Eve floated inside her gigantic mansion as a servant opened the door for her. After all, it was part of his job and partly because he was afraid of turning into mitochondriatic goo. As the mansion doors closed, Cid issued yet another string of curses so horrible that it could not be printed in this little story. Cid then walked towards his front door, jerked it open, then slammed it shut.

"Something’s wrong here..." said Agent Axer, still in his ghost like state, "I have to meet up with the others."

The surroundings around Agent Axer dissapeared as everything turned black. "Oh great, what's going to happen now?"

Suddenly, he fell into a black void of nothingness and yelled, "I have no regreeeeeeettttssssss!!"

He flailed his arms frantically in the air, trying to find SOMETHING to stop his descent.

A few hours later…

Agent Axer was still falling, but this time, he wasn't screaming. In fact, he had been falling for so long that he was actually bored of his perdicament.

"Isn't the GROUND going to be hitting me soon?" griped Agent Axer as his prayers were answered.

He slammed into something as he issued forth a loud "Ooof!" from his lips. He expected to have broken bones or at least a broken nose but then he noticed that he landed on something soft and fleshy. He then sat up, sitting on the soft surface as he brushed his hands on it. He felt...hair? It was then that he realized that he wasn't dead since his transparentness dissapeared, and also, that he had landed on a living person.

"Get OFF me!!" shrieked Agent Benit as she practically threw Agent Axer off her.

She then turned around and glared at her attacker with eyes screaming anger and spite. After identifying the attacker she calmed down a bit and sighed with relief.

"Oh...it's you," she said in a dull voice.

"Well nice to meet YOU too," said Agent Axer in a sarcastically joking manner as Agent Benit grabbed his hand and pulled him up.

"You wouldn't believe what I just saw," said Agent Axer as he explained what he witnessed when he was a 'ghost'. He then finished his story as Agent Benit became intruiged by the situation.

"Really? Well, guess what? Here's the scoop," said Agent Benit as she explained her side of the story.

Then both put two and two together. Maybe it wasn't just poor advertising that caused the Ultimate Tea buisness to go bad. It was because of 'Evebucks' coffee which appeared from out of nowhere and caused all its customers to buy them.

"Mayhaps we should go to a local 'Evebucks' and try out their coffee?" asked Agent Axer.

"Me thinks we shall," agreed Agent Benit as they saw an 'Evebucks' coffee shop nearby.

So, the trio, consisting of Agent Benit, Agent Axer, and Trainer Phantom Ghost, went into the 'Evebucks' only to find it flooded with customers. Several hours of line waiting and they were finally able to order one cup of strange java from the counter. Instead of sitting inside the store they decided to venture into the outside world to get away from the crowded coffee shop.

"So...who's going to be the victim?" asked Agent Benit as he looked at the other two.

"Um...I just decided that I hate coffee or any type of liquids," said Trainer Phantom Ghost as he looked towards Agent Axer.

"Gee...I guess I have no choice, huh?" said Agent Axer dryly as he grabbed the coffee and looked at it.

"You're a brave man Agent Axer. It's good to see a fellow worker risk his life on the line," said Agent Benit as she snickered at Agent Axer.

"Quiet you!" said Agent Axer as he closed his eyes, "Here goes nothing! If I die, tell little Johnny that I'm sorry for not paying back that dollar I owe him."

With that he chugged down the coffee and screamed outloud.

"Oh my God! He's dying!" yelled Agent Benit in panic.

"What-do-we-do-what-do-we-do-what-do-we-do?!?" said Trainer Phantom Ghost frantically as he ran around in circles.

Agent Axer then looked at them strangly and wiped his mouth as if nothing happened. The other two Agents blinked in wonder and surprise as he let out a refreshing "Aaaah!"

"That's not bad...in fact...it's actually BETTER than the Ultimate Tea!" Agent Axer said in a chirpy voice as he tossed his cup away.

"You BLASPHEMER! You dare say that stuff from Eve is actually better?" shrieked Agent Benit as steam was literally spewing from her ears, causing Agent Axer to cringe in terror.

"Anyways...there MUST be something strange in this coffee...we need somebody to analyze this," observed Trainer Phantom Ghost.

"We could do that...but that would bring us BACK into the coffee shop, purchasing the coffee after waiting for almost eternity, and then going back ALL the way to Rocket Town just to give it to Princess Q," complained Agent Benit.

"Well, let's go then!" said Agent Axer as he grabbed Agent Benit and Phantom Ghost and brought them into the line trap that is 'Evebucks'.

"I don't wanna wait in line!!" griped Agent Benit as she and her fellow cohorts threw themselves into the frey of the chaotic 'Evebucks' line.

"I told you! I don't wanna wait in line!" Agent Benit cried.

"Tough toasties, chap. Unless you wanna find a shortcut," Agent Axer replied. A lightbulb appeared over Benit's head, and Trainer Phantom Ghost switched it off before it disappeared.

"Be right back," she replied before climbing onto someone and shoving her glaive at the guy's throat.

"Y'all do the Hand Wave for me and I'll give y'all free tea on my expenses!" Benit yelled like a terrorist. The workers and customers had no choice but to haul Benit, Axer and Phantom on everybody's palms and 'wave' them across to the counter. The guy Benit threatened gave a sigh of relief and vowed to get back at her.

"Yeah, three javas on the go," Phantom requested.

"Well...now that we have our javas we can get them analyzed," said Phantom a little too late as he turned around and saw Agent Axer drinking the last java.

"Mmmmm! MMMMMM! Sweet!" said Agent Axer as he issued forth a small burp and threw away the three empty cups.

Agent Benit let out a sigh as he dragged the other two Agents with her, dogged to get those cup of javas. "Here we go again," she mumbled as she used the same technique to traverse to the counter, ordered some coffee, and went out again only to find that Agent Axer had once again drank it all.

"Okay, YOU stay out HERE," ordered Agent Benit to Agent Axer as both her and Phantom went inside once more to buy coffee. It wasn't long before Agent Benit and Phantom both exited from the coffee shop using the same ingenious technique.

"Ooops!" slipped Phantom Ghost as he dropped the coffee, spilling it all over the ground.

Agent Benit let out a sigh of agitation as she entered the coffee shop AGAIN and was once AGAIN successful in getting three cups of java safely out of the 'Evebucks'.

"Okay!" said Agent Benit slightly irritated of having to enter the shop numerous amounts of times, "Let's go!"

Unfortunetly the trio didn't realize that they had to go through Solarian Customs to get OUT of the city.

"I'm sorry but um...we're going to have to...commondere...these cups of coffee from you," lied the Customs officer as he snatched the coffee, "We have to check for...foriegn...stuff...yeah that's it."

"What're you talking about?" exclaimed Agent Benit only to be answered by the officer drinking all three cups of java.

"My coffee!!!" shrieked Agent Axer as he flailed his arms hysterically in the air.

They were then 'escorted' out of the Customs office as they were forcefully kicked out on the streets.

"Great...we can't get coffee out of Solaris...and we can't get past by their virtually impenitrable security systems..." sighed Agent Benit as she walked glumly through the Solarian streets.

"I believe there is a solution..." suggested Phantom Ghost to the crestfall Agent.

"And that would be...?" Agent Benit said with hope filling her voice.

"We infiltrate that nearby 'Evebucks' coffee plant and snatch some coffee," said Phantom Ghost as he pointed to a nearby plant with large neon signs blinking repeatedly with the words 'Enter Here, fellow Agents'. Various neon blinking arrows pointed towards a strangely ungaurded entrance way were leading into the coffee plant.

"I don't know...I have a very bad feeling about this...and I have a feeling we'll be disturbed beyond our minds when we find out their secret ingridient to making their coffee so...good...tasting...," said Agent Benit as she forced herself to say the word 'good' to describe the 'Evebucks' coffee, even though she was biased and still loved Ultimate Tea.

"Who cares! I can probably get some of those strange yellow coffee beans and make some of my own coffee for free without waiting in their god forsaken lines," chirped Agent Axer as he hopped towards the odd and unguarded entrance to the plant.

Little did they know that the Agents were going to fall into a trap as they were about to uncover a disturbing factoid that included the 'Evebucks' coffee beans....

What appeared to be blue electrical arcs began to spark across a short expanse of the sky over Midgar. In a second's time they intensified into a crackling energy field which soon gave way to a Shin-ra helicopter tearing it's way back into the FFVII dimension through use of an Interdimensional Fatigue plot device.

"Okay," said Ekans, "first off, tell my why you guys pulled this 'kidnapped by ninjas' stunt, and don't tell me it's because of the Bad Dudes reference."

"Evebucks," said Rufus, "It's the biggest super-merger we've seen since when Zenogias ran Umbrella. We where afraid that the Shin-ra company would be next, so we faked my kidnapping by ninjas so the company would be unable to make any corporate decisions. We also figured that we'd end up blaming Yuffie for it, since she's the only Ninja left on this planet, and bound to be evil in this fanfic and people will hate her anyways."

"So...let me guess," Ekans pulled his bandana down over one eye, "EVEBUCKS. HEADQUARTERS. ONE-MAN. INFILTRATE."

"...Something like that."

"All right," Ekans replied, "This sounds like it could be a plot of Fraundorfic porportions. I'll need to use your IDF-device to get my equipment, though."

The glow within the deep blue crystal faded and the arcs died down over the large case that had teleported itself into the room.

Ekans opened it up to remove all his signature equipment, the 8-Materia slot custom M-16, the Rabid Chu-Chu launcher, the case of Sea-Floor explosive prosthetic fish, and six pokéballs, one of which was empty. The reason for the empty ball became apparent as Bob the Pikachu bounced out of another compartment and onto the agent's shouler.

"Hi Bob," Ekans said, "let's see...we've got Squirtbert, Magus, Chocobert, Solid, and...the new guy, Booka."

Ekans tossed out Booka's ball and a Cactuar sprang out with a 'FWEEEEET.'

Rufus eyed the cactus and said, "...that's a Pokémon? I though they where just creatures that people hunted for magic points?"

"FWEEEEEET!" Booka exclaimed, darting behind Ekans' leg.

"I got him from the Tonberry/Cactuar adoption agency," Ekans said, "he's actually quite powerful."

"Ri~ight," Rufus said, "in any case, you've got two ways to accomplish this. You can either head to Eve's Mansion hear Cid's house, or you can head to their manufacturing plant in Solaris."

"Solaris?" Ekans inquired, "I thought it blew up?"

"So did the Shinra building," said Rufus.

"Good point."

"Hmm...I think I'd be better off trying to outwit Solaris' technology than Eve's funky powers," Ekans said, "The tricky part is getting there."

The Omnigear El-Kaiser from All That For Pizza: Part Drei sped across the ocean of the Xenogears world. Ekans sat in the cockpit, relying on a map he had printed from a random Xenogears fansite to locate the Sacred Empire, despite its protection by several 'Gates.'

The agent engaged the mecha's stealth camo and it's shield-penatrating IDF powers to approach the city in the sky.

A -spoonimus- is approaching.

Several -agents- who may be -spoonimus- are already be here.

It is 'him.'

This is insignificant. The -tea- must be recovered.

What about the -coffee-?

The -coffee- is useless to us without the -antitype-

What about the -mother-

The -mother- likes to drink -coffee-

This is not the information I require. What does the -mother- say of the -spoonimus-?

hi aim timmy lee taylor i like pillow

Who let -that guy- in here -again-

This is 'stupid'. I'm going to go back to displaying a -screensaver-

Agent Gray Fox rather unhappily got back into his seat next to Pikafoo'.

"What's up, man?" Jimi asked.

"What about the Anima Twinkie?" CAM asked eagerly. Gray Fox sighed.

"Artemis is at work, and we need a Pokémon to translate the instructions, which are written in Kupish. Don't ask me why."

"Pikafoo's a Pokémon," Alys said. Gray Fox handed the letter to the over-friendly Pikachu, who looked at it quizzically.

"Pika pika? Pi pi pika chu pika!"

"Even if he can understand it, he can't tell us what it says," Celes reminded everyone.

"…," D agreed.

"But only one…."

"…Pokémon…."

"…Speaks…."

"…And that would require…."

"A SHAMELESS REFERENCE!" everyone chorused in unison. Very conveniently, a large dimensional rift opened in the sky above and a very surprised Mewtwo fell onto the windshield. Mr. T cursed emphatically. ROCKSLIDE, Gray Fox and Jimi got out of the van.

"Hey, what gives?" the evil Pokémon asked. "I've got an evil empire to build and smarmy, poorly-animated children to destroy."

"We need you to translate a letter in Kupish for us," CAM said. "So we can get an Anima Twinkie."

"Ha! I take orders from nobody! Beat me in a fight, and we'll see who's working for who!" Mewtwo began to power up.

"Hey," Alys said, "if that loser Ash can beat him, why shouldn't we be able to? He can't be that powerful."

"I know a way to see." Gray Fox dug in his inventory and removed his Scouter. He placed it over his eye and focused at Mewtwo. The Scouter blipped and suddenly shattered. Fox clutched his head in pain. "%$%%%&$%^#%@$$%&**&$^&**&^#!! Not again!! Why do they always do this?! Arrrggh!"

Princess Q stood before a great throne, surrounded by hundreds of swirling Pokéballs, all artfully designed.

"I hear you have a problem," boomed a strange voice.

"Yes, sir...It seems that the Contact has appeared."

"Well, go get some saline solution and clean it up again. It should be as good as new."

"No, no...Not a contact lens, the Contact!" Princess Q grumbled. The enthroned person was very bad with language...

"Oh, right, yeah, I knew what you meant. So what do we need to do about it?" the voice asked.

The Princess exhaled sharply. "President, you're supposed to help me with this! That's why you're the president!"

The president scratched his head. "Right, right. Let me think...maybe the faeries will say something.... Oh! Yes, I've played Xenogears. You need to make sure the Contact doesn't get in any super evil powerful Gears...and don't ever, ever let the Contact near strange coffees or teas. Especially don't let him drink any."

Princess Q shrugged. "Is that all?"

"Yeah, I think so. Gotta take the bull by the horns of a situation! It would be really awful if the Contact were ever to find out his identity. Even my genius wouldn't be enough to stop him!"

Just as Princess Q was fazing out, she muttered something about dreaming she was talking to a moron...

...Just then, she woke up with a start and knocked over one of her devices. She muttered and rubbed her eyes; must have fallen asleep there...

The guy that Benit had threatened about four or five times could only thank his lucky faeries that she didn't kill him. However, he wanted revenge. Fast. Blood could be seen in his eyes.

The mysterious guy (who won't be revealed for a bit, since FPSs always work with people not revealing themselves) stormed out of the Evebucks in due time with his java and attempted to follow the trail of his assailant. He guzzled some java down in one second.

Meanwhile, the trio travelled inside the factory, weapons/pokémon ready in hand. None of them spoke...until:

"Hey Axer, how'd you get here in the first place?"

Axer almost jumped out of his skin when he realized it was Phantom's voice.

"Don't scare me like that! Well, like I told you two, I came here as a ghost," he explained. Benit could only give him a weird look before replying sardonically, "Yeah Axer, I'm pretty sure it was the Espers' idea to send you here and help us out. Ri~ight."

Axer looked at her before countering, "Hey, you never know what'll happen. And quit blaming those guys: Shinra blames them enough for bombing Pearl Harbor."

Suddenly, the trio heard a sound.

*CRASH*

The trio looked at the sound of the crash to find a figure jumping through a ventelation shaft from the cieling.

"BANZAI!" exclaimed the figure in an unstealthly fashion as he armed himself with a pretty decent sized weapon and fired. Suddenly, a rabid Chu-Chu popped out and smiled innocently at Agent Axer as it blinked it's disgustingly cute eyelashes at him.

"Awwww! It's a cute and adorably deadly rabid Chu-Chu!" squealed Agent Axer with utter delight as the Chu-Chu squeeked in response.

Agent Axer reached down to pet the adorably deadly creature and storked it once. The little Chu-Chu let out a ferocious yell as it bore its open maw and engulfed Agent Axer's hand. The Chu-Chu then began to chew on his engulfed fist as Agent Axer let out a scream of utter shock and horror

"Gyaaaa!!! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!" exclaimed Agent Axer as he ran around in circles, flailing the arm with the rabid Chu-Chu connected to it.

The other three Agents just watched Agent Axer run around in cirlces for a few minutes before diverting their attention to the Solid Ekans.

"Hey Ekans, what brings you here?" asked Agent Benit as Agent Axer ran past by her screaming for dear life.

"Nothing much, just a little bit of the same old thing. One-man infiltration in a mysterious and suspicious looking facility and try to uncover some disturbing information. Nothing new," Agent Ekans said matter-of-factly as Agent Axer ran up to him and pointed repeatedly at the Chu-Chu eating his hand as he waved it in front of his face.

"I see," said Phantom Ghost as he nodded his head while Agent Axer jumped furiously in front of him to get his attention.

"Anyways, we better get going then. There should be something we can find in here about Evebucks' coffee...like some disturbing information" said Agent Benit, forshadowing the events to come, as she and the other two Agents followed with Agent Axer still screaming for help as the rabid Chu-Chu nawed on his hand.

Agent Ekans then noticed Agent Axer who had to actually trip him along the way to finally get his attention "Ow! What the freakin' flyin' flannigan flay?" Agent Ekans said as he stood up and dusted himself off, "Oh, Agent Axer, didn't see you there. How are ya?"

"How do you THINK I'm doing???" exclaimed Agent Axer at the top of his lungs and pointed at the Chu-Chu eating off his hand, "Get this thing OFF ME!!"

Agent Ekans just blinked at Agent Axer blankly for a few seconds, turned around, and walked away. "I turned off the safety on the rabid Chu-Chu launcher so you don't need to worry about that having any teeth," Agent Ekans stated as he caught up to the other two Agents advancing ahead.

It was now Agent Axer's turn to blink blankly for a few seconds and then looked at his arm as the Chu-Chu, indeed, did not bare any fangs, but in fact, just gums. The Chu-Chu just looked at Agent Axer and let out a cute toned "Huh?" It then concentrated on biting his arm off. With a sigh of irritation he simply pushed the Chu-Chu from his hand and tossed it aside. He then ran up to the other three Agents, only to have the Chu-Chu follow him, leap up in the air, and engulf his arm as it doggedly tried to bite his hand off.

"Quit it," said Agent Axer as he pulled the Chu-Chu from his hand and tossed it aside, only to have it fling itself back into his hand and try once more to eat it off.

"Quit it," said Agent Axer as he sighed, repeating the same removal process only to get the same repeating results.

"Quit it," he continued irritably as the Chu-Chu relentlessly tried to bite his hand off.

Then suddenly, a very simple wire trap was sprung by one of the Agents (Whom I will not name names here, as blaming Agents will accomplish nothing) as a simple cage from the cieling and covering them.

"Oh great! We're trapped!" all three Agents exclaimed, excluding Agent Axer who kept telling the toothless rabid Chu-Chu to "Quit it."

Benit looked at her surroundings and saw Phantom and Ekans with a look of fright, while Axer attempted to get the rabid Chu-Chu off his arm. With a little too much foreshadowing going on, she decided to shed some light on the enemy's stupidity and took her weapon out.

Agent Benit turned Saturn Rhapsody around until it fit through the cage, then she reached for the controls. She had just enough polearm to slam it down on the controls. The agents and rabid Chu-Chu watched; the furry animal stopped biting on Axer's arm for a second.

Pretty soon, the cage lifted back up, and the polearm was brought back to Benit before it could get stuck on the cage. They were free again, and walked out of the way before it slammed down again innocently.

"Now who could've done that to us?" Phantom Ghost asked. Axer (attempting again to get the rabid Chu-Chu off his arm) and Ekans had looks that said "Not me."

Benit replied, "Phantom, it sure wasn't any one of us, because who would want to trap THEMSELVES?" Phantom blinked.

Pretty soon, they heard faint footsteps, increasing in sound and velocity, coming towards the quartet. Several of the agents could only look confused as the owners of the footsteps came into the light.

"Oh my *pidgey*," Axer gasped.

"It can't be...." Benit mused.

"It's....." Phantom whispered.

"....it's...." Ekans stammered.

Mewtwo stood before the large grouping of Agents, classic rock summons, and other assorted reffs, looking as menacing as he could.

Mewtwo's eyes began to glow blue as he psychicly lifted CAM off the ground.

"HeeeeEEELP!" Agent CAM cried in sheer terror. Mewtwo smirked evily, betraying his intent to inflict greivous violence upon the caffiene addicted man.

But just as the Agents began drawing their weapons, another convinient dimensional rip appeared right next to Mewtwo's head.

From the rift popped a small reddish-pinkish glow, which soon resolved itself into a Mew. The tiny Pokémon, which most closely resembled a pink kangaroo rat, began mewing frantically in Mewtwo's ear.

Mewtwo turned to look at the other Pokémon, a frown on its bluish features. "But Mo~m!"

"Mew! Mewmew mew me mew!"

Mewtwo grabbed CAM from his floating position and declared frantically, "But look, Mom! They're posable! See?" Mewtwo began demonstrating his point by moving CAM's legs and arms around. "Highly articulated!"

"Mmmmewww...," Mew warned.

"OK, fine. I won't kill them." Mewtwo put CAM down, who had by now fainted for fear of being loved and petted and squeezed and called George.

Mewtwo turned a baleful eye on the other Agents. "I'll let you go just this once, besides, you'd be no fun to kill. I want Pikachu's furry hide. I hate that yellow rat. He gets all the attention."

The party stood aghast at the face of the man standing before them. The face that had a pinky against it's lip.

Agent Benit finally got the words out, "Doctor Mayhem?!?"

"Yes. And now, in accordance to the Evil Villan Handbook (Sec. 3, Third Paragraph) I will now tell you my evil plans! First..." Then, a small beeping sound came from his pocket. "Erm... Excuse me." He got out his PHS. "Hello? No. The cage didn't work. Yes, I was getting to that part. Section three, I know. You interrupted me. Okay, bye." He looked back at the Agents. "Now, where was I? Ah, yes. Here is the true genius of my plan..." His PHS rang again. He looked back at the Agents. "Sorry, sorry, I'll be right with you." He got out his PHS again. "What? Tona-what? Well, I suppose so, but this really isn't the time... Yeah, call back later, Okay? Thanks, bye." By this time, the Agents were getting a bit restless. "Okay, then. The genius..." Ring.

The caffeine in Agent Axer's system took over. "I've had enough of this!" He walked over to Dr. Mayhem, and punched him out. Then, the Agents put him in the Easily Escapable Cage, and went on their way.

"Okay, what was the point of that?" she asked the other three. They could only shrug.

"I forget why we're even here," Phantom wondered. Benit coughed, then answered, "Whatever made Axer jolt is what the secret ingredient is in Eve's version of Ultamite Tea." She gave a funny look at the agent (STILL attempting to get the gum-knawing Chu-chu off his arm) and said, "I wonder how you know what the secret ingredient is if you're dropping so many hints."

With that in mind, they kept going ahead.

As the agents progressed deeper into the coffee plant they came across something very interesting.

"Hey, what's a greenhouse doing in a factory that makes coffee? " Trainer Phantom Ghost asked.

"Well coffee grows on trees. I guess they could just grow them here," Agent Benit replied.

"Well yeah, but all I see here are tea plants."

"Tea plants?" Agent Axer questioned quizzically.

"Yeah, tea plants," Solid Ekans confirmed. "But something is familiar about these particular plants. Ah, of course! These are Ultimate Tea plants."

"That would explain why they seemed so familiar," Phantom put in, "but why grow Ultimate Tea here unless…"

"…Unless they're using it in the coffee!" Benit finished.

"Well, I did detect a slight bit of Ultimate Tea in my coffee, but there was something else in there that tasted reeeeeeeeeeeally good," Axer said.

"I guess we'll have to keep exploring the place till we find the other secret ingredient." Ekans said.

"You guys go ahead, I'll be right with you!" Benit said.

"OK!" the male agents chorused as they started down the hall. After they had left the greenhouse, Benit took some of the Ultimate Tea plants for Princess Q. It would definitely help sales.

The trio of Trainer Phantom Ghost, Agent Axer, and Solid Ekans continued down into the depths of the Evebucks plant.

"'You guys hear something?" Axer questioned, as the group reached another turn in the hallway.

"Yep," said Ekans, "It sounds like someone's coming."

"And on your right," a voice called out, "You'll see the area for growing tea plants..."

"A tour?" Trainer Phantom Ghost said skeptically.

"They don't give tours this deep in," Agent Axer replied, "Not unless it's someone very important to the company, I suppose..."

"So this is the -tea-?" another second voice spoke from down the hall.

"Hey," said Ekans, "Bars around the words...it's got to be someone from Solaris."

"Bars around the words?" Axer inquired quizically.

"I've been listening in on some of their transmissions with my CODEC," Ekans, "Only people from this world talk like that. Kinda like how the people in SeeD talk about [Garden] and the [Junction System]. These people talk about -lambs- and -potatos- and such."

"Oh."

"Oooooh! What does this button do!" another voice from the touring group exclaimed.

"Please, step away from-"

All the lights on the floor went out.

"Tolone? Where are you, Tolone?"

"All right," said Ekans, taking out a set of night-vision goggles from his bottomless MGS inventory, "I don't know what caused that, but let's move in for a closer look."

Much confusion amongst the group of VIP Solarian tourists could be heard, as they fumbled about in the darkness. Then the lights came back on as Ekans stopped abruptly at the end of the where that the visitors where behind. Still in partial darkness, Phantom Ghost and Axer continued on their present course behind Ekans, running into the Agent, sending him falling down in front of an Evebucks tourguide, Kahr Ramsus, and all four Elements.

"What is the meaning of this?!?" Ramsus shouted, drawing his sword, "I thought this was a secure area?"

"I...um...I mean," the tour guide was befuddled by the whole situation.

Not missing a beat, Ekans shot to his feet and remarked, "And this is why emergency lighting is installed on all public levels of the Evebucks coffee plant. In the event of a loss of coffee pressure, caffiene masks will drop from the-"

"Can we skip this part?" Tolone inquired of her commander.

"This isn't-...I mean..." the tour guide was still unsure as how to handle these increasingly bizzare events.

"What the HFIL is going on here?" Ramsus shouted, bringinig silence to the room once again.

Ekans took the opportuinity to quote Golgo-13 by saying, ".... "

"Hey," Seraphita interjected, "Inverted pull-ups are really tough, but I can do over 300 pull-ups, you know?"

A large anime sweatdrop appeared over the head of every person in the room.

"Oooh!" Serphita turned around to ogle more of the factory equipment, "Something shiny!"

"Shiny!" Ekans shouted, "Of course!"

He grabbed a stun grenade, tossed it to the ground in front of the group, and bolted down the hall with the other agents.

Seraphita turned back away from the equipment to survey the group, "Oh Tolone? Are you eyes hurting or something?"

Seven days away from the Evebucks factory, deep in space, a lone CAPSULE CORP Ragnarok raced toward the PLANET. As the mighty craft hurtled toward the besieged factory, its lone occupant watched the forward vewscreen with both apprehension and anticipation. The shadowed pilot narrowed his gaze at the surrounding stars which raced past his sleek yet sluggish vessel.

"I'm coming," the space person lamented, "Just hold on guys."

The CAPSULE CORP Ragnarok gleamed in the light reflested by the millions of stars in the great beyond.

"Seven days," the lone figure continued, "And I'll be right there with you!"

A tiny belt of asteroids raced through the expanse of space, not even close to the metallic crimson-colored ship. The large white letters on the port side of the ship read "CAPSULE CORP", indicating the manufacturer of this mighty vehicle. Only 88,000 boxtops from ShinRa Frosted Materia-O's^TM and this craft could be yours, too.

"Just hang in there 'till I make it, guys," The shadowed "captain" of the ship repeated.

A large plasma shell cannon hung menacingly from the underside of the craft, accompanied by several other cannons on other parts of the ship. This was truly a formidable vessel. Any opposition to this craft would be met with unimaginable force and firepower.

"I guess I should train until then," the figure stepped into the narrow, reddish light in the center of the bridge. Agent 'The Captain' stood tall and at the ready. This would be his greatest victory yet. "Hang on guys," he once again repeated, "Seven days and I'll be there to join you!!"

Agent Benit heard something go off as she snipped the last tealeaf off. She once again stood in the darkness and ran after her cohorts.

"Did we forget something?" Axer asked while running. The other three thought for a second, then simultaneously said, "Naaaahhh!"

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!" Sepharita yelled at the oncoming footsteps. Agent Benit pivoted on her heel and ran the other direction, with Tolone, Sepharita and the tour guide giving chase.

"....yup!" Agent The Captain repeated once again, "Seven days and I'll be there!"

The sleek and awesome spaceship [Ragnarok] raced toward the impending relay fic that was one week away. Well... it didn't really race. Agent The Captain secretly wished he was a bad enough dude to save up the 9 million Frosted Materia-O^TM box tops to get the [CAPSULE CORP Highwind replica]. It moved MUCH faster than the [Ragnarok]. But enough mulling about the past, the lone figure mused. There was a great battle to be won, and training had to be completed to attain this victory.

The Agent walked to the elevator leading to the lower deck and stood on the narrow platform. The elevator descended swiftly to the afformentioned lower deck and the agent stepped off. A rustling was heard down the hallway. Agent The Captain turned quickly to see naught but darkness. He quickly brushed off the disturbance as common space noise and resumed his course to the storage bay. It was time to train like he had never trained before.

The agent stood in the center of the hold and closed his eyes, submersing himself into intense concentration. He became like one with the universe. Nothing in this dimension could shatter his ninja-like trance. Nothing except the [Ragnarok]'s PA system.

"WE GET MESSAGE!!" shrieked the garbled, electronic, almost-Darvon-like computer voice.

The frazzled agent fell to the floor with a sharp thud. After picking himself up, he quickly made his way to the bridge to receive the incoming transmission.

"This is the [CAPSULE CORP Ragnarok]," Agent the Captain announced, "Over!" The Agent watched the blank viewscreen for any indication that his transmission was received.

"Hey-hey Captain!" a moronic voice echoed through the dashboard speakers. Finally, the viewscreen activated, revealling the source of the signal.

"Palmer?!" Agent the Captain called out in a puzzled tone. "What are you doing, calling me here." The Captain looked at his rotund summoner for a moment before amending, "And why are you pink?!"

Before him, on the viewscreen, the overweight ex-executive was indeed pink. His suit was pink, his skin bore a pinkesh hue, and his hair was pink. "Hey-Hey, Captain," bubbled the unbalanced industrialist, "What'd'ya mean? Do you have any tea there? With lard?"

Agent the Captain called up a second window on the viewscreen courtesy of the Shindows98^TM he had installed earlier that day. The computer's library revealled a little-known Hojo experiment where failed Palmer clones overran the Shinra Building but were later shot into space.

"$^%$#@!" the agent cursed, "As if one fat $%#@! weren't bad enough!"

"Hey - don't say 'fat'!" The pink clone moronically bubbled.

Agent the Captain continued reading about these clones - called Palmergators - that were bigger and fatter that Palmer, and were almost impossible to kill. The clones came in five colors - pink, yellow, green, blue and Egyptian Plum. Worse yet, each clone was created as a pair. In order to kill one color, you must kill both.

"UUGGH!" Agent the Captain shuddered, "Please-don't-tell-me-they-reproduce." The agent read the next sentence and grabbed his eyes in pain, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Shaken, the frazzled agent regained his composure, "What do I care? Hey Palmer-goob or whatever you're calling yourself, don't call here again!"

"Wait, Cap," the mutant clone interjected, "We're real close to you now, and when you find out, it'll be too late! Gfuh huh huh!"

Agent the Captain opened up a third window on his viewscreen desktop and placed another call.

Back on the PLANET, a PHS rang out into the night air.

"Princess Q here," the agent spoke into her PHS. "Captain?! Where are you?!" There was a pause while the caller explained. "Well, you should've saved those box tops like a bad enough dude!"

"Princess, I need you to trace a transmission for me."

"Palmer," the agent rasped back on the [Ragnarok], "Stop pestering me and go eat some chairs or something."

"Hey-hey! That's not very -"

"CAPTAIN!" Q broke into the transmission from her window.

"What is it?"

"I've traced the call..." she nervously continued, "It's coming from [INSIDE] the [Ragnarok]!!"

Princess Q was worried. All the information Benit had sent her so far pointed to an evil, insidious plot to take over the caffiene industry...and Solaris was involved!

"How could they?!" Princess Q exclaimed. "The president would never stand for this!"

And now Agent the Captain was being over run by hideous, fat, pink for goodness-sakes Palmergators, and seven days from any help. He was so impatient...it didn't take that long to save up Materia-O's tops.

Princess Q hoped that none of this would put the Contact in danger. She knew much of the Contact...the only being in existance to ever come into contact with the Mr. Zohar Coffee Device. That contact so long ago had put into motion a chain of events that would end cataclysmically. No one was sure just how or in what way that cataclysm would take place...it could be nothing more than having to deal with world-wide destruction to something really awfull like President Loire getting a national TV appearance. The very idea of that man giving a speech to millions gave the Princess chills.

Princess Q grumbled. It irritated her to no end that she, a Guardian Angel of Solaris solitary funky device maker would know nothing about the Solarian/Evebucks plot!

"Well, maybe I can at least help the Captain out," she muttered. Taking one of the devices off her table, she walked over to the Mr. Scott Brand Molecule Scrambler and beamed the device aboard the slower-than-molasses-in-a-January-somewhere-that-was-actually-cold Ragnarok.

The device? It was simply called The Flabinator.

Soon the mist was so thick that nobody could see where they were going. All the Agents, Elements, and Ramsus were blindly guiding themselves in the smoke in search of each other.

"Ah, I can't see!" said a male voice.

"Good job, Agent Ekans! Now we don't know where we're going!" exclaimed a male voice in the mist as he bumped into somebody, "Oh, pardon me."

"Hey! Can you stand still so I can catch you?" exclaimed a bubbly female voice with a tinge of stupidity as she flailed her arms in the mist only to grapple onto nothing, "Oh poo, hey Seraphite! Where are yoooouuu!!??"

"You SHUT-UP and try to find these intruders, you imbecile!" mocked another female voice through the mist.

"Hey! I ain't small! I can do 300 chin-ups upside down!" railed the female voice through the mist.

"Why am I stuck with those two idiotic Elementals..?" grumbled a male voice in the mist and then bumped into someone, "Aha! Gotcha!"

He grabbed into something in front of him, only to hear a shriek. "Eeeek! RAPE!"

It was followed by a resounding THWOCK-ing sound as the male grabber was slapped across the face by a female hand who ran away from him afterwards with coins clinking in her pockets.

The recently slapped male person heard another person passing by. That figure kept mumbling "Quit it", each time a small rounded animal figure would be flung to the floor, only to run back to the person's hand and engulf it once more.

"I said! Quit it!" the male voice exclaimed as he threw the round figure very deep into the thick foggy mist, "Good! I'm outta here!"

The small rounded figure blinked for a few seconds as it issued forth a disgustingly cute "Huh?" from its lips as it bounded off into the mist. It then found a figure and immedietly leaped to it as it began to gnaw on the person's arm.

"Eeeeeek! Serphita! Heeeeelp!" exclaimed the female voice as she ran around endlessly in the mist.

Then another male figure slapped herself in the forehead as she shook her head in shame, "Ugh, those IDIOTS!"

"I got you, Tolone!" exclaimed a female voice as she grabbed into a figure.

"Eeeek! Rape!" exclaimed a male voice as he slapped the female grabber in the face, "Don't you ever touch me like THAT again, you awful awful woman!"

The male figure then produced a handbag and began to beat the female relentlessly on the ground until she had to crawl away to safety a bit bruised.

"I've had enough games," said a male voice as he located a control panel and pressed the switch. Then, a ventalation shaft began sucking in the air like a vacum as it collected the thick mist. When the mist dissapeared Ramsus stood there confused, looking at the two other Elementals. Tolone was shrieking in utter terror as a Chu-Chu was endlessly biting on her arm. Seraphita was next to her, pulling hard on the Chu-Chu with all her might while the other two Elementals, Dominia and Kelvina, helped her pull the toothless rabid Chu-Chu as well.

Meanwhile the Agents were somehow able to coincidentally find a way out and coincidentally meet each other in coincidentally the same room which coincidentally had tons of crates all around filled coincidentally with some mysterious ‘things’.

"Wow, what a coincidence!" exclaimed Agent Axer as he rubbed his hand which was recently chewed by the toothless rabid Chu-Chu.

"Yes, indeed it is..." said Agent Benit as she looked around the crates which read 'Secret Stuff', "You think there's something in here that'll help us on our mission?"

"Naaah" all three male agents said in unison as Agent Benit shrugged her shoulders.

"Woooow! It's a coffee maker!!" exclaimed Agent Axer as he ran towards the coffee maker as the room became deadly silent.

"How strange...I think this is where they process the secret recepie for 'Evebucks' coffee" Agent Ekans thought outloud as he watched Agent Axer start up the coffee machine.

"What makes you say that?" asked Phantom Ghost quizzitivly as Agent Axer watched the coffee drip down into the pitcher.

"Well, it's because of my mad Agent skillz," boasted Agent Ekans mimicing Hammer from XG, "And because of the fact that there's a door reading 'Do not enter! Secret Recipe area!'"

"Oh...," Agent Benit said as she watched Agent Axer pour the coffee in a cup and drink it all down in one gulp, "Well, let's go then!"

With that said, all the Agents walked through the old creaking door with Agent Axer bringing the coffee maker, already in the process of making another batch of java. As they entered the room they spied a massive machine that seemed to have been carrying orange-yellow-ish beans through a conveyer belt and packed it into little bags with the words 'Evebucks'. Eve's picture, which had an evil smirk on her face, was plastered all over the bag.

"Woo! Free 'Evebucks' coffee!" exclaimed Agent Axer as he bounded towards the conveyer belt and grabbed as much bags as he could and stuffed it into his limitless inventory.

"What strange coffee beans..." mused Agent Benit as she looked at the beans carefully as they shined with a yellow-orange-ish hue.

"There's something really disturbing here...," said a familiar voice.

"Agent Aya!" gasped all four Agents as Agent Aya stepped from the shadows.

"Hey guys!" exclaimed Agent Aya but then a mechanical arm came from out of nowhere, picked her up, and lifted her into the next room as she screamed with utter terror.

"Oh no! We have to save her!" exclaimed Phantom Ghost as he ran through a door that read 'Main Secret of the Coffee Beans'.

"Save her? Isn't that a joke?" asked Agent Ekans with sarcasm dripping in his words as he ran after Phantom Ghost.

"C'mon!!!" shouted Agent Benit as he pulled Agent Axer along.

"I just...need a few more...bags.." said Agent Axer as he tried to resist and grabbed a few more bags.

After the two male Agents entered door the 'Main Secret of the Coffee Beans', with Agent Benit tugging Agent Axer along, they saw Agent Aya suspended by the crane and over a strange, human sized, blender device.

"Aaaaaahhhh!" yelled Agent Aya as she was dropped by the crane and into the blender. Then with utter horror the device excited her mitochondria and melted her into chunky, crystal clear, yellow jello. The goo filled the large blender device half way. Then sharp blades, located in the blender, rotated to the speed equivalent to "Gooify" as it turned all the chucky yellow parts into liquid. Then the liquid was ejected out and covered some Ultimate Tea beans, giving them strange yellowish texture. The conveyer belt then deposited the beans into the next room.

The Agents were in utter shock and horror with the spectacle that they just witnessed. Looking closely at the blender machine it read the words ‘Mitochondriatic Goofying Blender’. It was then that a shocking realization came over the Agents.

"Oh...," mumbled Agent Ekans with complete terror.

"...my...." said Agent Benit in utter shock.

"..God...," muttered Phantom Ghost with fear.

"THEY USE PEOPLE WITH THE COFFEE BEANS!!! THEY USE THE FREAKIN' FLYIN' FLANNIGAN' MITOCHONDRIA OF THE PEOPLE...TO MAKE THE COFFEE BEANS!!" exclaimed Agent Axer at the top of his lungs as if it would somehow purge the coffee in his system.

They all blinked silently in utter shock for a few minutes. Then Agent Axer looked down at his newly made coffee, shrugged, and drank it all down.

"Don't drink that!" scolded Agent Benit as she slapped Agent Axer's hand away from the cup.

"We MUST deliver this horribly disgusting and disturbing news right away!" exclaimed Agent Ekans who was then tied quickly by a rope.

Without warning all the other Agents were quickly tied in a rope before they could react.

"We got them, Ramsus!" exclaimed the 4 Elements as Ramsus held onto the lasso’s they used to capture the Agents.

"Good job, girls, now take them to the deepest, darkest place you can possibly think of!" ordered Ramsus, "It seems that they know too much!"

"Yes Ramsus," all the girls sighed as large hearts floated above their heads. They carried the Agents out of the disturbing factory room.

"You think a measly disturbing dungeon will stop us! We'll find a way to escape and when we do we'll tell everybody what's going on here!" exclaimed Agent Benit as she tried to struggle through her bindings.

"Oh? Is that so?" said Ramsus in a devilish voice, "Can you stand to be tortured?"

"Torture!? Is that the best you can DO??" exclaimed Agent Ekans as he was carted away.

"Oh...ho ho ho...I can think of the worst torture possible...," chuckled Ramsus, "How would you guys like to watch TELETUBBIES 24/7? HMMM???"

"NOOOOO, you MONSTER! What're you trying to do, make us go insane?" shouted Phantom Ghost as one of the Elements carried him off.

"Heh heh heh...that is the point my clever intruder...." said Ramsus as he let out a diabolical laugh.

"Wait a minute," Ekans blurted out, "if you kill-...I mean insanize-er...crazyiz-...I mean- Spoony it, if you get me then 'Gelatinous Ekans' will come after you, and he knows everything that I know!"

"And this takes the fun out of driving you insane in what way?" Ramsus inquired.

"Carp," Ekans said, "Wait! I've got the rare #156th Pokémon in my bottomless MGS inventory!"

"So what?"

"You could sell it for millions on eBay!"

"...Where is it?"

"It's in my Rabid Chu-Chu gun," Ekans explained, "Check the reserve ammo compartment on the right side."

Ramsus walked over to the weapons that had been taken from the agents and he took the Pokéball from the Rabid-Chu-Chu gun. He then took it over to another machine which began to analyse the ball.

"Hmm...it's detecting Chu-Chu DNA..."

"Well," Ekans said, "It must have some of their fur on it or something..."

Ramsus eyed the readout closely, "Hmm...but you're right. Whatever is inside there is not rabid, and it seems that it is untrained...so there's no chance of it obeying you when I release it...so...."

Ramsus tossed down the ball and, a normal, non-rabid chu-chu appeared.

"What is this?" Ramsus shouted, "You're just trying to stall me, aren't you?"

"No...." Ekans began.

"Oooh!" The Chu-Chu exclaimed, turning to face Ramsus before leaping up and tackling him to the floor.    "Chu-Chu's maidenly pure heart is only for Chu!"

Ramsus quickly tossed the pink, furry creature off of his chest and he bolted from the room, as the Chu-Chu gave chase throughout the halls of the facility.

"It's okay now, Bob!" Ekans called out, prompting the Pikachu to climb out from hiding in his items.
Bob approached the bound agents and let out a powerful electrical burst, frying away their restraints, and giving them an uncomforatble shock at the same time.

The group gathered up their equipment and bolted out of the room, and the facility.

"Fine," Mewtwo said with a grumble, "I'll translate it for you. I ought to kill you all."

"You’re just lucky your Mom showed up," CAM said popping his arms and legs back into joints, "I was about to open a can of whoop-@#&. You just caught me off guard."

Mewtwo glanced at CAM; CAM glanced back. Mew broke up any future fights. "Alright.. it might take me a few minutes. Knowing 150 languages plus English and Mog makes things a bit long."

"We could try Babelfish," CAM suggested.

"No, CAM," Alys forbade.

"Well I don't know about you guys," Agent CAM said, "But I don't get my equipment from Princess Q. If she wants to give me something that's fine, but I get all my stuff from Proffessor Daravon. ROCKSLIDE special issue." Agent CAM went over and pulled a box out of the back of the van.

CAM attatched a belt to his pants. He put his whips in the harness, and his Mako ARM in the thigh holster. Agent CAM took his Scouter out of his box and put it on, and then he attatched his magic bag of plot devices to his belt. He searched the box and secured a plot contrivance, two PaRappa references, a Dragon Ball Z reference, a Metal Gear Solid reference, and a Senzu Bean. Then he attached his Pokéballs to the back of his belt. Agent CAM drapped a trenchcoat over his shoulders and stuffed a package of Twinkies and his bag of marbles in his pockets. CAM pulled a pair of Future Trunks from the box.

"Oh," Agent CAM blushed, "I have to put these on in private." CAM hid behind the van to put on his Future Trunks. Agent CAM put on some fingerless gloves and his ansamble was complete.

"Wow, impressive," Alys remarked sarcastically.

Agent CAM checked his messages on his Scouter. "Hey, Daravon said he finished repairing my Gear. He's sending a summoning device for my Gear, and materia to Princess Q. Also, he requested she make me a computer he calls FIDDLER, The Fritz Informational Database. Neat."

Alys' PHS rang. She answered it. "Hello."

"This is a collect astral projection message from:"

Another voice broke in, "Solaris."

"Press one to accept."

"Um, guys," Alys said, "I need to take this call in private."

"Alright, go on," Agent CAM said.

Alys and D hid behind the van, and pressed one.

A being dwelled inside of The Captain's [Capsule Corp] Ragnarok. A being far darker than the Palmergators and far more evil and deadly.

A pair of Palmergators crept by the shadows. Ash Ketchum jumped out, holding his glock. Ash attatched the silencer and unloaded on both creatures. Once they were weakened, Ash tossed a Pokéball and captured them.

"I got Palmergators!" Ash exclaimed as he performed his trademark pose. He noticed something on the ground. He picked up a small red sphere with a single star in the center of it. The Captain must have dropped it. It was one of the RockeT CanyoN Dragon Balls. It was the size of a marble. Ash thought they'd be bigger, like on the show. Hearing some movement up above, Ash crept back into the shadows.

Alys and D found themselves standing in a strange room. Darkness surrounded them. Alys noticed Gabriel Knight and Rune Walsh materialize in the room.

"Collect call," Gabriel replied.

"I hope it was 1-800-Collect," Rune added.

"Yes, we could save a buck or two," Alys stated, "I'm in enough debt already."

"Hello Alys Brangwin, Rune Walsh, Gabriel Knight, and D," The President greeted. Of course, not even the four could see him concealed in darkness.

Alys drew her Moonslashers, Rune drew his staff, Gabriel drew his Ritter Dagger and Talisman, and D drew his sword.

"What do you want!?" Alys demanded.

"Do you remember Elru?" the President asked.

Alys paused. "Yeah! You hired us for to help the Elements fight the Daemon of Elru! We were nearly killed! And you stiffed us the bill!"

"Ah yes," the President replied, "and to do that we had to make you all Solarian citizens and Gebler officers. Well, we never terminated your status after that incident."

"Where are you going with this?" Alys asked.

"You work for us," the President replied,"You have no choice with the -limiters- that Customs implanted in you while you were here." Alys eyes widdened. "Our current Elements are morons. Plus because of them I now have to fight off the Solaris Gate scandal. They can keep the title, but I'm giving the actual job to someone else. I just need four Gebler officers...how about the Eight Stroke Sword Hunter, the famed Vampire Hunter, the Fifth Generation of Lutz, and the Schattenjager?"

Alys narrowed her eyes. "What do you want with us!?"

"Your mission is simple. You just have to keep tabs on Princess Q and make sure she does her job. And you are also on a much more dire mission. You must prevent these from getting into the hands of Ash Ketchum." The President threw two RockeT CanyoN Dragon Balls towards them.

"Ash is planning to call back Pikacthulu from the NEXT DIMENSION. Pikacthulu will be stronger than ever. My sources say that he is recieving training from King Kai. If these should fall into the wrong hands, I want you to kill CAM. Once he is dead, the balls will become useless." Alys grasped the Dragon Balls in her hand. "You are dismissed."

Alys, D, Gabriel, and Rune faded to their respective homes. Alys had one Dragon Ball, Gabriel the other, and Alys had instructed Gabe to have Grace do some research for her. But elsewhere...Ash had another Dragon Ball.

"Alright, so, translate the intructions for us," Gray Fox told the evil Pokémon.

"Don't wanna."

"Mew! Mewmewmewmewww!"

"But mooommmm!…Oh, fine, I'll translate them." Mewtwo grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled out the translation. "You better be happy about this." He and Mew returned to their own dimension. Gray Fox peered at the instructions.

"Agent Artemis' lab…enter the trapdoor under the 3rd stove in Shera's Kitchen™ to access the hidden Viet Cong escape tunnels. Take a left, a right, a left and a left, then slide down. Watch for spiders. Take no more than two people."

"I pity th' foo' who have weird directions!" Mr. T said emphatically.

"So who will go?" Celes asked.

"Memememememememe! There could be Anima Twinkies involved!" CAM shouted.

"And I guess I have to go," Gray Fox said. The group got back into the T-van and arrived at Shera's Kitchen™ Restaurant a matter of milliseconds later, due to the helluva fast speed.

"It's closed," Alys said.

"That never stopped me!" CAM cried, and he smashed bodily through a window. Gray Fox shrugged and followed him. Once inside, CAM found the trapdoor. The two Agents crawled into the tunnels. It was damp and dark inside. CAM drew a lamp from his Inventory, casting a ruddy glow. Gray Fox looked at the instructions.

"Left, right, left, left." They slowly moved through the tunnel, turning at the appropriate points. They suddenly reached a steep drop, disappearing into the darkness. "Slide down," Gray Fox said, unsure.

"Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!" CAM hopped on and quickly vanished. Gray Fox followed suit. He couldn't see CAM ahead of him, and the walls of the tunnel were lost in blackness. Suddenly, he shot into the open air and bowled straight into CAM.

"Ack!" Gray Fox and CAM got up off of the ground and dusted themselves off. A cheerily-lit scientific-looking building was a short distance away.

"That's gotta be it," CAM said. "Twinkietwinkietwinkietwinkie…." They walked towards it cautiously.

"Infidels…you have entered…Artemis' lair." A deep, gravelly voice spoke from all around them.

"What?" Agent Artemis is our friend!" Gray Fox shouted into the darkness. There was an echo of footsteps, and a miniscule Moogle appeared.

"My name is Mr. Kupopo Daimao. You have to get through me to get inside," it squeaked. The Agents burst into laughter. Mr. Kupopo Daimao growled, and started levitating. A crackling aura surrounded him. Gray Fox took another Scouter out of his inventory and aimed it at the Moogle.

"His power level is skyrocketin-spoony!" The Scouter shattered. "Not AGAIN!"

"Mamoogleko!" The little winged teddy bear launched a massive ki blast at Fox and CAM. They scattered.

"I recall something about adapting the enemy's tactics they taught us in Agent school," Gray Fox said, ducking under a Renmoogle Energy Dan.

"Yeah," CAM said. "So, we'll spontaneously learn to use ki, right?"

"Right!" CAM cupped his hands at his waist.

"Kamehame-what was it again?!"

"HA!" Gray Fox yelled.

"Oh yeah! HA!" A broad beam of blue light shot from CAM's outstretched hands and hit Mr. Kupopo Daimao in the torso. He reeled.

"Kusotare! Bigu Moogle Attack!" The Moogle shot a massive ball of ki at CAM.

"Makkankosappo!" Gray Fox put his fingers to his forehead, then stretched them outward, dissapating the Bigu Moogle Attack. "Yamero, Muguru Daimao-kun!" he said in a high-pitched voice. (Stop it, Mr. Demon Lord Moogle!)

"Hitosu ikonobi sasenai (I was told not to let you live)…Mogi-Dan!" Mr. Kupopo launced a small bolt of ki and controlled it with some complex hand motions. CAM and Gray Fox ducked and ran in circles. The bolt whizzed by CAM and grazed his arm. He gasped in shock.

"Agh! Shi ne! (Die, bastard!)" He took out a glowing Twinkie from his Inventory and consumed it. He hair turned golden and stood on end, and his eyes turned green.

"Ohhh! Densetsu no Suppa Twinkie-jin!‡" Gray Fox said with awe. (The Legendary Super Twinkie-jin!)

"FINAL TWINKIE!" CAM cried. He did some complicated motions with his arms, and stretched them outward. Blue ki began to collect.

"Ii desu! ( That's good!) Gekiretsukodan!" Gray Fox collected a ball of orange ki at his chest, and launched is just as CAM shot his blast. Mr. Kupopo was consumed. When the smoke cleared, he collaped to the ground. CAM reverted back to his normal self.

"Oww…anata wa…ii…." The Moogle passed out. (You are…good…)

"Hey…what was with that golden hair thing, and why did we start speaking Japanese?" CAM asked.

"I don't know," Gray Fox said. "But it was kind of cool anyway." CAM nodded, and they opened the door to the laboratory. Princess Q stood there in a lab coat, relaying some kind of message to a red spaceship over the Sub Etha Net.

"You know, Princess," Fox said, "you are extremely paranoid."

A squad of gebler guards turned down the street and marched off out of sight. Then the crate of HP Drive slid open, and the heads of Ekans, Axer, Benit, and Phantom Ghost revealed themselves.

"Well, that was entirely too close," Benit observed.

"Yeah," said Axer, "the entire city must be searching us out by now, how are we going to get out of here?"

"Well," Solid Ekans spoke, "I got carried here by a cloaked gear, but it left here to avoid detection. I didn't really have a plan for getting out."

"Can't you just call it back via CODEC?" trainer Phantom Ghost suggested.

"No," Ekans replied, "Unfortunately, they could be monitoring our transmissions now...and no one is supposed to have a gear in this story yet."

"Maybe there's some kind of hidden passages?" Benit suggested, "Anyone remember this part of Xenogears well?"

"Wait a sec," Ekans interjected, "Solaris was more or less destroyed in Xenogears... the architect who restored it is supposed to have a home not far from here. I bet we can slip in and force that information out of him."

So...one of the -spoonimus- knows of the -tea- now?

Yes. It seems that Ramsus is even more useless than expected.

What of the -contact-? And the -anima twinkie-?

Other -agents- continue to converge on the -twinkie-... something must be done.

Yes. The time has not yet come for the -twinkie- to be released.

The security guard outside the large solarian home looked down to see a red dot flittering about on the front of his uniform. Seconds later, he was overtaken by a pink blur, which drove him to the ground.

"All right, let's move!"

The Agents kicked in the door, and stormed into the architect's home. The house servants screamed and dropped pots of coffee and tea, as they fled from the heavily armed intruders who forced their way into the house. The agents kicked down his office door and Ekans drew Bob and swiveled the architect's chair around with the Pikachu trained on him.

Sitting in the chair was a life-sized doll of straw.

"A decoy?" Axer exclaimed, "But how did they know we where coming?"

"Decoy-om?" the straw man spoke, "Whatever do you mean?"

"It-It talked!" Benit stepped back from the man of straw.

The straw man precariously ballanced a lit set of candles on his head, as he got up from his seat to greet his guests, "Hi there, I'm Lucky Dan."

"You...re-built Solaris?" Ekans looked at Dan quisically, "I thought you where just a wacky Chrono Cross character."

"Re-built it?" Lucky Dan responded, "I was the one who designed it in the first place-om. It was designed so that the gates would cause an interdimensional plot contrivance that would-om restore the city to its former glory for purposes of humor fanfics. Of course, there was only a one in several billion chance-om of that happening. It was far more likely that Solaris would be replaced by a whale and a bowl of petunias, but that's why they hired me!"

"Er...sorry for breaking in like this, Mr. Lucky Dan," said Agent Axer, "But we really need your help to get out of Solaris."

"Well," Lucky Dan said, "I was only working here since Xenogears and the Chrono games-om share some of the same design teams. I'm not really down with the evil empire thing, and I'm not scheduled to do another Parasite Eevee episode for a while. I'll just come with you guys, sound okay?"

"Sure," Ekans said, "As long as you can get us out of here."

"No problem," exclaimed Lucky Dan, striking his disco pose.

The large clown stalked the interior of his laboratory, watching the various agents scramble around the world with no apparent direction. The illustrious Dr. Mayhem, having recovered from his earlier knock to the head, now sat on the far side of the room, looking typically evil and diabolical.

"I'm confused, Doc," Professor Flint said. "How are we supposed to be villianous if I can’t even tell what they're doin’?"

Dr. Mayhem chortled slightly, then said, "Be patient...I'm sure if we pay attention we can figure out what exactly they plan to do about the apparent surge of Evebucks tea houses throughout the world.... In the meantime you should get ready for battle."

"Alright," the Professor said, sitting on a nearby chair. "Damnit, who changed my materia system to a junction system? Lets see...Ultima goes over here...wait...It works better on my strength. Now I need to find one more Eric Clapton CD before I can refine my weapon. Wait...I want the Card command too...."

And so the villians sat on the sidelines attempting to figure out what they should be trying to thwart.

Six days.

Six days until the space faring agent would arrive on the PLANET to where the action was. But there was a different kind of action on board this very vessel. The [CAPSULE CORP Ragnarok] gradually made its way through the cosmos on a direct course for his home planet, or so he had once thought. Agent the Captain's mind drew him to the events which brough him to the far-flung corner of the galaxy. News that he was not who he believed he was. The agent saved up his 88,000 box tops from that golden part of his complete breakfast, Frosted Shinra Materia-O's^TM.

He followed the trail left by the orphanage where he grew up with the rest of the FPS agents, years after it had shut down. The evidence led him across the galaxy to his true homeworld - Solaria. Agent the Captain was, in fact, a Super-Solarian.

But the time for recollection was not at this, uh, time. For late last night he received a garbled warning from one of his fellow agents - Princess Q - that revealled the danger that now surrounded him. Somewhere on this slow-moving vessel lurked ten mutant clones of the portly Shinra executive, Palmer. These monsters lived in pairs, reproducing when one of the two colors is destroyed. The key was to take out both of each color before regeneration can occur.

So here he was, hiding in the shadows of the [Ragnarok], waiting for his chance to strike.

"HEY-HEY CAPTAIN!!"

The agent leapt to his feet at this horrid sound. Before him, an eight-foot-tall green-skinned Palmer with a tail and fierce talons on his hands towered over him. The five hundred pound menace reeked of cheap onions and nacho cheese.

"Holy $#@%#@! you fat $%^&*(!!!" shouted the panic-stricken agent. "Take THIS!" Agent the Captain pulled an empty whiskey bottle out of his jacket pocket and broke it off a nearby steel bulkhead. Before the sluggish fiend could react, it was impaled by the jagged weapon and vanished in a cloud of green mist.

"One down," Agent the Captain rasped, "Nine to go."

Suddenly, he was beseiged! Two more mutants jumped him from behind, one green and one pink. The Palmergators were careful not to travel with their own colors, although they were still too stupid to stick to that rule all the time. The agent quickly capitalized on their mistake by jabbing the green Palmergator with his weapon, causing it to disappear much like the first.

However, the pink-hued mutant knocked away the agent's weapon and roared, "DO YOU HAVE ANY TEA? WITH LARD?!"

Agent the Captain fled from this beast down the dark corridor toward the rest of the ship. The mutant gave chase, roaring his moronic pharses as he pursuied.

"COME BACK SO WE CAN HAVE LUNCH!!"

The agent ran into the main cargo hold and closed the iron door behind him, activating the elctronic lock. Behind the door, he could hear the monster slamming into the door and whining about its sore head. Then he could hear them taking a break to eat a Hostess Fruitpie^TM.

Agent the Captain slowly turned his head and gasped. Before him, four Palmergators surrounded the weary adventurer - two blue, one pink and one Egyptian plum. What the Captain didn't know was that the two yellow Palmergators were taken by Ash Ketchum - he just assumed they must be hiding elsewhere or not on board at all.

But that wasn't important now; what was important: The Palmergators began to advance on him. And before he could wonder if things could get any worse, a flicker of light appeared above him.

"Well," the agent flatly proclaimed, "Looks like this is it."

"That's perposterous! Ridiculous! The plan will NEVER work!" complained Agent Axer as he crossed his arms and glared at Lucky Dan angrily who replied by doing his disco pose.

"What other choice do we have?" asked Agent Benit towards the angry Agent Axer.

"Yeah, we can't go through customs without people noticing us," added Agent Phantom Ghost.

Lucky Dan just did another disco pose as the Agents continued to argue about the situation. Agent Axer flailed his arms in the air as he railed bitterly, "But I don't wanna! I'm stuck with the WORST possible choice and you guys got to get the better ones."

"Well, if it'll make you feel better, we'll trade. Sounds good?" compromised Agent Ekans as he showed off his 'choice' to Agent Axer.

"Okay...fine..." Agent Axer gave in as they traded their 'choices'.

"Well, get changed guys! We don't have all-om day!" Lucky Dan informed as he did another disco pose.

At the customs counter.

The customs officer let out a sigh of irritation as he registered another name on the list by the name of Billy Lee Black from Xenogears. So far, everytime Billy walked through the metal detector he would discard one of his plethora of weapons ranging from a pea shooter to a megalithic atomic bomb. When the magic ‘metal detector’ wand scanned the weapons, they strangely did not beep. This meant that the weapons were not the cause of the metal detector alarming soundly. For the 100th+ time, he went through the metal dectector and it beeped once again, forcing a sigh from the customs officer.

"Wait wait...I think...I forgot to take out this little piece of gum wrapper foil," Billy said as he tossed it with his humungous pile of weapons and passed through the metal dectector without it beeping.

"Oh...karp...," sighed the customs officer once again as Billy began the process of packing all his weapons in his vast inventory pocket space.

While this whole process was going on a long queue of people where behind the metal dectector. They were all irate and angry at the fact that they waited for so long all because of one little gum wrapper foil hidden amongst Billy’s almost infinite stock of weapons. The customs officer let out another sigh as the next person approached him and asked the person, "Name?"

"Om-The Tin Man," said the person as he striked a disco pose.

"Go on through," he said as the 'Tin Man' walked through the metal dectector only to find it beep off. The 'Tin Man' just gave off another disco pose in reply as he looked oddly at the customs officer.

"Just keep walking..." he said not wanting to bother with someone that was made of a metallic alloy.

With that the 'tin man' struck another disco pose and stood to the side as he waited for his companions. The next person in line walked up to the customs officer who replied with the same monotonous response, "Name?"

"Cloud Strife...," said 'Cloud Strife' in a strange almost feminine voice.

"Go on through," said the customs officer as 'Cloud Strife' removed the gigantic buster sword and placed it on the basket, which all metalic objects are usually put in, and crushed the basket as well as the desk holding the basket on it. 'Cloud Strife' walked through the metal dectector without it beeping off, picked up the Buster Sword, and walked next to the 'Tin Man' as they waited for the rest of their companions.

"Name?" asked the customs officer as he scribbled in the name Cloud Strife and waited for the next person in line to answer his question.

"Pikachu!" said the 'Pikachu' in a very muffled voice but strangely enough the Pokemon did not move its mouth when it replied. Its giant head also wobbled slightly and tilted a bit to the right.

"Man...the wierdos I meet...," he muttered to himself, "Go through the metal dectector..."

It's face was stuck frozen in a smile as it bounded off through the metal dectector which did not go off. ‘Pikachu’ had to hold onto its head after walking through the metal detector since it wobbled too much. 'Pikachu' then bounded off towards 'Cloud Strife' and the 'Tin Man' as they waited for their two other companions.

The next person in line walked up to the customs officer, the person's chest defying even the laws of gravity and reality.

"Name?" the officer asked once more.

"Tifa Lockheart...," grumbled 'Tifa Lockheart' as the officer scribbled the name down and ordered to walk through the metal dectector.

So 'Tifa Lockheart' did as was told but the metal dectector went off when 'she' passed it. The customs officer sighed as he took out the portable metal dectector and scanned it up and down the body of 'Tifa Lockheart'. As the portable metal dectector passed chest of 'Tifa Lockheart' it beeped wildly and rapidly. 'Tifa Lockheart' just grumbled in response.

"Hmmmm....it must be made from some...inorganic material....just go on through," the customs officer said as 'Tifa Lockheart' mumbled, joining up with her other comrades.

As the customs officer went back to his desk another person bounced towards him and, once more, asked him the same question. "Name?"

"Hey hey! I'm Palmer! Do you have some tea?" asked 'Palmer' who bounced with glee.

"'Hey hey! I'm Palmer! Do you have some tea?'" the customs officer repeated quietly as he scribbled in his name word for word, unaware that the entire phrase was not his actual name.

"Just go on through" he replied dryly as 'Palmer' bounded off to the metal detector. However, when he went in it he immedietly got stuck. "Oh no! I knew I shouldn't have traded for this costume!" thought 'Palmer' in panic as he struggled to get through the metal dectector.

By a mere stroke of luck the next person in line bounded towards the customs officer who asked once more for a name.

"Hey hey! I'm Palmer! Do you have some tea?" asked Palmer which caused the customs officer to look up at Palmer and then at 'Palmer' stuck in the metal dectector. The Palmer standing in front of him was sweating and panting as he spoke the last sentence like it was the most difficult activity he could ever do. The 'Palmer' in the metal dectector looked strange and almost...costume like. The head of ‘Palmer’ stuck in the metal detector wobbled slightly. He looked back at Palmer once more and then back at 'Palmer' as the realization struck him. The officer even did a triple take just to make sure he was right.Then he went towards the intercom.

"Paging Ramsus and Elements, please come to Customs immediately, the intruders are here," he said through the microphone, “Paging Ramsus and Elements, please come to Customs immediately…and could you bring me some ‘Evebucks’ coffee too?”

The 'Tin Man' nervously struck a disco pose, 'Cloud Strife' gasped, 'Pikachu' took off his wobbly head, and 'Tifa Lockheart' yelled "Karp!"

"We have to get him out of there!" replied the headless 'Pikachu' to reveal that it was actually Phantom Ghost in disguise.

"Right!" the other three replied as the 'Tin Man' took off his costume to reveal himself as Lucky Dan! Then 'Cloud Strife' took off the costume to reveal that it was actually Agent Benit! Then 'Tifa Lockheart' removed two bowling balls from his chest as they rolled off and removed the rest of the costume to reveal himself as Agent Axer!

They all rushed up to the squirming 'Palmer' as they tried desperately to pull him out of his entrapment.

The bowling balls crushed three puppies and injured a little girl.

"Ramsus! There they are!" all four Elements exclaimed as they pointed towards the Agents who were pulling out 'Palmer' from the metal dectector.

"Good job girls, you aren't as bad as I thought you were," Ramsus replied as bubbly hearts appeared above all four girls' heads and let out a sigh, "Let's go get them!"

With that the Elements and Ramsus ran towards them, only to have the four girls trip into each other and ultimately, Ramsus.

"I think I spoke too soon...they ARE bad..." railed Ramsus under his breath as he stood up and ran only to bump into the real Palmer.

"Hey hey! I'm Palmer! Do you have any--" he said but was only replied by a growl of anger from Ramsus.

"MOVE!!!" Ramsus screeched, as he was able to lift the gargantuan beast that is Palmer, and threw him through the metal detector. This caused 'Palmer' to pop out of place while the real Palmer got stuck in the metal dectector.

"Yes! I'm free!" 'Palmer' said as he removed his overly large costume to reveal Agent Ekans, "Let's get out of here!"

"I don't think that's going to be easy," Agent Benit said as she saw a swarm of girls were towards them. All of the fan girls were holding up a picture of Ramsus.

"Aaaah!" one Ramsus groupie squeeled, "It's Ramsus! He's SO dreamy! ^_^"

"Yeah, Sephiroth is like, old school news now! Ramsus is one hot babe! ~_^" another Ramsus groupie replied as she ran towards the metal dectector area.

"Great, they’re like lokusts swarming akross time," said Agent Axer.

"We'll get trampled if we don't do something quick!" exlcaimed Phantom Ghost as all five of them looked for a way out. Then, Lucky Dan had a light bulb appear above his head as he did a disco pose.

"No, I don't think doing disco is going to get us out of this," Agent Benit said nervously as she jumped to conclusions.

"Om-no no no," Lucky Dan said, striking another disco pose, "Om-we can get away from everyone if we leap in Billy's pile of weapons."

Indeed the pile of weapons that Billy was still in the long process of repacking, was so large you could hide practically 50 people inside it. Without hesitation they leaped into the pile of weapons just as Ramsus and the ditzy Elements pushed the real Palmer from the metal dectector as he rolled down like a boulder.

"Hey hey hey hey hey hey!!!" said Palmer as he rolled down and sqauashed a large amout of Ramsus groupies but the few that survived were in pursuit.

"Hey! Get out from my weapons pile! I still need to find that piece of gum that I put in there," said Billy Lee Black as he dived into the massive pile of weaponry.

"Oh great, those stupid groupies, I gotta hide and get those Agents!" Ramsus said as he leaped into the pile of weapons.

"Wait for us Ramsus!!" the Elements and the rest of the surviving groupies said with bubbly hearts appearing above their heads as they dived into the large pile of weapons.

The Agents, Billy Lee Black, Ramsus, and the Elements scambled around in the gigantic pile of weapons for several different reasons.

"Whoa! Almost got me in the eye!" Axer griped as he saw a sword right at his eye. Ramsus just passed over Benit and almost caught her, but slit his hand on a quiver. The Elements all gained up on Phantom, but he sprayed some Spray Dust into their faces, temporaily blinding them. Billy attempted to get at Ekans, but he saw his peice of gum and thought that was more his priority. Ekans scrambled away.

The pile of weapons suddenly burst into a cloud of dust, and one Agent got out, Ramsus following. Benit came clear of the dust, but Ramsus cornered her.

"Ha ha! Now I have you!" Ramsus exclaimed. Benit grabbed a bowling ball, replying, "These bowling skills come in handy at school and on the job!" and threw it. It tripped Ramsus on his face and crashed into the pile of weapons, sending them flying all over the place, including the people inside them.

"STRIKE!" Benit happily said and ran up to her comrades, purposely stepping over Ramsus.

Meanwhile on King Kai's planet.

Pikacthulu jumped off the end of Snake Way and landed on King Kai's planet. King Yema had sent Pikacthulu to HFIL, but Pikacthulu quickly killed the ogres, ate all the fruit, salted the ground to prevent more from growing, used the secret passageway, and killed King Yema. Pikacthulu heard rumors of a martial arts master at the end of Snake Way and decided to train there until his living subordinate Ash Ketchum was able to collect all the Dragon Balls and wish him back.

"tHe GrAvItY sUcKs," Pikacthulu observed barely being able to move because of the gravity. Pikacthulu noticed a strange little blue man. Pikacthulu decided to kill him, but first inquired who he was nicely. "wHo tHe @#$% ArE yOu?"

"I'm King Kai," the man replied, "You must be Andrew Dice Clay." King Kai burst into laughter, but everything else was silent. "Well I guess training you must be a waste of my time, you have no sense of humor."

"i HaVe A sEnSe Of HuMoR, I'lL tElL yOu A jOkE," Pikacthulu replied. Pikacthulu flashed his red eyes at Kaio-sama giving him a seizure.

"Verr...y...f..unn..y..ca.tch... Bbb....ubbles...." King King ordered.

"aLrIgHt," Pikacthulu replied. Bubbles started to run for it. Pikacthulu turned towards him. "PIKA-PIKA-PI!" Pikacthulu gathered electricity and released the beam of electricity. The beam followed Bubbles and struck the monkey. When the smoke cleared there was nothing but a crater left. Pikacthulu walked over to the crater and grabbed a handful of hair. "cAuGhT hIm. I wOnDeR wHeRe YoU gO wHeN yOu DiE iN THE NEXT DIMENSION."

"You didn't have to vaporize him," King Kai remarked, "Besides I was being sarcastic. Having no sense of humor means your probably evil...according to the cliches and stereotypes." Pikacthulu glances at him. "But I guess I don't have a choice do I."

"i'M nOt EvIl," Pikacthulu replied, "i Am JuSt StReSsEd, A sOlArIaN iS gOiNg tO dEsTrOy My PlAnEt, ThE pLaNeT."

"You’re from the Planet," King Kai replied, "No wonder you are so powerful, there are a lot of overly powerful RPG heros there. But still the Solarian that is coming ranks among the highest of them all. According to my calculations he should be arriving in six days. That is a lot less time than I had to train Goku, but I shall try. That is all for today...you killed my best and only friend...." King Kai went inside his house.

"i'M nOt SuRpRiSeD yOu HaVe No FrIeNdS," Pikacthulu remarked. His plan was nearly complete; he was going to get revenge on those annoying agents for sending him here. After his training here, the FPS Agents and The Captain should be no match for him. Besides, his brother, Tao Pika Pika, was already coming to Earth to help annihilate the agents.

A large Pokéball entered the Planet's atmosphere. The Pokéball crashed down on some redneck's farm. Choco Bill came out of his home and started to shoot the ball with a shotgun. He'd seen those things on TV before and knew that there was nothing good inside. The Pokéball opened up and a pikachu stepped out wearing Saiya-jin armor and a scouter. Tao Pika Pika glanced at Chobo Bill and pushed a button on his scouter.

"Hmm.. a power level of 50. Higher than I thought, but then again this is a planet of overly powerful RPG heroes. But that is still no match for me." Choco Bill fired more shots, but Tao Pika Pika simply caught them midair. "My turn. PIKA...PIKA...PI!"

The beam of electricity raced past Choco Bill and blew up his house. Chobo Bill screamed and ran away.

"Hmm, what is that?" Tao Pika Pika said, looking through his scouter, "There seems to be a lot of high power levels near Shera’s Kitchen. Those are probably some of the agents that my brother hired me to kill." Tao Pika Pika charged his ki and took off flying towards Shera’s Kitchen.

"Hey-hey Artemis!" Agent CAM greeted, "What was with the Mr. Kupo Daimsou or whatever thing?" Agent CAM located a Dragon Ball Z reference on Mr. Kupo's body, and quickly put it in his magic bag of plot devices.

"He's protecting my lair," Princess Q replied, "Or was...The door was locked for a reason." CAM blinked.

"Either way, we came to see what nifty new stuff you have for us," Gray Fox added.

"Well, Proffessor Daravon sent you a package, CAM," Princess Artemis said, "Here." Princess Q handed CAM a package. CAM ripped open the package and pocketed the remote control inside. CAM loaded his Lord of the Dance, Bun-Bun, Technicolor, and Added Reference Materia into his whip. "You can't use your Gear yet, not until Gray gets his. Oh yes and I made this for you." Princess Q handed CAM a laptop. "It’s FIDDLER. It contains every bit of information dealing with Fritz Fraundorf and counts as a Gabriel Knight reference for this fic."

"So," Gray Fox said amiably, "what sort of goodies do you have for me?"

Princess Q wandered over to a table stacked to the gills with Pokéballs. She picked one up and handed it to Agent Gray Fox. The Agent looked at it and complained, "I'm not really a Pokémon trainer, you know."

"Yes, I know. That's not a Pokémon. It's Guardian Force Powder ball. Inside the Pokéball, you will find a Jimi A-on-all-sides Triple Triad card and a special powder that when sprinkled on a human will allow you to junction them. I know for a fact that if you junction Jimi, you can junction magic to your Ref Attack and Ref Defence stats."

"Ah," Gray Fox said approvingly. He knew magic junctioned to Ref Defence would be invaluable in a fanfic like this.

"Plus, I have 20 Tetris spells for you. You can use them to distract your enemies with addictive games. If the enemy has fast reflexes, the effect could last for days."

Then Princess Q turned to Mr. T. "I know you don't need anything, because as everyone is aware, you can toss anyone helluva far. I would never presume to add to such talent." Mr. T puffed up his sizable chest in pride. "I do, however," the Princess continued, "have a handheld Ventril-O-Matic, which will let you threaten to toss people from great distances. Save you the trouble of telling them yourself."

Mr. T took the Ventril-O-Matic and pocketted it. Princess Q went down the line, giving Agent 14somethingorother a magazine clip full of Summon Bullets, Pikafoo' some lightning resistant hair gel, and handed CAM one sealed package of emergency Twinkie rations, which would not open no matter how often he stomped, shot, threw, or otherwise mutilated the package until he really needed them. To Jimi she gave a new set of mithril guitar strings.

"Oh, yes, I almost forgot." The Princess handed each person except Mr. T a set of keys. "These will activate your Gears as soon as you find them. The keys draw power directly from the Mr. Zohar Coffee Device, that's why they vibrate like CAM on a triple espresso grande mocha cappucino with caffiene sprinkles. Of course, they won't work at all until Gray Fox gets his Gear. It's only fair, you know."

After a few more minutes of discussion, the Agents made their way out of Princess Q's hidden office and over to Cid and Shera's house, where they chewed the fat for a while.

*sound of a record squeeking*

Palmer suddenly pokes his head through a subspace plot loophole. "Did someone say 'fat'?"

Princess Artemis frowns for a moment then smacks Palmer before returning to her typing.

*We now return you to your regularly scheduled add-on fic*

Just after ROCKSLIDE left, Princess Q taps her foot and strokes her chin. "Is it permissible to consume human mitochondria in coffee form?"

CAM and Gray Fox stepped out, weighed down with both their own new gadgets and the others for their friends back on the surface. Gray Fox paused.

"I'm…really tired," he said with a yawn.

"Errgh…me too…," CAM said, stretching. Suddenly, both Agents collapsed onto the stone floor, snoring.

Laguna and Kiros entered the mouth of the cave, deep within a desolate ravine.

"This is the place," Laguna said confidently. "Hostess Dungeon Number 1."

"Let me see the map, Laguna," Kiros said, not nearly as confidently.

"No!" The ex-Galbadian soldier hid the altered map of Shinra Fried Chocobo restaurant locations behind his back. "Let's just go." Kiros lit a lamp.

I'm dreaming that I'm a MORON!

Yes! I get to be Kiros!

"I think the faeries are with us again," Laguna commented, walking down a metal tunnel.

"Yeah, you're right. But they've got personality this time."

"True." They stepped out of the tunnel, and a perimeter of lights flashed on. The room was massive. A control room was on the wall above them, its windows shattered. In the center of the room was a small lift. "Hey, a lift! Let's go!" Laguna hopped onto it.

"Laguna! Wait! We don't know where it leads!" Kiros yelled.

"Aw, who cares about that?! You coming or not?" Kiros muttered something and got onto the lift just as it lowered.

"I wonder why the power's still working," Kiros mused. "I get the feeling that this place is pretty old."

"Stop thinking about it. You'll just get old by thinking. Didn't your grandmother ever tell you that?"

"Getting old by thinking too much…no, I don't think she did."

"Weenie." The lift stopped, and the two men stepped off. They were in a circular chamber, blinking computer terminals lining the walls. Laguna approached one and pressed an inviting red button. "This looks promising."

"What are you doing?!"

"Chill, man, it's cool. Look." The screen changed to show a slowly rotating golden Twinkie, pulsing with inner power. "That's gotta be the Anima Twinkie. I told you that it existed."

"But…wasn't I the one who said it existed?" Kiros asked.

"…No." There was a clank, and a pedestal rose from a pit in the center of the room. On it floated the Anima Twinkie, glowing. Laguna reached out his hand and was promtly electrocuted.

"Access denied," a mysterious voice coming from nowhere said. "The Anima Twinkie may only be accessed by the Java Man, and may only be used by the Mechie, and may only be unlocked by the-" The voice abruptly cut off.

"That sucks," Kiros said. "We went all the way to the Island Closest to Hell for this?" Two cheesy BFM portals opened under he and Laguna. They were transported instantly back outside.

"…?" Ward, who had been guarding the entrance, asked.

"Huh?" Laguna asked in turn.

"He's asking how it went. Can't you tell by the look on his face?"

"You know, it really annoys me when you do that."

The Agents groggily got to their feet.

"That was weird, but I'll assume you had the exact same dream," Gray Fox said. "Being Kiros was cool."

"Yeah, Laguna's neat. But what do you think this means?" CAM asked.

"…Plot contrivance?"

"Probably. But hey, we know where the Hostess Dungeon and the Anima Twinkie are now!"

"Yeah, on the FFVIII planet. Have any idea how to get there?"

"Well, yeah, actually," CAM said. "There was a Ragnarok on the SubEtha Net monitor in Princess Q's lab. If it comes he, we could 'borrow' it and go to FFVIII's planet."

"Not a bad idea," Gray Fox conceded. "But for now, we should get back to the surface before anybody worries."

A startling sight awaited Gray Fox and CAM as they exited Shera’s Kitchen. A Pikachu in Saiya-jin armor had their friends against the wall.

"Pika pi!" it chucked evilly as it began to collect ki. ROCKSLIDE and Jimi grabbed their weapons and prepared to fight.

"That's it!" Ramsus shouted, "We didn't want to have to do this, since the other sub-plot is already riddled with DBZ references, but it seems we have no choice."

The Elements leaped out of the compromising positions that they and the agents had been cast into by the smashing of the weapons pile, and the foursome lined up alongside Ramsus.

The music cued up, and the fanfic's eye view slowly panned towards Dominia, who hesitantly stepped to the side to strike a dramatic pose.

The fic's view then slowly advanced on Kelvena, who took up a similar pose on the oposite side. The next two zoom-ins focused on Seraphita and Tolone, who each droped to one knee to pose as well. Finally, Ramsus turned his back to the agents before giving them a stern look by bending over and looking back behind himself upside down.

"Refs!"

"Go!"

"*poing*"

"Ready?"

"Now!"

"Gebler Tokusen-tai!"

There was much sweatdroping amongst the ranks of the agents.

"Oooh!" said Seraphita, "I'm gonna light that straw guy!"

A blast of fire ether surged at Lucky Dan, but he pranced out of the way and leapt towards the Solarian group, landing on the tip of the large nail running trough him and spinning about to deliver a kick to several of the elements' heads.

Ekans rolled out of the way as Tolone let fly with several ionic bursts, he picked up one of Billy's shotguns that had been in the weapons pile, and he fired it as he rose to his feet, fragmenting off parts of Tolone's cybenteic gun-arm.

"Oh nooo!" Seraphita exclaimed. "At least he didn't damage your Gin and Tonic Futon Brain!"

Ramsus drew his sword and charged at Benit, but Lucky Dan pivoted about to thrust his nail into position to parry the blade. The agent then stepped forward to disarm the Solarian with a single deft kick.

"It's no good," said Kelvena, "The straw one was made by our same design team, so he can anticipate all our moves...either that or he's very lucky."

"Both-om, actually," Lucky Dan replied.

"We'll retreat for now," Ramsus comanded, "But don’t think you've won!"

"Why not?" Lucky Dan inquired.

"Because...um...you suck!" Ramsus broke off runing, with his Elements group close behind.

"All right," said Lucky Dan, "Now the interdimensional plot contivance system-om that helped rebuild Solaris is just a few floors down-om. We should be able to hop into the IDF grid there and be teleported out of here."

"Uh..." Brandon began, "Not that I have any reason to know about IDF, but couldn't that just scatter our molecules across space, resulting in us all ending up as interdimensional skidmarks?"

"Sure," said Lucky Dan, "But that's the exciting-om part, right?"

There was much more sweatdropping at this point.

So, after leaving the customs metal dectector and escaping from Ramsus, or rather, Ramsus fleed from them, everything else was smooth sailing towards the IDF grid. As they stepped into the elevator they read the level sections of Solaria located next to the elevator doors.

1B - Shopping district, Thumb Tack Center, and Soap Sud Palace
2B - Paper Cuts galore, Bag of Broken Glass Resturant, and Object's O-Pain Store
3B - Das Boot, Evebucks, and the Cute Animal Characters
4B - Airplane Departure Zone, IDF, and Toilets

"Um...wouldn't it be better if we left in the airplane rather than use the IDF, which has a greater chance that our molecules would be scattered into billions upon billions fragments than the former?" inquired Agent Ekans as he pressed the 4B buttons.

"Yeah but that would just be too-om easy," replied Lucky Dan, doing a disco pose as the elevator began to descend into the depths of Solaris.

"I don't think you guys are going to get away that easily," said a voice through the speakers of the elevator.

"Ramsus!" they all exclaimed in unison as they identified the voice.

"Bingo! Now before you leave I want to give you a nice departure present," he said as he cackled with glee, "If you can guess the 'present,' I'll let you live."

"Heeey Ramsus!" squeeled Tolone in the background, "It's like, a waaay wicked cool idea to use one of Agent Neener's songs against the Agents.^_^"

They heard Ramsus growl through the speakers as he slowly counted down from 10 to calm himself down before continuing, "...Anyways, I guess there's no point in guessing anymore. So I bid thee adieu, my fair Agents. It was very unpleasant knowing you while it lasted."

"What? No dioblical speech or anything?" asked Agent Benit.

"Nah, I want my instant gratification. Enjoy!" Ramsus said as his voice was replaced by one of Agent Neener's extremely out of tune songs.

"SAAAIIILING SAAAAAIILLLING OOOVVEEERR THE DEEEEEP BBBLUUUUEEEE SSSSEEEEAAAAA!!!" sang Agent Neener as the occupants of the elevator fell to the ground with their hands on their ears, writhing in agony like a fish out of water.

"Make...it...STOP...!!!" Agent Axer whimpered as the elevators electrical circuts exploded while the monstrous music continued to play.

Meanwhile, back at the elevator control room.

"Well, that takes care of that. I just killed 5 Agents with 6 stones," said Ramsus as he tried to quote but was unsuccessful.

"Ummm...Ramsus, isn't that 'Killed 2 birds with one stone'? O_o?" asked Kelvena in a bubbly tone as a big red heart appeared above her head and sighed.

"Nevermind what it is now," grumbled Ramsus as he went towards the door, "Let's go get some Evebucks coffee."

As Ramsus opened the door he was bombarded with squeels of delight from girls. Cameras flashed in an endless stream of light as they gathered numerous amount of tabloid-esque pictures.

"Aaaaaah! It's Ramsus! He is such a hunk! ^.^" the Ramsus Groupies said simultaneously as they all had red bubbly hearts appear above their heads.

Ramsus immediately slammed the door and leaned his body against it as the Groupies began to pound on it furiously, "Karp! How'd those groupies find me?"

Back at the elevator.

Everyone continued to writhe in agony until the music abruptly stopped with a sound of a record scratching as they heard strange screams and voices comming from the background.

"No...no...get away...," said Ramsus through the speakers, "No...NO...NOOOOO!!!"

With that, Ramsus’ voice was drowned down by female screams of delight as they bombarded him. "No..stop...ow! My arm! Ah, that's my hair you're pulling...stop...stop...STOOOOOP!"

Ramsus was disconnected from the elevator speakers and was replaced by static. Everyone in the elevator slowly stood up as they looked quizzitivly at each other and silently asked each other what the karp THAT was all about.

"Anyways...it seems that the elevator is busted," observed Phantom Ghost as he pointed at the destroyed control panel thanks to the out of tune music by Agent Neener who had made a record deal at the end of FPS1 to mass produce her own album.

"And we only stopped in floor 2B...," said Agent Benit as she saw the numbers 2B highlighted.

"Well, I always wanted to eat-om at the 'Bag of Broken Glass Resturaunt'," said Lucky Dan as he did his disco pose which in turn opened the elevator doors.

"Wow, that must've been magic!" exclaimed Agent Axer in wonder.

"No, I'm just lucky," said Lucky Dan as he struck another disco pose, "Om-well, now that the elevator's busted we should use the extremely tight ventelation shafts, each winding bend more devious and dangerous then the next."

As they stepped out of the elevator all the Agents noticed some stairs that were leading down into the other levels. "Um...couldn't we just use the stairs?" Agent Ekans asked.

"Well...we COULD...but then-om again that would just be too easy," replied Lucky Dan as he did another disco pose.

"Do you ever stop with the disco poses?" asked Phantom Ghost only to be answered with another infamous disco pose from Lucky Dan.

"Well then, since you want the hard way out, YOU take the tight and twisted ventilation shafts and we'll take the stairs," Agent Benit replied as she stuffed Lucky Dan into the shaft. Dan attempted to do another disco dance, but Ekans shoved the ventilation rack onto his buttocks.

"Sheesh, and I was getting tired of those disco poses," Axer said. All could only agree.

Unfortunately, there came a sound, which always lead up to some dilemma for the Agents. But to their luck, 4 swivel chairs were found nearby and they boarded on them to escape.

But, the stairs suddenly became one huge ramp covered with slippery soap.

"Oh...karp..." Ekans whispered. All of them slid uncontrollably on the ramp.

Gok- I mean, Agent the Captain - found himself trapped on a slow moving vessel headed for the Planet with a horde of evil mutant Palmer clones called Palmergators. As the Super-Solarian fought his way through the ship, the two green clones were destroyed. With the two yellow ones stolen by the Evil Ash Ketchum, the Agent was trapped in the cargo bay by two blue, one pink and one Egyptian Plum-colored monster. Just as things looked their bleakest, a flicker of light appeared above the agent's head.

* * *

TIME'S UP THE CAPTAIN

* * *

"These things ain't gonna make a meal outtta me!"

The shining light above Agent the Captain materialized into a strange object. The stalwart Solarian caught the device as it fell to him from seemingly nowhere. The agent examined the device and read the small words inscribed on the bottom: "Q-EA USA: Flabbinator".

"I like the sound of that," the agent cheerilly called as he activated the strange device. A surge of quantumn electricity blasted forth from the device, washing over the surrounding group of beasts in a violent assault. Each monster howled in pain as their abdomins begin to shrivel, revealling thick-boned rib cages, before each and every monster exploded in a howling disturbance.

The Captain wearily fell to his knees as the device powered down. His head felt dizzy as the ship grew dark around him. With a deep thud, the agent fell unconcious on the floor.

Ward stomped around outside a deep cave, awaiting his friends' return.

What the $%#@&!?!?

The large man cocked his head quickly to find the source of the strange voice. Seeing no one, Ward realized the voice came from inside his head.

Lookit me, I'm HUGE!

Ward scratched the back of his thick neck and sat down. Perhaps he had spent too much time in the heat. He wished Laguna and Kiros would hurry up and complete Hostess Dungeon Number 1.

C'mon, big guy! Let's you an' me get RIPPED!

Ward decided to ignore the strange voice in his head, dismissing it as the work of those strange brain faeries Laguna was always talking about.

Hey! Let's go down to the beach and kick sand in other people's faces! C'mon! We could kick some %^$%#$$!

Suddenly, a cheesy Brave Fencer Musashi portal opened near him, and Laguna and Kiros stepped out.

Agent the Captain wearily opened his eyes as he struggled back to the waking world.

"What a strange, uneventful dream..." the agent muttered. Just then, the Egyptian Plum Palmergator began to rematerialize before him. Quickly, the Captain rose to his feet and ran up the stairs to the steel door. Stepping through it, the agent found himself in the ship's galley. "Holy karp."

Two Palmergators, one pink, one Egyptian Plum, sat at the kitchen table calmly sipping tea with lard. Suddenly, the two beasts turned and saw the frazzled adventurer. With a mighty, annoying roar, they leapt toward him.

Agent the Captain wasted no time in summoning his GF. The metal floor beneath the galley began to buckle and rise. With a numbing heave, the two Palmergators were knocked back with a bone-rattling crunch.

SACRED the Gaurdian Force eyed the two beasts with contempt as something at his feet caught his attention. MINOTAUR demanded his brother begin the ancient "Ritual of Decision". As the two mystical combatants played Rock, Paper, Scissors, the Captain rolled his eyes in impatience. SACRED and MINOTAUR caught this air of annoyance from their junctionee and stopped their game. SACRED then grabbed the Captain by the collar and tossed his ass at the two beasts.

In a blaze of smoke and much pain, the two GF and agent were alone.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" all the agents yelled uncontrollably. The swivel chairs were no match for the soap ramp, but they needed something to slow them down or they'd crash into the wall ahead of them.

"I got it!" Agent Benit yelled over the screams and decided to use her own junction GF, DOOMTRAIN. The train of doom (literally) chugged after his juctionee and roared past them. DOOMTRAIN then blasted a hole in the wall ahead of them and disappeared into wherever GF went to rest.

"Nice move, but it isn't slowing us down!" Axer complained. Benit rolled her eyes and jumped off her swivel chair before it hit the wall beyond. Seeing that, the other Agents jumped off their swivel chairs.

Sensing the gathering ki energy, Princess Q started running toward the exit of her super secret 100% stealth lair. (Too much of her own patented Ultimate Tea had made her quite paranoid, you know.)

She didn't even pause as she swooped up a belt with her six Pokéballs attached, plus her special Nintendo-Official Mew. Inside each one were some of her prized Pokémon: Littlefish the Gyarados (named before she had learned what Magikarp evolve into), Ansalathon the Charizard, Glacier Eve the Vaporeon, Weedeater the Vileplume, Articuno the Articuno, Abby the Alakazam, and one last Pokémon she had picked up the last time she visited President Loire in Solaris.

Inside the final Pokéball rested what could possibly be the Mankey with the worst atitude ever.

It was Mr. Monkey.

Princess Q stopped just short of entering Shera’s Kitchen, having been warned of danger by a plot contrivance known as Foreshadowing. Instead, she snuck around the back wall and peeked into the livingroom window.

She saw Gray Fox, ROCKSLIDE and Jimi in imminent danger from Tao Pika Pika!

As the agents landed outside of the hole they found themselves in the very place they wanted to be. Floor 4B, right beside the IDF device.

“Well, that’s convenient,” Solid Ekans remarked.

“Yeah, but does anyone know how to work it?” Trainer Phantom Ghost asked.

“I do!” said Lucky Dan, just now crawling out of the air ducts and striking a disco pose. “I won’t be able to go with you-om, but I can send all four of you where ever you want,” he said.

“Great! Now all we need is a destination.” Agent Axer exclaimed.

“We already have one. We need to tell Princess Q about the Evebucks coffee!” Agent Benit said.

“And I should report back to… Him.” Ekans said.

“Who’s that?” Agent Axer asked.

“Rufus Shinra. I just wanted to say it like that to make it sound like it was someone important.”

“Oh.”

“None of you are going ANYwhere!” said a new voice. All of the agents turned to face the main door to see a very disheveled and worn-out Ramsus leaning against the door, which seemed to be holding back a great force. Many female voices could be heard from just outside it. “You’re not getting away from me again!” he exclaimed.

The agents looked at one another not sure if he was kidding or not. Finally Phantom spoke up.

“Ummm… Ramsus?” Phantom asked.

“Yes?” Ramsus replied.

“What’s behind the door that you’re keeping shut?”

“Just some fans.”

“And if you let go of the door will they come in?”

“Yeah.”

“So either you hold the door shut and keep them out or let go and let them in right?”

“Yes…” said Ramsus, who was beginning to figure out that he was at a disadvantage here.

“So you really can’t do very much to try and capture us, can you?”

Ramsus sighed. “No.”

“OK, I just wanted to clear that up.” Phantom said.

“So where do you want to go-om today?” Lucky Dan asked the agents, striking yet another disco pose.

"Today's task is to hit Gregory on the head with this cartoon mallet," King Kai instructed and handed Pikacthulu a mallet. Gregory sweatdropped as he looked at the crater were Bubbles used to be. Pikacthulu couldn't even lift the hammer. I've never given a student a hammer so heavy, that'll teach him.

Tao Pika Pika scanned everyone with his scouter. They were tougher than he thought. There was too much ki for his liking here. Since they had strength in numbers, Tao Pika Pika decided he would hit hard and run fast, and let some low power level lackeys fight for him. Tao Pika Pika noticed a familiar face and an interesting reading.

"Why, Alys, how nice to see you here," Tao Pika Pika said with a smirk.

"Nice to see you too," Alys replied dryly and drew her slashers. "Come get some." Tao Pika Pika drew his sword and they clashed. They swung wildly at each other with lightning fast blows and block. Alys cuts Tao Pika Pika in the face and blasts him in the stomach with a Foi.

Tao Pika Pika was blasted back, but basically unscathed. "Wow, you might have put a scratch on my armor."

"That was just a warm-up," Alys smirked,"You know better than that slowpoke."

"Slowpoke, eh?" Tao Pika Pika replied,"Agility! Quick Attack!" Tao Pika Pika dashed at Alys. Time was seemingly frozen, everything else remained still. But Tao Pika Pika was still moving at a incredibly fast speed. He jabbed Alys in the stomach with the handle of his sword and punched her in the face. Then he reached into her pockets and pulled out a Dragon Ball. "Why thank you."

"What the hell?" Alys tried to comprehend.

"As much as I would like to stay, I have a job to do," Tao Pika Pika remarked,"but here is some guys to keep your company. Pokébaimon, I choose you!" Tao Pika Pika threw down six Pokéballs and out came a Pokébaimon in each one. Tao Pika Pika turned and blasted off. Alys grabbed Cid's gold chocobo from the stable and mounted it. With a swift kick to the kidney the chocobo resistance faded. Alys sped off after the villain.

"You know we should have done something during all that," Gray Fox commented.

"Somewhere, over the rainbow...!" sang Axer but was immedietly smacked behind the head by Agent Benit.

"No time for that, you spoony bard!" she exclaimed as she crossed her arms and looked at him sternly.

"Hey guys!" said a female voice who crawled out of the ventelation shaft.

"Om-yeah, guess who I just met in the ventelation shaft?" asked Lucky Dan, as if the Agents didn't know the answer to the question already, "Agent Aya!"

"That's me!" Agent Aya said as the Agents didn't find it odd that she was ressurected...again. However, the Agents did know that with her sudden appearance it wouldn't be long before she departed them.

"Om-anyways...who wants to test out the IDF first?" asked Lucky Dan as he looked at all the Agents as Aya whistled a merry tune, gazing innocently around the room.

"Om-YOU are the LUCKY winner!" said Lucky Dan putting much emphasis on the word 'Lucky'.

"I AM?" asked Agent Aya in total disbelief.

"Ayup!" said Lucky Dan as he activated the IDF device. An inter-dimensional warp hole appeared in the middle of the room, looking mighty unstable.

"If this works, om-you'll go back to Rocket Town," Lucky Dan stated as he began to push Agent Aya towards the warp hole, "If not, om-you'll just be scattered into millions of molecules so om-no biggie, right?"

"Wait, wait I..." stammered Agent Aya but it was too late. Lucky Dan pushed her into the portal and was immedietly enveloped in the warp hole.

Lucky Dan then walked over to the IDF device and began to press a few buttons.

"Well, om-according to this she finally got there!" Lucky Dan said as he looked more closely at the machine, "Om wait...she's over there...and over there...and a bit over there as well...om..." Agent Aya's departure did not appease the fears of the Agents as they sweat dropped much and began to look around apprehensively. "Anyways! Who's next?" he asked while looking at the group, "How about...you!"

"Me???" asked Ramsus incredulously as he held back the door which was being bombarded by screaming fans and groupies, "I'm the one holding the door down!"

"Om-Yeah, isn't that nice?" asked Lucky Dan with sarcasm dripping from his tounge as he grabbed onto Ramsus and threw him into the warp hole.

As Ramsus entered, four female figures dropped down from the ventilation shaft and gasped out loud as their leader was thrusted into the swirling abyss of the IDF.

"Eeeeek! Ramsus, wait for us!" the four Elements squealed with bubbly red hearts appearing above their heads as they blindly leapt into the warp hole. It was at this time that the door burst open and the volume of the screaming fans increased as they almost got into the room. Lucky Dan stopped their entrance by slamming the door shut and used his body as a living door stop.

"Om-Go, hurry! Lucky Dan will save the day while you guys go into the portal!" he said as he did his signature disco pose. Not wanting to be trampled down by screaming Ramsus fans, they dashed up to the portal but hesitated a bit. Finally Agent Benit bent her knees and jumped into the portal.

"Here goes nothing!" she said as she disappeared into it, making a Brave Fencer Musashi reference at the same time.

"If I get reincarnated, I want to be Agent Ekans again!" Agent Ekans proclaimed as he hopped into the portal, disappearing into the strange abyss.

"Well, as in the words of Cid...@#$%&%@%$$" Agent Phantom Ghost swore as he bounced into the IDF.

Agent Axer was about to hop in but he looked at Lucky Dan and said "Lucky Dan, though your disco poses are a bit of an abberation, you are quite the hero to sacrifice your life on the line. I hope you'll be okay."

Lucky Dan just shrugged his shoulders as he did a disco pose. "Om-it's no problem. All in a days work of a giant straw guy. Besides, since this is a comedic fan-fic, I won't be dead, I mean just look at Agent Aya.

“And,” he continued, “Om-maybe we just might see each other in the ending…but om-that’s a big maybe with a giant question mark after it…”

Agent Axer gave a quick nod of approval as he bounded into the portal. It closed behind him.

"Well, om-I guess I'll be going out in a blaze of glory," said Lucky Dan as he did his final disco pose. The door blasted off its hinges as the screaming Ramsus fans swarmed into the room like 'Lokusts Akross Time'.

"Wow, what a weird place...where am I?" asked Agent Axer as he walked on a checkered landscape. He passed by a dead looking tree with a clock dripping off its branches like water. The sky had a very strange cerulean hue to it as a river walked past by him. It tipping its top hat at Agent Axer before departing into the strange landscape. The Agent had a sudden urge to walk up to the tree and start conversing with it.....

"Excuse me but do you know where I am?" Agent Axer asked as the clock dripped on his head, leaving nice rainbow marks on his hair.

"Where are you my dear boy?" the tree said in a British accent, "Well my lad, you're in the 64th dimension!"

Agent Axer yelled outloud, only to have a car horn sound escape his mouth. He shut his lips up as a look of pure horror was written on his face by a giant mechanical pencil that zipped off into the aqua sunset. Axer knew that somewhere in the 64th dimension (a place that defied both time, space, physics, while containing any wacky abstract non-sensical ideas) his fellow Agents, Ramsus, and the Elements (with the possibility of Agent Aya) were somewhere in this strange oddity that is they 64th dimension. He had to find them and get back to Rocket Town...somehow...

Agent Solid Ekans awakened on a checkerboard plane, with a set of steps scaling upwards. Several various warriors in Final Fantasyesque garb stood on the steps, walking but never going anywhere. Ekans tried to move, but soon found that such attempts where futile. Then a booming voice rang out, "More attack power means more damage you can give! 'Attack' selects the attacking."

"Noooooooo!" the Agent cried out, "This is the FF Tactics tutorial!" Slowy, one by one, the figures on the map moved. Ekans needed a plan to escape, before the lecturing of the disembodied voice of Daravon drove him mad. As soon as the agent's active turn came up, he moved onto a crystal left by a falen time mage, and he inhereted the Teleport ability. On the next turn, he Teleported off the edge of the board, plumeting out of sight.

Ekans fell for what seemed like an eternity, before he dropped hard upon the canvas of a wrestling ring. He slowly got up to see a flat crowd cheering in a two-frame animation.

Then the anouncer spoke, "In conrering of this, the action tacticalling espionager! Ekans of Soird!"

"Uh oh."

"And in corening of this, this wrestlering is from Korea. He give many goods at Karate style techniques. His mongolian chop destroy all! Kin Korn Karn!"

Ekans opponent strode into the arena and gestured towards the crowd, "Kin Korn Karn say a Winner is you!"

"Remember," the ref informed the two, "Look and your fight, how dirty, come wash your fight. Dodongo dislikes smoke. Let's dancing!"

Kin Korn Karn exlaimed, "Many fallings down of you! WOOW! I am champion, I will wrestle all enemy with my Mongolian chop!"

"Er...no," Ekans attempted to go along with it, "You fail it! Your skill is not enough! Be garbage of cesspool!"

"GRRR-BAAAH!" Kin Korn Karn exlaimed, charging at Ekans.

He leapt into the air, coming down only a foot from where he began, and leting fly with his mighty chop. Since Ekans was still in the oposite corner, this was not very effective. Ekans rushed in and flipped Kin Korn Karn on the ground like a MGS sentry.

"Many ouchings!" Kin Korn Karn exlaimed, "But I will crushing attack breaker you!"

Ekans tried to think back to the last episode of Extreme Mouse Wrestling, in which Stone Cold Hanpan had defended the title against Pikachu. He dodged around another mongolain chop and executed a second-degree rip off stunner on Kin Korn Karn.

"Booya!" Ekans exclaimed, "Solid Ekans 3:16 says 'YOU FAIL IT! YOUR SKILL IS NOT ENOUGH! SEE YOU NEXT TIME! BYE BYE!'"

"A winner is you!"

"Whatever," Ekans said, "Now where the HFIL am I?"

"You are much beings in the spoony district of the 64th dimension," the man proclaimed, "Here all spoony tlansrations collide in great confuzzle!"

"A winner...is you," another voice came from behind them. A sphere of light expanded and Leknaat appeared, "Visitor from another world. It is not mere luck, nor mere Lucky Dan that has brough you here."

"Guh?" Ekans said, turning about to face the keeper of the true gate rune.

"Follow the path away from this place of fighting," Leknaat instructed Ekans, gesturing to a door out of the arena. The agent got down from the ring and entered the doorway. The opening behind him vanished and he found himself in a long cavern. He proceded down the corridor to a rock wall with a glowing spoon imprinted on it.

Leknaat appeared once again, "This is the 'Bright Spoon Rune', one of the two aspects of the rune of translations, the hidden fanfictcious plot device. It was sealed by it's previous owner so as not to fall into the hands of IDaravon or your evil double. IDaravon is gone, but your evil duplicate is gaining in IDF power. The only way to ensure it's safety is to give it to you."

"Whoa," Ekans said, observing the sealed spoon, "All right. I'll try and keep this safe, just don't expect me to collect 108 allies."

"Do not worry," Leknaat informed Ekans, "All you must do is aid your fellow agents, and keep the spoon from evil."

[RH Bright Spoon]
[7 Blazing Star]
[4 This was the darkened items won't appear]
[2 For Great Justice]
[1 This guy are sick]

"Now I need to find the others," Ekans said, "Can you-" Leknaat was gone, as was the entire cavern of the Bright Spoon. Ekans now found himself in another surreal landscape entirely on the outskirts of the spoon district.

"Foolish -glove-!" Domina exlaimed, firing a blast of ether power at the huge 4-fingered glove that wandeded towards her and Kelvena. The blast didn't seem to be very effective, and the huge Glover continued to inch towards the two lost Elements.

"Hey there," Ekans shouted to the pair, "how goes life in the alternate dimension."

"Silence -lamb-!" Dominia yelled back, "I don't need your help to defeat this...thing."

Kelvena raised a wall of ice with water ether, blocking the huge ball that Glover heaved their way, but the wall shattered, pinning the elements to a collumn with shards of ice.

"Um...Dominia," Kelvena said, "Maybe we ought to cooperate with the good guy for a little while."

"Grr...all right," Dominia sighed, "You can save us."

"Whoo-hoo!" Ekans leapt down towards the glove, and he pointed forward as the Bright Spoon glowed, "Blazing Star!" A small meteor shot down into Glover's...er...hand, and he mistakenly caught it instead of his ball, lighting the glove on fire. The big glove ran off whimpering and it dove into a stream flowing uphill.

"Any clue as to where the others are?" Ekans inquired.

"No," Kelvena repiled, "but they've got to be here somewhere."

Somewhere in Solaris, an evil lurked.

And she was hunting for the one with the power of time.

The one who could send her back...send them both back...to the very origins of Life itself. To Deus. To Zohar.

To Mother.

In distant time there was Mother...she of indigo hair, unsurpassed beauty and deadly power. That was after the Eldridge crashed. On another world, in space far away, Mother manipulated the strings for hundreds of marrionettes. In another place again, Mother was a sorceress. And past the regions, in the land of Mystics, Mother was a green-haired menace who devoured monsters and Charmed all who laid eyes on her.

At least, she would be...would be, if the key to Time could be found.

She needed the Contact. He was yet distant, but would arrive soon enough. She needed the one with the power of time. She needed both...so that Deus could revive, so she could use the Zohar power of his ressurection to accomplish...

Time Kompression.

And then the Mothers would be one.

Princess Q blinked a few times, wondering along with Gray Fox why all the Agents just stood there. Then she looked at the six Pokébaimon. Narrowing her eyes, she decided to go help the Agents, since they seemed to be in trouble. Hopefully, she thought to herself as she fingered Littlefish's Pokéball, the element of surprise will be to my advantage.

So she snuck over to the door and looked in, sizing up the situation and hoping someone would write a nice, exciting battle scene.

Meanwhile, in Solaris.

"The Soybean System is working fine, Ms. Miang," stated a random Solarian who will appear only once in this fic.

"Perfect. Make sure the next shipment of Evebuck's brand Soybean System Coffee Beans arrives in Rocket Town on time. We can't let up on the -Lambs-. They must consume as much as possible. We can't let our targets slip away."

The Agents and all others who entered the portal were lost. Benit floated around endlessly until she hit bottom ground. There, she didn't even want to speak as she soon discovered she was in an area of mountains. Pure mountains, by herself.

"Spoony it all," she replied before walking ahead. She had to find the others as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, she didn't even know where she was. Suddenly, she heard a huge chugging sound right behind her, and she turned around.

"Doomtrain?" Benit wondered, but she knew he wouldn't be there, since he was junctioned to her.

A sharp voice boomed, "Who's there!! Who disturbs my sleep??"

She looked over her head, and found a huge, yet familliar mecha loom over her. Agent Benit threw her hands up in despair and cried out, "Alexander! How nice! But I can't seem to use you now," while sitting down and tossing any Triple Triad cards she had (actually, only PuPu and her signature character card Benit) into a top hat.

"Huh?" the holy summon looked confused.

"Looks like Gray ain't got his yet. Where am I anyway?"

"The 65th Dimension, where I'm summoned. I know your friends are in the 64th Dimension," Alexander replied.

"Well, that's JUST great! Hurry up, somebody!" Benit complained.

Everything was black. Trainer Phantom Ghost couldn't remember where he was or how he got there. Suddenly he heard a voice from out of nowhere that seemed to come from everywhere.

"Wake up Phantom Ghost, the chosen one," a mysterious voice said with a strangely Japanese accent.

"Huh?" Phantom asked.

"It's time to get up and fight!" The voice said again. With that light seemed to burst from out of nowhere. Phantom suddenly found himself standing in a battle pose facing something that looked like a small dinosaur. He would have thought it was a Tyrannosaurus Rex except it had over sized hands and flames coming out of its mouth. Phantom immediately recognized it for what it was.

"Pokémon imposter! DIE! Gengar! I choose… huh?" Phantom quickly became aware that all his pokémon were missing. "What the spoony?" He asked.

"Silly Phantom. Pokémon can't use pokémon!" the mysterious voice said. "Now, Kick attack!" Suddenly Phantom had the mysterious and uncontrollable urge to kick the digimon in front of him, so he did. The digimon, known as Agumon, reeled with the blow. "Good." The mysterious voice said "Now, Punch attack!" Again the mysterious force took over Phantom's body and he punched the digimon. This time the digimon retaliated with a ball of flame. "Quickly! Block, turn and chop!" the mysterious voice commanded. Once more Phantom found himself unable to resist following those orders. So he blocked the flame, turned and chopped the digimon. With a cry the pokémon clone went down.

"Very good." Another voice said, " I would not have guessed you had such a powerful pokémon. But nothing can stand against this digimon! Togemon, take him down!" With that Phantom found himself facing the cactaur clone. And suddenly he became very angry. They could rip off pokémon but no one, no one, ripped off Final Fantasy. Suddenly a red haze appeared around Phantom.

"Blasphemer! Meet your ill begotten maker! Chandelier Drop!" He shouted, much to everyone's surprise. A several massive chandeliers, which seemed to have come out of nowhere, appeared over the heads of everyone in the room except for Phantom. Very shortly thereafter they fell as one, crushing everyone nearby. Especially the Cactaur rip off. Satisfied that he everyone nearby was out, Phantom quickly located his missing pokémon and apparently his own pokéball. He decided to take it with him. After all, you never knew how handy such things might be in the future.

Now where could I be and where are the others? Phantom thought as he walked away from the battlefield.

"The 64th Dimension???"

"Yes, my good lad, you heard correct. The 64th dimension," said the tree with the British accent as the clock on its branches continued to drip on Agent Axer, dying him in the colors of the rainbow.

"So how can I find my friends and get out...and more importantly, why am I always speaking in italics??" exclaimed Agent Axer as he flailed his arms only to have one of them pop off like a doll.

"It's all part of the game my lad," said the tree cryptically.

"A game?" Agent Axer asked as he took his arm and popped it back into place, only to have the other arm pop out again.

"That's right, it's a jolly good game at that!" the tree said as the clock fell from it's branch and splattered all over Agent Axer, making him swim in the strange liquidy clocky substance.

"What do I have to do in this game?" Agent Axer asked as he swam over to his arm which was floating in the liquidy clock.

"Oh, it's quite simple my lad," he said as a matter of factly, "All you have to do is find the 1st piece of the 'ANCIENT BOWL OF SURPRISE' while your other 3 companions each find a piece as well."

Agent Axer was about to grab his arm but suddenly sank into the murky depths of the liquidy clock. Suddenly, the clock's hands began to turn, as it gained speed. It created a vortex that began to suck in the checkered landscape as well as Agent Axer.

"Oh, I wish I could stay and have some tea with you lad but unfortunetly the game has started! Cheerio!" the tree said as he waved at Agent Axer who was sucked into the watery clock.

As Agent Axer swirled within the depths of the strange ‘liquid’, other clocks were also in the strange void. All were of different sizes, shapes, and brands that revealed different times as well. Agent Axer swam furiously out of the whirpool as he gazed around at his confusing landscape. Suddenly, a figure connected to strings came down and in front of Agent Axer which caused him to yell. His screams caused him to spew out candies and fishes instead of an actual sound. He then shut his mouth as he observed the person in front of him. To him, the figure, who had suddenly appeared in front of him, looked like a giant marionette, or a puppet if you will.

The puppet had a body made of wood, a strange looking mouth, rosey cheeks, and big glassy eyes as he had his head tilted to the side.

"It's you!! I'll get you!!!" the puppet said enraged, the words not syncronized with his mouth. His legs began to move in a very strange fashion as the strings began manipulating to what looked like 'walking'.

"Oh...it's you Ramsus" Agent Axer in a monotonous tone as bubbles, candies, and fishes went out of his mouth. He shifted his eyes in response.

The strings on Ramsus were pulled in such a way that his wooden floppy arms were lifted up and grappled around Agent Axer's neck as if to choke him. Unfortunetly, the rainbow covered Agent just looked at him skeptically as the wooden arms failed to actually put some force around his neck.

"Stop that," Axer said as he thwapped Ramsus arms away while more candies and fish popped out of his mouth, "Look, it's no use fighting in a place like THIS so let's help each other out."

Ramsus was angry. Though his plastered face didn't show it, his actions did, as he crossed his arms and legs while looking away. He opened his wooden mouth to let out a sigh and bobbed his head up and down as he tried to imitate a human nod.

"Fine...we'll help each other...for now," Ramsus replied, his mouth still unsynchronized with his words, "But um...I have one favor to ask you."

"What's that?" Agent Axer asked, as he spewed out paper and soda cans.

"Can you...fix my strings...I can't seem to move...very well..." Ramsus said as he struggled to free himself from his bindings. With a sigh, Axer swam up to Ramsus' strings and untied them with much effort. It was then, at this point, that he saw his detatched arm swim by and wave to the two as it swam away.

"Hey! My arm! Get back here!" Agent Axer said as clay and batteries popped out of his mouth, giving chace to his disembodied arm.

"Wait for me!" Ramsus shouted as he ran after Agent Axer in a puppet-esque way.

"Are you serious?? My friends (and enemies) are in a totally different dimension, while I'm trapped HERE!? Spoony!" Benit whipped a card into the hat with sheer force, not looking at the mecha over her.

"Welllll.....you actually can get outta here..." Alexander replied. Agent Benit's eyes welled up with hope and asked, "What? What? Tellmetellmetellme!!!"

"I can fire you away to the requested dimension."

"Well ain't that dandy. Oh well...I don't mind ummm...well, ain't proper to say here, but...sure, why not?" With that, Benit got up.

Deep in space.

"Now what?" Agent the Captain angrily folded his arms as he looked upon the two loafing mystical creatures before him. SACRED and MINOTAUR sat back with their hooves up on control panels on the bridge of the [CAPSULE CORP Ragnarok]. SACRED slopping wolfed down a bag of pork grinds while his brother MINOTAUR lazily played Tetris on his game boy.

"I summoned you two to help me fight off those Palmergators." The agent spoke in an annoyed tone. "Now that they're gone, WHY are you still here?"

"Union rules," answered SACRED without looking up from his snacks, "We leave when we want."

"Say," MINOTAUR paused his game boy and looked up, "Weren't there more Plamergators left?"

"Oh," the Captain answered off-handidly, "I announced a pie-eating contest in the cargo hold, then blew the bay doors. They're probably specks on someone's windshield by now." The Captain turned and walked toward the elevator, "If you two are staying, why don't you make yourselves useful and swab the deck?" His question was answered with gruff chuckles from the Brothers' GF. This wasn't going to be an easy five days.

Without warning, a huge explosion rocked the [CAPSULE CORP Ragnorok]! Just as suddenly, the ship's computers blasted forth a Daravon-like message, "*SOMEBODY SET UP US THE BOMB! * WE GET SIGNAL!"

The Captain whirled around to face the main viewscreen, "Main screen turn on!" A scrambled picture flickered to life on the large display in front of them. The garbled image gradually became clearer, revealling a single, darkened figure. All three occupants of the bridge gasped in horror. They could not believe their eyes.

Agent the Captain was first to find his voice, his eyes locked in a horrified gaze on the viewscreen, "It's YOU ! !"

"Da, comrade," the figure chuckled, "Da."

As Mirai no Trunks' theme cued up, the Agents prepared to do battle against the evil space-travelling Pikachu.

"Littlefish! Generic Water Pokémon Attack, now!" Princess Q yelled.

"Gyarados!" The Pokémon unleashed a wave of water at the plant-like Pokébamen. The chittered, unharmed. One of them jumped onto Mr. T, hissing.

"Look out, Mr. T!" Gray Fox yelled. "He's gonna blow himself up."

"Foo'!" Mr. T spat. He hauled the Pokébaman off him and held it at eye level, a feat that Yamcha could never accomplish. "I pity th' foo' who try to blow up Mr. T! I'm a throw yo' @$$ helluva far!" He acted on his word, and the creature disappeared over the horizon. The remaining five Pokébamen split their heads in two and launched out showers of Pokéacid at the Agents. They all ducked, save for Gray Fox. He bravely faced the encroaching acid.

"What're you DOING?" Alys shouted at him. He merely smirked.

"Watch." The acid slammed into him, but he stood unfazed, if wet. "See? They're a combination of both Pokémon and Dragon Ball Z references, which are both so heavily censored that they're effectively harmless! Renzoku Energy Dan!" Gray Fox launched three blasts of ki from his hand and dispatched a Pokébamen.

"Cool…hey, wait, it's getting back up!" CAM said. Indeed, the annoying creature got right back on its feet, unharmed. It giggled evilly.

"Spoony!" Celes said. She leapt on one and hacked it apart with Illumina, but it quickly pulled itself back together.

"Weed Killer ha!" Princess Q cast a bottle of weed killer on the group, but they were unfazed.

"This isn't getting anywhere," Alys said.

"There's something people in Dragon Ball always do under seemingly-unwinnable circumstances," CAM said. "They-"

"-Fuse," Gray Fox finished. He grinned. "What's your power level?"

"85,000," CAM said.

"Mine too. You know the routine? Silly dance, yelling and lots of flashing lights?"

"Right!" Much to the bewilderment of ROCKSLIDE, Jimi and Princess Q, Gray Fox and CAM ran a distance apart from each other, then turned around and began to dance toward each other.

'I never thought I'd see this happen,' Agent 1469 signed.

"…," D said.

"Fu-" Gray Fox began.

"-Sion-" CAM added.

"HA!" they said together. The tips of their fingers touched, and there was a blinding flash of light. The Pokébamen collapsed into seizures. Slowly the light died off, and a new figure was floating in the middle of the battlefield.

"Ore wa Gray Fox to CAM mo nai! Ore wa GrayCAM! Ore wa kisama no tasou mono da…warai nishi yarouze, Pokébamen, ore te anoyo de…! Reference Blast!" Speaking in a voice that sounded like CAM and Gray Fox were talking at the same time, GrayCAM launched a concentrated beam of references from his hand, annihilating one Pokébaman. "I gotta believe! PaRappa Ball Z!" The sky darkened ominously. Parappa and Chop-Chop fell from the sky. The rapper was clad in an orange gi with blue weighted clothes underneath, and the onion master was dressed in a black robe. Chop-Chop addressed the Pokébamen.

"Ooh! Uh huh, your power levels I sense! I know I'm gonna test you, hence! Before you to the next dimension we slap…show…me…your…RAP!" The creatures looked among themselves confusedly, and one stepped forward. He squeaked and chittered to an imaginary beat, pretending to be using a turntable. Chop-Chop shook his head.

"Your rapping skills are straight from the crappa! Show him how it's done, my student Parappa!" Parappa bowed.

"Hai hai, Chop-Chop-sama! You rappin' bad…GENKI-DAMA!" The rapper summoned a massive ball of ki and destroyed three Pokébamen. Both references bowed, and disappeared in a flash, leaving behind a Parappa Triple Triad Card.

"Don't just stand there!" the fusion-created Agent said. "Fight the last two!" ROCKSLIDE set upon the remaining Pokébamen. Jimi slammed one's head open with his Strat, and GrayCAM disintegrated it with a ki blast before it could regenerate. Mr. T tackled the other one.

"Hold on!" Princess Q said. "I can forsee a use for this one." She took out a spawned Master Ball from her Inventory. "Master Ball, go!" It bopped the creature on the head and sucked it inside. The Master ball pinged and shook three times, then held still. "Alright!" the Princess said. "I caught a Pokébaman!" CAM and Gray Fox suddenly unfused, blinking.

"Whoa…that was cool," Gray Fox said.

"Yeah. Makes me feel hungry." CAM took out a Twinkie and gobbled it down. "Oh yeah, Princess, we saw a Ragnarok on your sub-etha net screen. A blatant combination of FFVIII and Hitchhiker's refs in one spot are rare, so we were naturally curious."

"Yeah, we want to take the Ragnarok to Hostess Dungeon Number 1 on FFVIII's world. When is it getting here?"

"Oh, that's the Captain," Princess Q said. "He should be here in five days, but you'll have to talk to him about it when he gets here."

"Five days?! That's a spoony long time!" Gray Fox exclaimed.

"What do we do for five days?" Jimi asked quietly.

Proffesor Flint looked at Dr. Mayhem. "Okay, so we have Cid's attitude. Not to say that that isn't a force to be reconed with, but what are we going to do with it?"

Dr. Mayhem raised his pinky to his lips, and proudly proclaimed, "We shall hold it ransom for... ONE BILLION GIL!!!"

Agent NC81 bust out laughing.

Dr. Mayhem looked confused. "What? What'd I say?"

Agent NC81 decided to explain. "Have you ever FOUGHT random battles? That's NOTHING to a seasoned adventurer! I've seen people make five times that in a week, just from level building!"

Dr. Mayhem lowered his hand. "Riiight. Well, thankfully, my backup plan has some bearing on the story. I have in my posession a map depicting the exact location of the Moogle home in the frozen town of Narshe. We will take this 'attitude' and dump it into their water supply. The moogles, not knowing how to hold back such force, will become an army of deranged, killer moogles, ready to do my bidding! Mwa, ha, ha!!"

Proffesor Flint raised his hand. "Umm... I hate to spoil the mood, but WHY will they do your bidding??"

Dr. Mayhem mashed his hand on the 'Proffesor Flint' button until he calmed down. With the button still broken, nothing happened. So, he decided to explain. "Why? Because I'm frickin' lovable, that's WHY!"

Proffesor Flint looked at Dr Mayhem for a few moments, and then said, "Oh. Right."

Pikacthulu swung at Gregory with a clean miss with the oversized cartoon mallet. "dAmN!" Pikacthulu had been trying to hit Gregory for the last two days. Now he had only four days left to finish this training and return to the Planet to have a little surpise planned for the Captain. Pikacthulu swung another miss, but this time he had a plan. "Strength HM! Agility!" Pikacthulu became much more stronger and faster. When Gregory rushed by Pikacthulu flashed his red eyes. Gregory fell to the ground with a seizure. Pikacthulu smashed the convulsing cricket to dust with the mallet. "gOt HiM!"

A yellow streak flew through the air followed by a slower one following close behind. One was Tao Pika Pika and the other was Alys on Gold Chocoboback. Alys narrowed her eyes with determination and remembered the last time she encountered him.

**FLASHBACK SEQUENCE**

Alys and the rest of her party split up. She had recieved a job at the guild that required her and her companions to travel to a planet named Namek. Of course, what intrigued her the most was the fact that children were suffering from seizures caused by a children's television show. She knew she would find Pikacthulu. The rest of the Marcus 5 split up in order to cover more ground.

Suddenly she sensed an incredibly high power level coming towards her. Alys looked up to find a man dressed in Saiyai-jin armor with hair spikier than Cloud Strife's coming to greet her.

"Hello," he said with a smirk,"I'm Prince Vegeta. My scouter told me that there was a high power level nearby, so I thought it was time for my daliy exercise."

"And that would be..." Alys replied.

"Killing high level people off at random," Vegeta replied.

"So you’re going to toy with me until I figure out how to kill you?" Alys remarked.

"No," Vegeta replied, "I have a hair appointment. I'm just going to Final Flash your sorry @#&$. FINAL FLA-"

Suddenly Vegeta's scouter beeped, "You've got mail."

"Damn, hold on a sec," Vegeta said and clicked his scouter. "Its just spam and porn sites....Dragon Ball X!? I have to kill some people later..." Vegeta turned to Alys. "Now back to you." Suddenly his scouter beeped with the AIM noise. Vegeta clicked the scouter again. "No, Goku, I don't want to fight you over AIM right now." Vegeta gathered ki for a Final Flash.

"You've got mail!" Disgusted, Vegeta threw off the scouter and used the Final Flash on it. By this time Alys was no where to be seen. "Damn.. she got away, and I don't have my scouter to find her."

"NaFoi!" a voice replied behind him. A stream of fire slammed into Vegeta's back throwing him to the ground. Alys' feet touched the ground, and Vegeta got back up merrily.

"Grr Bah! What a MORON! You mussed my hair!" Vegeta brought up his hands, and quickly spun around to catch a sword coming towards him. D quickly jerked the sword out of Vegeta's hand and slashed him across the chest. Vegeta's armor took the full force of the blow, but it was successful at getting his attention.

Vegeta flew into the air and shot D through the torso with a beam.

The dampyr doubled over and the wound quickly regenerated. "...." D said in pain.

"Regenerate this!" Vegeta yelled, but instead of firing at D he turned and incinerated the shells coming towards him. Renmazou slowly landed. Billy Lee fired more rounds from his gear's gatling guns, but Vegeta quickly dodged them all. The roar of a motorcycle engine howled at Vegeta, and he turned to see Gabriel Knight sailing through the air straight towards him. Gabriel abandoned ship and the Harley slammed into Vegeta. When the smoke cleared there were no wounds.

"Damn, I sacrificed my Harley for nothing," Gabriel remarked.

Vegeta charged up another shot, when suddenly flames engulfed him. When the smoke cleared Vegeta was all scratched up and his armor was damaged. He certainly felt that one. Rune Walsh materialized before him.

"That was an interesting manuvuer," Vegeta remarked, "I couldn't even sense it coming. I have never seen a technique like it."

"I'm not surprised," Rune replied,"That is what they call 'magic'."

"Well, is that your whole group?" Vegeta asked. They nodded. "Well good. Big Ban-" Once again Vegeta was interupted by a voice that screamed. "Pika-Pika-Pi!" A Pika-Pika-Pi struck the ground and scattered everyone. Tao Pika Pika floated above them all.

"I sense some high power levels," Tao Pika Pika remarked, "Its time for my random killing exercises."

"Sound likes someone is stealing my personality...again!" Vegeta remarked.

**EndFlashBack**

Alys shook off her flashback since it was taking up too much space in this post. She was slowly closing in on Tao Pika Pika. "Jump!" she instructed her Gold Chocobo and then they were both airborne. She dove off the chocobo into Tao Pika Pika. They both slammed hard into the ground and they began to battle. They exchanged several hard blows, but Alys found an opening and struck a punch with a NaFoi right behind it.

Tao Pika Pika was blown back with a large crack in his armor. Tao Pika Pika began to skip around Alys leaving after images behind eventually she was facing Tao Pika Pika and five after images.

"Lethal Image!" Alys cried and split into five Alyses. They all threw their Moonslashers in the death technique. The slashers flew through the heart area of the after images and then slammed into the real Tao Pika Pika's armor. The slasher shattered a hole in the center.

"Well, Alys, you seem more powerful than what I acutally clocked you," Tao Pika Pika replied and clicked his scouter again. "Hmmm, a power level of 110,567. I guess its time that I use my true power..." Tao Pika Pika released an aura of an intense amount of ki.

My god, Alys thought, He's four times my power level. He's gotten a lot tougher since Namek.

"Hey, where's Alys?" Agent CAM asked.

"I don't know," Gray Fox said, "I thought she was there a minute ago."

"....." D stated.

"She went after Tao Pika Pika," Agent1469 signed. Of course no one really understood either of them.

"I think she left with a Gold Chocobo," Princess Q said, "Probably after that wierd Pikachu."

"Well, let's go suckas!" Mr.T announced, "My van is fast foo'!"

"Well then, I'll see you later, alligator! I'll just contact you sometime later when Gray miracuously gets his mecha," Benit said with a jaunty wave as she sat on Alexander's holy rocket launchers. With that, he fired away, sending the now screaming Agent and his missiles into the 64th Dimension. Finally, she was gone.

"Aw, and I was just starting to like her. She'll find a way, though," Alexander moaned.

"*So, Captahn," the Russian voice boomed, "How long ah we to stare at each other across de galaxy?"

Agent the Captain scowled up at the intruding messager on the [CAPSULE CORP Ragnarok]'s viewscreen. The being he was staring at should not be sending any such message. The Russian was, in fact a part of himself. An evil counterpart created by an atom-splitting device. But now that both parts were intact, this "being" should not exist.

"Who the $#&%?! are you?" the Agent finally shouted.

"I am Trainer the Captain," the Russian Pokémaniac chuckled, "You more den anyone should know dis." The two Captains glared at each other, a smile on the Russian villain. SACRED and MINOTAUR simply looked puzzled at each other and resumed watching the exchange.

"First of all," Agent the Captain started again, "You're me. So there's no way you can be who you say you are."

"Please, comrade," the fiend grinned, "Give me a little credit. My little - setback - was not a match vor my own brilliance. I hev beaten bahck impossible odds and returned to glory!"

"Captain," MINOTAUR piped up from his station, "He's broadcastin' from a pursuing ship. Looks like a stolen Estharian warship."

"Estharian Warship?" the Agent repeated, "Like the [Ragnarok]?"

"Yeah," the GF examined his monitor, "By the markings, I'd say it's the [Ragnarok]'s sister ship, the [Buttercup]."

"The [Buttercup]??? How far is it away?"

"At Estharian Warship speeds," MINOTAUR answered, "It'll take him two days to catch up to us..."

And the slow chase was on!

The sky was painted red. The water was green and the grass was blue when Benit landed on, of all places, her @#&$ after it was fired on with holy missiles.

"D'oh!" she replied, but in Homer's voice. She covered her mouth up in fear. She decided to scream, but it sounded like a traditional woman screaming in a horror movie than her own voice.

"Ichi...nii....san..." she counted, but in Japanese. Benit pouted and stood up, only to find herself trapped in the Macarena dance.

"Aw, I shouldn't have come back!!" she replied in her own voice, walking around while doing the obselete dance. "And what the heck do I do?"

Phantom looked around at his new surroundings. Pink sky, puce sun, and Egyptian plum ground. Well at least this section had a sky and ground. Phantom had been exploring for some time now, ever since he left that extremely weird pokémon battle. He had yet to find anyone he knew or any way to get back to the Planet. Up ahead he saw the first sign of anything remotely close to civilization yet, so he decided to se if anyone, or anything, could help him there.

As he entered the town he was surprised to see that absolutely nothing was there. Not even buildings. It was just a big wall. Which was odd since he was certain that he saw some buildings from the road. Just to make sure, Phantom backtracked up the road, and sure enough, he did see buildings inside the wall. Deciding that perhaps it reacted to 'normal' travelers, he thought that maybe a different kind of traveler was in order.

"Haunter, I need your help here," Phantom said, releasing Haunter.

"Haun, haunter!" Haunter said.

"OK, Haunter, see that town there? I need you to check it out for me. OK?"

"Haun!" Haunter agreed as he floated off toward the town. As he waited, he decided to see if there was anything around here.

"Aerodactyl! Come on out!" Phantom said, releasing his Aerodactyl.

"Aero!"

"Hey Aerodactyl, think you could take me up higher to get a better view?"

"Aero," Aerodactyl said, picking Phantom up. As they climbed Phantom noticed that a few strange things, well stranger things, were happening. Such as the fact that he seemed to be breathing water the higher Aerodactyl flew. Or the fact that the bubbles coming from his mouth weren't bubbles, but rather junk. Like batteries, stickers, and the occasional memory card. Although things got weirder when a cloud started to talk to him.

"Ah, hola señor!" it said. Phantom's eyes got wide as he thought, A talking cloud? With a Spanish accent?

"Aye Señor, that is right." Phantom was confused even further by the fact that the cloud was responding to his thoughts. So he tried something.

You understand this? Phantom thought.

"Si."

Ok, thought Phantom. After all, every other natural rule seems to be suspended in this place, why not a talking cloud.

"A Spanish talking cloud, señor," it said.

Oh, right, Phantom thought, Sorry about that.

"S'alright."

So. Ummmm… Do you happen to know the way out of this dimension?

"Si."

Would you please tell me?

"Si. You must get a part of the 'ANCIENT BOWL OF SURPRISE' like your friends are."

You mean that the others are looking for it too?

"Only one of them so far, But the others, they will learn of this too sometime."

Well, that's helpful. Any ideas on where to start looking for this piece of the 'ANCIENT BOWL OF SURPRISE'?

"No, I'm afraid not."

Oh well, that's OK. You've been most helpful though, Phantom said.

"S'no problem," the cloud said as it began to drift away. Soon it was out of sight. Soon after it left, Aerodactyl decided that talking clouds, Spanish or not, was a bit much for it and wanted out of the sky ASAP. Once they were back on the ground haunter conveniently returned with his report.

"Haun, haun haunter. Haun, ha, ha, ha, ha. Haunter, haun, ha, haun. Haaaaaaaaunter," it said.

"It's a ghost town?" Phantom asked.

"Haun," Haunter said, shaking its head

"Huh. So they let you in since you're a ghost, but not me, since I'm only named as such."

"Haun," Haunter said again, nodding.

"Did you ask to let me in so I can look around?"

"Haun," Haunter said, nodding and looking mighty pleased, too.

"Good job! OK, you two, return! I don't want to lose you again," Phantom said, returning his Pokémon to their respective balls. After doing so he set out for the ghost town. Somehow he felt that this was going to be a long trip.

"Hmm," Kelvena observed, "My limbs are drifting off into the sunset."

"Don't worry," said Ekans, "I'm sure as long as we keep together and look out for flying refs, we'll be perfectly safe."

"That's not the point!" Dominia exclaimed, "The point is that I am not a perfectly safe penguin, and my companion here is rapidly running out of limbs!"

"Okay," Ekans said, "We're screwed, and we're all going to die. You like that re-asurance better?" When the agent turned to face the two Elements, he found that the threesome where now all caped flying squirels.

"Oh no," Ekans said, "not again."

The 'mother' has great plans for the -tea-

Yes...but does the 'mother' know of the progress made by the -contact-?

What of the -antitype-? The -spoonimus-? The -funky, funky, flow-?

The power of the -spoonimus- grows, but it is of little importance. We must prevent the -agents- from aquiring the -twinkie-

The -small yellow mouse- may not be enough to handle this.

It seems that -ability- is a skill they can learn with -job traing- This is unexpected.

Our only chance may be the 'Zig'

The 'Zig'?

Yes. The 'Zig' can move. For -great justice-

Brandon, Dominia and Kelvena contined their trek through the 64th dimension. They wandered past some floating bricks and pased a few large walking donuts before coming to a barren white space, where the black line of the horizion undulated about.

"Something's not right here," Dominia looked about, cautiously. Then it happened. An army of undulating two-dimensional mice poured down from the sky. Kelvena screamed. Ekans dropped to the ground. Domina began furiously kicking one as it landed. Then a voice which seemed to come from everywhere bellowed out these words, "Chu-Chu Rocket! Nezumi o tasukerou!"

A huge, likewise undulating cat leapt down from above, and the elements and agent dove out of the way as it proceded to eat several of the mice.

"Chu-Chu Rocket," the voice shouted, "Neko wa kowai!" Then the Cat detonated, and a rocket shot up from the blast. And mice rained again. The Cat also returned, and the process began to repeat once again.

"Chu-Chu Rocket! Rocket wa su-go-i! TSUBABABABA!"

"What the HFIL?" Ekans shouted over the singing voice, "We've gotta get out of here before we get eaten or blasted by cat-shrapnel!"

"I dunno," said Kelvena, "The song is pretty catchy."

"Can't we do something to upset the cycle?" Domina suggested.

"How about this?" Ekans drew the rabid Chu-Chu launcher.

"More kinds of 'Chu-Chu's?" said Kelvena, "Couldn't that cause a Chu-Chain reaction that would tear appart the very fabric of space-time?"

"Hmm," said Ekans, "Let me check my notes . . ."

"Just shoot the @#$% thing!" Dominia shouted, diving out of the way as the Neko devoured a group of mice standing around her. Ekans fired the launcher, and rather than a Xenogears Chu-Chu, a Chu-Chu Rocket mouse launched from the weapon. It was still, however, very rabid. As the Neko returned and prepared to chow down, the rabid Chu-Chu leapt from the crowd and it bit the huge cat on the nose. The cat cried out in pain and it ran off over the horision. Many more sweatdrops ensued.

Agent Ekans then turned to see a nearly-humaniod green creature sitting on his shoulder. It didn't really have a head, so to speak, but it did have a white plate with two eye-holes between it's shoulders, and a small red marble on it's chest.

"Hello," it said, "I'm the guardian angel of this fanfic's plot. You need to find part of the 'Bowl of Surpise' to help your friends and advance the story line."

"...okay," Ekans said, before hesitantly turning to see that his other shoulder was being used as a standing place for a small, purple robot.

"Hello," the Robot said, "I'm Unit-01, I symboize your Id." Unit-01 climbed over Ekans' head and it leapt down at the Angel with a tumbling Kick, which drove it off Ekans' shoulder and onto the groud. It then drew a tiny progressive knife and it began to stab a the other tiny creature's S2 organ.

"Ummm..." Ekans said, "Let's get to looking for that bowl before something really strange happens."

"Well, I better stay here, guys," Princess Q said sadly.

"Why?" asked Agent CAM, clutching a Twinkie.

"Well...I'm waiting for Benit to report on the advertizing in Solaris...and knowing her, she's probably in some sort of really bizarre trouble. Besides, you guys are chasong down a Dragon Ball Z refference. The only thing I know about that is that the characters look like they come from the Chrono Trigger world. So while that affords me a great immunity to their attacks, it also makes me incapable of damaging them. It's sort of like the Somebody Else's Problem cloaking device. Heck, they slip by me completely unnoticed half the time."

"Ah. Then we'll see you later." With that, Mr. T drove his van helluva fast in pursuit of Alys and Tao Pika Pika.

Princess Q turned and went to Shera's cupboards, looking for a cup and a tea kettle. She had a real hankerin' for some Ultimate Tea after that attack. Instead, she found Cid. In an apron with little white flowers all over it and frilly lace.

The Princess blinked several times.

"My, it is a lovely day, isn't it?" Cid crooned. "Care for a spot of tea?"

Princess Q ran screaming from the house.

The Solarians were pumping out Soybean System coffee beans at a record pace. Beans by the ton were being shipped to every Planet, planet, system, and region in the area. Miang was even having them shipped to an outpost Evebuck's in Wakatu. She was hoping that way the beans would would influence all the undead there to become her mindless minions in her bid to ressurect Deus.

So what if the only points of intrest in Wakatu were an Arcane card, a kinda catchy theme music, and a drunk swordfighter? She had to be thorough. She didn't want any of the possible 'mothers' to escape her ultimate influence...

Benit attempted to walk while being forced to do the Macerena, complete with music, when she ran into Seraphita and Tolone chasing some of their anatomy.

"AAHH!!!" the three of the yelled. Tolone literally cried out to the Agent, "Help us out! We need our body parts back!"

Maybe I should've stayed in the 65th Dimension, Benit thought and ran up to Tolone, while doing the rear-wiggling part saying, "As long as you don't intend to get my throat right now, I'll help."

"Thanks," Seraphita said as her leg bounced to and fro. Benit stepped her own foot on it for the Element to retrieve it. Benit sighed a breath of relief as she found out the impulse to do the Macerena was finally over. Unfortunately, another impulse came over her:

"MOON PRINCESS HALATION!" she yelled as her eyes suddenly turned pink and a sock was in her mouth.

"What the? What's happening to her? A Sailor Moon reference?" Tolone asked Seraphita. A cockroach come crawling up Benit's leg and rested on the sock in her mouth.

Ack! A cockroach! DEAD SCREAM! Benit thought furiously as the other two idiots screamed for their lives. Her eyes became magenta.

"Don't worry, I don't bite. I've come to tell you of a quest that the other three Agents are forced into," the cockroach replied.

Huh? MERCURY AQUA RHAPSODY! she thought.

Her eyes became blue. The cockroach answered, "Yes, you need to retrive a piece of a "Bowl of Surprise" to leave this place. Your other three friends are doing the same thing."

SILENCE GLAIVE SURPRISE! Benit thought uncontrollably, the cockroach sweatdropping as her eyes became purple. The cockroach crawled down the very confused Agent and left her be.

"Is it okay now? Is that slimy thing gone?' Tolone asked behind a flexible tree. Benit pulled the sock out of her mouth and answered, "Yeah, he's gone. BURNING MANDALA!" Her eyes became red. Seraphita crawled out from the green water, all green.

"Oh no! I'm a zombie!" Seraphita complained.

"MOON HEALING ACTIVATION!"

"NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"What?" Seraphita wondered as she realized she wasn't sprayed on with any holy magic. Benit sweatdropped and replied, "I have the impulse, not the power, of the Senshi. That's all. WORLD SHAKING!"

"I can see that. Soooo, where do we find this piece of a frickin' plate!? I wanna see Ramsus again!!" Tolone complained. The agent rolled her eyes and retorted, "Come on, get a life! Maybe if I try my pockets for something...

"Or maybe we can go to that mine over there," Seraphita pointed out to the other two as a sign reading, "Come, Agent and Elements. A piece of the Bowl of Surprise is here!!"

"Geez, they think we're dense?" Benit asked.

Go on to Part 2