Final Pokémon Solid 2
Section 8
"Look!" Ekans shouted, "Something's coming from the tower!"
A small hole burst in the side of the tower and then in the force field as well as a few winged figures shot out of the building, eventually landing atop the Enterprise-F.
"Wow!" said one of the badly beaten Moth Men, "That Mr. T can throw spoonyuva far!"
The Enterprise-F tilted to toss off it's unwelcome pasengers and it continued on towards the tower.
"That moth man tore a hole in that shield," Benit observed, "Maybe we can use the crystal to widen the tear before it recovers."
Benit took the crystal up on deck along with one-time airship-surfing veteran Ekans to release it's power. The crystal glowed and fired a beam of multicolored light into the weak point in the shield and it began to widen it. It was almost big enough for the ship to fit thought when the two agents where thrown down onto the roof of the vessel as it was rocked by an 16-bit but nonetheless dangerous explosion.
"Karp!" said Hart, "It's the Moth Wings!"
"Great," said Domino, "I'd be willing to bet that those ship's captain is the Captain who was formerly The Captain!"
"What?" Locke asked.
"Okay," said Hart, "There must be some weapons on this thing, let's see here . . . Tekphaser . . . Tekmissle . . . Tekcowtapult . . . that last one sounds pretty dangerous."
~boiiing~
"MooooooOOOO!"
A set of large bovine shapes arced though the skies towards the moth wings. The cattle plumetted down onto the ships, causing a great deal of confusion amongst their crews.
"Aha!" Agent Aya leapt up on the deck of the lead Moth Wing airship, right behind the ship's comanding officer, "You didn't expect my one-woman infiltration mission! Now call off your attack and-"
"MoooOOOOO!"
The area around her darkened as she looked up to say, "Oh spoony."
"All right," said Ekans, "I think the cows confused 'em, let's open up this thing and get out of here!"
Benit focused the crystal's power and widened the gap enough for the Enterprise-F to slip through and into the narrow space separating field and tower. The two agents then returned to below deck.
"All right," said Hart, "Let's check those landing programs . . . Tower of Fanatics . . . Tower of Zot . . . Tower of Babel in Illusion of Gaia . . . Tower of Babel in Xenogears . . . Aha, Tower of Bab-il FFII/IV."
The dish at the front of the ship armored itself up and the ship slammed into the side of the tower. The ship then opened a door at the front to allow the agents to enter the tower. The Super Spoony 5 stepped off the loading ramp and into the 16-bit dungeon.
The Super Spoony 5 ran down some corridors until they came upon a room with men yelling, hearing, "I pity the foo'"s and basically pandemonium. They entered the room. Immeadiately, some Moth Men came rushing at them, but they fought them off with their weapons (if the JBI have any).
"I pity the foo' who swarm me with Moths!" Mr T yelled at the carcasses. They all saw the four villains take off down the halls.
"Let's get 'em!" Ekans said as he pursued the villains. The other five followed suit.
* * *
"So you see, Alys, you're nothing but a clone of Yuffie. The real Alys died years ago," Villian #5 informed the the Eight Stroke Sword Hunter herself.
"Then if I'm not really me," Alys broke in,"Then why do I have all the memories that the real Alys, which is me, of course, would have?"
"The power to change one's form," Villian #5," And one's memory is the power of Yuffie."
Alys' hand began to tremble in rage, and she pulled the Yuffie-clone loose from the wall.
"Yes, yes," Villian #5 said villainously and silently.
"Nafoi!" A pillar of fire erupted from under the feet of Alys' deformed adversary, scorching it. Alys ran over to Demi2, took a disk out of the robot CPU, and set it for self-destruct.
"You think you could fool me," Alys sneered, "Ha! I have too many memories, too many people to back me up." Alys put the disk in her pocket and headed toward the guard rail. She hoisted herself on top of it and looked down.
"Before you jump," Villian#5 remarked, "Why don't you ask D what REALLY happened 5 years ago in Aeido." Alys bounded of the guard rail, bracing herself for the landing below. Villian#5 smiled, walked over to Demi2, and pushed cancel on self-destruct mode.
"Impossible!" the rebellious android CPU bleeped.
"Oh karp...." Villian #5 said as Demi2 exploded taking out the entire Weapons Research Facility super-computer.
* * *
Pokemon number 666, Profound Darkness, glared at the two A-Team members on their knees, and prepared to use Megid to finish them off.
"Profound...Dark-," the vile Pokeman was cut off as a falling Alys Brangwin crashed into it. Alys raised her Moonslashers in the air, and the sunlight reflected off their shiny finish, blinding Profound Darkness.
"We better get the spoony out of here," Agent1469 signed.
"I agree," Alys said giving her fallen friend a Soul Dew to heal his wounds.
"You understand sign langauge," Agent1469 signed, "Wow, that's a first."
"......" D replied as his wounds were heal by his own Vampiric Regeneration.
"Hey, what's that noise?" Alys said as she heard noise outside. The trio from A-Team stepped through the exit from the Biological Research Facility.
"Hey, where are you going?" Zio said, "I haven't killed you yet! And where did those vials go?"
Agent1469 patted his pocket making sure that the DNA samples were secure.
* * *
In the year 1998, a lone Twinkie Truck was driving down the interstate at 3:00 in the morning. There were very few other cars on the road at this time.
"Charge!" Agent CAM bellowed as he piloted his Magitek Armor which piloted the Epoch. Celes had shown him how to actually use a suit of Magitek Armor, so it really wasn't the armor, it was Agent CAM that didn't work. Agent CAM knocked the Twinkie Truck over after a barrage of Tekmissles. Agent CAM brought the Epoch down. Agent CAM and Celes then filled their pockets, the Magitek, and the Epoch with as many Twinkies as possible.
"I never thought these things would be any good," Celes said,"Well, I was wrong. I am kinda against stealing, but I've dated compulsive thieves before."
Agent CAM blasted off to the present once more.
"Now to go save Hostess," Agent CAM said.
"Hey look!" Celes pointed out, "Those seem to be your friends over there at the Tower of Babel."
"The Tower of Babble?" Agent CAM asked.
"No, the Tower of Babel," Celes replied.
"Babble?"
"I give up."
"Setting a course to the Tower of Babble," Agent CAM stated.
* * *
Alys, D, and Agent 1469 suddenly found themselves cutting Villians #1-4 off while they're being chased by The Spoony 5 and Mr.T. The battle ensued.
"Hey, don't forget me!" Agent CAM said he and Celes parachute through a hole in the wall, the pilotless Epoch crashing into the Enterprise-F.
"Um, oops."
"Where have you been, sucka?" Mr.T inquired.
"I've been getting some more twinkies, so I'll have enough whilst we revive Hostess," Agent CAM replied.
"But Benit already saved it, foo,'" Mr.T insisted, "I've been trying to call you all this time."
"Out of all the people in this fic...." Agent CAM said, "WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME?! ARGHHHHH!!!!!"
"Whoa, Agent CAM's pissed," Alys pointed out.
* * *
Agent Erdrick and Agent 007-Blues waited in the Junon lobby for the mayor.
"The mayor will see you now!!" said the receptionist.
Agent 007-Blues got up and whispered to Agent Erdrick, "Geez....she's got some voice on her, doesn't she?"
"Yeah...she sounds like a chipmunk," Agent Erdrick replied.
The Agents walked into the Mayor's office. Agent Erdrick noticed that he was pretty well off...the mayor even had his own fridge...Agent 007-Blues thought he looked like the Monopoly man.
"Take a seat, gentlemen!"
The Agents did so.
"Now what can I do for you? Would you like a drink?"
"No thanks...." both the Agents said.
"Well, then, Let's get down to buisness!"
"Well, Mr Mayor, we have to join our friends in the world of FF4 and to do that we require use of your time machine..." Agent Erdrick said.
"Oh, I see...but the problem is.." the Mayor replied.
"What?"
"Well...The workers that know how to work the machine have gone on strike."
"What are they demanding?" Agent 007-Blues asked
"They want a year's supply of twinkies each."
"Oh my..."
"They say if there demands are not met within 48 hours they'll destroy the time machine."
"Sounds more like a terrorist threat than a strike," Agent Erdrick commented.
"Well then...what are we gonna do?" Agent 007-Blues asked Erdrick.
"We gotta get them some twinkies and fast!"
Agent Erdrick hadn't heard about this strike, but then again, neither had most of the world. Still, he had to find a magitech-load of twinkies, and fast. "That's it!!" Agent Erdrick shouted triumphantly. Ignoring the stares of the others, he pulled out his PHS, and dialed a number. It rang three times, and then the other end picked up.
"Mhamean?" The other person swallowed, "I'm sorry. I was eating a Twinkie. This is Agent CAM, how can I help ya?"
"Hey, Agent CAM? This is Agent Erdrick."
"Who?"
"Well, I used to be Agent Musika, but I had my code name changed, for reference purposes."
"Oh. NOBODY TELLS ME ANYTHING!!"
"Hey, you're one of the first to know. Say, I need a favor. We need some travel services, but all of the workers are demanding a lifetime supply of twinkies. I know you have a bunch, could you spare some?"
"Um... Um... Um... Well... Aw, man! I suppose so, if it's for a good cause."
"Thanks!" With that, Agent Erdrick hung up the phone, and beamed at the others. "We have twinkies!"
After some time, the workers were satisfied, and working again. So, Agent Erdrick and 007-Blues were sent to the world of FF4 by way of the Junon Cannon Travel Service.
Landing was always the hard part, but Agent Aya broke their fall. They got up, dusted themselves off, and looked around.
Agent CAM stared at them, "You were coming HERE?! I could have picked you up! I could have saved a LIFETIME supply of twinkies!!! $@#!+_Ž$#@%#=-@u#$!+)u(@!$"#($@#!)ß($!!!!!!!!"
007-Blues' eyes grew wide, "Wow. He used symbols that aren't even part of the English language!!"
* * *
"We can't let ourselves be taken out here," said Villian #2, "there are too many of them!"
"We ain't got no time for jibba-jabba," Mr. T remarked, "You villian foo's best get ready to fly!"
As the two sets of agents and RPG heroes began to close in on the four mysterious figures, Villian #2 called out, "Quick! Engage the 16-bit end-boss teleporters!"
The area around the agents glowed and the four villians spun around and repeatedly disappeared and reapeared until they finally stayed phased out.
"Karp," said Ekans, "they did that FF2/4 'I'm going to fight you later on when you get to the end of the dungeon' teleport."
"I really really hate that in the game," Benit replied. Locke nodded as well.
"Let's get going," said Domino, "They'll have Moth Men down here any minute!"
"Lis'n up," said Mr. T, "I'm takin' my team and whoever's wit' us after those villain suckas. You have some foo's to rescue, right?"
"Yeah," said Ekans, "We'll go try and find Axer and Artemis."
A huge lance shot through the corridor and it struck the omni-elemental crystal out of Benit's hand, causing it to roll across the floor and over to the feet of a familiar individual.
"Professor Daravon?"
"Heh heh heh," the 'Professor' picked up the crystal and telekinetically recalled the lance to his hand, "Gungnir has served me well again."
"What happened to 'Gunge Lance'," Ekans asked as Benit wiped and blew on her bleeding hand, "You finally looked it up or what?"
"What?" Daravon asked, "You don't really think that Daravon doesn't speak gibberish do you?"
"Actually," Hart said, "None of us where in that scene, so we don't know that he doesn't speak gibberish."
"Ha ha ha, I've been keeping an eye on you Agents for some time now. I am in fact," the Professor removed his false beard to reveal that he only really had a goatee, "The evil Daravon from another dimention!" He paused dramatically. "I'm here to use this crystal to re-translate my foolish twin's 'Giant of Bab-il' into the ultimate engine of destruction! The Mecha-Mothra-Man of Babel!"
"Spoony," said Domino, "The giant of Babel . . . er . . . Bab-il was originally supposed to be a giant moth?!?"
"No," said evil Daravon, "but that's all the Pentagon would let me make out of the remains of the giant . . . Stupid Pentagon . . . but now that you've done the work of gathering the crystals for me, I can activate my creation and . . . blow some (stuff) up!"
Evil Daravon broke into maniacal laughter and he darted off down the hall.
"Tha's it!" said Mr. T, "that evil Daravon is deadmeat, sucka! You rescue those agent foos, we'll go take him down!"
* * *
The trio of Jimi, Agent Gray Fox and Trainer Phantom had finaly made it to the store house where the Crystal of Light was supposed to be. Naturalty, it wasn't since the other Agents had picked it up some time ago.
"Ah spoony!" Agent Gray Fox shouted as he kicked the side of the alter where the Crystal should have been, "We're too late!"
"Calm down, Fox. I'm sure we'll be picked up sooner or later. Then we can go kick some Pentagon arse!" Trainer Phantom said.
"Yeah, but they should of picked us up by now!" Agent Gray pointed out. Trainer Phantom had nothing to say at this.
"Hey, weren't those kids and Neener stuck at the visitor center?" asked Jimi, "I don't think it be to nice there with the Yuffies runnin' 'round."
"Hey, yeah! And there's a helicopter there too!" Agent Gray Fox said, perking up.
"Well what are we waiting for? Let's mosey!" Trainer Phantom said. The other two were less than amused at his choise of words.
"*ahem* MOVE OUT!" Agent Gray Fox shouted, "that's how it should be done."
"OK, OK! I'll remember for next time. Sheesh. Well, lead the way Fox," Trainer Phantom said. And off they went.
* * *
"What complete idiots the Pentagon are! Hey, T!" Benit called out.
"What, Benit 'foo!?"
"Take this with you."
"What the dickens!?"
"I was smart enough to put a tracking device on the crystal, so you can find it very easily," she said.
Mr. T took the device and ran for it to grab the other members of the A-Team and get it back. The JBI, the FPS Agents and Locke ran their ways down corridors to find the two missing Agents.
"That Daravon sucka's deadmeat," Mr.T announced,"No one messes with A-Team and gets away with it!"
"I thought I named this team ROCKSLIDE?" Agent CAM remarked scratching his head, "It was supposed to be a cheap rip-off of AVALANCHE......"
"Yeah, well the name ROCKSLIDE sucked," Mr.T informed Agent CAM.
"Well, I say we keep it," Agent CAM replied, and was promptly prepared for flight by Mr.T. "Ok, ok, we'll keep it as A-Team."
"That's better sucka-foo'," Mr.T said as he put Agent CAM down.
"Um, I have no idea what's going on," Celes said, but to no avail. as the rest of A-Team set of to find Daravon and the crystal. "No one ever tells me anything.....Hey! Wait up!" The Magitek knight ran to catch up with the rest of the gang.
Just further down the hallway, Professor Daravon was running for his life from the onslaught of A-Team.
"Oh, karp, I'm gonna die," Daravon said as he found himself at a dead-end of one of the Pentagon's many corridors. "Don't make me use this Pokeball!" Professor Daravon threated A-Team. "You asked for it! Cute little animal! Go!" A cute little animal burst out Daravon's Pokeball.
Alys pokes the Cute Little Animal Pokeman to see what it will do. "Uh, you think this little thing can stop us?" The Cute Little Animal suddenly bore fangs, pounced on Agent CAM, and promptly started to maul him.
"Jesus Christ!" Agent1469 signed.
"MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Now, there's stopping now me," Daravon replied. D pried the little rabid Pokeman off Agent CAM , and punted it away. "Ok, so I guess there is stopping me....um, look over there!" Momentarily, A-Team turned there heads to see what was there as Daravon jumped into a nearby escape pod, and blasted off.
"Who didn't see that coming?" Alys remarked.
"I didn't," Celes replied, only to recieve a sarcastic glance from the Eight Stroke Hunter.
"Its not like find him will be hard," Agent1469 signed, "We have that tracking device Benit gave us." Of course, no one in A-Team understands sign language, so it really didn't matter what Agent1469 said.
"We also have those blood samples that Agent1469 found that need examining," Alys pointed out.
"And we need to find that Daravon sucka!" Mr.T replied.
"Well, it obviously won't be that hard to kill him," D said coldly, "Perhaps we should split up."
"Ok," Agent CAM said, "Alys, Celes, and I will take what's left of the Epoch to the Midgar Museum of Natural History while everyone else takes Mr.T's van to stop Daravon!" With that, A-Team seperated to get their jobs done.
* * *
Agent Aya walked down on of the many streets of Midgar towards the Midgar Museum of Natural History. She had heard rumors of Eve sightings around this area, and know how she always has something to do with the Museums of Natural History. Aya thought the rumor to be true. As she walked to the stairs, Aya looked up to she an impending danger.
"I hate my life," Agent Aya muttered.
Agent CAM brought the battered Epoch down in a rather unceremonsiouly landing in front of the Museum's steps, and heard a sickening crunch under his flying time machine.
"Hmmm, looks like we landed on something," Agent CAM said.
"Probably just a squirrel," Alys said.
"No, it looks like a person," Celes replied as she looked over the side of the cockpit and noticed a pair of legs protruding from under the Epoch. The legs quickly rolled up, Wicked Witch of the East Style.
The trio jump out of the Epoch, and headed inside.
"Uh, you have to sign in," the guard said.
"Why?" Agent CAM remarked.
"I don't know, but you have to!" the guard replied. Agent CAM dropped a dollar, and as the guard picked it up, Alys, Celes, and CAM slipped past to go to the labs upstairs.
* * *
Gnome didn't know what to do. Since he had seen Agent Dark being vaporized by a force field wielding demoness, he was feeling guilty. Now guilt was not a usual emotion for spirits: usually you didn't care when your shaman got burned to a crisp, but for some reason, he cared...maybe it was because Agent Dark never asked for his help...maybe it was because his Gem Missile Storm Limit Break didn't make any damage to the demon and that he used every last bit of magic Dark had, condemning him to a most certain demise. Or was it because, regardless of his lack of power, Dark stood 'till the end and ended up dying, showing the demon that the situation could have been far from hopeless? He didn't know.
He was dimension shifting when he felt something that made his heart stop. He felt an aura, almost like that of Agent Dark...no not one...two! He resumed his natural form (a small dwarf-like creature) and rushed toward the two beings.
* * *
"You were not supposed to kill him!! We had a contract......!" the angry cloaked man was shouting at the top of his lungs to an obiviously unconcerned demon.
"Yeah, well, this contract is on me, so I don't have to bring your soul back." Malleur was having a bit of difficulty with her shoulder; no mather how she tried she wasn't able to set it right. Then with a crack, her shoulder took it's natural place. She finished the curing with a small healing spell. The cloaked man was furious and Malleur was getting annoyed with a small spell. The cloaked man didn't have much of a mouth to shout with.
"Now," said Malleur, "He broke my shoulder and I killed him in self- defense. If you're not happy with that, Moth Man, then I suggest you keep it to yourself before I rip you apart...NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!"
Without hesitation, the cloaked man deployed his wing (concealed under his cloak) and took off.
Now, thought Malleur, I just hope that it's not too late.
* * *
Cold. So cold.
The wind was swirling.
In the distance, a city was burning.
Wounded were filling the plane.
The Agent was looking at the chaos,
Feeling numb, stunned, empty.
And the words "F@@k, if this is Heaven, I don't wanna see Hell," echoed in the plains.
* * *
Agent Artemis dispached another of those pesky Moth Men. The DSX Dance Maker 3000 was a good weapon, but it was a bit annoying after awhile. Suddenly, a wave of coldness washed over her, like if someone she knew just died. She glanced at Axer, only to find him in the same position.
At that moment, a small dwarf passed trough the wall and landed in front of the two agents. It asked, "Do you by any chance know a guy named Dark?" The two agents nodded, suddenly feeling really terrible. "Well he's dead...dead, and it all my fault......."
The two Agents looked at the dwarf in shock.
* * *
Location: Heaven (system admin office)
Yggdrasil system status: red condition one
Situation: Agent Dark aka Darkinspiration
Status change: Deceased
Situation warning: SOUL NOT FOUND
Comment: RED ALERT permission to go to condition two
* * *
Castle Figaro. A castle guard hears a soft knock at the front door, and grumbles.
"Damn Witnesses," the annoyed guard approaches the oak door, "Knocking all day handing out pamphlets and moth dust...." the oak door is flung open to reveal not Jenova Witnesses as expected, but two sweaty, weary desert travellers.
"Hi," the first one speaks up, "I'm Agent Erdrick, and this is Agent Blues-007..."
"That's 007-BLUES," the second traveller interrupts.
"Yeah," Erdeick looks back and at his partner before continuing, "We're looking for someone named Agent CAM," the guard suddenly scowls at the mention of *that* name. "...And...uh.." Erdrick becomes aware of a chill from the castle guard, "We were supposed to meet him here and stuff..."
"Silence!" the castle guard shouts, "You're under arrest for conspiring with a known Magitek thief!"
"Huh?" Blues looked up in shock.
"Guards!" the loyal guard yelled. Suddenly, a thunder of footsteps erupted from inside the castle as more guards raced to their position.
"Eyah! Run away!" yelled Erdrick.
"Run away!!" agreed Blues as the two turned and hurtled through the hot sand away from Figaro. After an hour of running, the two agents realized they weren't being pursued.
"Phew," Agent 007-Blues wiped the sweat from his forehead, "That was a bust. We travlled all the way to the FF6 world, and CAM is long gone."
"Yeah.." Agent Erdrick rubbed his chin in thought. "Now what?"
Suddenly, as if in answer to the agent's question, a strange pink circle appeared on the sand before them, shimmering wickedly. Before the two agents knew what was happening, the portal moved across the sand and under their feet!
"Spoo-" Agent Erdrick attempted to yell, but the two agents blinked out of sight.
"-Ny!" the Agents blinked back in for a second before blinking out for good. The strange pink, Brave Fencer Musashi-style portal faded into the sand.
* * *
"Huh?" 007-Blues rubbed his sun-weary eyes as he found himself inside some sort of dungeon. The agent noticed Agent Erdrick unconscious in the cell next to his. "Psst! Erdrick!"
"AH," an evil voice echoed from the darkness, "You've avakened at last, comrade." Evil Trainer Captain emerged from the shadows of the dreary basement, "Velcome to yoh doom...."
* * *
Agents Axer and Artemis watched in shock as the little gnome that had fortold of Agent Dark's demise faded from sight. As they wearily made their way down the corridor, Agent Axer thought he heard a faint, evil, Russian accent in the corridor ahead.
"This guy are sick!"
Agent Erderick rubbed his sleepy eyes as he stared through rusty jailbars at the cackling captor outside his cell.
"Finally awake, eh?" 007-Blues nodded to his fellow captive agent.
"Quiet, comrade," Trainer Captain scowled at the two prisoners, "You vill tell me de location of your comrades now, comrades. Da?"
"Never!" howled Agent Erderick, not really knowing what the villain was talking about.
"Perhaps it is dime for dorture, comrade," the villainous Pokémon trainer sneered.
"No so fast!" called a voice from behind him.
Standing in the dungeon's doorway were Agents Axer and Artemis. Agent Axer wheeled a large DSX Dance Maker 3000 in front of him, and had big pink circles on his cheeks.
"One more step," Agent Axer called, "And I let you have it!"
"Really, comrade?" the villain chuckled, "How about I let you have zis?" Trainer Captain quickly tossed an orb out in front of him and yelled, "Pokéball, go!" The pokéball landed on the floor and released its deadly cargo - a big, fat, floating, pink blob with beady green eyes and yellow teeth. "Mister Chupon! Gust attack!" yelled the evil trainer.
"Chupon! Chupon!" the vile monster sucked in a big breath and prepared to blow the agents back!
Axer quickly reached over to the DSX Dance Maker's controls and set the machine to 'Mosh'. The DSX blasted both the monstrous Pokémon and its trainer with a purple bolt of energy.
Suddenly, Mister Chupon and Trainer Captain started slamming into each other, then against the walls, then against the rusted cells, breaking the cages open.
"Yes!" Agent Erderick cheered as he and 007-Blue bolted out of their former prisons.
Mister Chupon and Trainer Captain continued thrashing around the room for awhile before Artemis asked, "Are we just going to leave them like this?"
"Not on my watch!" a voice answered.
In the corridor behind them approached a well-dressed moth man. Axer quickly whirled around the DSX 3000 and prepared to fire.
"Wait!" the moth man held out its hands, and then removed its costume. It wasn't a Moth Man at all, it was - Agent NC81.
"Huh? Who are you?" asked 007-Blues.
"Agent NC81 (NegativeCreep81)," the female agent answered confidently, "I'm here to tell you guys about the connection between the moth men and the Yuffie lizards of Yuffrassic Park.
"Uh, I think Mr.T uncovered that one," Agent Artemis offered.
"Oh." the newest agent paused, "Then I'm here to show those losers how to really mosh!!"
Agent NC81 slowly walked into the dungeon where the two enemies were still trashing the place with their bad moshing. A familiar red aura surrounded her as she called out, "Forum Mosh!!"
The female agent began to mosh like never before. Brick walls crumbled, floors shattered, chaos reigned. And when the dust settled - the two villains were burried under rubble, and Agent NC81 stood victorious.
"So, whatcha doin'?" the agent smiled.
* * *
The evil Daravon from another dimention piloted his escape pod around the outside of the tower. He wasn't getting very far since there was a force field to keep him from getting any great distance away, but he didn't need to as he steered his pod towards the open cockpit of the Mecha-Mothra of Babel, which was still lodged into the tower, waiting for the crystal to awaken it.
"Not so fast, Evil-Daravon sucka!" Mr. T shouted, "My fast is fast, foo!"
The van's paint was then scratched up as a cannonball deflected off it's side.
"It's the Moth Wings," D informed the driver.
"Tha's it!" Mr. T's tone was more angry than before, "They's shootin' at my van! I PITY THA' FOO WHO MESS WIF MY VAN!"
The van broke off it's pursuit of evil Daravon and it begant to tear though the Moth Wings squadrons.
"Ha ha ha ha," evil Daravon landed atop the Mecha Mothra of Babel, "now the world will see the power of a properly translated engine of destuction.
"Not fastly so!" a voice cried out, "your plan for world domination has failed!"
"What?" evil Daravon spoke in shock, "Bordlam? . . . No!"
"Yes!" the figure stood waiting at the oposite side of the mecha's head, "are is I! Professor Daravon!"
"Fool!" evil Daravon retorted, "this intervention in my plans shall be your last! Gungnir! go!"
He hurled his spear at his twin, but Daravon called out, "Stop or you'll be injured bad!" and the weapon came to a halt and it fell harmlessly to the ground.
"Now facings my attack!" said Daravon, "This guy are sick!"
With those words, an attack resembling FF2/4's virus spell struck evil-Daravon.
"Oh yeah?" Evil Daravon said, "face a properly-translated attack! Death song, death door, the death river is awaiting! Lich!"
The evil figure swept down at Daravon, but he countered, "This was the darkened summon won't appear!" and the Lich vanished.
"Now," said Daravon, "Fight! Megaman! For everlasting peace!" propting Megaman to beam down and charge his Mega Buster to fire on evil-Daravon.
"Ha!" said Evil Daravon, "my translation will stop him cold! Life is short...Bury! Stasis Sword!" and a blade of ice encased the Robot hero.
"Now," said Evil Daravon, "Face my super properly-translated summon! Fong Fei Wong and Shitan Izuki!"
The summon effect occured, and Evil Daravon vanished, prompting Weltall and Heimdal to descend into attack position over Daravon.
"Time for powerful counterings!" Daravon said, "TO START PUSH!"
With the title screen words of the old Macross shooter, Daravon vanished, and a small squadron of Valkereyes appeared, sending down missle swarms onto the two Gears, forcing them to draw back.
"Now," said Daravon, "You are facing of my most powerful move! Engrish is bad, you get shooten! Zero Wing!"
Daravon vanished in the summon effect and a huge starship descended over the battlefield.
"WHAT'S HAPPENING!?" the ship's Captain cried outloud.
"SOMEBODY SET US UP THE BOMB!" was the reply, followed by, "WE GET MESSAGE!"
"MAIN SCREEN TURN ON!" the Captain said.
"HOW ARE YOU GENTLEMEN!" Daravon spoke from the screen, "ALL OF YOUR SHIP ARE BLOW UP MY EVIL TWIN!"
"WHAT YOU SAY!" the Captain stuck the control panel in anguish.
"IS GREAT SUMMON SPELL!" Daravon continued.
"LAUNCH ALL 'ZIG'!" the Captain said, "MOVE 'ZIG'! FOR GREAT JUSTICE!"
With that, a 'Zig' fighter swooped down and blasted Evil Daravon to . . . THE NEXT DIMENSION.
"Mistranslation like SABAN!" Daravon said, "You fail it, evil Dalavon, your skill is not enough, see you next time! Bye bye!"
As Evil Daravon faded from this existance, the crystal he held bounced off the head of the mecha and down off several panels as Aerith/is' theme played before it fell into the core of the Mecha-Mothra and the machine whired to life.
"Uh oh!" said Daravon, "The moth have started to move!"
* * *
To recap: Agent Gray Fox, Trainer Phantom Ghost and Jimi escaped from an enraged Yuffisaurus Rex and made their way to the light crystal only to find that the other agents already got it. So the dazed and confused trio decieded to head back to the visitors center to get off this spoony island and get in on the action. That's those three.
Dan and Midori escaped in their jeep while the Yuffisaurus Rex was being distracted by Haunter. On their way back to the visitors center they picked up Agent Neener. They arrived without misshap.
Bob was frantic about his grandkids so he sent Ramsus out to get them. Unfortunetly he took a different route then the ones the kids were on so he's out in the island looking for the kids.
Barret was trying to fix the electrisity to get the fences back online. At least he was till a moth man knocked him out and shut off all electrisity to the fences they missed before. This includes the Yuffiraptors. So all the yuffisaurs are free and roaming about all over the place. We join Agent Neener, Bob, Dan and Midori discussing this turn of events.
"We've got to get that electricity back on!" Bob exclamed "What is taking Barret so long?!"
"Hey, how about I go and check on him?" Agent Neener asked.
"Yes, yes, please do. And be careful, the Yuffisaurs are very dangerous."
"I will," Agent Neener replied, and she went out to check on Barret in the electrical room.
"..." Midori said
"I'm certain she'll be fine. She's an official Agent after all." Bob said
"..."
"No. They don't deliver out here, but you can help yourselves to the kitchen."
* * *
Agent Neener casualy strolled out to the electrical shed softly singing one of her favorite songs. Of course this ment that she was singing several decibel levels above your normal construction site in terms of noise, but it was soft for her. Of course this had the unknown effect of drawing the attention of the escaped yuffiraptors, who promptly wished they were deaf. In any event she made it out there unmolested. Opening the door she saw an unconsious Barret lying on the floor. Putting two and two together she promptly saw that this was not a good thing. She went over to see if he was OK, and deciding he wasn't, began to sing to him in order to calm him. Of course, since he was unconsious he was probably already pretty calm, but she gave it a go anyway.
"GREAT BIG GOBS OF GREASY GRIMY GOPHER GUTS!" Agent Neener began, singing a rousing courus. Under normal curcumstances, a normal human being would quickly be rendered unconsious by this assult on their eardrums. But since Barret was already unconsious, he woke up. Go figure.
"Stop tat noise foo! I hav' ta slap you upside of yo head otha wise" Barret shouted. Neener quickly got a very hurt expession on her face. "You don't like my singing? But I'm a good singer!" She whined.
"Awww, I didn't mean it like that..." Barret begain, but he was quickly stoped since he saw that Neener had a big goofy grin on her face. Barret mumbled something that had 'foo' in it, but she couldn't make it out. "Anyway, we gotta get this electricity back on so the Yuffisaurs stay put!" Barret said.
"OK," Neener agreed. So Barret got back to work and Neener posted lookout for any yuffieraptors.
Meanwhile Ramsus was having tons of fun trying to find Dan and Midori. Of course since he didn't know they were at the visitors center, he was getting quite frustrated.
"Come on lads, where are ya?" he said. Just then he spoted a yuffiraptor in front of him. It was seemingly unaware of him. Carefuly Ramsus pulled out a large rifle he had slung over his back and aimed at the raptor. Just then he saw another raptor to his immedite right. He had just enough time to mumble "Clever girl," before he was ripped to shreads.
Meanwhile Gray Fox, Phantom and Jimi had come up against one of the electric fences. Agent Gray's map showed that they had to get over it in order to make it back to the visitors center.
"Oh man, do we HAVE to?" Trainer Phantom whined. He did not like fences.
"That's what the map says. Of course if it's electrified then we'll have to find another way." Agent Gray said.
"Well, how do we know if it's electrified?" Trainer Phantom asked.
"Simple," Agent Gray replied. Agent Gray promptly picked up a nearby stick and tossed it at the fence. No sparks or fireworks of any sort resulted from the contact. "It's not electrified. We can climb it." Agent Gray said. He then prompty started up the fence followed by Jimi not far behind.
"Oh man," Trainer Phantom grumbled as he reluctantly started up the fence as well, although somewhat behind Jimi and Agent Gray.
* * *
"Almost got this sucka workin' again," Barret stated in the shed, "Just gotta get these wires togetha'"
* * *
Agent Gray and Jimi were already on the other side and on the ground by the time Trainer Phantom made it over the top. Phantom had started down again and was about a 1/4 of the way down when suddenly the electricity turned back on. Trainer Phantom promptly got a yellow shock glow around him and he flashed between his normal skin to his skeleton. After a little bit he fell to the ground stuck in the same posision as he was when he got shocked on the fence. Agent Gray and Jimi rushed over to see if they could help.
"Hey man, you alright?" Jimi asked. Phantom, being in a state of mild shock, didn't reply. He just sort of twiched a little. Agent Gray pulled a potion out of his item pouch and gave it to Phantom.
"Ugh, thanks Gray," Phantom moaned.
"No prob. But we gotta keep moving!" Gray insisted. So getting Phantom to his feet, they moved on.
* * *
"There. Da electrisity is back on," Barret said.
"Oh good," Agent Neener said, "Now we can go back to the... AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!"
While Barret had distracted Neener for that brief moment, a yuffiraptor apeared in front of them. Fortunately, they were in a cage, so they were somewhat safe, but trapped.
"AHHHH!!! Whatarewegoingtodo! Whatarewegoingtodo!" she yelled.
"Hey, how 'bout you sing a song foo'?" Barret asked, getting ready to plug his ears.
"Hey, yeah!" Agent Neener said, brightening. She promptly cleared her voice and began...
"THIS IS THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS...!!" She begain, bellowing at the top of her lungs. The Yuffiraptor, not having the advantage of being able to cover it's own ears quickly fled the shack.
It worked! Barret thought, Now we can get outta here.
"Come on Agent foo! We gotta get back to the center." Agent Neener paused in her singing, said "OK," and promptly resumed singing while she ran for the visitors center.
* * *
Meenwhile, back at the visitor center, Dan and Midori were stuffing their faces with all sorts of goodies they found in the dining hall.
"..." Midori said.
"I don't know Midori. I guess yuffisaurs are just that ugly for a reason," Dan said.
Just then they heard a crash, and saw a Yuffiraptor had just crashed though the window. They quickly scrambled under the table and headed toward the kitchen.
"..." Midori said
"Shhhh! They'll hear us," Dan whispered
The pair of kids ran to the kitchen door and ran though it. They ran down a row of kitchen countes and drawers and hid on the end. Just then they heard the door open and a slight cry from the yuffieraptors. Silently the two crawled down the aisle across the back rows of counters. They could hear the Yuffirapors following.
* * *
Agent Gray Fox, Jimi and Trainer Phantom Ghost finaly arived at the visitors center, just in time to see Agent Neener and Barret coming up from the side of the center. Neener was singing (again) and Barret was doing his best to block it out.
"HEY!!!" Agent Gray Fox shouted, "CUT IT OUT!! WE NEED TO TALK!!"
Agent Neener cut off her song, much ot everyone's relief. "OK, what's up?" she asked. She didn't have time to get a reply, for the yuffiraptors she had been keeping at bay with her singing suddenly pounced on the group.
"You guys go on in!" Trainer Phantom shouted, "I'll handle this! Gengar! Aerodactyl! I chose you!" He tossed out the corresponding pokéballs and Gengar and Aerodactyl leaped out, ready to fight the dread Yuffiraptors.
* * *
"..."
"No we're not going to die Midori, just keep quiet and we'll be fine," Dan told him. They had hidden in one of the cupboards in the kitchen and the yuffieraptors couldn't find them. Finally, the raptors gave up and ran out of the kitchen, much to Dan and Midori's relief.
"..." Midori said.
"You can say that again, Midori."
* * *
By some miricale, Trainer Phantom Ghost's Pokémon were winning. Aerodactyl's rock skin proved too be too tough for the yuffiraptors to bite, and Gengar is insubstantial, so their bites passed right though him.
"Gengar, Hypnosis! Aerodactyl, Hyper Beam!" Phantom shouted. His pokémon complied. The raptor that was hit with the hypnosis fell asleep and the one hit by the hyper beam was blown to kingdom come.
"Pokéball, go!" Phantom shouted as he shot a pokéball at the sleeping yuffiraptor. It connected and sucked it in. It wabbled once.... twice... three times... then it stoped, showing that it had captured a pokémon.
"Alright!" Trainer Phantom shouted, "I caught a yuffiraptor! I can't wait to use this! Gengar, Aerodactyl, Good work! Return!" He returned the pokémon to thier balls, picked up his new pokémon and added it to his belt. "Let's see, that makes Haunter, Gastly, Gengar, Aerodactyl and a Yuffiraptor. This rocks!" Trainer Phantom said. He hurried inside to catch up with the others.
* * *
"Hey," said Ekans, "Where's Bob? He was here just a minute ago?"
"I don't know," said Domino, "he's your Pikachu, but what's this huge Star doing imbedded in the hall?"
"Funky," said Ekans, looking at the big puffy yellow star that was lodged in the wall, "Hey, there's a note attached, it says:
'Hey Ekans, I managed to get into the Nintendo Pokémonitor.
It says that #519 is near, and it's been following you guys for quite some time. It's going to change into #520 if you don't act fast, and when it does, that'll be the end of that world. The guys here aren't taking any action, because they don't seem to care about worlds based on games that they compete with. I'm all for competition, but I draw the line at destroying planets, a lot of the other characters felt the same way, but some kind of evil hand or something is manipulating the pokécenter here. You've got to stop #519 before it reaches the Pentagon control room. You can head it off in the room of . . . ARRGGG!"
"This guy are sick!" said Hart.
"No," said Ekans, "that's what it says, 'ARRGGG!'"
"Spoony," said Domino, "He died just a moment to soon."
"What the spoony," said Hart, "that's not it, he would have just said 'ARRGGG' if he had died."
"Well," said Ekans "Maybe Kirby was dictating?"
"I think the name of the torture room was the room of ARRGGG," Agent Axer said.
"Axer! Artemis!" Ekans said adressing the ariving agents, "you guys are already out, I guess we've just pulled a Lucca."
"What?" said Agent NC81, "You aren't going to read us the Xenogears manual, are you?"
"We'd better get back to that room," said Domino, "you guys lead the way."
* * *
"You're deadmeat foo!" shouted Mr. T, "I'm gonna kill you!"
The grill of his van emitted a powerful set of beams that tore throught the Moth Wings.
As one of the ships fell in two and he fell from the deck, Wedge turned to his partner, "Y'know, I thought that with Aya around, we might actually survive a fanfic, but no~o, somebody had to try to be funny."
As the air battle raged, a moth-shaped mech was emerging from the tower.
* * *
The group, sans Bob, stood in wait with their most powerful weapons of destruction as #519 approached. A red glow was seen in the windows of the torture room's door and smoke crept under the doors before what seemed like a mighty gust of wind threw them open. The smoke, which was just added for dramatic effect, poured from the door and then it was telekinetically repelled from a small figure that floated into the room. There was no question about it, the figure that levitated into the room looked exactly like a Pikachu.
"I see a ref coming," said Ekans, reaching into his bottomless inventory to hand out Ray-Ban sunglasses to all the agents.
"WHAT?!?" Hart raved, "We've been sent all this way to stop a floating Pikachu?!? The Pentagon is threatening the fate of the world and we have to take the time to fight this?!?"
"f00Ls!" the Pikachu spoke directly into the agents' minds, "Y0U w0uLd StAnD aGaInSt ThE c0mInG 0F pIkAcThUlHu?"
"Oh Karp."
The Pikachu's eyes strobed red and while the sunglasses stoped their seizure effect, the force of the attack sent the agents flying agaist the back wall of the room.
"y0u CanN0T sT0P mE!" the Pikachu said, "i WiLl TaKe C0NtR0L 0F ThE jEn0vA's WhItNeSsEs AnD tHeIr F0lL0wErS s0uLs WiLl Be C0NsUmEd F0R mY fInAl Ev0lUtI0N . . . #520 . . . PiKaCtHuLhU!"
The a voice rang out from the door where the evil Pokémon entered, "Pi pika chu pi pikachu! Pi pikachu pi ka-chu pi pika. Pi kachu pi Pikachu: Pikachu ka-chu pika!"(Not so fast, Pikacthulhu. Today justice has caught up with you. Today you face Albobser: Pikachu of Justice!)
"wHaT?"
At the door, an armored Pikachu stood with a RaySword in it's tiny hands, and a cape blowing dramatically, even though they where indoors.
"Pi-kachu!"
(Al-Zapdos!)
Albobser surrounded himself in a crackling energy field, as he charged at the evil Pikachu, with the red pulses reflecting off his polished helmet. The epic Pikachu battle began.
* * *
"Ho-hum!"
Special Agent Cait Sith sat in his office in Junon, the HQ of the Junon Bureau of Investigations, and yawned while he watched a red rubber ball bounce off a wooden paddle and return for the 1,086th time. The Director of Field Agents sighed heavily as the paddleball continued its steady thumping until,
"I know!" the little cat suddenly blurted out.
With that, Cait tossed the wooden paddle with ball on the floor and picked up his phone.
* * *
[BREET!!]
"What the spoony heck is that?!!" shouted Solid Ekans.
"Agh!" Domino covered his ear closest to Ekans while he reached into his jacket. "You don't have to yell, it's my cell-phone."
"You mean PHS," corrected Hart.
"Whatever," Domino held the object to his other ear, "This is 'the mayor'."
*[You wish!] Cait chuckled on the other end.
"What do you want," Domino looked up the two Pika-creatures engaged in fierce combat before them, "This isn't a good time."
*[Just wonderin' how yer mission's goin'...] Cait answered in a sedated tone.
"Look," Domino barked, "We're busy! Goodbye!"
*[Wait! Bring me back some of that Ulti-] *click*
* * *
"At last I hev found yoo, comrade."
An evil Pokémon trainer held out a black Pokéball in front of him as he eyed his prey. Master Tonberry simply stared back at him through blank yellow eyes. The penguin-like Pokémon of doom waddled aimlessly around the base of Fort Condor, just where Hart and the other agents left it.
But Trainer Captain was not about to let such a find go to waste like so many discarded Russian rubles. He held out the "doom-ball", the only known device able to capture such a dangerous Pokémon. The Russian trainer tossed out the onyx orb gently in front of the Pokémon, and soon it was absorbed into the ball.
With an evil laugh that echoed high above the Fort Condor Starbucks™, Trainer Captain stepped onto his cheesy Brave Fencer Musashi pink portal, and was teleported back to the Tower of Bab-il. Or Babel.
While the ending was drawing nearer and nearer and the Agents were combatting from different areas of the Tower of Babel (Bab-il), two figures were crawling in ventilation shafts.
"Ow! Get your hand off my mouth!" a female voice managed to slur.
"Keep it down! I'm trying to open this spoony thing! Come on....come on.....Yes!" The ventilation cover crashed onto the floor. Locke Cole swung down from the shaft. Agent Benit swung down after him.
Go on to Section 9