Cid's Birthday

by DarkMoogle

A Final Fantasy 7 Short Story

1. Preparations

Shera stood at the coffee maker and brewed a new pot. She took the pot off the maker and put cinnamon and sugar in it. She placed the cup of freshly brewed coffee on a tray beside a plate of scrambled eggs, pancakes, bacon, and a side of toast. Today is Cid's birthday, she thought, and I can imagine he won't be too happy about being thirty-three.......................................

Better add more sugar.

She tiptoed into Cid's room, holding the tray. The sound she heard from the sleeping man was the same as every day.

SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEE! HEEBEEBEEHEEBEE........

She winced. "I gotta take him to a doctor about that". She tapped on Cid's head."Helloooooo...."

"Huh......what..........@$*&, I told you to wax the Highwind up to down, flunky........Huh? SHERA!!!! Why the @$*& are you here??????" He gasped as he looked at himself. "Oh No! Shera, turn away! I'm not decent!"

"Don't be silly, Cid. You're wearing a T-shirt. Awww, and it has a cute little moogle on the chest........" Shera giggled, as Cid glared at her. "Anyway, here's your breakfast. Eat it quick, today is a special day!" He thought for a second."Oh, yeah! Today's the day the Highwind gets its new coat of paint!"

Cid ducked out of the way as Shera swung at him. "No," she said, "it's your birthday."

Shera poured water on Cid, waking him up from his unconsciousness. "Rats. I hoped you would melt." Cid sat straight up.

"Quick! Do I have any gray hairs?!?!" Shera looked at his head. "Relax, Cid. You're only going to be thirty-three, and......oh! There's one right there!"

Cid fainted again.

********************

"Owwwwwwwwwccchhhhhhhh! Stupid tack! @#$^! You go thump now!" Barret Wallace expressed his thoughts about the tack's family heritage and gave his suggestion for its probable destination in life. He took the hammer and pounded the tack into the table, securing the banner that read HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CID! onto it. "Ha, I win, you @$#^!"

Tifa Lockheart glanced at him strangely, and shook her head. She turned to the handsome blonde man standing beside her, and said "It was a great idea to hold Cid's party in the Highwind. He can grow a year older in his favorite place, and plus," She whispered the next part secretively," We don't have to spring 90000 gil for a meeting hall big enough to hold all of us." The handsome man, Cloud Strife, smiled. He continued working on the punch he was making, and saw a struggle over in the corner. "Yuffie! You need help, ninja girl?"

Smart@#$, she thought. "No thanks! I got it!" She leapt again, trying to hang the streamer from the corner, a roll of scotch tape in her hand. "C'mon! Stay up there!" She pulled out her Conformer. "Don't make me use this!"

Red XIII fumbled with the scissors in his paws. Confetti, he thought, they made me make confetti. How in the name of the Lifestream could I use scissors anyway? Vincent Valentine walked by. "Vincent! I need to make confetti, and I can't use scissors. I have no thumbs."

Vincent cocked his head. "Sooooooooo......."

Red looked down. "Could you help me?" Vincent raised his sharp, golden claw. He brought it down hard. SHINKT! The pieces of colorful paper fluttered down in strips. "There."

Reeve dumped flour into the bowl he had in front of him. Barret walked up to him. he was slowly starting to trust the former Shinra manager. "You makin' a cake?" Reeve nodded. "Why?" Reeve said,"Tifa was going to, but she got wrapped up in making brownies."
Barret said, "Yeah. Don't wanna miss her brownies. Mmmmmm, brownies......" Reeve continued stirring the batter. Barret asked him, "By the way, where's your @$#^ cat?"

"You mean Cait Sith?"

"Yeah. Ain't you controllin' him no more?"

"Sort of. I found a special processor in Shinra's lab. It lets him control himself, and talk and think, too. I just guide him. I think he went to get a present for Cid......."

*********************

Cait Sith ambled down the path to Gongaga village. Gee, he thought, I hope I find something Cid likes. He walked for a short while until he came upon the Gongaga Village Gift Shop. He entered, and began looking around. The owner came out of the roped-off backroom, the sound of a potential cash transaction music to his ears any day. What he found, however, wasn't what he expected. He reached under the counter.

Cait turned around just in time to see two silver barrels pointed in his direction. He screamed. "Please Sir! I was just looking!"

The shop owner lowered his gun. "Oh....you're here to shop....sorry."

Cait looked around at the souvenirs and grimaced. There were holdovers from last year, like a T-shirt that read "I Survived Meteor",a pile of fragments from what was left of Midgar, and several postcards.

He looked at the materia orbs in the corner. There wasn't much there. A few "Sense" materias, a "Transform" or two, and one "Exit" materia. Cait sighed. The only other thing that looked interesting was a clearence bin full of old Shinra models. He walked out, worried. The party was only a few hours away, and he had nothing to give Cid. He slowly walked out of the village, and back onto the path.

He heard a snarl. He saw a pair of blood red eyes staring at him through the bushes ahead. Oh-oh, he thought. I'm in trouble.

2. The Party

Cait trembled and palmed his magic dice. He waited. The attack came. From all sides of him. "Bolt3!" he shouted. The electric blast tore through one of his attackers, dropping him instantly. He could see the attackers clearly. They were green, reptilian-looking, and had two powerful-looking legs. In both hands, they held a massive spear.

They were also very tall, about six feet, Cait guessed. He threw a punch at the nearest one, which the lizard warrior countered with a blow to Cait's gigantic moogle's arm. He grabbed the spear and flipped the lizard into a tree, killing him instantly. Two down, two to go. He launched a Fire3 spell at the far one, leaving nothing but a charred pile of ash behind. He attempted to do the same to the remaining warrior, but to his dismay, it missed. The staff landed hard against Cait's head. That was a mistake. He threw his dice at the warrior, and the dice's magic destroyed him. Gasping, Cait noticed something on the ground.

It was a shiny piece of metal in the shape of a square. It had an amazing glint to it, and Cait decided to pick it up. It would make a nice ring or something, he thought. He walked back to Gongaga village to make it into a gift for Cid.

***************************************

It was late in the day when all the preparations for the party were complete. The only thing that wasn't done was Yuffie's streamers. Cloud heard a "Yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" and then a tearing noise. Yuffie walked in, one eye twitching and holding the Conformer in her hand. " I warned it. I warned it!" He rolled his eyes.

Teenagers, he thought. Yeesh.

Cait Sith walked into the room. He was clutching a paper bag and a small box. "Well, if it ain't our feline friend!" Barret said. "Whatcha got in the bag, cat?" Cait Sith replied "I'm glad you asked, Barret. Presenting our party favors!" He placed a party hat on Barret's head. "Ain't no way I'm wearin' this!" Responses to this went all across the room.

"Aww, you're so CUTE, Barret!"

"You look like a little kid again!"

"It almost takes the focus off your gun!"

" C'mon, wear it!"

" AWWWWWWWWWWWW..........."

Barret winced. "Alright, already!" He adjusted the hat. "Almost makes me look distinguished." A collective groan went up from the people in the room. Eager to change the subject, Cloud asked "So, what did you get Cid?" "It's a secret," he said. "You'll find out."

Vincent peered out the window. "He's coming! Everyone hide!"

The order was followed. Tifa turned out the light and hid under a table.

"Why the @#$^ are we in the Highwind? I thought it was my birthday! I can go here any day!" Shera clapped a hand over his mouth.

He turned on the light. "SUPRISE!!!!!!!!!" Cid jumped three feet in the air. "What the @#$^ was that?" Shera answered him. "All your friends came here to throw you a suprise birthday party. They've been working all day!" Cid swept back a tear. "Are you CRYING?" Tifa asked. "I thought you would be happy." "I am, I am. It just touches me to know all of you would come this far to throw me a party, that's all." He sniffed.

"Thanks."

Barret broke the moment. "C'mon! Let's all eat some cake!"

There were no objections. There was some good natured ribbing of Cid's teary thanks, but all in all, it was a happy event. Then came the presents.

Tifa came up to Cid. "Open Cloud and me's present first!" Cid obliged, and found a new pair of flight goggles. "Wooooo...these are nice! Thanks." Tifa smiled. Barret's present was next. "It's....a bottle of champagne. Where'd you get this?" Barret smiled. "I got my secrets." In his mind, he made a comment. At the Sector 5 Grocery store. For 99 cents. What he doesn't know ain't gonna hurt him. Barret's thoughts were interrupted by Cid saying, "Oh look, this one's from Yuffie." He opened it. He found a materia holder, like the ones they put materia in at the fancy stores. To his surprise, it was empty. "I wonder what happened to it?" Cloud said with a twinge of sarcasm in his voice. Yuffie confessed. "I couldn't help it! It was so shiny and PRETTY!" She broke into fake sobs. "Give it up." Vincent said. "Hand over the materia." She handed the orb to Cid. It was a shiny brand-spanking-new "Sense" materia. Cid said thanks to her, and set about opening the rest of the presents.

A half hour later, Cid had opened all its presents. He recieved a Choco Feather from Vincent, a pair of cufflinks from Cosmo Canyon from Red XIII, a copy of Bushido Blade from Reeve, and a new smoking jacket from Shera. Shera commented on how she knew he'd get a lot of use out of it. Only Cait Sith's present was left. He tossed it to Cid, who promptly opened it. He saw the ring and let out a whistle of approval. "Wow." He put it on, and a amazingly loud rumble shook the Highwind. "What the @#$^ was that?" Barret howled. A incandescent beam of light burst from the ring. An ominous "Hee hee hee!" filled the room, and the room was blasted with red light. Three evil figures stepped into the middle of the room.

"Oh God."

3. The Forgotten Ones

The figures took shape and gained features. One looked like an old-fashioned monarch with purple skin and an evil grin. Another looked like an evil Santa Claus and held an enormous hammer. The last one was swaddled in mage robes and had a face painted like an evil clown's. The clownish-looking one stepped forward, and began speaking in an ominous and maniacal voice. "I am Kefka, the most powerful being to ever live.....maybe." The crew stood, dumbstruck. The diabolical Santa Claus walked forward. "I am Smithy, the star seeker! I am here because I was defeated by an Italian plumber....embarrassing, really." The purple-skinned monarch walked up, a sort of limping walk. "I am the Dark King! I may not be well known or even taken very seriously, but I am pretty darn powerful, you little sons of submariners!.....wait. Do I know you?"

"No, you don't....."

Smithy began talking again. "We are the Forgotten Ones. We have traveled through time and space kicking arse and taking names, and we have been waiting for one thousand years to be released from the Square of Snesia. Maybe one day we can take over Psxvainia. But for now, we are content with raising heck all over time and space! We must, sadly, destroy the one who wears the Square." He pointed to Cid. "That's him!"

Cid jumped up. "Hey, I don't think so, pal! Nobody kills Cid Highwind THAT easily!" A bolt of energy from Kefka's fingertip shot him back into his seat. "Impetuous, isn't he.........."

Vincent stepped forward. "Couldn't you just destroy the Square without killing Cid?"

Dark King countered with "Would we be supervillains if we did?"

"I guess not."

"Well, there you go!"

Cloud unsheathed his sword. "First, you crash a party we worked for hours to put together. Then you shoot Cid with some bolt of lightning! But now, you're going to kill him? Over my dead body!"

Dark King rose to his full height. "Your proposal is acceptable...."

4. Battle Royale!

The fight began. Cloud, Vincent, and Tifa took on Kefka. Smithy was confronted by Yuffie, Red XIII, and Cait Sith. Dark King fought off Barret, Reeve, and Shera. (Shera knew how to fight; Cid had taught her, plus she had a few materias.) Loud WHOOSHES of magic and the clash of weapons filled the room. Stacks of flight manuals were blown off their shelves. The fight raged on, no matter what.

Smithy blasted his attackers with Sword Rain. It tore up their clothes, (and fur, where applicable.) Yuffie blasted him with Ice3. Smithy yowled and swung at her with his hammer. She ducked. Cait Sith poked his eyes. "Nyuk, Nyuk!" Smithy clobbered him with his hammer. "Whooopwoopwoopwoo!" Red XIII hit him with Comet. "Soitenly!"

Kefka was a different matter. He fired off magic in all directions. The shots slammed into their targets. "Ooooooooffffffff!" Cloud fired off Ultima. Tifa and Vincent Mimed it. "WOO-HOO! We got one ready for the fire!" Cloud yelled.

Barret, Reeve, and Shera had already beaten Dark King down. "Whatta pushover! Used Cure on him and fell down like a ton of bricks! Hee hee!" Dark King limped off to join his comrades.

"ENOUGH ALREADY! We didn't want to do this, but you leave us no choice! Super Champion Godlike Ultimate Extreme Pretty Darn Awesome Warlord magic, activate!"

Nothing happened.

"!?! Oh, I forgot to say Nayrb! Nay...."

"Stop right there!"

All heads in the room turned to see the visitors. One of them spoke up. "Hironobu Sakaguchi, Squaresoft,Inc. This is my partner, Yoshinori Kitase. We've been tracking these jokers down for years! Thanks for holding them at bay....."

Yuffie spoke up. "Hey! What's the deal here?"

"These guys are refugees from our game vault. That Square of Snesia they were talking about was a defective processor from one of our computers. It let them travel through time for some reason, though. Anyway, we're going to take them back now. Sorry for any troubles they amy have caused." He raised a little black box, which sucked the three fiends into it. Hironobu turned around and looked at Cloud and the crew. "Say, you look familiar....have we met before? Ah well, see ya!" They left.

Cid woke up. "What happened?"

The crew exchanged glances. "Nothing, Cid. Nothing at all....."

The End.

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